MapleWish Posted May 18, 2015 Posted May 18, 2015 so right now i'm stuck between two other guys who like me and it's getting complicated, i really don't know what to do. this last september i met a recently divorced man (call him Shane) and we tried dating for 2-3 months, then after we basically "broke up" we were constantly torn between "we need to be friends" and going back to cuddling and flirting and whatever, yea it's been a tug of war. he said officially in march he's not ready to date, so that was that. i got over the thought of us dating, however i do still like him and he still likes me. but now he's packing up and gonna be heading back to his home state (he only moved out here to be with this his at-the-time wife) so yes honestly i've thought about waiting for him to be ready to date again, it's been hard just "getting over him". now his best friend (call him Nate) has been crushing on me for the past maybe 3 weeks. he told me 3 weeks ago he was getting attached and starting to like me, i thought nothing of it, just "ok my crush's best friend likes me, no biggie. i dont feel the same" but this last week i kinda started seeing Nate in a different way and felt like i was starting to like him. he's different than Shane, Nate IS ready for a relationship he's not reeling from a divorce. they're both great guys but Nate is the only who really treats me well, i mean Shane treats me fine but he tries to keep things on a "friend" level but there's time where Shane and i will flirt and give longer-than-usual-hugs and such. yea the emotions are still there between me and Shane, though i feel he's still not over his ex-wife even though she's long gone outta the picture. i don't want to feel like i'm leading Nate on, making myself believe i actually like him when maybe i just like how he's treating me. he's aware of my feelings for Shane and that's why i offered to kinda give us a try, i clarified to Nate that i'm a risk and asked him if he was sure he wanted to take that risk. so i'm torn between the guy i've like for 7 months and am honestly considering waiting for and his best friend who has already shown he's more than willing to take a risk and he truly does care about me. problem is i have a habit of "what ifs" and looking into the future wondering what'll happen. i wonder if 3-4 months from now, Shane gets his head back on straight and he decides "i'm ready to date again" and contacts me wanting to try again, well i'm thinking what if i'm WITH Nate at the time, what the hell do i do? my dad gave me advice and said i can't "bargain shop" or "trade up", i'm aware, that wouldnt be my intention but if 3-4 months goes by and Shane comes back to me, and i'm still not over him by that point, even if i'm with Nate, could that be some sort of indication that i SHOULD go back to Shane?
Author MapleWish Posted May 18, 2015 Author Posted May 18, 2015 and i'll add this, Shane has moments where he seems like he's trying to nudge me in the direction of other guys, like i'll talk about my friends evan or chris and he'll comment "is evan someone you'd date" "do you like chris" etc but Nate will tell me Shane is only saying those things cause he's jealous, in the past Shane has been jealous towards me and Nate hanging out. HOWEVER, last night Shane saw me and Nate hug from a distance, asked me "were you two kissing" no we werent but he asked if we were dating and i said no and Shane responded "why not, Nate's a good guy" i told this to Nate and even Nate doesnt know why Shane says these things, because Shane still likes me and will show jealousy if i'm just chilling with Nate but then it's like he's trying to send me to other guys. shane is aware he's leaving soon and he's not ready to date just yet, so maybe he's trying to make certain i'll have someone when he goes? i havent a clue
ExpatInItaly Posted May 18, 2015 Posted May 18, 2015 Cut both of them out. It's going to create too much drama and it appears to me that you're considering the best friend as a way to get closer to the divorced man. Not good. And don't wait around for anyone. He's leaving anyway so you should start fresh. I don't get how being with the best friend is some sign that you should go back to the divorced man - I think that's you projecting. 2
Toodaloo Posted May 18, 2015 Posted May 18, 2015 Cut both of them out. It's going to create too much drama and it appears to me that you're considering the best friend as a way to get closer to the divorced man. Not good. And don't wait around for anyone. He's leaving anyway so you should start fresh. I don't get how being with the best friend is some sign that you should go back to the divorced man - I think that's you projecting. Read this. Leave the married/ divorced man alone. Leave his best mate alone. Go do your own thing. 2
Author MapleWish Posted May 18, 2015 Author Posted May 18, 2015 No not at all, I'm ALREADY close to both of them and have known them both for the last 7-8 months
Gary S Posted May 18, 2015 Posted May 18, 2015 There are tons of single guys and you only need to find one. Why risk breaking up their friendship? One or both of them may become jealous of the other. Go find another man, don't come between them, do the right thing.
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