They say you have to love yourself before loving others.....

[Everlastinglite]

But how come i feel miserable loving myself and i really dont like myself as all when im single....which has been most of my short life.

But when i got my first boyfriend a couple months ago (we broke up) i felt soo happy bc someone actually cared about me and i loved life .....

 

I dont love myself. Its very hard to. But having someone actually being there n seeing the best qualities in u makes me feel special, wanted, not alone anymore, important...........

 

I want a relationship soo badly to feelthat way again. I want to feel loved and cherished bc i knew someone in this word cant go a day without talking to me.

 

If im alone......i think the worst of myself. I think im ugly, worthless, annoying, not important, ignored and just a waste of space. I hate it i hatee ittt

 

I have low self esteem. I know. I try to be positive and happy. It just doesnt work for me. I am so pessimistic about life because i feel so alone. I feel like everyone is living their life except for me

[misspond]

Personally, whilst I agree with the premise that, "you have to love yourself before...." I think it's a platitude. It's a way to help those of us who can't find a significant other to shift the blame onto us, which is another form of victim blaming (even though we have made ourselves the victim in our stories). Yes, I'm all for boundaries and self worth, I'm not saying that we shouldn't have those things firmly in place, and to be honest they are good ways to stop feeling so damn lonely all of the time.

 

But sometimes we are subject to our circumstances. And in this age of OLD, speed-dating, Tinder and the like even if we are holding onto values and ideas that we feel are important other people are not. Even people who don't subscribe to OLD, speed-dating and Tinder are affected by social media and the media in general and this idea that, "there is someone better" out there.

 

You're not ugly, worthless, annoying, not important, ignored and a waste of space. You're really not.

[StalwartMind]

There are men and women of all ages that feel doubt, unworthiness and struggle with self esteem of varying degrees. This isn't restricted to those that are single, as being in a relationship brings on a multitude of new things to consider and deal with.

 

Everyone has something to offer to this world, it doesn't matter how low you think of yourself or how boring, uninteresting you may be in "comparison" to others. As always it's a matter of perspective and being able to look past all the glamor and gloss that many people associate with "exciting". If you have an ounce of creativity or open mind, then you'll be able to create something unique. Sure we're not compatible with everyone, nor should we be but it will take some effort of some kind to find someone who will notice you and enhance all of your qualities, regardless if you are aware of them yourself currently or not.

 

While I believe it's a valuable trait to be critical of yourself, it should however be in such a way that whichever you are discontent with is something you wish to improve. I can't make people stop comparing themselves to others but I wish they would. None of us are equal in regards to looks, skills and personality, so we might as well learn to embrace our differences. I understand it can be difficult to feel like you have something to offer, when others can do things better, but in no way does that make anything you are be worth any less.

[Toodaloo]

Your seeking validation from other people rather than validating yourself as a person.

 

The problem with gaining your validation as a person from others is that you will probably end up in a whole string of messy relationships that do you no good and leave you feeling worse...

 

If you don't feel good about yourself ask yourself why. What would make you as a person a better person? Are you kind, are you generous, do you help out your local charities, do you work hard etc??? What makes you a worthwhile person to date? What makes you interesting, fun, engaging, brave?

 

Work on being the person you want to be. Find role models that you look up to in real life and you will see that they are very much their own person with or with out a guy on the end of their arm.

 

If you are constantly seeking validation from your partners they are going to get pretty damn bored and fed up very quickly. Be happy with yourself and confident and they will be thinking what the heck did I do to deserve someone so wonderful because I will do it all over again... Its the truth...

[d0nnivain]

When you don't love yourself you tend to be clingy & your constant need for validation from the other person gets tiresome from their perspective.

 

Would you want to date somebody who was always asking if they were good enough?

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

When you don't love yourself you tend to be clingy & your constant need for validation from the other person gets tiresome from their perspective.

 

Would you want to date somebody who was always asking if they were good enough?

I guess that's why they say no pain no gain, doesn't just apply to working out, exercising, but in all areas in life, anything worth having doesn't come easy, since we people(although it seems guys more than women), I know women have to work on themselves while single in order to be attractive, desirable to the opposite sex, just in a different way, and that work on yourself in order to make you attractive, desirable to the opposite sex, can be frustrating and painful, but since it will gain you a relationship, that's why No Pain, No Gain.

[Satu]

I have low self esteem. I know. I try to be positive and happy. It just doesnt work for me. I am so pessimistic about life because i feel so alone. I feel like everyone is living their life except for me

 

 

Connect – connect with the people around you: your family, friends, colleagues and neighbours. Spend time developing these relationships.

 

Be active – you don't have to go to the gym. Take a walk, go cycling or play a game of football. Find the activity that you enjoy and make it a part of your life.

 

Keep learning – learning new skills can give you a sense of achievement and a new confidence. So why not sign up for that cooking course, start learning to play a musical instrument, or figure out how to fix your bike?

 

Give to others – even the smallest act can count, whether it's a smile, a thank you or a kind word. Larger acts, such as volunteering at your local community centre, can improve your mental wellbeing and help you build new social networks.

 

Be mindful – be more aware of the present moment, including your feelings and thoughts, your body and the world around you. Some people call this awareness "mindfulness", and it can positively change the way you feel about life and how you approach challenges.

 

Five steps to mental wellbeing

[TouchedByViolet]

When you don't love yourself you tend to be clingy & your constant need for validation from the other person gets tiresome from their perspective.

 

Would you want to date somebody who was always asking if they were good enough?

 

This line of thinking is very prevalent and incorrect for most people. I don't believe the OP or most other people who are unhappily single are clingy and constantly looking for validation. They just want to enjoy the relationship/romantic side of life they are missing.

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

People say that being needy, desperate is unattractive in both genders, but from what I've observed for a while, it looks a million times worse in guys than it does in girls, some people even say that being needy, desperate is a feminine trait, and some books even mention that, such as The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida, and No More Mr. Nice-Guy by Dr. Robert Glover

[d0nnivain]

This line of thinking is very prevalent and incorrect for most people. I don't believe the OP or most other people who are unhappily single are clingy and constantly looking for validation. They just want to enjoy the relationship/romantic side of life they are missing.

 

But when they are so desperate for a relationship & unhappy in their own skin, that desperation makes them clingy.

 

Wanting to have a relationship because you want to share the abundance in your life is vastly different from needing a relationship to fill voids in your life.