katiegrl Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 I agree. Unless a man is actually my friend before, meeting online to be friends first just seems like something that doesn't make any sense. If we're friends first then lets treat each other like I treat my other male friends, lets hang out, pay our own way, we definitely won't be kissing (I hug friends so we can hug) and let's be buddies and see. Otherwise, if we meet online or offline and want romance, we go on a date. Like I said, it's not like you form an instant relationship. I see dating and being in a relationship as different processes. Dating is when two people have romantic interest and go out together and spend time to pursue that interest and see if they want more. That's not being friends. Friends doesn't connote that at all and for me is strictly platonic and I don't have friends and work my way up to dating them. I date people and work my way up to a relationship with them or it falls off. In all my experiences when it was said it meant NSA. With men who wanted to date they didn't have any need to say it or give some special friends disclaimer...we just went out like normal people interested in dating, not being friends, and we hung out, it was still no pressure, but it was clear we were interested in romance and not acting like buddies. Ya know what? I agree with Miss Bee! I got to thinking more about this "friends first" thing and I now think it's a big crock of your know what.... Cause let's face it....if, after you meet, there is chemistry, the "friends first" thing flies right out the window and you will start dating. On the other hand, if there is NO chemistry, no one is gonna be seeing each other again anyway, as friends or anything else. So it's all a joke and doesn't mean jack shyt (excuse my French). It's all a big façade that means absolutely zip....so why even say it in the first place. Gaeta, good riddance to this guy. I think you're starting to get the hang of this "follow your gut" thing! Way to go...
Author Gaeta Posted May 19, 2015 Author Posted May 19, 2015 I think you're starting to get the hang of this "follow your gut" thing! Way to go... Oh yes extra good riddance!! after he dumped me saying I was not serious and to go back at having fun on the net, he waited a couple of hours and asked me how was my evening, I ignored it, and then later texted good night lol
rester Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 It's generally code for I'm going to waste your time and I'm not looking for something serious. This is how I've always interpreted it when I've heard women say it. I've taken the cue and not wasted any more time with them.
Diezel Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 Let this be a lesson learned to all the ladies who post here when they can't understand why guys don't want to be friends first. Same thing. It just makes no sense either way.
Erised Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 I love friends first. getting to know someone is awesome. Keep the communication up on where you are at, no misunderstandings; great. The relationship pressure s one of the bad things about OLD.
Author Gaeta Posted May 19, 2015 Author Posted May 19, 2015 I love friends first. getting to know someone is awesome. Keep the communication up on where you are at, no misunderstandings; great. The relationship pressure s one of the bad things about OLD. I don't understand this relationship pressure people talk about. I am online to find a relationship, if relationships are too much pressure for me then I don't belong there. You like me - I like you - lets date for 4-5-6 times then decide if we want to date exclusively. I don't see any pressure in that. If you are unsure about being exclusive with me after 6 dates then it's cause I did not grab your full attention and you move on. Dating till exclusivity is not a commitment or a marriage, there is no pressure.
katiegrl Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 (edited) I don't understand this relationship pressure people talk about. I am online to find a relationship, if relationships are too much pressure for me then I don't belong there. You like me - I like you - lets date for 4-5-6 times then decide if we want to date exclusively. I don't see any pressure in that. If you are unsure about being exclusive with me after 6 dates then it's cause I did not grab your full attention and you move on. Dating till exclusivity is not a commitment or a marriage, there is no pressure. Gaeta, it is not so much *relationship* pressure, at least not for me...it is more the pressure to *have* to connect (romantically) upon FIRST meet..or it's buh bye. For many people, it takes longer to feel that connection...thus the friend first premise. My first bf and I were *friends* at work for three months before suddenly and without warning, one night we were out together (as friends)...and for reasons unbeknownst to us, cupid struck its arrow...and we found ourselves all of a sudden totally infatuated with each other! Still don't know why...we had been just friends for three months...and were both fine with that... However, like I said before, with OLD, I do think the friends first premise is a farce....because even though a person might say and even believe they want friends first, if they're not feeling it upon first meet...we won't be hearing from them again, and vice versa. So they are essentially two words that mean nothing in the grand scheme of things.... Edited May 19, 2015 by katiegrl
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