Travis1990 Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 We' been broken up for a few months now and she's been in a rebound relationship since then. I've been solid on NC aside from the necessary communication for her to pick her things. A few weeks ago she sent me a FB request to be friends (she un friended me shortly after BU). Well I let it sit there for a while and finally decided to accept it (I know I know but curiosity finally got the better of me). She ended up un friending me again a few hours later so now I'm mad at myself for falling into her trap. Today was a horrible setback as I've had a thick brain fog all afternoon thinking I just gave up all my power and shifted it back to her and she probably got a good ego boost out of it. All this time of strict NC and being strong gone just like that over one slip up. I'm not going to reach out and say anything about it and will remain NC and keep pushing forward but man this stinks! I just hate it when I make the wrong move after an opportunity presents itself.
Satu Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 You have to block her. *No direct contact in either direction. No sending or receiving of messages. No replies. Block any means she might use to contact you. *No indirect contact through third parties. *De-friend or delete from all social media. No monitoring of her on social media. *No 'little birds' feeding you news. *Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what she is doing or saying. 2
Tone Loc Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 Ahh man...that really sucks. Don't be too hard on yourself here, we all make mistakes. Use this opportunity to learn an important lesson. In practical terms, here's what you do - you block her like Satu advised, get on with your life without punishing yourself too much over this slip up. You need to disappear from her world completely, she's no more than a stranger to you now. Stop following her online on social media, completely cut all contact with her. I know how you feel, I ate a breadcrumb too today and I feel silly, angry and disappointed at myself. But hey, you learn a lesson. You have to accept that it's over, done and dusted. Life goes on, you have plenty of important things in which to invest mind and time, and an ex is not one of them. You know what to do. Stay strong dude. 1
dyna85 Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 (edited) Travis, do NOT beat yourself up. So what you accepted her friend request. She's the one who is mixed up... first requesting the add and then removing herself shortly after you accept. Sounds like she couldn't handle your period of contemplation in terms of whether or not to accept her request. Women can be fickle with their emotions and this kind of funnily shows the difference in how men and women think. She probably wanted you to add her at the time she sent the request, but then with your lag time in deciding to accept or not, she changed her mind, and maybe was annoyed that it took you so long to decide, so she didn't want you to have the 'benefit' of being her friend anymore. The time limit on her request had expired, in a sense. I could see myself reneging on an offer too, if it took a person a few weeks to decide. Don't beat yourself up though. You did what you felt was best for you. You thought about it and when the timing was right for you, you decided it was okay to maybe try out the friends FB route. It kind of just proves you're still on two different pages, in a way... Everything that happens, happens for a reason. Even this. So don't worry, and just keep carrying on as you have. It's just a minor bump in the road on the whole. No biggie. Edited May 19, 2015 by dyna85 3
ColdandLonelyinAK Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 I wouldn't beat yourself up too much about it. It's not like you spoke to her or anything. She probably not only wanted to snoop on your page, but also wanted you to look at hers. Facebook makes it so easy, but it's not like you actually communicated with her. It's like the exes like to give you a tiny thread of false hope. I went through that this past weekend. Finally had to block and delete every trace of my ex from my phone this weekend. They must have had it much easier in the times before Facebook and cell phones.
aloneinaz Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 She probably not only wanted to snoop on your page, but also wanted you to look at hers. Facebook makes it so easy, but it's not like you actually communicated with her. This ^^ If you've been strict NC for a few months, she got curious to see if you'd reply to her request and as stated above, wanted to snoop and possibly share or rub something in on her page. The majority of Dumpers DO NOT like to be ignored. They want to feel the dumpee is still all sad and lonely for them and they are still wanted by them if their rebound doesn't work out and they get lonely. The best "revenge" a dumpee can do is move on with their lives while vanishing from the dumpers life. Absolute NC and IGNORE any contact from them. This gives the dumpee their power back. Even better is for you to meet your next, better GF so when this douche snoops again, she can see you with a big smile on your face w/your arm around your hot new GF..
Trimmer Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 When I first read the subject line of your thread, I read it literally, and thought you had some kind of an extreme eating disorder or something... Now I get it. You have to block her. *No direct contact in either direction. No sending or receiving of messages. No replies. Block any means she might use to contact you. *No indirect contact through third parties. *De-friend or delete from all social media. No monitoring of her on social media. *No 'little birds' feeding you news. *Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what she is doing or saying. This is important. When you go NC, don't make it a test of your will power for things like Facebook, etc. where the capability exists to explicitly BLOCK a person. Look into Facebook's privacy and security settings. There is the ability to fully block someone, to where they cannot even find your name in a search, you will not ever see anything of them, etc. Then do this.
Plaster Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 Mate I ate one too on Sunday. 4th week into breakup, 4 day of NC, I was beginning to progress. Then the text 'I can't stop thinking about you' appeared on my phone from her. Sucked me in and long story short after seeing each other and a long chat and tears I need to move on. But it just ruined my progress. Obviously it's not as bad as the initial heart break but I was a fool to think we could sort it out this quick. I'm. Confident I will be with her again, but I need to heal first. Back to NC. Although she did ask me to unblock her on instagram and Facebook. I said no to that. She can't have her cake and eat it!
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