goodgirlgonebad15 Posted May 18, 2015 Posted May 18, 2015 I was posting in the OW/OM forum but since he is legally seperated, his wife has her own apartment and they are no longer working on the marriage and living seperate lives...maybe it didn't belong there? I just want some general opinions of if a friendship can work? I met up with seperated man just to hear him out. This was the first time we had seen each other in like 5 months. From what he tells me, he and his wife were not able to reconcile. They attended MC but it didn't work. She never moved back home but instead recently got her own apartment. He says that he still has feelings for her, feels bad for what he did to her and that she is a good woman. But he feels like he only cares about her as a friend and they haven't even been married that long. He says at this point they are no longer working on the marriage. He has just been trying to reconnect with himself and find who he is outside the marriage. He has been on a couple dates with different women but not with anyone he really liked or find compatible. He said he is not looking for any that of anyway. He asked me more than once if I was seeing someone, I told him I was dating. I asked him why he was reaching out to me now and he said that he always loved being around and spending time with me, he thinks I am an amazing person but at the time 5 months ago, things were really complicated and he was trying to work on his marriage. I told him I understand that reconiclliation is a very hard process so I know it wasn't easy. He wants to start over basically. he wants to hang out and spend time with me. He took me out a couple times this weekend and it was like old times (NO touching or kissing or anything) when we could hang out as friends. The only thing we did at the end of the night was hug. My question is can I trust him as a friend? And since he is not working on his marriage, legally seperated and living seperate is it ok for us to be friends now? I've been keeping my distance and I noticed yesterday he was keeping his too. We used to text crazy amountsin the past but it's like we both don't want to get attached.
velvette Posted May 18, 2015 Posted May 18, 2015 I was posting in the OW/OM forum but since he is legally seperated, his wife has her own apartment and they are no longer working on the marriage and living seperate lives...maybe it didn't belong there? I just want some general opinions of if a friendship can work? I met up with seperated man just to hear him out. This was the first time we had seen each other in like 5 months. From what he tells me, he and his wife were not able to reconcile. They attended MC but it didn't work. She never moved back home but instead recently got her own apartment. He says that he still has feelings for her, feels bad for what he did to her and that she is a good woman. But he feels like he only cares about her as a friend and they haven't even been married that long. He says at this point they are no longer working on the marriage. He has just been trying to reconnect with himself and find who he is outside the marriage. He has been on a couple dates with different women but not with anyone he really liked or find compatible. He said he is not looking for any that of anyway. He asked me more than once if I was seeing someone, I told him I was dating. I asked him why he was reaching out to me now and he said that he always loved being around and spending time with me, he thinks I am an amazing person but at the time 5 months ago, things were really complicated and he was trying to work on his marriage. I told him I understand that reconiclliation is a very hard process so I know it wasn't easy. He wants to start over basically. he wants to hang out and spend time with me. He took me out a couple times this weekend and it was like old times (NO touching or kissing or anything) when we could hang out as friends. The only thing we did at the end of the night was hug. My question is can I trust him as a friend? And since he is not working on his marriage, legally seperated and living seperate is it ok for us to be friends now? I've been keeping my distance and I noticed yesterday he was keeping his too. We used to text crazy amountsin the past but it's like we both don't want to get attached. There are lots of stories on here of women doing what you seem to want to do getting burned. Proceed at your own risk. In most places, the maximum time it takes to get a divorce is 1 year. Lots of places less. Whats your rush. Let him get his divorce if that is truly what he is doing and then proceed from there. But, be aware. For example, maybe he is finding the singles scene to be not all he believed it would be. Maybe he doesn't want to put in the energy to wine and dine a new partner. Maybe he is just looking for convenient company, sex, ego stroking, whatever. Why set yourself up for that. Let him clean up his life and start over with you with a clean slate.
beach Posted May 18, 2015 Posted May 18, 2015 It's going to be in your very best interest not to communicate with him at all until his divorce is at the very least FINALIZED.
oldshirt Posted May 18, 2015 Posted May 18, 2015 I see no moral or ethical issues with seeing a legally separated person assuming the legal separation is not and not just some story someone is telling. Are there risks and complications associated with it? Absolutely. Just as there are risks and complications with a divorced person as well as with completely single people. There are no guarentees and never easy sailing with a lack of risks or complications. You'll take your chances just the same with him as anyone else.
preraph Posted May 18, 2015 Posted May 18, 2015 He is interested in you. You know that. That isn't going away. If you want, just remain strictly friends with him until the divorce papers are signed. It gives him time to adjust and also be sure because a whole lot of couples reconcile while dividing up possessions because it gets sentimental. It usually doesn't last, of course, but it will disrupt any dating he's got going on and to him, it will be more important. Let that get over with.
beach Posted May 20, 2015 Posted May 20, 2015 I was posting in the OW/OM forum but since he is legally seperated, his wife has her own apartment and they are no longer working on the marriage and living seperate lives...maybe it didn't belong there? I just want some general opinions of if a friendship can work? I met up with seperated man just to hear him out. This was the first time we had seen each other in like 5 months. From what he tells me, he and his wife were not able to reconcile. They attended MC but it didn't work. She never moved back home but instead recently got her own apartment. He says that he still has feelings for her, feels bad for what he did to her and that she is a good woman. But he feels like he only cares about her as a friend and they haven't even been married that long. He says at this point they are no longer working on the marriage. He has just been trying to reconnect with himself and find who he is outside the marriage. He has been on a couple dates with different women but not with anyone he really liked or find compatible. He said he is not looking for any that of anyway. He asked me more than once if I was seeing someone, I told him I was dating. I asked him why he was reaching out to me now and he said that he always loved being around and spending time with me, he thinks I am an amazing person but at the time 5 months ago, things were really complicated and he was trying to work on his marriage. I told him I understand that reconiclliation is a very hard process so I know it wasn't easy. He wants to start over basically. he wants to hang out and spend time with me. He took me out a couple times this weekend and it was like old times (NO touching or kissing or anything) when we could hang out as friends. The only thing we did at the end of the night was hug. My question is can I trust him as a friend? And since he is not working on his marriage, legally seperated and living seperate is it ok for us to be friends now? I've been keeping my distance and I noticed yesterday he was keeping his too. We used to text crazy amountsin the past but it's like we both don't want to get attached. Keep in mind - he isn't interested in being"friends". Men show interest because they want sex. Best to wait until he is actually divorced.
carhill Posted May 20, 2015 Posted May 20, 2015 I was posting in the OW/OM forum but since he is legally seperated, his wife has her own apartment and they are no longer working on the marriage and living seperate lives...maybe it didn't belong there? I just want some general opinions of if a friendship can work? If you've had a sexually and emotionally intimate relationship, it's highly unlikely friendship is in the cards unless that business is finished and you've both moved on to other intimate partners. I met up with seperated man just to hear him out. This was the first time we had seen each other in like 5 months. Since you write 'hear him out', I'll presume this meeting was at his behest. From what he tells me, he and his wife were not able to reconcile. They attended MC but it didn't work. She never moved back home but instead recently got her own apartment. He says that he still has feelings for her, feels bad for what he did to her and that she is a good woman. But he feels like he only cares about her as a friend and they haven't even been married that long. He says at this point they are no longer working on the marriage. He has just been trying to reconnect with himself and find who he is outside the marriage OK, that's his perspective. He has been on a couple dates with different women but not with anyone he really liked or find compatible. He said he is not looking for any that of anyway. He asked me more than once if I was seeing someone, I told him I was dating. While this may sound 'platonic', it also may be two people feeling out whether there's anyone else significant in the romantic sense. I asked him why he was reaching out to me now and he said that he always loved being around and spending time with me, he thinks I am an amazing person but at the time 5 months ago, things were really complicated and he was trying to work on his marriage. I told him I understand that reconiclliation is a very hard process so I know it wasn't easy. OK, good that he got that all out and you validated it. He wants to start over basically. he wants to hang out and spend time with me. He took me out a couple times this weekend and it was like old times (NO touching or kissing or anything) when we could hang out as friends. The only thing we did at the end of the night was hug. In general, relationships don't go backwards. Also, what another poster said about men pursuing women for sex is spot on. We have male friends for friendship. Women are for romance and sex and, sometimes, group stuff as platonic friends. IMO, there's no way you and he are ever going to be platonic friends, at least not in the near future. My question is can I trust him as a friend? And since he is not working on his marriage, legally separated and living separate is it ok for us to be friends now? I don't know him. In general, trust is built over many years with a lot of history. Think about how you have built friendships in your life. Look at your best female friend and your history together. Great example. If he's legally separated, the decree will be in his case file summary at the courthouse. Take a look at it. Some courts have the summaries online. Ours does. Easy to search by name. I've been keeping my distance and I noticed yesterday he was keeping his too. We used to text crazy amountsin the past but it's like we both don't want to get attached. Friends don't need to keep distance and expectations between friends are casual and easy. 'Attached' indicates romance/sex/emotion. Not friends. IMO, be clear about what you want; don't try to kid yourself or minimize or rationalize it. Own it. Accept that in any relationship pursuit there are risks and rewards. Analyze them, yourself and make a decision and own it. No middle ground. Then move forward. Good luck!
Recommended Posts