One night stands

May 17, 2015

This is question mainly aimed at the guys who have played around with women and had the one night stands or were into 'scoring'. It's commonly know that once a guy who is into this has 'got what he wants', he won't be interested any more. Why? If you fancied the girl in the first place, why would you only want to have sex with her once? It doesn't make sense. I'm just curious how this mindset works.

May 17, 2015

This really sounds like something specific that has happened to you, but you're posting it as a generality. I mean, honestly, no guy is going to turn down sure sex. Maybe he wants just sex, but senses that you are trying for something more and doesn't want to lead you on.

Maybe it was really bad. Maybe he has a girlfriend and just wanted strange. Maybe something else, but the fact is, guys don't turn down sure sex just because they've had it once.

May 17, 2015

Not speaking from experience because I've never been the "scoring" kind of guy, but from knowing plenty of men whom were it's really not that much about the woman.

Women take too personal the attention or even attraction from men, when in reality the desire can be coming from anywhere.

When a guy goes out, and he's into taking women home, he's not just going for the women he's attracted to or interested in, just women in general that he's attracted enough to sleep with...and this standard can get to the bottom of the barrel and has nothing to do with the actual attraction of the woman itself at a certain stage.

The fact of the matter is, whomever gives him an opportunity to "hookup" is the woman he is going to pursue and try to take home. There could be 50 girls at any particular place, but if only 5 are willing to "party" then that's the selection he has.

If he's meeting women somewhere else, one on one, he might just see an opportunity. Certain women exude or give off different vibes to men, and men often know the "type", so they pursue those women...but a lot of these women are not relationship material or anything else like that for them, they want to spend minimal amount of time, energy and effort into getting laid so they substitute that with charm, fake interest and an easy-goingness because in all honesty they've got nothing to lose and don't really care.

It makes perfect sense as a man, even if as a man you don't participate in the behavior. Lots of men will sleep with women just to sleep with them, while having very little interest with the majority in actually having a relationship with any of them and that is why they don't stick around because she's disposable and interchangeable, he's already off to the next conquest..maybe a better looking more exciting opportunity around the corner, but no attachments are desired whatsoever and she's not worth sticking around for unless she can provide a short-term satisfaction in which he might juggle her among several other women.

At the end of the day, women are extremely naive when it comes to what kind of male interest is being shown or given...they always assume that the guy is actually interested in them as a person, when it's just about sex.

May 17, 2015

-It could be the "thrill of the chase"...I mean some people (men and women) get off of the excitement and/or challenge of bedding someone.

-I've heard some say that 'before sex, the woman is in control and after sex, the man is'. Why? Cuz, before sex the guy is horny but thinks he has genuine interest in the woman...if he has sex w/o him actually connecting with her (the "cake"), after the sex happens he starts looking at the RL more realistically since he quenched his sex thirst. That's why women shouldn't get into bed with a guy until they are sure he really is into them.

How long does it take to know if he's really into you or just buying time till you get naked? I don't know...Depends on the guy, gal and if they actually did some "quality" dating and bonded. I mean, some people go out for movie and dinner for 3 months and think they actually know the person and are ready to get naked.

-Lastly, failure to control impulses...Again, that sorta ties into my 2nd point - where the guy isn't a player or using anyone, he just "thought" something more was there and after sex happened, realized he really wasn't that into her. So, too many people ready to jump into bed cuz it just feels right and they really didn't connect with that person.

May 17, 2015

Men can score and have ONSs with people they don't really fancy, it is just sex and some cannot turn it down when offered.

In the cold light of day they go "What on earth was I thinking" and so never contact her again

Some do not want any form of relationship - Wham bam thank you Ma'am

Some are all about getting different women, so need to keep moving on.

Some are married/attached men.

Some are men that have been hurt and want to keep it strictly casual as they were burned before.

Some are sex addicts, addicted to meaningless sex.

etc. etc.

May 17, 2015

This really sounds like something specific that has happened to you, but you're posting it as a generality. I mean, honestly, no guy is going to turn down sure sex. Maybe he wants just sex, but senses that you are trying for something more and doesn't want to lead you on.

Maybe it was really bad. Maybe he has a girlfriend and just wanted strange. Maybe something else, but the fact is, guys don't turn down sure sex just because they've had it once.

No it hasn't actually. I'm just interested in why guys lose interest after sex in these cases. Does the initial attraction disappear? Are they just trophy hunting? Why should the attraction just go?

May 17, 2015

No it hasn't actually. I'm just interested in why guys lose interest after sex in these cases. Does the initial attraction disappear? Are they just trophy hunting? Why should the attraction just go?

It wasn't real "attraction", it was just sex on a plate.

May 17, 2015

No it hasn't actually. I'm just interested in why guys lose interest after sex in these cases. Does the initial attraction disappear? Are they just trophy hunting? Why should the attraction just go?

I think they may have a girlfriend or the attraction wasn't really there in the first place. I've had a few ONSs in my life but apart from the time when I literally left the town afterwards (I was travelling) they were always in touch for more. However, I very much doubt it would have turned into anything else apart from their wanting it maybe a handful of times before they got bored, no idea. Which is why I've always stuck with the 'ONS' or 'try a relationship' route, not the FWB thing in between.

So I'd say it's lack of real attraction or being too busy with a girlfriend.

May 17, 2015

Not speaking from experience because I've never been the "scoring" kind of guy, but from knowing plenty of men whom were it's really not that much about the woman.

Women take too personal the attention or even attraction from men, when in reality the desire can be coming from anywhere.

When a guy goes out, and he's into taking women home, he's not just going for the women he's attracted to or interested in, just women in general that he's attracted enough to sleep with...and this standard can get to the bottom of the barrel and has nothing to do with the actual attraction of the woman itself at a certain stage.

The fact of the matter is, whomever gives him an opportunity to "hookup" is the woman he is going to pursue and try to take home. There could be 50 girls at any particular place, but if only 5 are willing to "party" then that's the selection he has.

If he's meeting women somewhere else, one on one, he might just see an opportunity. Certain women exude or give off different vibes to men, and men often know the "type", so they pursue those women...but a lot of these women are not relationship material or anything else like that for them, they want to spend minimal amount of time, energy and effort into getting laid so they substitute that with charm, fake interest and an easy-goingness because in all honesty they've got nothing to lose and don't really care.

It makes perfect sense as a man, even if as a man you don't participate in the behavior. Lots of men will sleep with women just to sleep with them, while having very little interest with the majority in actually having a relationship with any of them and that is why they don't stick around because she's disposable and interchangeable, he's already off to the next conquest..maybe a better looking more exciting opportunity around the corner, but no attachments are desired whatsoever and she's not worth sticking around for unless she can provide a short-term satisfaction in which he might juggle her among several other women.

At the end of the day, women are extremely naive when it comes to what kind of male interest is being shown or given...they always assume that the guy is actually interested in them as a person, when it's just about sex.

Thanks for explaining this Ninja, it's interesting to hear a male perspective on this. Women are brought up to care and assume guys think likewise. I presume this is why laws evolved in previous eras to protect women against this kind of random behaviour which would, in past times, most likely have resulted in pregnancy and shame for women.

May 17, 2015

i liken it to the concept of a person whom is hungry. once full they move along. Is it primal? Most likely. Is it disengaging? absolutely. Yet to the male its rarely about the meal itself or how its served, its the basic , im hungry, now im not. simple, to the pt. I personally think that as humans one does not evolve if they are stuck at such a primal level. Plenty of females do the same by cutting off the connection and simply feed their desire. So it goes. debasing someone is sadly common in business and pleasure. Thus the saying "don't take it personal"

May 17, 2015

Thanks for explaining this Ninja, it's interesting to hear a male perspective on this. Women are brought up to care and assume guys think likewise. I presume this is why laws evolved in previous eras to protect women against this kind of random behaviour which would, in past times, most likely have resulted in pregnancy and shame for women.

I honestly don't know where women develop their perspective and thoughts about men from, I would think they are exposed to it enough unless their culture is very segregated and conservative, but men's actions and behaviors are still very obvious and apparent through highschool and college, but it always seems that women have some kind of excuse or reason for why "those guys" behave that way.

But it's actually quite confusing to me, because I've traveled a little bit and met men from all kinds of different cultures and backgrounds, ages and what not...it's always the same, things might function a bit differently in that culture or even majorly so, but the men never change mentally/psychologically because they are men, not aliens from another planet.

So one would think, that it would be very easy and transparent to see and understand being that it's so typical of behavior...but again, I think women have just a completely different mentality and meaning, understanding of what is going on that is confusing the whole process for themselves and makes them just entirely off mark to begin with.

I think men were more likely to be punished in the past if I'm being honest with you, at least then he might have to marry her or be with her for "family values" sake...nowadays you don't even need to stick around her, which is something I see a lot of guys do today.

No it hasn't actually. I'm just interested in why guys lose interest after sex in these cases. Does the initial attraction disappear? Are they just trophy hunting? Why should the attraction just go?

It's just kind of a weird question for me "why guys lose interest after sex?"...why not? how much interest was actually there in the first place? maybe a 1/4 of what you thought it was.

The initial attraction is not important for sex, attraction in itself is not that important for sex. If he's just rolling around in bed with her, making use of her body parts and feeding his ego, that's more than enough...that's his desire and need, a woman is just a by-product of it.

"Trophy hunting?" Guys are not just looking for trophies, they take what is given to them...if she's a perfect 10...fantastic, he'll keep her around for maybe 3 days or as a side thing, stringing her along as much as he can.

If she's a 5 out of 10, well then so be it...you don't always get "lucky" and get the best looking girl in the room, sometimes that girl is rejecting advances so if 5 girl is willing to be grabbed, touched and fondled then that's where the opportunity is, he'll work on her for the rest of the night.

So "attraction"...other than the initial phase is kind of completely irrelevant? i mean for them it's like, what does that have to do with anything? the overall goal is...get laid. And nearly every woman has a vagina, and who knows...she might even be really good in bed, let's just not turn too many lights on. After he's done, he'll be glad she is gone especially after that testosterone rush is satiated.

It doesn't mean he isn't attracted to you either, he just might not in the end be that interested in you overall.

Edited May 17, 2015 by Ninjainpajamas

May 17, 2015

This is question mainly aimed at the guys who have played around with women and had the one night stands or were into 'scoring'. It's commonly know that once a guy who is into this has 'got what he wants', he won't be interested any more. Why? If you fancied the girl in the first place, why would you only want to have sex with her once? It doesn't make sense. I'm just curious how this mindset works.

Why would you think the guy fancied the girl in the first place? It's well researched that men will lower their standards considerably for NSA sex.

Women on the other hand raise their standards (when it comes to looks) considerably when it comes to NSA sex.

May 17, 2015

So I'd say it's lack of real attraction or being too busy with a girlfriend.

I don't believe it's a lack of "attraction"...I believe that if they're not players and/or trophy hunting, it's a lack of an actual "connection"...

See, some people mistake "attraction" for an actual "connection"...So, for the men, after sex happens, they stop looking at the "attraction" and start seriously looking to see if there was an actual "connection".

And, the male brain works different than the female. A man can have sex with a woman and not be in love with her. He can have sex with one or more woman while he still loves his wife and/or another woman. Men "compartmentalize". Maybe that's why there are more females than males and in certain cultures/religions men are allowed more than one wife - because men are capable of managing more than one woman.

The female brain isn't like the male brain - especially after sex happens. I believe that is why we were created to produce "life" (a baby) in our bodies. We are picky about who we have sex with (we have to feel a bond - even if we're not wise enough to know what a real bond entails) because sex can result in a pregnancy and I guess biology forces us to make sure we're bonded with guy before we open up the legs...And, after the legs get opened, the bond is sealed...In other words, so we're not sleeping around and on Maury trying to figure out "who's are baby's daddy", we're sticking to one guy.

May 17, 2015

"So one would think, that it would be very easy and transparent to see and understand being that it's so typical of behavior...but again, I think women have just a completely different mentality and meaning, understanding of what is going on that is confusing the whole process for themselves and makes them just entirely off mark to begin with."

I think it's just that men think women think like they do and women think men think like them. It's very common for men to be scornful of what they see as 'naive' women but a woman only has her own experience and feelings to work from and if she thinks caring and forming bonds and the guy is thinking totally differently, then she is not being naive but working from her own perspective.

Sadly, this results in a lot of unhappy people as women feel betrayed and used and men seem to assume all women are stupid in falling for the 'sweet talk' ruse.

May 19, 2015

No it hasn't actually. I'm just interested in why guys lose interest after sex in these cases. Does the initial attraction disappear? Are they just trophy hunting? Why should the attraction just go?

That's what people are trying to tell you - the interest was never there and the 'attraction' was that she wasn't gross enough for him to turn down sex for one night.

The interest in anything other than sex was never there, it was either an act or he was good looking and charming enough that she was interested and maybe thought he would come around.

There have been times I have been downright shocked at what some guys have had ONSs with.

I don't think it was a case of them losing interest or losing attraction because I don't think those elements were ever really there. What was there was poontang for very little effort or cost.

May 19, 2015

Why would you think the guy fancied the girl in the first place? It's well researched that men will lower their standards considerably for NSA sex.

I don't know about research, but a guy who seeks out a ONE NIGHT stand, obviously isn't into seeing the same woman again.

May 19, 2015

I don't know about research, but a guy who seeks out a ONE NIGHT stand, obviously isn't into seeing the same woman again.

If he is specifically in a phase where he does not want a relationship or does but is fussy and can enjoy nsa in the meantime while waiting for the right woman, then I'd say yes to this. If a guy sets out for one when he leaves the house that day then there is a good chance he will be prepared to drop his standards to get laid. Some guys standard is 'don't be fat' or even 'don't be obese'.

Many guys will go for a woman they fancy when they meet her when they are not necessarily looking to get laid that night but if it looks like the women is up for action they'll go for it. They can be enchanted with her and want to keep seeing her. In those circumstances its not likely he is dropping his standards. My last one the girl was attractive and much younger and I was just really lucky in the right place at the right time (her friend went off with 2 other guys) and she was not looking for anything more but I certainly would have.

May 19, 2015

Maybe one night stand wasn't the best title. I suppose I'm thinking more of cases where a particular woman is targeted, probably as a trophy as the guy goes to a considerable amount of trouble but then moves on afterwards. Are these guys just short-term obsessives, one-night stand types, or is there some other motivation?

May 19, 2015

Well, some people will eat anything that's put in front of them. Others are more picky.

Some men are fine eating at McDonald's seven days a week. Others cook healthy meals at home.

The same can be said for some people's sexual habits. Not a lot of thought goes into it, really.

... and for the guys who go to a lot of trouble (whatever that means) for a woman they don't care about... they likely don't have any other hobbies or anything else they can be proud of. Sex is like a hobby to those men. If they had a real life, real friends, and anything else substantial in their lives to really care about or they were good at, they'd be doing it. *shrug*

Edited May 19, 2015 by RedRobin

May 20, 2015

There have been times I have been downright shocked at what some guys have had ONSs with.

Apple pie? Pillows? An old pair of socks?

May 20, 2015

Maybe one night stand wasn't the best title. I suppose I'm thinking more of cases where a particular woman is targeted, probably as a trophy as the guy goes to a considerable amount of trouble but then moves on afterwards. Are these guys just short-term obsessives, one-night stand types, or is there some other motivation?

Again..."weird" questions because they're coming from a perspective of a woman and would make no sense to most men. It's not about a "particular woman"...it's not personalized down to the individual woman so much as it is to what is available.

You're taking it too personal and think it's because there's something about you, or some reason he lost interest, or something you did that was wrong, or wasn't perfect or right...it has nothing to do with that, that's just normal insecurity within a woman. A guy doesn't need to have any reason whatsoever to be interested in you to sleep with you..it's just for the sex, the competition, the badge of sleeping with another woman, etc...superficial things that have no impact on you.

And It has nothing to do with how much effort, how little effort, or whether she's a trophy or not...that's just being selective, there's no rule or reason a guy wouldn't put in X amount of effort to get laid. If one particular guy requires more effort, then that's the situation he has to deal with. If he has no other options, what do you think he's going to do? what if he just normally puts in that kind of effort because he feels he needs to? So really, nothing to do with you.

For example;

5 women in a room (whatever it is doesn't matter, social group, bar, classmates, co-workers)

Out of those 5 women, two of those women he finds particularly attractive...and I'll just label them with a number to make it easy to make sense of it, 1 being the best looking one.

#1 woman - he pursues, she doesn't show interest at all, but she's the most attractive and his preference...rejects him completely though, so the man pulls off her, he realizes there's no opportunity here and moves on to next

#2 woman - he pursues her, she shows some interest, but not a lot, it's a bit hot and cold...she plays off a bit and keeps him an arms length, he tries to do what he can but eventually gives up because he just doesn't think it's worth the effort and he's just not making the progress he desires at this point

#3 woman - he never had his sights set on her, she was very average or even a bit on the ugly side, but the top two women are not very receptive...this woman is receptive, he can strike up a conversation, she's open to flirtation, she's showing interest...so he does all kinds of things guys do to get laid and he doesn't care about a relationship, it's just a chase, it's just for fun.

He might pursue her for an hour, he might pursue her for a week or month, it just depends on the guy, his options and what the particular feeling is within him to do at that time. If he feels he'll get laid in the end, his pursuit will stay strong and positive. Once his interest wanes for any reason, then he pulls away and it's over...that's it.

Let's say he's desperate, then that might get into a relationship and a two year thing...but the bottom line is he never intended to pursue a serious relationship, therefore he was really never invested or in that mind.

Women tend to read into all the wrong things, things men do out of necessity and the pursuit of a woman...women take it personal and internalize all of it. They try to read into things that are irrelevant.

It's like a detective investigating a crime, and all his evidence is based off of a fabricated fantasy story within his mind, he evidence is not real evidence it was just some inconsequential misinterpreted detail that he justifies to himself is relevant, but in reality it doesn't have anything to do with what happened...so he never does solve the crime, he just has this great story/speculation in his mind of what likely happened and what was the problem according to his own perspective.

The reality is truth is often much less complicated, and things were a lot less dramatic and the events were just very simple...but his inability to accept certain simplistic ideas, causes him to imagine a reality that doesn't exist...as it's far more interesting, captivating and personalized to himself. He has to fill in the blanks and elaborate a detail, emotion, or sequence of events that weren't actually present, and never actually materialized.

And this is the difficulty that women have when trying to understand men, this is the achilles heel of their entire ability to understand them...they cannot fathom or accept the reality and often need to fantasize the actual romantic relationship, only because they were emotionally invested and clouded with what they wanted it to be, rather than it ever really was.

All the questions you have within your mind, are projected thoughts and feelings from within yourself...it has nothing to do with the actual behavior and feelings of the man, but simply how you are interpreting everything he does, says, etc..

May 20, 2015

Maybe one night stand wasn't the best title. I suppose I'm thinking more of cases where a particular woman is targeted, probably as a trophy as the guy goes to a considerable amount of trouble but then moves on afterwards. Are these guys just short-term obsessives, one-night stand types, or is there some other motivation?

Ohhhhh. I think I see the context you're talking about. Do you mean the guy who pursues, pursues and pursues a woman over a period of time. Flowers, compliments, asks her out all the time. And then she eventually relents, goes out with him a couple of times and then sleeps with him one night. Then BAM! Guy just disappears and never calls her again after he gets her into bed that one time.

Yep, I've seen this happen to GFs a few times over the years. No idea what the guy is thinking, but it does seem like an inordinate amount of effort (and in some cases expense) just to get a girl into bed once :/

Can the men here enlighten us on this scenario?

Edit to say this has been answered already by Ninja above Disregard.

Edited May 20, 2015 by SolG

May 20, 2015

I think I understand what you mean, Ninja, but are you saying that guys never have romantic intentions - that they are always just trying their luck and there is rarely any more to it than that?

May 20, 2015

Ohhhhh. I think I see the context you're talking about. Do you mean the guy who pursues, pursues and pursues a woman over a period of time. Flowers, compliments, asks her out all the time. And then she eventually relents, goes out with him a couple of times and then sleeps with him one night. Then BAM! Guy just disappears and never calls her again after he gets her into bed that one time.

Yep, I've seen this happen to GFs a few times over the years. No idea what the guy is thinking, but it does seem like an inordinate amount of effort (and in some cases expense) just to get a girl into bed once :/

Can the men here enlighten us on this scenario?

Edit to say this has been answered already by Ninja above Disregard.

Yes, this is exacty the kind of thing. I don't feel that Ninja's reply does cover this particular scenario as surely guys don't do that with everyone? If a woman is resisting him, why pursue her with great effort and not someone else who might take less effort?

May 21, 2015

Again..."weird" questions because they're coming from a perspective of a woman and would make no sense to most men. It's not about a "particular woman"...it's not personalized down to the individual woman so much as it is to what is available.

You're taking it too personal and think it's because there's something about you, or some reason he lost interest, or something you did that was wrong, or wasn't perfect or right...it has nothing to do with that, that's just normal insecurity within a woman. A guy doesn't need to have any reason whatsoever to be interested in you to sleep with you..it's just for the sex, the competition, the badge of sleeping with another woman, etc...superficial things that have no impact on you.

And It has nothing to do with how much effort, how little effort, or whether she's a trophy or not...that's just being selective, there's no rule or reason a guy wouldn't put in X amount of effort to get laid. If one particular guy requires more effort, then that's the situation he has to deal with. If he has no other options, what do you think he's going to do? what if he just normally puts in that kind of effort because he feels he needs to? So really, nothing to do with you.

For example;

5 women in a room (whatever it is doesn't matter, social group, bar, classmates, co-workers)

Out of those 5 women, two of those women he finds particularly attractive...and I'll just label them with a number to make it easy to make sense of it, 1 being the best looking one.

#1 woman - he pursues, she doesn't show interest at all, but she's the most attractive and his preference...rejects him completely though, so the man pulls off her, he realizes there's no opportunity here and moves on to next

#2 woman - he pursues her, she shows some interest, but not a lot, it's a bit hot and cold...she plays off a bit and keeps him an arms length, he tries to do what he can but eventually gives up because he just doesn't think it's worth the effort and he's just not making the progress he desires at this point

#3 woman - he never had his sights set on her, she was very average or even a bit on the ugly side, but the top two women are not very receptive...this woman is receptive, he can strike up a conversation, she's open to flirtation, she's showing interest...so he does all kinds of things guys do to get laid and he doesn't care about a relationship, it's just a chase, it's just for fun.

He might pursue her for an hour, he might pursue her for a week or month, it just depends on the guy, his options and what the particular feeling is within him to do at that time. If he feels he'll get laid in the end, his pursuit will stay strong and positive. Once his interest wanes for any reason, then he pulls away and it's over...that's it.

Let's say he's desperate, then that might get into a relationship and a two year thing...but the bottom line is he never intended to pursue a serious relationship, therefore he was really never invested or in that mind.

Women tend to read into all the wrong things, things men do out of necessity and the pursuit of a woman...women take it personal and internalize all of it. They try to read into things that are irrelevant.

It's like a detective investigating a crime, and all his evidence is based off of a fabricated fantasy story within his mind, he evidence is not real evidence it was just some inconsequential misinterpreted detail that he justifies to himself is relevant, but in reality it doesn't have anything to do with what happened...so he never does solve the crime, he just has this great story/speculation in his mind of what likely happened and what was the problem according to his own perspective.

The reality is truth is often much less complicated, and things were a lot less dramatic and the events were just very simple...but his inability to accept certain simplistic ideas, causes him to imagine a reality that doesn't exist...as it's far more interesting, captivating and personalized to himself. He has to fill in the blanks and elaborate a detail, emotion, or sequence of events that weren't actually present, and never actually materialized.

And this is the difficulty that women have when trying to understand men, this is the achilles heel of their entire ability to understand them...they cannot fathom or accept the reality and often need to fantasize the actual romantic relationship, only because they were emotionally invested and clouded with what they wanted it to be, rather than it ever really was.

All the questions you have within your mind, are projected thoughts and feelings from within yourself...it has nothing to do with the actual behavior and feelings of the man, but simply how you are interpreting everything he does, says, etc..

Being concise is not your strong point, Ninja... xxoo

Long story short, most people's motivations have nothing to do with other people.

It has been a very long time since I took men's attention or lack of it personally. Much better to focus on what your goals and needs are and let the chips fall where they may, rather than obsess what might or might not be going on in other person's head. This works for pretty much all aspects of life....

Edited May 21, 2015 by RedRobin

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