zachsack Posted May 18, 2015 Posted May 18, 2015 Yesterday I was texting my gf, and she sent a random text trying to connect with me since maybe I was ignoring her. Then I told her that I felt as we were drifting apart and I missed the original feeling. She asked what I meant and I told her. Then she texted back saying honestly, we needed Atleast a break. At first, I don't know why she brought it up all of a sudden, I was not implying to break up rather than telling her that I loved her and didn't want us to fall apart. Going back and forth, she told me that everything happened so fast and stuff like that. she also said she's not ready for a relationship, saying she's had boyfriends but she's all new to this. This I can understand and I can bear with, if she didn't know what to do since she's new, then that's exceptional for me. Giving it some thought, I think we do need atleast a break. But I want to ask, why was this brought up so suddenly? I really don't understand where her feelings lie anymore and sometimes I think it's because she falls for another guy. Should I even attempt to get back with her? And what does "taking a break" consist of? Do I ignore her basically or just stop acting like a boyfriend?
introverted1 Posted May 18, 2015 Posted May 18, 2015 Take a break = date other people, imo. Sounds like there could well be someone else who has caught her eye.
Gaeta Posted May 18, 2015 Posted May 18, 2015 Needing a break is a coward way of saying I am breaking up with you. Not ready to be in a relationship is a coward way of saying I do not want to be in a relationship with you. Her feelings are not sudden, you have a thread on here where she finds you too cligny, she is just not into you anymore. No, it's not worth you try to get her back. You cannot change someone's feelings. And stop this 'ignoring' game. You're an adult right? Then conduct yourself like one. Wish her good luck and move on. 1
Satu Posted May 18, 2015 Posted May 18, 2015 (edited) We need a break = I don't want to be with you anymore. Let her go. Edited May 18, 2015 by Satu
central Posted May 18, 2015 Posted May 18, 2015 Often when women want a break, they have someone in mind they want to sleep with. However, since you're the one who essentially started this, she may just be responding to the opportunity, especially if she's right that this is moving too fast. Also, you may have unrealistic expectations about retaining that initial feeling - or maybe you simply aren't that great a match.
Author zachsack Posted May 18, 2015 Author Posted May 18, 2015 Take a break = date other people, imo. Sounds like there could well be someone else who has caught her eye. Needing a break is a coward way of saying I am breaking up with you. Not ready to be in a relationship is a coward way of saying I do not want to be in a relationship with you. Her feelings are not sudden, you have a thread on here where she finds you too cligny, she is just not into you anymore. No, it's not worth you try to get her back. You cannot change someone's feelings. And stop this 'ignoring' game. You're an adult right? Then conduct yourself like one. Wish her good luck and move on. We need a break = I don't want to be with you anymore. Let her go. Often when women want a break, they have someone in mind they want to sleep with. However, since you're the one who essentially started this, she may just be responding to the opportunity, especially if she's right that this is moving too fast. Also, you may have unrealistic expectations about retaining that initial feeling - or maybe you simply aren't that great a match. If that's so, where she has her sights set on someone else. Then she has completely detered my expectations of her. She was the nice, sorta naive kind. It seemed like we'd be perfect at the time. I guess not. Also, I don't think I was ever clingy, I asked everyone including my friends if I was, telling them to be completely honest. I guess she has her eyes set on someone else, and that was a problem too. I was stupid for not bringing it up. Oh well, I have a ways to go.
PegNosePete Posted May 18, 2015 Posted May 18, 2015 There is no such thing as a "break", only a break-up. Problems with relationships are not fixed by breaks. They are fixed by open, honest communication. If she wants to be with you then you need to sit down together and fix your issues. Wanting to have time apart, which more than likely means seeing other people, means that she does not want to be in a relationship with you and the chances of you getting back together after this "break" are very small. If you do agree to the break then you should insist on the following: - The "break" must have a clear, defined objective. Under what conditions will you get back together, and under what conditions will you stay apart? - Will you (both) be seeing other people while you're on this "break"? - How long will this "break" last? I would never agree to an open-ended break. Best to agree an end date, say 1 or 2 weeks, on which you'll decide whether to get back together or split permanently. Being in limbo is no fun. 1
Friskyone4u Posted May 18, 2015 Posted May 18, 2015 You can pretty much take it to the bank that if she wants a break on the basis of what you have posted the odds are either she wants to have sex with someone else or has already done it which has caused the drifting apart . I'm not sure if you want the truth . She may not tell you anyway
Redhead14 Posted May 18, 2015 Posted May 18, 2015 Yesterday I was texting my gf, and she sent a random text trying to connect with me since maybe I was ignoring her. Then I told her that I felt as we were drifting apart and I missed the original feeling. She asked what I meant and I told her. Then she texted back saying honestly, we needed Atleast a break. At first, I don't know why she brought it up all of a sudden, I was not implying to break up rather than telling her that I loved her and didn't want us to fall apart. Going back and forth, she told me that everything happened so fast and stuff like that. she also said she's not ready for a relationship, saying she's had boyfriends but she's all new to this. This I can understand and I can bear with, if she didn't know what to do since she's new, then that's exceptional for me. Giving it some thought, I think we do need atleast a break. But I want to ask, why was this brought up so suddenly? I really don't understand where her feelings lie anymore and sometimes I think it's because she falls for another guy. Should I even attempt to get back with her? And what does "taking a break" consist of? Do I ignore her basically or just stop acting like a boyfriend? How long have you been together? It was unlikely a "sudden" event. She's probably been feeling like this for a little while and was trying to figure out what she wanted to needed at this point. When she was "pushed' and it became evident that you were feeling that something was off as well, she just was finally able to say something. You happened to say it first. You were both feeling something was off. I'd give her some "space" to re-evaluate the relationship. A break is often simply a need to re-focus on oneself for a while. She said things had been moving fast. Don't contact her for a while. When at least a week or so has passed and she hasn't contacted you, you can reach out to her in a light supportive way. Don't mention the relationship unless she does. Let her come to you. You take this time to evaluate things yourself. You said you thought she might have been feeling ignored. That tells me that you had been pulling away some yourself. Think about the reasons for that. It may be that this has run it's course. Be busy with your own life. She may come back around, but be prepared to move on.
ExpatInItaly Posted May 18, 2015 Posted May 18, 2015 Is this is the same girl from your other thread? The one you've been with for 4 weeks? If so, it's better to end it now. Too much drama for such a short period. 1
jen1447 Posted May 18, 2015 Posted May 18, 2015 Whatever else is going on, she pounced on the opportunity you gave her, which means this has been in the cards for a while.
Redhead14 Posted May 18, 2015 Posted May 18, 2015 Is this is the same girl from your other thread? The one you've been with for 4 weeks? If so, it's better to end it now. Too much drama for such a short period. Yep, 4 weeks. That's too soon to need a "break". She wasn't that interested to start with.
Gary S Posted May 18, 2015 Posted May 18, 2015 If you two have only dated 4 weeks, you were never even a couple yet. 2
Author zachsack Posted May 18, 2015 Author Posted May 18, 2015 Yep, 4 weeks. That's too soon to need a "break". She wasn't that interested to start with. Oh no, you should've seen her.
organizedchaos Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 Yep, 4 weeks. That's too soon to need a "break". She wasn't that interested to start with. What? You are still just dating and seeing if you're compatible. You are not. Move on.
mortensorchid Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 Taking a break = She dumped you When people bring that up to me, I just about want to explode. This is not an episode of Friends, this is real life, people! If she wants a break it means that she wants to see other people, or at the very least not you anymore. You're not going to see her anymore, you're done. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but, that's what happened here.
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