Trying to convince girlfriends parents to let me move in

[LewdChameleon]

Me and my girlfriend are both 18 and have been going out for 7 months now. We have been talking for awhile about me moving in with her and her parents. My parents are most likely going to be losing their house soon and won't be able to afford an apartment big enough for all of us. Even if they do keep it we both still want to make this happen.

The only problem is that I have no idea how I would approach her parents about this. They are both fantastic people, and they're not completely overprotective of her. This and the fact that they know how responsible she is, their shouldn't be the issue of them worrying about us having crazy sex or something like that while they're not looking.

She want's me to talk to her dad first, and we're planning on taking him somewhere he'll enjoy so he'll be in as good a mood as possible when we bring this up.

 

If anyone has any ideas on how to bring this up, I'll gladly Accept them

I'd also like to hear from you guys and gals on any of your experiences on dealing with family in regards to moving in or out!

[RoseVille]

If I were her parents, I'd feel like you were trying to intrude on our family home, and be pretty ticked off. Move in with her *and her parents*?

 

I can't believe this is even a question. I've never seen this happen, ever.

[CarrieT]

Are you working? Can you contribute rent or are you looking for a free ride?

 

Those are important questions in the equation.

[mrs rubble]

If I were her parents, I'd feel like you were trying to intrude on our family home, and be pretty ticked off. Move in with her *and her parents*?

 

I can't believe this is even a question. I've never seen this happen, ever.

 

My friends son is 17 & living with his girlfriend & her family. They love having him there as he helps out with looking after the youngest child & does a lot of the cooking. He was suffering at his mums due to her bf & his son picking on him.

OP let them know what you are prepared to do around the house when you do ask.

[Mrin]

Have you graduated from high school yet?

[amaysngrace]

No fancy place that you bring the dad to is going to change the fact that you're a mooch.

 

No offense.

[Diezel]

Not on your side about this...

 

When I was 17, I started living on my own. Put myself through college and three jobs at first to do this. As a man, I did what I needed to do to survive.

 

Stop taking the easy way out. Life doesn't always work that way.

Specially if you two happen to break up because things get awkward. What then?

[almond]

You're 18, and you have only been with this girl for seven months - I don't think this is a smart move.

 

You two "want" this, but it may not be in your best interests. You're much better off taking steps to become independent, as opposed to moving in with someone else's family. It may seem like a great idea now, but I don't think you quite understand the challenges that come along with living under someone else's roof. It's very different to living with your own family.

 

If you do decide to go ahead with this, I would suggest that your girlfriend speaks to her parents privately, rather than you both take the father out and spring this on him.

 

The decision to invite someone to live in the family home is a family matter - you're not family. Let your girlfriend handle it.

 

I would find it incredibly rude for an 18 year old to ask to move into my family home, after having been with my daughter for only a few months.

[No Limit]

At best they'll say you can stay until xxxxx, then you're out. At worst (and what in my opinion is the most likely outcome) you won't be permitted on their grounds ever again. Honestly, I have my own place and would be pretty creeped out if someone just wanted to move in.

 

At least tell me you're going to pay them rent?!

[Els]

No, just no.

 

You and your gf moving in together into your own place is a different story. Probably not a great idea at 7 months together and at your ages, but still not as terrible as this.

 

ASKING to move in with her mom and dad? Awful awful idea. If they had actually wanted you to live there (which most people wouldn't) they would have asked you of their own accord. Don't be so shameless as to invite yourself into someone else's house, have some dignity.

[Got it]

OP - Are you graduating high school. Have you thought about going to college. You can get room and board there. While I do sympathize with your situation if you parents can't afford to keep you, that is a very awkward conversation to have with her parents.

 

If you want to proceed with it, I would advise you have the conversation with both parents, just you only, on how you need a place to life. I would try and create as much distance with the girlfriend as possible on it, and try and appease their fears over their daughter and the relationship with you. And please also consider, what if you and she break up, can you live in the same house as her if that happens? If you two try and date others? This is asking for a great deal of maturity and a plan.

 

And I would have a plan for your life that you will explain to them. How this is short term, what steps you are going to take, etc. and execute it.

[RoseVille]

If you want to proceed with it, I would advise you have the conversation with both parents, just you only, on how you need a place to life.

 

That would still be an obvious request, with a guilt trip thrown in. He's 18. He's an adult. He can go to combat. He can live on his own. I did.

 

I just don't think you can ever ask a third party if you can move into their home. I have a hard enough time asking my own family if I can crash at their house during the holidays!

 

OP: If she's in a good relationship with her parents already, then they know about your situation. I'm sure they've expressed their sympathies and understand how it sucks, but if they wanted or were willing to have you move in, they as parents, as caretakers, would have suggested it themselves.

 

No doubt her dad isn't going to like the idea that his daughter's BF can't stand on his own two feet and is dependent on them. Something else to think about moving in, even if they offer it.

[Got it]

That would still be an obvious request, with a guilt trip thrown in. He's 18. He's an adult. He can go to combat. He can live on his own. I did.

 

I just don't think you can ever ask a third party if you can move into their home. I have a hard enough time asking my own family if I can crash at their house during the holidays!

 

OP: If she's in a good relationship with her parents already, then they know about your situation. I'm sure they've expressed their sympathies and understand how it sucks, but if they wanted or were willing to have you move in, they as parents, as caretakers, would have suggested it themselves.

 

No doubt her dad isn't going to like the idea that his daughter's BF can't stand on his own two feet and is dependent on them. Something else to think about moving in, even if they offer it.

 

I disagree. While he is 18 he has never been on his own and may need a launching point. And this is subjective, just because one person wouldn't do it doesn't mean it is unreasonable to do. It is just personal choice.

 

I don't see an issue if he addresses it like a business proposal and the guilt trip is his reality. I am not saying they are obligated by any means and it is a tall order to ask.

 

But I don't think it is so heinous or preposterous to ask.

[amaysngrace]

RoseVille has a great idea! Join the armed forces!! You get to travel, you'll be fed and have a roof over your head, you will get paid and you might even get to use explosives!!!

 

Win!

[Got it]

RoseVille has a great idea! Join the armed forces!! You get to travel, you'll be fed and have a roof over your head, you will get paid and you might even get to use explosives!!!

 

Win!

 

Outside of that pesky little chance of dying. Definitely a win.

[RoseVille]

I disagree. While he is 18 he has never been on his own and may need a launching point.

 

And moving out of his parents house is just that. A launching point to live on his own, not with another set of parents.

[Got it]

And moving out of his parents house is just that. A launching point to live on his own, not with another set of parents.

 

Why? I really don't understand the black and white stance on this. I did suggest college, but especially if he is not done with high school, it is not unreasonable to need to live somewhere. And I would much rather have a kid trying to do right with his life and need a little help than trying to struggle on their own.

 

My stepsons are 17, I have no issues entertaining the idea that a friend would need to live with us in some circumstance. I really don't see it as that big a deal. The dating thing is really my biggest hesitation.

 

But needing some assistance, and I have space and the means to do so? I have no issue.

[MissBee]

I'm not a parent but I can tell you my answer would be no way and if I were in your shoes I wouldn't even consider this as an option. Also, that's her house and her parents so why should you talk to them? That's even more bizarre. I wouldn't do it or think of it but if I were the parents I'd find it presumptuous for you to ask versus their daughter.

 

Are you in high school or are you in college or are you working? What do your own parents think? I'm sorry about you guys losing the home but where will your parents live? Don't you have family or friends you can love with until things get sorted?

 

I'm not a fan of moving in with your SO too soon in general so wouldn't let my 18 yr old do it under my roof. If she and her bf wanted to live together they'd need to be paying for their own place but they wouldn't be living with me. The only way I'd agree to this temporarily would be say if my son got his 18 yr old gf pregnant and she was about to be homeless then I'd help them out with a definite end date and goal in mind for them to move.

 

This arrangement, even if they agreed, can be awkward in sooooo many ways OP. I really would suggest another plan because even if they said yes, the fact that it is their house and their daughter could mean a lot of awkward things for you in the future and if you break up you will have to find somewhere else. I would never be comfortable with any of this either from the parents' angle or in your position.

 

Look for other options I'd say or if you insist on this let her do the asking.

Edited May 19, 2015 by MissBee

[GorillaTheater]

As the dad of a teenage daughter, no way in f*cking hell.

 

I barely tolerate the son-in-law and father of my grandson living with us.

[MissBee]

Why? I really don't understand the black and white stance on this. I did suggest college, but especially if he is not done with high school, it is not unreasonable to need to live somewhere. And I would much rather have a kid trying to do right with his life and need a little help than trying to struggle on their own.

 

My stepsons are 17, I have no issues entertaining the idea that a friend would need to live with us in some circumstance. I really don't see it as that big a deal. The dating thing is really my biggest hesitation.

 

But needing some assistance, and I have space and the means to do so? I have no issue.

 

I think this makes a difference, asking your parents if your friend can stay with them for a while, especially if it's a same sex friend, may seem more reasonable (yet still possibly awkward) versus asking if your gf or bf can move in and you can shack up together under their roof.

[Toodaloo]

When I had teenagers under my wing I can tell you now the answer would have been as follows;

 

You are welcome here but if you want to move in with my step daughter you do it under your own roof...

 

Good luck OP. Everyone is different.

[Syberia]

Please don't pursue this, you will destroy any good will between yourself and her family.

[rester]

I would consider other options first, such as friends or other family, or finding a cheap room with roommates. Her parents are going to want to know you've exhausted every other option. Only then should it be brought up, and even then it should not be mentioned by you, only her. Like someone else said, this is a family issue and you're not family. Let your girlfriend discuss it with them in private.

[Got it]

I think this makes a difference, asking your parents if your friend can stay with them for a while, especially if it's a same sex friend, may seem more reasonable (yet still possibly awkward) versus asking if your gf or bf can move in and you can shack up together under their roof.

 

I completely understand that and I stated that. What I wasn't understanding was the idea that it seem like this idea was so insane that it was insulting to even ask. I just was puzzled at that because we don't even know if this kid is still in high school.

 

Again, that part would be very difficult.

[d0nnivain]

I too think it's a horrible idea. No parent is going to let this happen when you have only known the family for 7 months. It's too much of an imposition.

 

Also growing up my parents had a rule, I was never allowed to ask them if a friend could stay for dinner or sleep over in front of the friend. I had to ask my parents privately.

 

For your GF to suggest that you talk to her parents rather than her broaching the subject makes her nuttier than you who only asked us.

 

You need to do whatever you need to do to support yourself. The military seems like a great idea to me. You will get room & board, money for college & some life experience.