Choosing between two guys

[LMcAllister]

I’ve been in a relationship with ‘Paul’ for a year now. Welive together, but the arrangement is casual – we’re both students sharing a 1-personstudent apartment. I feel a strong bond with him and am quite sure there’s somelove there, but I am also aware that we are unlikely to last long-term giventhat there is an age gap, and thus a gap in maturity and in our goals andaspirations as people. He is a fantastic boyfriend. Loyal, compassionate,affectionate and intelligent with an unyielding moral foundation. My parentsand brother don’t think he’s right for me, they say he’s got ‘too much growingup to do’ and that he holds me back, but I’m convinced they don’t see hispositive traits like I do, and can’t see past the fact that he’s short and a bitrugged/homeless looking.

 

Anyway- recently, I met somebody new. We met on a tram and ended up commutingwith each other for an hour. There was only an exchange of names and notnumbers, although I later regretted this as we had really, really goodchemistry. I put him out of my mind, and then ran into him again a month or so laterout of pure coincidence. He asked for my number, and I explained that I had aboyfriend, but would be interested in catching up anyway since I felt like wehad so much to talk about. We met up the other day for lunchtime drinks, and mygod, this man is perfect. I’m sure I’m seeing him as being more awesome than heis because I’m jaded or whatever, but really, it’s like somebody invented theperfect guy for me then dropped him in my lap. He did try to kiss me at the endof the evening, but I turned him down for obvious reasons.

 

Obviously I am now faced with a dilemma. Should I evaluate whether or not mycurrent relationship is right for me, and consider ending things? Is this newguy just a shiny new toy who may not end up being worth throwing away asuccessful relationship for? Am I taking my boyfriend for granted?

 

New guy and I have decided not to contact each other for a while until we’veboth figured out what we want, and also because it feels wrong spending timewith somebody I have feelings for while I am still in a relationship. I feel like not enough time in the world couldbring clarity to this situation or help me make a decision, though. Talking to my friends doesn’t really help asI need advice from somebody who is totally removed from the situation, and whocan also tell me what I might not necessarily want to hear.

Edited May 26, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Formatting

[LadyDeadpool]

You need to evaluate your feelings for both guys, and you have to do so honestly. You said yourself you didn't really see your current boyfriend as being long-term material. Is that true? Or are you letting your friends and family influence you?

 

You have two options:

1. Dump one for the other

2. Ask them if they've ever considered a ménage a trois

 

But in all seriousness listen to your heart. Do you feel like the relationship with the new guy can develop into more? Do you love your current boyfriend? Who would you choose if you had to make the decision tomorrow?

 

If you can't answer that, think about whether or not you need either of them. Your confusion could be more a sign that you're not really committed to your current boyfriend rather than a sign that this new guy will be any better.

[fitnessfan365]

Let's be real here. You're not truly into your BF. If you were, you would have never gone out with the other guy in the first place, let alone be so shaken after just one date.

 

So the only two choices you have are - to be with the new guy or to be single. But in either case, you need to let your BF go immediately. Staying with him is a waste of his time.

[Satu]

If you really can't decide, you shouldn't be with either.

[Gary S]

Well, you really don't know guy two yet... you would have to seriously date him for a couple of months minimum to know if it were a match.

 

Obviously you are not in love with your live-in boyfriend, or you would not be looking for greener pastures.

[Arieswoman]

I agree with Satu

 

If you really can't decide, you shouldn't be with either.

 

If you don't know if you want one or the other, then the truth is that you don't really want either of them...

[ebor]

Am I the only one noticing that he tried to kiss her knowing she had a bf??

 

For me that indicates bad character....

[LostOnes05]

Fact of the matter is the new guy is just a shiny new toy. No one is perfect and as soon as the honeymoon phase and serotonin levels fall, you'll see that too. All of his faults will come to pass and you'll be in the same dilemma. Have you discussed your discontent with your boyfriend? Otherwise, it is kind of unfair to him.

[William]

Folks, looks like another one post wonder driveby so I'll close it up. Thanks for your contributions.