MissBee Posted May 18, 2015 Posted May 18, 2015 (edited) Seriously... I've always hated dating, and in retrospect may be the main reason I'm here on LS today. While the initial excitement of the first few dates is fun for me, it quickly becomes a drag in terms of time and my busy schedule. After sitting on the sidelines for a very long time, as a single and completely unattached man, I am ready to give it another try. I've recently met someone that I like, and I want to be careful I don't fall back into my old pattern of shortcutting the dating process, once it becomes physical. A good example of my past dating shortcuts, is the woman that I married. We dated for one month before I proposed to her, two weeks later we were living together. We were married six months later, and one year later we were separated headed for divorce. This is just one example of my several relationship disasters. Since I've never really been a big believer in dating, how long is reasonable to "date" someone new? I would like to get a general idea of what has been successful and worked for other members? I am by no means desperate to be in a relationship, but with that being a possibility now that I've met someone, I really want to "date properly" to really get to know her. Dating is a discovery period, as you've hopefully learned given your shortcuts to marriage. It is the time to discover who someone is and how much you're willing to invest. Of course, it consists of doing things together, going out and so on, especially initially, and that can be paced however you want (1 date a week, 2). If you feel like it is a drag, that's unusual and either you don't like the person all that much or in general have a problem maintaining interest beyond the initial exciting phase. In my own experience, when I'm into a guy making time to go on dates is never a drag. My schedule is also busy and I do lots of things besides sit around waiting to go out on a date, as do the majority of the people in the world, yet when you really like someone seeing them is like what the weekend is for the work week. It's something you look forward to, a break in routine, a rejuvenating thing! That's how it's been for me. If I felt like I had no time and it was a drag, 99% chances are it means I don't like the dude, otherwise, if I do, I can't wait to fit him into my schedule. You probably need to explore what exactly it is about dating that you hate as I wager that this may spill over even into long term relationships or marriage. If you hate time investment and effort, having to fit someone into your schedule for example, well those things don't end in marriage or a LTR. So figure out what it is exactly you hate. Example: I hate dating, when I say that I mean I hate the process of going on first dates with lots of different people in search of a connection. I hate getting excited and going out with different men and then it doesn't go beyond a first date because it's either awful, just no connection or is promising then it falls off. I hate that disappointment then the process of starting all over. THAT is tedious for me and just feels like a treadmill. However, if I do manage to meet a man I do really like and we connect and want the same things, I like that dating process of going out with each other and all the above applies about how it is exciting for me and a great respite even when busy. As you get more comfortable and if you decide to be in a relationship then the constant dates also evens out into more mellow things like spending the evening at home, cooking together, doing more chill things and being able to fit them in around your daily life and that is the phase where stuff gets realer beyond the let me dress up, you pick me up, or we meet each other, go out and all that jazz, but hey, you're at my house, we're in our own environments and are letting our hair down and you begin to see other sides of the person. I also like this stage of dating where we're comfortable and we still go out and do things, I have a built-in date to events, someone to hang out and do stuff with etc... but we aren't "ON" constantly. Edited May 19, 2015 by MissBee 1
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