Guy I've been talking to suddenly turned weird.

[katiegrl]

She said in her first post that they did in fact kiss.

 

Just thought of another possibility.

 

Since he rejected her after their third date when they kissed, perhaps her kiss left him cold...and he realized he just wasn't feeling it.

[Ninjainpajamas]

It's definitely a manipulation tactic, the guy was expecting more intimacy and a faster advance into something physical and you weren't providing that for him...so he decided to pull off and keep it cold to see if he could draw you out of your "not going to have sex right away" cave.

 

The "3 date rule" is pretty common for a lot of guys, anything beyond that they'll determine you're either not interested in them or just playing games with intimacy. The fact for them is most women today aren't going to make them wait very long for sex, so what's the problem? after all, you've probably had sex with another man within that time.

 

So a lot of these guys will believe that by not having sex with them quickly, that you are just a bit cold and uninterested, and the insecure guys will be worried you're just stringing them along or using them as a play buddy or to go out on dates and "have fun". He might be enjoying himself too, but he doesn't want to end up being dumped either by the 6th date without intimacy with the typical line of "I'm sorry...you're a great guy, and we can be friends, but I don't feel we are a good match".

 

Women play games and waste men's time in the dating world as well, so it's a power struggle between what men value "sex" and what women value...time, investment, getting to know each other, trust, conversation, laughs, good times, etc etc..in the beginning without the intimacy, the guy is going to be wondering whether this is just going to be taken for a ride or if he's actually moving forward with you because you're actually interested in him and not just using him as a form of entertainment...which some women do with men and then just drop em.

 

A woman can like a guy for a moment but it's always been important for men to capitalize on the situation within a given time..or else she can then meet someone else, or the ex comes back around and bam...she suddenly disappears or is uninterested, with of course she decided to already have sex with or was having sex with already.

 

Personally, I don't function like any of the mentioned above but It's fairly easy to understand what is going on here, there's not much to be figured out unless there's something significant that happened that is not mentioned.

[Lansing]

I disagree with what others are saying. I think he genuinely wasn't sure if you were into him or not. I have dated girls where they have been a bit "cold". I will try to guide them through a crowd by touching their back or just try to be close to them and it feels like they pull away and then you wonder "hmm, if she actually interested".

 

When he was asking about the following weekend did you say "yes, that works with me" or did you kind of let the conversation about the next date idea die?

[Versacehottie]

Not sure if anyone has any advice or insight, but basically this is the situation.

 

I've known this guy for a little while but only started getting together with him about two weeks ago.

 

In the span of one week we had 3 dates, all of which were so much fun. Great conversation, laughs, dates lasted hours long.

 

Now, some background on me: I'm not one of these "3-date rule" chicks. I take my time getting to know someone on a deeper level before I start in with all the physical stuff. I like to see if personalities mesh, if we have similar interests and if we can have fun together.

 

To me, this is a very important basis for even starting a serious relationship. I don't like rushing physical things, I like creating the foundation for a solid relationship. This being said, we did kiss.

 

So after our third get together he sends me a text that week asking when he could see me again. I responded in a playful manner and asked when the next time he was free was. I said I had really enjoyed our time together up until that point, and he said that the upcoming weekend was a possibility.

 

And... this is just where it makes no sense.

 

From the next day on, all the way until this weekend he just was weird. Stopped texting me, if I reached out to him he would respond like a few words and completely drop off and wouldn't respond to my texts. I literally had no idea what was going on, was he mad at me? Did I say something?

 

So last night I decided to just throw out a casual meet idea and he agreed and then, summarizing, he said: to be honest I didn't feel like you were that interested in me.

 

This is after 3 dates going for hours long, kissing, talking every single day. Talking about future things to do... WTH???

 

I feel like he spoke to someone, a coworker, a friend, a family member, and someone gave him super garbage advice that because I'm not being so "physically open" with him after hanging out with him for a mere week, that I'm not interested?

 

I told him that this wasn't the case at all, that I've really liked spending time with him but that I'm slower moving than most people I guess.

 

And now, that's that. He hasn't asked me to get together again. What even is this? Why the hell can't I find someone that takes the chance to get to know me?

 

I guess it was three dates though. All time record.

 

My take: of course, it can be a lot of things or a combination of a lot of what has been mentioned here. From what you've said, I think the most likely scenario is that dates can be great but sometimes that is only from one person's perspective not both. I think dating-wise he just wasn't feeling it. Some of the non-physical stuff could have played a part but I doubt it was the only or main reason. Typically if a guy really likes you and is truly looking for a relationship a little waiting is not going to bother him to the point that he will dump you. If anything, it will be a good challenge and make him view you in a longer term mindset. Now if he has been burned by a cold fish or getting action is his main objective then of course he's going to give up because that is his focus. If this is the case, consider yourself lucky because you wouldn't have been on the same page. If he'd been burned by a cold fish then you would be dealing with lots of issues with the way he processes information--he should have given you a clean slate. If he just wanted some action, then you would be sucked into a losing battle with him and hurt down the road.

 

He also could have very likely been dating more than just you and their connection was just stronger than yours--no matter how great you believe yours was. Sometimes I think girls think a date was great if everything was in agreement and "had so much in common". I have heard it a million times from my guy friends--they really really really get hooked on the girls that are a challenge and not so accessible. That presents itself in many different forms--not just the physical. I like your approach with regards to physical (taking it slow). Make sure you do it with the rest of the relationship as well. make him earn a place in your life, in terms of accessibility and mental space in your head. They can tell the difference and it will make a difference in your results. At the very least, consider yourself lucky to have weeded out someone who is not for you. Good luck on the next.

[neowulf]

I think you're in the clear OP.

 

If a guy is really into you, he doesn't back down at the first set back.

 

Chances are we was fishing for an easy lay, figured out you weren't about to give it up without spending the time to really build something, so he wondered off.

 

Nothing wrong with your style.

[Gottabestrong]

I've been in a similar situation once, went on a few dates with a guy and was very interested in him. After the third date he suddenly stopped contacting me and barely responded to my messages. When I asked him what was up, he told me he thought I did not like him! Even though I always responded enthusiastically to his invites, reached out to initiate contact, held his hand from date two forward and kissed him passionately on date three. I have no idea what else he expected. Maybe sex by date three or a declaration of undying love?

 

Anyway, I know there are guys out there who can't accept a woman wanting to take her time to get to know him before she gets physical with him. BUT there also guys out there who will wait and allow both of you to build an emotional connection before the physical starts.

 

I've found a great one, so can you! Good luck!

[KatZee]

Thanks for responses guys!

 

Just the update: Turns out he just got stuck on a triple shift--- he was never avoiding me or ghosting. He knows I'm interested since I told him and he doesn't have a problem with my "slowness."

 

I'm just crazy. Nothing to see here. Carry on.

 

:lmao:

[ExpatInItaly]

Thanks for responses guys!

 

Just the update: Turns out he just got stuck on a triple shift--- he was never avoiding me or ghosting. He knows I'm interested since I told him and he doesn't have a problem with my "slowness."

 

I'm just crazy. Nothing to see here. Carry on.

 

:lmao:

 

Why did he say he thought you weren't into him?

[writergal]

Thanks for responses guys!

 

Just the update: Turns out he just got stuck on a triple shift--- he was never avoiding me or ghosting. He knows I'm interested since I told him and he doesn't have a problem with my "slowness."

 

I'm just crazy. Nothing to see here. Carry on.

 

:lmao:

 

Aww KatZee. *deep breath*!

 

Glad it was just a mix-up. Good luck with your new guy!!

[KatZee]

Why did he say he thought you weren't into him?

 

He said I thought I wasn't into him because he thought him wanting to kiss me more and cuddle was "too much." I was probably giving off a closed off vibe, that's kind of what I do, not intentionally. But it just takes me a little longer than most to open up.