kasop Posted May 18, 2015 Posted May 18, 2015 So it starts. Me and my ex met a year and a half ago. We were just friends for the longest time because we both had bf'gf. we both ended up single about 4 months ago and she reached out and told me she always liked me. She literally begged me to be with her. I had been lonley sense my last break and decided to go for it. I really liked her too. her personality her looks. We clicked like it was nothing. We have the same interests and laughed all the time. She was perfect as i thought. she has anxiety issues and couldnt stand to be at her house. WE MOVED WAY TO FAST. she was at my house every night. But i didnt want to tell her not to because i didnt want to reject her and i liked having her around. After a week we were bf/gf confessing our love for each other and after a couple more weeks we decided we wanted a place together to escape from the homes we were in. ONE problem.. i have too many bills and she didnt make enough money for us to live together. The pressure began to build. We started bickering at each other and had a few stupid arguments. Eventually one of these fights turned into our break up. She said things like.. "i feel trapped", "we hang out to much".. i began to say things like "i dont force you to spend all your time with me". So we decided to break up and she left. Then BOOM it hit me like a ton of bricks. I didnt want to lose this girl. so i called and apologized and begged. she came back over the next day and we spent the whole night together like nothing had happened! i didnt want to say anything cuz i was scared she might freak out. when she left she said ill see you this weekend. but the next day she txted me that "we cant be together anymore". I freaked and tried calling her and she ignored me. i kept trying to text her and still no replies. I know i looked needy but i was so caught up in the moment. finially she told me she was having a really hard time in life and sorry. thats it. so after a couple days of nc i sent her some of the nicest things i could say and she was just cold and bitter. i also have a feeling like shes keeping me on the back burner for just in case things dont go well for her. Now from what friends and facebook tell me she has all this confidence now and a super big ego. Its like she straight used me for her dependicy. By her breaking up with me and me begging for her back just fueled her ego. I feel like a door mate. my friends told me about how she was always rejected in life and that i should really care for her and be different. SO I DID. If i had just been mean to her and ignored her more she would of chased me more. But im not with games. I like being upfront and caring. Im an honest and caring guy and this girl make me feel like crap! i cant get over this. I'm riddled with anger and sadness. i miss her so much but i shouldn't! Im in nc and i refuse to look at her facebook because it causes me so much pain. Im so hurt that the past month ive been reading everything under the sun about relationship, dependency, self boundaries, and so on. Now i know all these things i would do the whole relationship different. i feel like every relationship ive ever been in has been like this. i just want a second chance but she will never see me the same now shes lost all respect for me. it hurts so much. i wake up thinking about her, i go to sleep thinking about her, and when i sleep she is in my dreams. we were only together for 3 months and its been a month. Why does she still haunt my mind every day? is there a second chance at all at this point?
livelifeshopping Posted May 18, 2015 Posted May 18, 2015 You are way too good for this girl! I know it hurts now but in time you will realise that it was just not meant to be. That sounds harsh and probably not what you wanted to hear. One day soon you will find the girl of your dreams that deserves a great guy like you. Please don't feel like you did anything wrong, it seems she is very messed up in the head with her anxiety. Have faith in what is meant to be will be! 1
jen1447 Posted May 18, 2015 Posted May 18, 2015 is there a second chance at all at this point? Probably not. You're bscly right about the loss of respect. Things got sh*tty, you panicked and started kissing her ass and because of that your stock went down in her eyes, AND, like you say, her own stock went up bc even tho we generally don't like 'weak' guys, it is an ego boost to have your ass kissed. I think your big mistake was actually moving in together. That always changes the relationship dynamic. Anyway she's made it clear, so I'd just stay NC and heal (you will), and learn your lesson about kissing ass. All you need is to have self respect, you don't have to (and shouldn't) treat women like sh*t. 3
d0nnivain Posted May 18, 2015 Posted May 18, 2015 You were each others rebounds, nothing more. You were crutches to get you through the immediate aftermath of a break up. You have now romanticized some fantasy of what could be. That is not what was or what is. Let her go. 2
Satu Posted May 18, 2015 Posted May 18, 2015 Never bombard people with texts once they've ignored more than one. Never beg. Never plead. Never sit with them and cry uncontrollably. Maintain your dignity at all times. ********************************************************************* *No direct contact in either direction. No sending or receiving of messages. No replies. Block any means she might use to contact you. *No indirect contact through third parties. *De-friend or delete from all social media. No monitoring of her on social media. *No 'little birds' feeding you news. *Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what she is doing or saying. **********************************************************************
dyna85 Posted May 18, 2015 Posted May 18, 2015 You deserve better. At the one month mark, it's normal to feel haunted by this experience. You'll probably feel that way for a long while. Sounds like she has issues as do you. We all do. Time to work on yourself. You're doing well by not checking her FB and by reading up on relationships. Sounds like you're headed in the right direction. The thoughts of her are part of the grieving cycle. They don't mean you should beat yourself up and allow yourself to be used by her in the future. Take this as a learning experience and grow from it. Figure out what you want and need in life. Meeting her and going through this experience will help you evolve, if you heed the lessons you've just been taught and don't allow yourself to be used like this in the future. Stop beating yourself up for going out of your way to try to make amends. That's what people who care about others do. You're obviously a kind person. You deserve that same kindness in return and shouldn't settle for someone who can't give you that. I know it hurts, but you need to turn the focus back to yourself and your needs and take the spotlight off her. She ain't all that. You will see this if you work on strengthening yourself.
Moley87 Posted May 18, 2015 Posted May 18, 2015 I think this is a bit of a sad story for the OP here, You were both hurting and got together when it wasn't the right time to do so. Unfortunately your ex found herself recovering quicker and ultimately called the relationship off. I think your intentions on the relationship was different and ultimately you have been hurt again in a short period of time, not nice and feel your pain. Lesson learnt , take some time out enjoy single life and once you have recovered then by all means get back on the scene Do not attempt to get this girl back, Her intentions were not nice and I feel she would only hurt you more down the line. 1
Author kasop Posted May 18, 2015 Author Posted May 18, 2015 Thank all you you for the replies. Its nice to to know that there are others out there that care. This has been a huge eye opening experience for me. Though I can't shake this feeling that she will eventually come back for more. I am trying to mentally prepare myself for it. I just want to reach the state of indifference as soon as possible.
Author kasop Posted May 18, 2015 Author Posted May 18, 2015 When we broke up it was mutual. I told her I wouldn't ever talk to her again and that devastated her. That's why she came back after a few days when we talked and I told her I didn't want to lose her. She acted like nothing had happened to see if I would take her back in open arms and the next day she dumped me. She wanted either me to dump her so she could chase me again or she wanted me to beg her back so she could gain confidence in herself by being the one in control. In result I lost all my credibility in her eyes and she fed off of it. I've done this before in relationship in the past and it all played out the same. I can't believe I let this girl do this to me. It really makes all woman look bad even tho I know there not. I will never be a doormats ever again in my life. I will always have strong a of boundaries from here on it. I can't entertain the idea of her coming back Cuz all I would want to do is reject her out of spite and I know that's not right. Still it hurts losing your dignity.
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