Epiphany.

[Lizrd3000]

Hi guys, I joined 1.5 years ago because me girlfriend dumped me.

i joined loveshack for help, and got back together after 2 months.

 

 

Now this: I broke up with her 3 days ago. reason being; she flirts with other guys too much and talks about sex with them, and i had to find out from the ex-girlfriend that my GF talked to. I couldn't take the lies and flirting anymore, as that is cheating in my book, so I broke up with pain in the heart.

 

 

Now today, I texted and we called. I told her I loved her and I can't imagine never holding her again, and that we'd be able to fix our issues.

Our exact text conversation was this:

 

 

Me: Hey

Her: Hey

Me: How are you?

Her: I'm alright! And you?

Me: Well, I miss you.

Her: We just have to pull through the hard times, you know I flirt with other guys, and I'll do it again! And I't'll hurt you. So it's better this way.

Me: No.

Her: No what?

Me: I regretted breaking up with you as soon as I did. But you're angry aren't you?

Her: I'm not mad, I just think it's better this way.

*sends a picture of ''wise'' words saying that the scary thing about dating is that you're either gonna marry that person or break up*

Her: I don't think I want to marry you...

Me: I wanna try. Because I love you. But if you don't want this, I'll leave you alone.

Her: This is really hard. Can you please think about the fact that I'll Always flirt with other guys!

Me: I know that, but I don't think that I'll love someone more than I love you.

Her: No, I'm not making any decisions untill I've thought about it. I'm having a hard time right now but I think it'll pass. my friends and mother are really nice to me! I'll think about it, and you'll hear from me, okay? It could be that you feel differently in a week.

 

 

 

 

After this I called her to talk about the things I wanted to say, I can't remember what has been said, I did all of this in a burst of emotions... so stupid. I do recall her saying that she'll Always keep flirting with other guys, and I'm ''extreeeemely jealous'', so she thinks it won't work.

 

 

she said she'll think about it, but I'll accept this as a big fat NO.

Maybe she's right, maybe we aren't meant to be. I do love her though.

 

 

I am 20 years old, she's 19. We've been together for a little over 2 years.

Could it be that she's checking if there are better men on the market and thus kinda ''stringing me along'' by saying she'll think about it? or is this a technique she's using as to not immediately getting back together with me?

 

 

We're only broken up 3 days now, and we had a serious conversation yesterday where we both cried etc. I never knew she'd turn me down... I just need some help on if all hope is lost, or if i should wait for her to make her decision? If her answer is NO, I'll go NC, np. I'm a NC monster.

 

 

Please help me out. if there is additional information needed, please leave a reply!

 

 

 

 

TL;DR: I broke up, wanted her back, she rejected me by saying ''I'll think about it'', but it sounds like she's saying no, as she's young and wants to try out other things. Should I take it as it is, cry my eyes out and move on? the thing is, I got into a bad depression when she broke up, now I did the breaking up, but she's in the ''1+'' position now as she rejected me.''

[Lizrd3000]

Please help, I'm hurting. Anxiety incoming. afraid of another depression...

[na49]

She obviously wasn't all about the relationship if flirting with guys is more important than your feelings. Even though you broke up with her, she definitely wasn't completely invested in the relationship. You kind of just beat her to the punch, it seems like she would have left eventually.

 

She has made it clear as day that she wants to continue to be a flirt. Some people are just like that. It's really up to you whether or not you can accept that about her. It doesn't seem like you can considering you broke up with her because of it.

[wizer]

By breaking up with her and then basically begging her to come back despite her stating she'll continue to flirt with other guys you have officially turned into a doormat and given her all the power in the relationship going forward.

 

She disrespects you as it is with all the flirting and now she's got the green light to do as she pleases.

 

That's not a place you want to be in. Even if you weren't the jealous type this is no way to be treated by a committed relationship partner.

 

If you get back together with her you will ultimately be miserable.

 

As much as it hurts now, the best thing to do is cut your losses and move on.

[Lizrd3000]

Thanks guys. she did this alot, and I forgave her numerous times. but this time was the last time. as I read your comments, it becomes clear that I was ****ed to begin with, and with my pleading to come back, I ****ed it up even more. so I'll have to live with this. :/

 

 

Anymore comments? I could use some love right now... haha

[Lizrd3000]

Should I message her again saying something along the lines with: ''You were right, I called you in a burst of emotions. You and I are two complete other persons. I don't want this, so you don't have to think about us coming together again, Im done.''

To show I won't be a doormat? or leave it as it is, and when she messages me later saying ''yes/no'' ignore it?

[aloneinaz]

Ok, you asked.

 

She has ZERO respect for you and you came across as a whimpy, needy doormat to her on the text. You want to keep this girl who doesn't care nor respect you in your life? Really?

 

Work on your self esteem man.. I'd so go into full ignore/blocking/never speak to her again that it would spin her head..

 

No one deserves a POS like her in their lives.. Find someone who respects you and WANTS to be with your and make you happy..

[erklat]

Should I message her again saying something along the lines with: ''You were right, I called you in a burst of emotions. You and I are two complete other persons. I don't want this, so you don't have to think about us coming together again, Im done.''

To show I won't be a doormat? or leave it as it is, and when she messages me later saying ''yes/no'' ignore it?

 

You already done the damage that can not be reversed. You've done more fails than most people that have never been here, dude

 

Try with this plan: do not send her anything because she has the upper hand

now and never send her anything. Agin.

[Lizrd3000]

Ok, you asked.

 

She has ZERO respect for you and you came across as a whimpy, needy doormat to her on the text. You want to keep this girl who doesn't care nor respect you in your life? Really?

 

Work on your self esteem man.. I'd so go into full ignore/blocking/never speak to her again that it would spin her head..

 

No one deserves a POS like her in their lives.. Find someone who respects you and WANTS to be with your and make you happy..

You're right, I had no life outside of my relationship. because nothing else made me feel good and content. I try to work out with friends, go out and all those things, but it never makes me feel good. I feel like I need her to not become depressed or have a void inside that I can't fill, no matter what. I just don't know what to do with life at this point. I can't handle another phase like the one when we first broke up. has any of you ever felt like this? she's my first love too by the way.

[quattrob]

You're right, I had no life outside of my relationship. because nothing else made me feel good and content. I try to work out with friends, go out and all those things, but it never makes me feel good. I feel like I need her to not become depressed or have a void inside that I can't fill, no matter what. I just don't know what to do with life at this point. I can't handle another phase like the one when we first broke up. has any of you ever felt like this? she's my first love too by the way.

 

 

You were way too into this relationship (not that it's a bad thing providing both are on the same page). Sorry to say this is common for young adults/teens, not enough experience in life, the curiousity makes it hard to settle down and be content with what they have.

 

 

For you I feel like you are way too dependent on others not just your ex for happiness and satisfaction in life. This is a lesson for you, that you need to learn to be happy on your own and learn not to only rely on others to live. You need to become stronger as a person.

 

 

Best thing for you to do is go NC, ignore and stop stalking her on social medias. If she tries to contact you if you know you can't resist reaching out because of that, then you need to block her. Trust me, this is all for your own good. She isn't the one for you, at least not anytime in the near future, so you need to move on and forget about this girl.

[aloneinaz]

You're right, I had no life outside of my relationship. because nothing else made me feel good and content. I try to work out with friends, go out and all those things, but it never makes me feel good. I feel like I need her to not become depressed or have a void inside that I can't fill, no matter what. I just don't know what to do with life at this point. I can't handle another phase like the one when we first broke up. has any of you ever felt like this? she's my first love too by the way.

 

Ok.. You know RECOGNIZE that you have some self improvement to make to enjoy yourself and alone time. NO ONE wants to be in a relationship with someone who smothers them 24-7 or expects them to be their entertainment day in day out. You need a balance in your life when you're in a relationship. She should have her girl time w/friends and you should have your guy time w/you buddies.

 

I also wonder if you're missing HER or missing having a GF that keeps you busy and makes you feel good. I think a high percentage of the people on this site who've been dumped don't necessarily miss the person, rather, they miss the companionship of the opposite sex and the comfort of the relationship.

[dave_1966]

Go and watch some Corey Wayne on YouTube, you need to know a lot more about women the next time round fella. You're acting more feminine than her at the moment, and probably repulsing her. Do you want to be respected or pitied?

[harrybrown]

Go NC with her. Move on.

 

Do not text her. Do not call her.

 

hit he gym, but time to move on.

[Lizrd3000]

I think you guys misunderstood. Which is Obvious because I haven't said so in OP.

 

 

our relationship was good. I had dependancy issues, which was the cause of break up #1. I changed myself and understood to make this work, I had to put a few steps back and enjoy myself when I'm not with her, and I learned to do so. I'm not THAT much of a doormat, I told her what I thought, and if she did not share the same view of points as I did, I'd defend mine, which I think defines if you're being a doormat or not. I also didn't Always tell her ''yes'' when she wanted something, our relationship was pretty balanced.

 

 

the thing is, I slipped up after I broke it off. I got back into old habbits by wearing my heart on my sleeve. She loved me because of my sensitive ways, but I could be straight to the point and up-tight when neccesary. I'm not THAT much of a bitch, atleast, I try to hide it.

 

 

 

 

What I'm thinking right now is, that when I asked her to get together with me, she got repulsed because it's only been a few days since the break up.

Because when I asked her if she'd want to get together the day we broke up (I know, weird. trust me, it was a legitimate question during THAT conversation, I wasn't bread crumbing. lmao.) she said she wouldn't say no.

 

 

by asking her after only a few days, it showed that I'm weak and can't live without her. I'm disgusted by myself. :/

 

 

Thing is, there are two options here.

 

 

1: She wants me back but is holding back due not wanting to seem dependant on me. She's a girl with way too much pride.

 

 

2: She doesn't want me back, and me breaking up with her was the best thing happening to her, she didn't have to dump me. Which would suck, because if this is the case, I'd never go back to her. it'd feel like having lost true love.

 

 

I feel like no one knows what I'm going through, which is extremely selfish, but I truely feel this way. I feel like complete utter ****, and I feel like this will never end, I'll Always have thoughts about her not giving a **** about me, meanwhile I'm here wishing we'd just get back together.

We used to have all these dreams, atleast I genuinely did. Those are now crushed, and it's basically all my fault for breaking up in the first place.

This sounds so dramatic, but my stomache is making twists it shouldn't be doing, and my heart is dropping constantly and racing when thoughts of her enter my head. All the while she doesn't care.

 

 

 

 

I'm sorry, I just had to fent. I can't be this honest to people in real life.

I hope you guys don't mind, and maybe if someone felt the same way I do, how long did it last, describe how you felt etc. I really have to know I'm not alone in this. :/

[quattrob]

Those 2 options are actually reactions/answers from her. Options for you is either you go NC (no stalking her in any form) or take another shot by asking her one last time (which I don't advise doing because in my opinion you'll feel like ***** afterwards and she'd say no anyways).

 

 

You may think no one feels or understands you but I can tell you many people go through similar experiences and feelings as you are now. A lot of people go through heart break so don't go thinking your situation is unique or is one of a kind or is the worst.. There are far worse situation than your own.

[Lizrd3000]

Hi guys, I need a little help.

 

 

Should I block my ex on Whatsapp, so I don't receive anymore messages?

This would mean, that I won't be able to know if she wants to get back together, but at this point, its IMPOSSIBLE for me to get back together, even if she wanted to, because of all the hurt and disrespect she has caused.

 

 

Also, I still have her keys and she still has some stuff I forgot to pick up at her house, but my stuff that's still lingering there isn't so important I think.

She wants me to bring the keys and put it in her mailbox. Is that okay?

 

 

biggest question is: should I block her, and deny every possible chance of getting back together?

 

 

thanks guys, I appreciate the comments. I just can not comprehend how one can love you, or pretend they do, and ultimately just deal with you as if you were nothing more than a toy. I genuinely hope that she is not a great person, and this **** isn't caused by my actions, but it's probably both I think.

[ExpatInItaly]

OP, you need to take her off the pedestal you put her on. The relationship wasn't that great if she was flirting with other guys. That's not what a good girlfriend does.

 

Yes, block her. In every way you can. She has made it extremely clear that she doesn't intend to stop flirting with other men and that this break-up was the right thing. Why on earth do you want someone who has such little respect for you?

[guest569]

Flirts with other men and expects you to be okay with it? This woman doesn't deserve you.

[Lizrd3000]

Thanks guys, in my mind, I Always question if I'm at fault, Always. so when she flirts, I'm instantly thinking, am I too jealous? or is this bad on her part?

I'm happy you guys are giving a kick on my ass, I need this. I need to see how she's bad for me. thank you guys.

 

 

Should I message her and tell her she doesn't need to think about my pleading? I'm afraid she's gonna tell me that she doesn't want to get back together with me, even if I don't want that. I don't want to be rejected.

 

 

tips?

[Chi townD]

Okay, here's the deal. After reading her texts She doesn't want to be with you anymore. She puts more of a value on flirting and talking sex with other guys than you. She telling you that she would RATHER flirt with other guys than to be with you. How is that fair to you. Look, you said you love her. But, it sucks when that love is only one-sided.

 

 

I mean, it sounds like she openly flaunts her flirting in your face! That is totally disrespecting you and the relationship. She could have said that it was harmless flirting, but there is no such thing. Someone usually ends up hurt to some degree. And if she's doing this with you around, imagine what she's doing with these guys when you're not around. Flirting is opening a door and it leaves it extremely easy to step through that door and betray someone.

 

 

Then she sends you that dumbass pic stating that dating leads to 2 things either marrying that person or breaking up. She told you that she doesn't want to marry you. Therefore, she always viewed you as someone she was going to break up with.

 

 

So, start NC on her. Time to heal and move on. In your case, it is EXTREMELY important that you block her on social media ALL OFF IT! Facebook, snapchat, twitter.....all of it. Because, if she reaches out to you and you don't respond to her breadcrumbs, then she'll lash out. She'll flirt with people online, post pics of her with other guys on her facebook because she knows that it gets under your skin. She knows how to hurt you and what your weakness is. So, block her from all social media so she can't do that to you.

[SearchingForMyself]

You know what's sad?

 

How clear it is that shewwnted to break up with him,but didn't want to be theone to pull the trigger. She is totally not into you and its all too obvious.

 

Go NC. She's 19? Good...then this is a classic case of GIGS

[hoping2heal]

Flirting with others when you are in a committed relationship is very disrespectful. If she feels she cannot control herself enough to not do this then that is sign number one she isn't ready for a committed relationship.

 

You're not happy with your relationship or the way she is, but you want to quick and cling to her to stave off lonliness. This relationship does not sound like it is a good thing for either of you. You can't just cling to a girl as a comfort pillow for your life. Well, actually you CAN, lots of people do, but it is not ideal.

[mtnbiker3000]

Sounds like she needs constant male attention, hence the inability / refusal to stop flirting.

 

Why would you want to be someones backup plan? You are nobody's second prize. You deserve someone who will treat you with kindness and respect.

 

Chalk this up to a lesson, and move on. Trust me, there will be many more!!

[Lizrd3000]

Thanks for the posts guys. Especially Downtown as I PMed you to reply, and you did. thanks!

 

 

You guys just told me the Obvious truth that I did NOT want to hear, but I'm glad I did. She does not care about me or my feelings AT ALL. She blatantly told me she'll flirt again, which means she cares more for flirting than for me. and you guys are right, she actually did tell me she flirts for male attention, because she's insecure. Don't know if it's insecurity or something else - but I don't care. I'm done with her, it's stupid how I had to find out something so Obvious after 2 freaking years. I can't BELIEVE I asked her to take me back after one day. she doesn't deserve that attention, go flirt with some random dudes who'll never love you anyway. :/...Sigh

[Lizrd3000]

I need some calm assuring words!

 

 

This was my very first love.

 

 

Will this pain go away?

Will I ever have that connection I had, the love I had and the feelings that come with it, with another girl? or better?

Will I forever miss her?

Will I look back and say; hey, that wasn't so bad. I pulled through and I'm strong and happy now.

Will a new girlfriend remind me of my ex?

 

 

I just want to be sure that my future will be okay. and if I think about other girls right now, I can't think of a way I'd ever love someone else like I loved her. which is absolutely ridiculous... All I want is a ok job, a motorcycle, a wife and 2 kids. that's all I've ever wanted since I was 14 years old. And right now that dream is crushed.

 

 

 

 

OH GUYS!! one more thing, me and the mother of my ex had a great bond. She told me she wanted to meet up with me sometime, because she loves me like her son. Is this a good idea? or should I blow it off? I feel like I don't think I want this. But she was really awesome towards me, even took my side multiple times when me and my ex had fights. She was really there for me when I needed her, she's also a psychologist.

 

 

I love you guys..