veggirl Posted May 18, 2015 Posted May 18, 2015 There is nothing you could say to me that would make me feel okay with this if I was your gf. You have a history with this friend, whether you want to minimize it or not. It's there. Have you spent much time looking for males with open rooms? 1
minime13 Posted May 18, 2015 Posted May 18, 2015 I currently live in a studio apt in a very noisy, crowded and dirty air part of Manhattan (my windows face the rooftop of several restaurants and I get smoke/cooking exhaust seeping in my windows). I've been living in this apartment for 7 months and have an opportunity to move in with a platonic female friend in a quiet area of the East Village about six weeks from now. I'd like to make this change for three reasons: a) I'd save $700 a month in rent, b) my friend would own the lease so I could move anytime I want to again and c) I'd avoid the noise, smoke/restaurant exhaust and hustle of where I live now. There's one issue: my girlfriend has said in the past she is jealous of my close relationship with this female friend. Also, this female friend and I drunkenly made out two years ago twice and nothing else, which my gf is aware of. I have no feelings for this female friend emotionally beyond friendship or sexually, so I'm not worried about anything happening. However, how do I explain this move to my gf without her getting very mad? She likes my current apt because I live alone in a studio and we can commute to work together after she stays over. My new apt location would be inconvenient for her to commute with me. It would mean she is mostly around my female friend that she is jealous of whenever she comes over. Etc. I don't want to harm my relationship, but I need to make this move for my finances, for my health and to get better sleep. Any help/insight as to how I can soften the blown when I tell my gf would be appreciated. Break up with your girlfriend. This could be one of the most disrespectful things you can do to a significant other, besides cheating on them. This is a female friend you are close to and have been intimate with. It doesn't matter if it was a drunken make-out, twice, in the past. It still happened. It is absolutely inappropriate for you to blur those boundaries that should exist in a relationship, and to expect this to be something you just decide, tell your girlfriend and expect her to deal with. By the way, a platonic friend is a friend who you haven't been intimate with. It doesn't matter how long ago it was, you've been intimate, so she's not platonic. If anything, you should discuss this with your girlfriend and see how she feels about it. Trying to find a good way to tell her and just expect her to deal shows how little you care about her. So end the relationship and save her a world of hurt.
Sunfire73 Posted May 18, 2015 Posted May 18, 2015 If you value your relationship, then look for other opportunities to save money or live in a better apartment. You will be bringing some problem with your relationship by living with a female friend. What is more important to you now? 1
minime13 Posted May 18, 2015 Posted May 18, 2015 @d0nnivain Nobody is hiding behind technology and your comment is a bit uncouth. My gf has the tendency to overreact emotionally in the moment and then calm down later and apologize after her "logical self' has taken over. Bringing this up in some pseudo-serious discussion in real time would make this much bigger than it really is. I'm asking her for her input before I make a decision. It's quite simply an email laying out the reasons why the move might make sense and giving her space and time to process it, digest it and respond accordingly. The problem is that there is little way for your girlfriend to overreact to this. Any reaction, including a threat to break up or even a break up, is justified. This is a no-no, and in a city as big as NYC, I would bet there are more options than this one roommate. Try harder.
Author jackny123 Posted May 18, 2015 Author Posted May 18, 2015 Hello folks, I emailed her and she said no, obviously. No drama here. I will look for somewhere else. Thanks to everyone who replied and for your thoughts - opposing points of view and passion were interesting to read.
Diezel Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 I emailed her and she said no, obviously. You emailed her? Wow. 3
No Limit Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 You're sabotaging your relationship with your female friend. Your relationship with your GF is as good as dead anyhow since your GF has already expressed her concern and you don't do anything about it; and before the discussion "why can't I have female friends lalala" arises, it doesn't matter, your GF doesn't trust you becuse of it. You might as well give the relationship the killing blow now rather than later.
Erised Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 I'd have no issue with it. I'd approach it by talking to my SO about why I'm unhappy and saying options... You move in together, you move in with female friend, etc with pros and cons. If where you are is that bad, be clear that is not an option.
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