jklmnadff7689 Posted May 18, 2015 Posted May 18, 2015 (edited) Hi! I have been talking to a woman for a couple months now. She is 24. I am 32. She is a single mother who is divorced. I know on the pickup artist forums people would already tell me to run just because of those things, which is why I come here for a more rational opinion. Everything is going great between us. She initiates contact every single day. I like her son and enjoy spending time with him. He is 2. Out of all my past relationships, this woman by far treats me the best. She has not done one thing wrong to me. She doesn't play games with me which is a big plus. We currently live far apart but will be together very soon. I have decided not to push our relationship to boyfriend/girlfriend until we live close. Despite the fact that this woman treats me amazingly, my insecurities are eating away at me. I see pictures of this woman, dressed in extremely tight and short dresses with her cleavage hanging out going to clubs. She goes to the club at least a couple times a month. I have also seen pictures of her with guys at the club. Most the pictures are far in the past though. I let some beta male tendencies arise out of me and mentioned my concerns about this to her. I told her that in my past women who dressed like that and go to the club are probably looking to have casual sex. She reassured me that she is not looking for a man. I have this feeling that she says that to make me feel better but I am guessing since we are not official yet that she may be hooking up. I will never know. She made a comment to me that really threw me off guard. She said "I don't necessarily go to the club to have casual sex." To me that means "I don't necessarily go the club to have casual sex, but it does happen sometimes." I explained to her that the past is the past but if somebody is promiscuous it may indicate that she will not make a good mate in the future. She got mad that I mentioned the way she dresses and asked me if I rather she dress like a nun. She said in her city there is nothing to do so she goes to the club. She avoided the topic of promiscuity. We squashed the conversation and everything is great with us. I feel dumb for showing some beta male tendencies and showing my concern. It's obvious that this woman is quite possibly having casual sex still or at least has in the months previous. The thing is, if she treats me so good, do I really need to be concerned? Everybody has a past. I have a past that is probably just as promiscuous. It's just hard picturing somebody you really like doing those things. Do you think I should just forget about her past and what she possibly may be doing now, and focus on the way she treats me? I hate that I judge women on their past. I have lost relationships because of this before. I learned it doesn't get better. You just keep imagining what they are doing when they are going out for the night. Could somebody offer me a tip on how to drop this worrying behavior. She is the most compatible women I have dated. I could see her as a good future partner, once in the same geographical location. Edited May 18, 2015 by jklmnadff7689
Satu Posted May 18, 2015 Posted May 18, 2015 Jealousy is a poison that ruins everything, and you're jealous. Get some therapy to get a handle on it. 2
Gary S Posted May 18, 2015 Posted May 18, 2015 A few points: -Sane women with integrity who love you won't cheat. - However, there is a another problem.... most LDR's don't work out. How often do you see each other and how long have you been dating? - Some men are okay raising another man's child. It's one more little person to love you! 2
Author jklmnadff7689 Posted May 18, 2015 Author Posted May 18, 2015 A few points: -Sane women with integrity who love you won't cheat. - However, there is a another problem.... most LDR's don't work out. How often do you see each other and how long have you been dating? - Some men are okay raising another man's child. It's one more little person to love you! She seems to be sane, although I haven't known her long enough to know exactly who she is quite yet. We have been dating for two months. We will be seeing eachother every 2-3 months for about a week each visit. I think I just need to take it slow and let it build. To not worry about what she's up to back home. Not until we form a commitment.
Satu Posted May 18, 2015 Posted May 18, 2015 I think I just need to take it slow and let it build. To not worry about what she's up to back home. Not until we form a commitment. That's definitely the best way to approach this. 1
Gary S Posted May 18, 2015 Posted May 18, 2015 This is the problem with LDR's... seeing her only 2-3 months might not be frequent enough for her to fall/stay in love with you. I'd recommend once a week minimum. You may not know for sure what you have until she moves locally and you can date steady. You might want to consider multi-dating until then. 2
Author jklmnadff7689 Posted May 18, 2015 Author Posted May 18, 2015 This is the problem with LDR's... seeing her only 2-3 months might not be frequent enough for her to fall/stay in love with you. I'd recommend once a week minimum. You may not know for sure what you have until she moves locally and you can date steady. You might want to consider multi-dating until then. I know inside that you are right. I have never had an LDR work out for me before and unfortunately once a week isn't going to be able to happen. At this very moment she is the only one I am dating and alot of my thoughts are about her. I already can tell that I need to date some others to take some of the oneitis away.
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