1Jessie86 Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 I met a man on POF about a month ago. We were going to meet up a few weeks after chatting online and texting but things came up and we couldn't. He ended up leaving the country for work shortly after but will return in July. We do live in the same city. We've been connecting through Facebook ever since. Just about everyday we chat. I've learned a lot more about him because of this. I've learned a lot more about him as a person since I'm able to see his interaction with his friends and family. Is it completely horrible that I'm crushing on him? Is it strange that I miss him even though we've never actually met in person?
jen1447 Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 Why would that be horrible? Knowing somebody online only might not be conventional, but it still counts. 4
El Pallasso Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 (edited) Then you build up this imagination of the "perfect person" only to be let down when you meet them in person. Keep your expectations in check and don't let them soar to stupid heights. Keep yourself grounded. Edited May 19, 2015 by El Pallasso 6
ColdandLonelyinAK Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 I was reading about online relationships the other night, and apparently when you date online, since you forego the physical intimacy for longer and rely solely on conversation, it's supposed to make your connection "stronger". I'm not sure if I can believe this. I know a gal who met her ex-fiancé on a dating website. Everything seemed all sugar and daisies until he moved across the country to live with her and they broke up three times before finally calling it quits. He was also very verbally abusive to her. She didn't get to see that side of him through the Internet. I'm not saying online relationships can't work, but I'd be really careful. Why did your meeting up with hm not work out? That would be a red flag for me, especially if you live in the same area. Try watching Catfish on MTV. It's amazing how convincing some people can be. I sound like an online dating hater, but I just prefer an in-person connection anyday. 1
Author 1Jessie86 Posted May 19, 2015 Author Posted May 19, 2015 Why did your meeting up with hm not work out? That would be a red flag for me, especially if you live in the same area. It was my fault actually. I had to work. I work graveyards, which makes it kind of hard sometimes. I appreciate your comment, thank you.
ColdandLonelyinAK Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 It was my fault actually. I had to work. I work graveyards, which makes it kind of hard sometimes. I appreciate your comment, thank you. Gotcha. POF isn't too bad, since you can usually meet people from your immediate area on there. I had an acct before my ex and was always very quick to physically meet people in person if I chatted with them on there. I ended up deleting my account since the men I went on dates with always ended up wanting sex, even though I specified on my profile that I didn't want that. It was also very difficult to keep up with all of the messages.
beach Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 I met a man on POF about a month ago. We were going to meet up a few weeks after chatting online and texting but things came up and we couldn't. He ended up leaving the country for work shortly after but will return in July. We do live in the same city. We've been connecting through Facebook ever since. Just about everyday we chat. I've learned a lot more about him because of this. I've learned a lot more about him as a person since I'm able to see his interaction with his friends and family. Is it completely horrible that I'm crushing on him? Is it strange that I miss him even though we've never actually met in person? Try not to get too attached. At least until you meet him in person. My friend recently had the Sam experience... Suddenly he had to go away on business then his Mother had a heart attack and he flew home to Europe. While there (and months passed and they chatted every day - she got attached to him) - he had another "emergency" and asked for money! Thank god she said no!!! She hired a PI - he's a fake and a con man!!!
CarrieT Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 My friend recently had the Sam experience... Suddenly he had to go away on business then his Mother had a heart attack and he flew home to Europe. While there (and months passed and they chatted every day - she got attached to him) - he had another "emergency" and asked for money! Thank god she said no!!! She hired a PI - he's a fake and a con man!!! I had the same experience - it is an old and standard con... When I was doing OLD, I "connected" with a handful of different guys who - shockingly - had to leave the country shortly after the conversation began. EVERY SINGLE TIME it was a con and the person never *really* lived in my home town.
beach Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 I had the same experience - it is an old and standard con... When I was doing OLD, I "connected" with a handful of different guys who - shockingly - had to leave the country shortly after the conversation began. EVERY SINGLE TIME it was a con and the person never *really* lived in my home town. She was on a site you pay... She thought it would weed out the con men. That site begins with an M and ends with an H. The guy was smooth. My friend is a top executive and never been married - and this guy called every day and chatted for hours. We told her for months to check him out further. When she finally hired a PI it didn't take long to determine he was a fake. She is crushed!
Redhead14 Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 I met a man on POF about a month ago. We were going to meet up a few weeks after chatting online and texting but things came up and we couldn't. He ended up leaving the country for work shortly after but will return in July. We do live in the same city. We've been connecting through Facebook ever since. Just about everyday we chat. I've learned a lot more about him because of this. I've learned a lot more about him as a person since I'm able to see his interaction with his friends and family. Is it completely horrible that I'm crushing on him? Is it strange that I miss him even though we've never actually met in person? It's not horrible, but it is unhealthy. Forming such a strong bond to someone you've never met in person only causes you to romanticize them. The problem with this is that when you do meet them, you have a preconceived notion about them and that could cause you to either be really disappointed when you do meet or you may overlook things that maybe should be paid attention to right away. Manage your emotions and expectations with any new dating prospect but especially an online prospect.
Syberia Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 It may be "unhealthy" in some situations, but it can also work. I met my wife online (not through a dating site) and knew her for 3 years before we were in a position to have an actual relationship (distance). I'm inclined to believe it's because we formed such a strong bond emotionally before we were able to do anything else that we do so well together.
Redhead14 Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 It may be "unhealthy" in some situations, but it can also work. I met my wife online (not through a dating site) and knew her for 3 years before we were in a position to have an actual relationship (distance). I'm inclined to believe it's because we formed such a strong bond emotionally before we were able to do anything else that we do so well together. There are always exceptions and I'm glad you experienced that It's only been a month for the OP and she's already in deep and not going to meet for a while. 1
Syberia Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 Well, she has a much shorter end-date, and she doesn't have to move 400 miles for hers, just wait until he gets back. Trust me, people were telling me it wasn't going to work for me either.
d0nnivain Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 It's not horrible but you best watch yourself. It's easy to get caught up in the fantasy of this dream romance you are creating in your mind. The reality will be vastly different. Don't get so caught up in who you think he is. Wait until you actually meet if you ever do. 1
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