Epiphany.

[Ruby65]

Thing is, there are two options here.

 

 

1: She wants me back but is holding back due not wanting to seem dependant on me. She's a girl with way too much pride.

 

 

2: She doesn't want me back, and me breaking up with her was the best thing happening to her, she didn't have to dump me. Which would suck, because if this is the case, I'd never go back to her. it'd feel like having lost true love.

 

Sadly I don't think she wants you back. She doesn't see you as the guy she wants to marry. She's young and wants to flirt with and date lots of guys before she settles down -- and that could be many years away.

 

As for option 2, I don't think breaking up with you makes her happy, or that she considers it a great stroke of luck. But it is what she wants.

 

I think she'll miss you... she'll probably try and keep you around as a "friend" she can use as a safety net until she's found her next boyfriend.... but at this point in her life, she needs to be single and have other relationships before committing to one person for the rest of her life.

 

Please give yourself a period of No Contact so you can heal! Don't wait around for her to contact you and go through another breakup talk. Walk away now, block her everywhere -- and focus on YOU and YOUR healing, your life, on getting yourself back.

 

Here's a guide that will help you: http://www.breakuprecoveryguide.com

 

The sooner you start healing, the sooner you'll be meeting your future new way-better girlfriend.

 

[Lizrd3000]

I'm hurting today guys.

It feels I'm dying, but not REALLY dying, but real death would seem like a better option right now. I'll never commit suicide though, just trying to explain how I'm feeling.

 

 

I don't think I'll ever be happy. life before I had my ex was miserable. I had nothing I loved doing except playing video games all day in my own company, but even that wasn't real hobby, because whenever i'd get off it I'd feel empty and nothing. It was a miracle I had this girl to begin with.

 

 

Also, I feel as if people, deep down, in all honesty, do not care if I feel bad. Ofcourse they do, but they don't care enough to actually try to listen and actually try to help me, or whatever. This feeling is indescribeable.

 

 

Everything I do, I think about her. When I work out, I'd count my sets and reps. 1...2...3...Why doesn't she text me? 4...5...**** her, I don't need her...6...7..8...8 Why am I even trying to lie to myself? she's my everything, I can't enjoy anything knowing she's not with me. **** this. (Leaves gym feeling depressed, knowing I have to work in 1 hour. feeling more depressed because I know once I get done with work, I'll still feel ****ty and nothing can cheer me up, nothing I'll enjoy. and tomorrow will be the same. day after too, and we can go on forever.

 

 

Has anyone ever felt this way? I can not imagine this EVER going away. I really think I'm a black sheep among normal sheeps. I can't fathom how people ''get over'' their ex's and continue life. EVEN IF THEY SOMEHOW pull this off, how do they dare to fall in love again? And in my situation, I don't think I'll ever find another girl. Even if I do, I don't think I will love her the way I love my ex.

 

 

I really just need someone to tell me I'm wrong and give me proof this will pass, or personal stories. please...

[aloneinaz]

Not to seem harsh here but... you seem to be enjoying wallowing in your pitty party that you're doing such an exquisite job of.

 

At what point are you going to say enough, put on your big boy pants and move on? How is what you're doing right now helping you achieve this?

 

Millions and millions of folks have been dumped and gone thru heart break. Almost all of them pick themselve up, dust themselve off and move on w/their lives..

[erklat]

Not to seem harsh here but... you seem to be enjoying wallowing in your pitty party that you're doing such an exquisite job of.

 

At what point are you going to say enough, put on your big boy pants and move on? How is what you're doing right now helping you achieve this?

 

Millions and millions of folks have been dumped and gone thru heart break. Almost all of them pick themselve up, dust themselve off and move on w/their lives..

 

Don't bash him. I had panic attacks for eleven months and maybe only

a few months that I'm genuinely looking forward to never speaking to her

again.

[organizedchaos]

I'm hurting today guys.

It feels I'm dying, but not REALLY dying, but real death would seem like a better option right now. I'll never commit suicide though, just trying to explain how I'm feeling.

 

 

I don't think I'll ever be happy. life before I had my ex was miserable. I had nothing I loved doing except playing video games all day in my own company, but even that wasn't real hobby, because whenever i'd get off it I'd feel empty and nothing. It was a miracle I had this girl to begin with.

 

 

Also, I feel as if people, deep down, in all honesty, do not care if I feel bad. Ofcourse they do, but they don't care enough to actually try to listen and actually try to help me, or whatever. This feeling is indescribeable.

 

 

Everything I do, I think about her. When I work out, I'd count my sets and reps. 1...2...3...Why doesn't she text me? 4...5...**** her, I don't need her...6...7..8...8 Why am I even trying to lie to myself? she's my everything, I can't enjoy anything knowing she's not with me. **** this. (Leaves gym feeling depressed, knowing I have to work in 1 hour. feeling more depressed because I know once I get done with work, I'll still feel ****ty and nothing can cheer me up, nothing I'll enjoy. and tomorrow will be the same. day after too, and we can go on forever.

 

 

Has anyone ever felt this way? I can not imagine this EVER going away. I really think I'm a black sheep among normal sheeps. I can't fathom how people ''get over'' their ex's and continue life. EVEN IF THEY SOMEHOW pull this off, how do they dare to fall in love again? And in my situation, I don't think I'll ever find another girl. Even if I do, I don't think I will love her the way I love my ex.

 

 

I really just need someone to tell me I'm wrong and give me proof this will pass, or personal stories. please...

 

Come on dude. She told you flat out she will flirt with other guys. Grow a pair.

 

Yes, it does get better and you can find someone who is better than this person.

 

You. Are. Wrong.

 

I was devasted by my break up and a year later, found someone 10x better than my ex in every way. New gf treats me better, cares about me more, loves me more, and is better in bed. Stop the pity party.

[Lizrd3000]

I just came to the absoulute realization, that my ex had been planning to ''push me'' to break up. It's only the most logical reason. If you remember my previous thread, you'll know MY reason as to why we broke up, but apperently she had an hidden agenda all the time. I'm sure she's currently being boned by the guy she was flirting with. Just picturing it in my head makes me so disgusted by her. Not sad, just pure disgust. All the while I'm listening to ''Justing Timberlake - What goes around comes around''.

 

 

Lmao, this is hilarious, yet so sad. I've been played.

 

 

Tomorrow I will be putting her house keys in her mail box without contacting her at all. She asked me to do this when we had contact after the BU a 4 days ago. NC ever since I asked her back. Not planning to initiate contact EVER untill I'm fully healed. I might response to a message she sends. But I won't be sharing any personal stories, nor will I be asking for hers. She still has my stuff, but I really do not want to contact her for them. If she contacts me, I'll tell her to throw the leftover stuff I left at her house away. It's probably not useful to me anyway, clothes are replaceable, additional time I'll have to spend healing by getting my stuff is NOT. Time is so valueable, and I won't spent it pining over her. I refuse to.

 

 

It may seem like I'm all healed up and doing the right things, but days are still blue and not very enjoyable. I did have an OK-Day today though, compared to yesterday. I do hang out with friends and family, excersice, and I try to eat, but sometimes I'm just not able to.

 

 

 

 

I realized today, a little late yeah, that I don't deserve to be given 40% when I'm giving a 100%. Girlfriends shouldn't flirt with other guys, have sex talks with other guys and pretend it's OK to be like this, because it's just who they are. I would never ever disrespect/hurt my girlfriend that way. Sometimes I even felt guilty when another girl was showing interest in me. This just shows how different me and my ex were, I would never do the things she does, and vice versa. She'd never want to travel the world on a motorcycle and a tent, which is my DREAM.

 

 

I honestly hope someone is ****ing her hard right now. The knowledge of knowing that she is, would just help me get over her so much quicker.

 

 

 

 

It's just me venting guys. Take care.

[Lizrd3000]

So today, I put my ex's key in her mailbox, and texted her this:

 

 

I've put your keys in your mailbox!

You can throw the stuff I have left in your house away, I don't remember leaving important stuff.

 

 

She replied: I Won't throw it away! I Will find a way to give your stuff back to you!

 

 

I replied: I don't need them, but thanks. We have now given back each other all their stuff.

 

 

Which she replied: But I still have ''insert my stuff''! I for sure wanna see you again! We are friends, right?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I have NOT replied yet. I need advice. I did say we will be friends when we broke up. But I wanna do what's best for me.

 

 

I might want to have a friendship when I'm over her, but I'm sure that won't be anytime soon. What should I reply? Don't tell me to not reply, I do want to be genuine friends in the future if possible, but right now is just not good at all. Please leave a reply! I appreciate it.

 

 

She is 19 I'm 20, dated 2 years and a bit, if u wanna know background story, read my other post.

In short: I was forced to dump her because she flirts with other guys ALOT. after a day I begged her back, to which she indirectly declined by saying she'll think about it. then we went NC. then today I started the convo with the messages above, and that's it.

 

 

PLEASE HELP!!

[Lizrd3000]

Please help me guys, I just don't know what to do right now.

[Ruby65]

For the love of all things holy...... no, you don't want to be friends with her!!!

 

Send her a one line text that says you need some time without contact so you can move on. Wish her the best and thank her for understanding.

 

THEN BLOCK HER EVERYWHERE!

 

Here's a guide that will help you: http://www.breakuprecoveryguide.com

[PegNosePete]

Tell her: sorry I don't think we can be friends for the moment, I need to heal from the relationship and move on with my life.

 

Then no more contact. Ignore and delete any reply she sends.

[Lizrd3000]

I just replied ''I need some time without contact so I can move on. I wish you the best, and thanks for understanding.'' Thank you for your reply.

 

 

I just don't know if I'm able to block her, but I have to, don't I?

What I'm afraid of is that if she wants me back, she won't be able to send me texts or whatsapps anymore, because she's blocked everywhere.

Or the feeling that I'm missing out on texts she had sended me. But all of this doesn't matter, do they?

[PegNosePete]

Would you really want her back, after the way she treated you? Do you think this time, she wouldn't flirt ALOT with other guys? Has she changed...? (That is a rhetorical question BTW, don't answer it, and certainly don't ask her!)

[Lizrd3000]

You're a good person, and you are right.. I sometimes forget that I get to be respected too, because I've lost all of it in my last relationship... and it's so sad. Thank you, it means alot.

 

 

 

 

I'm assuming what I just send her is good too, right?

[Ruby65]

Dude, if she wants you back, blocking her isn't going to stop her from tracking you down and sealing the deal.

 

It's EASY to get around a phone or email or Facebook block.

 

All blocking does is make you less convenient. Don't worry about it. Go ahead and block her everywhere and protect yourself from the pain of future contact.

[Lizrd3000]

As I went to block her, she sends me this message:

 

 

I understand! Don't be mad at yourself!

 

 

what the actual ****? What does this have to mean? Why would I be mad at myself... what?

[Ruby65]

She's just pretending to be supportive and understanding so she looks like "a good person."

 

Ignore.

[PegNosePete]

Ignore and delete any reply she sends.

The message she just sent is why I advised you this

 

Ignore. Delete. NC.

[Lizrd3000]

Thanks guys. I didn't interpret her message as supporting at all, more as manipulative and trying to put an idea in my head where it's ''my fault'' and I shouldn't be mad at myself, and at the same time making her look supportive.

 

 

I have now blocked her on whatsapp, Facebook (Even though I never really go on FB) and that's all I used. I think I might block her friends too, because what if I accidently come across a picture she's in with her friends? Yeah, **** happens.

 

 

Appreciate the quick responses of both of you, thanks again!

[PegNosePete]

Yes, if they are HER friends (not yours) then block them too. There is nothing to be gained by keeping them.

[Lizrd3000]

Today was a good day. Gave back remaining stuff I had from her, indirectly.

Told her to throw mine away, so I don't have to meet up with her.

Worked out outside, I love this.

 

 

Scooter broke down, so I had to walk an hour in the pouring rain, but it made me feel alive. I actually got a good laugh about this. Feeling ****ty, and than this happens, it really DID make me feel better though, funny.

 

 

Blocked ex on Whatsapp and Facebook.

Ex-mother in law Whatsapped me and told me she misses hanging out with me when my ex was asleep. We have a good bond with each other, and are meeting up for coffee next week. This has nothing to do with my ex, I really think of this woman as my second mother, she's been there for me when I needed help, even financially. She was a gift that the gods had send me, so I was very happy when she texted me saying she missed me, it feels kinda good to be missed.

 

 

Also went out to get a coffee and have deep talks with a friend whom I am now getting closer with from school. He's also going through a break up, but our talks are usually about different things, which takes the pressure off of everything.

 

 

So, all in all, a pretty decent day considering the circumstances. Also have to say Thank You to everyone on here that's helped me today!

 

Edit: Also decided to post here every few days, so I can look back in the future and remember what I had been going through in a few months from now. I thought it'd be fun, as I just looked through old posts from nearly 2 years ago, and it got me thinking how much I'd grown since then.

 

Have a good night,

 

 

Jeff

Edited May 18, 2015 by Lizrd3000

[Lizrd3000]

This is just me rambling about random things that happened yesterday, and it's something I want to read after a while. Don't read this, it's not really important for someone else other than myself. If you want to anyways, go ahead!

 

 

Checking in.

 

 

Yesterday, I took some magic truffles with some friends, since we Always wanted to do this. At first I didn't want to do it, but later on, I just decided to go with it. (no pressure from friends)

 

 

So I took half of a normal dosage, but it was the strongest strain in the shop.

 

 

At first, my thoughts seemed to completly dissapear, but after an hour or so, they came back, with a feeling of not knowing how to feel. this continued the whole trip. I don't think it was a bad trip in particular, but it wasnt good either. Somewhere in the middle. Not a fun first experience overall. My friends seemed to enjoy it, though. When I went home that night, I still felt funny. Almsot home, I came across a person that used to bully me in school a long time ago. We also ''fought'' a few times (him hiting me). And for some reason, I didn't care at all, and decided to walk towards him, and face one of my biggest fears, talk to the person.

 

 

I let him know what I thought about him, in a very angry manner. He was mostly quiet and listened. It was a weird experience. After this, nothing happened, and I just went home, Feeling pretty good and confident for some reason.

 

 

Coming home, my dad was in the living room, and we never really talk. He's just there, makes money, sleep, minding his own life. It kinda bothers me we never talk, and don't have that ''father son'' bond. So, my dad was sipping his coffee, smoking his cigarette, looking into space, and probably thinking about things.

 

 

So I sat beside him, just sitting, wondering if I should say something. 5 minutes pass, and I ask him ''What are you thinking about?'', something I never really asked him. And he told me what he was thinking about, and we started to talk for 2.5 hours, probably something we have never done before, ever. It felt good. Then I told him me and my ex broke up a week ago, since I hadn't told him yet, and he was surprised. We talked about that for a pretty long time, and finally gave some advice dads are supposed to. I felt strong, finally getting acknowledged by my dad, and him sharing some advice, and his thoughts on my ex. He told me the things I needed to hear, and also shared his opinions, which are very similair to mine. This conversation with my dad really put things into perspective.

 

 

I really do NOT want my ex back, even if she begged and pleaded me to come back.

 

 

Felt strong yesterday, today a little less strong, it might be because I'm a little bored, or I've got some hangover from yesterday's tripping experience. But all in all, not feeling that bad. I do miss my ex for what we had, and a little worried that I won't find that partner in the future that I now believe I deserve, but that's okay. This too shall pass, and fun times will come.

[Chi townD]

As I went to block her, she sends me this message:

 

 

I understand! Don't be mad at yourself!

 

 

what the actual ****? What does this have to mean? Why would I be mad at myself... what?

 

 

 

Dude, this bitch is way into herself if she actually believes that you're beating yourself up over this break up. Like, none of this is her fault. Wow! If I'm reading it correctly, that is one of the most self centered texts I ever read.

 

 

Dude, block her from everything and start making positive changes in your life.

[Lizrd3000]

Dude, this bitch is way into herself if she actually believes that you're beating yourself up over this break up. Like, none of this is her fault. Wow! If I'm reading it correctly, that is one of the most self centered texts I ever read.

 

 

Dude, block her from everything and start making positive changes in your life.

I know right? I spend freaking 2 years with this girl.

I found out that she's a person that doesn't give a **** about respect towards others, not just me. Her mother, ex-best friend who she just ditched because things didn't go the way SHE wanted. I was Always the person (especially towards the end) to tell her to act like a decent person, and stop disrespecting me, her mother and other people.

 

 

There seems to be so much wrong with her, the longer I am away from her. it's so freaking weird how this works.

 

 

Thanks for the advice Chi, I already have her blocked on every social platform I use since the day I gave back her keys (The day we texted and she sent me that ridiculous message).

 

 

I am meeting her mom next week, I feel sorry for her. She Always talked about how hard it is to live with my ex due to her behaviour, and was the person to calm her down. Now that I'm gone, there's no one really to calm things down. I'm meeting up because she said she misses talking to me, and loves me. It felt kinda weird when she said this, but whatever. If I can help her, then why not? She was Always there for me. I just hope she won't bring up my ex that much, because I'm so uninterested in hearing stories about her. I might tell her in advance that I don't want to talk about my ex. That'd be good.

 

 

Every comment in this thread uplifts me, thanks guys!

[Meli22]

If she loved you and wanted this relationship that much she would stop the flirting. It's not like you're asking her to give up eating for f**** sake.. She should show a little respect for you if it's something you're not comfortable with. This is a deal breaker for you, hence the break up. It can be worked on IF she were to STOP doing it, but seems like she isn't up to that. You miss her and that's normal, but is it enough to cope with something that makes you truly uncomfortable?

[Lizrd3000]

If she loved you and wanted this relationship that much she would stop the flirting. It's not like you're asking her to give up eating for f**** sake.. She should show a little respect for you if it's something you're not comfortable with. This is a deal breaker for you, hence the break up. It can be worked on IF she were to STOP doing it, but seems like she isn't up to that. You miss her and that's normal, but is it enough to cope with something that makes you truly uncomfortable?

You're right.

Flirting is pretty hard on the other party in a relationship, but I think it's even more of a big of a deal for me, as my parents have Always taught me to be faithfull, and Always keep your heart with one person, as they are muslim, and are pretty ''strict'' when it comes to love and respecting one another. My parents are each others first lovers, and last too for sure.

 

 

So this is indeed a huge deal breaker for me. I'll make sure to pick my future girlfriends after I get to know their personalities better than I've done with this relationship. Even though it was my first, I've made alot of mistakes.

 

 

Atleast I've grown and learned something from this! I can feel that I'm stronger than I was when I was going through the first break up with this girl. I feel somewhat indifferent towards her as a person, even though I do miss the relationship and the satisfaction it gave me, thinking that she was loving me. But I'm trying to make my heart realize that she probably never really loved me, but only used me to boost her ego and make her feel pretty.

 

 

Knowing that I was being used helps me towards indifference of the relationship.

 

 

I think when I reach indifference towards the relationship, and still have it towards her as a person, I'll be over her. It's only been a week since our break up, but I feel so much stronger than I did in the 1.5 months of my first break up, it's crazy. I hope I won't go back 10 steps after I've said this.

 

 

Still NC!