ptopes Posted May 17, 2015 Posted May 17, 2015 Starting to believe my ex boyfriend will ever come back around? My boyfriend and I dated for a little over a year. We fought over petty things, and his anxiety kicked in. He started getting anxiety attacks with every fight. We had one slightly larger than average fight and he dumped me saying he had no feelings for me and only saw me as a friend. It's a little hard to believe that because he never gave me any warning, and he's a social outcast and he's highly emotionally unbalanced. He's 23 and never had a girlfriend for more than 4 weeks. I stuck around for 13 months. Anyway. He hung out with a mutual friend, and out of the blue he asked about me and how I was doing. I told him I didn't ever want to see his face again, but he is still assuming I will contact him and said "I don't know what I'm gonna say when she contacts me!" He's going out with friends and showing no signs of sorrow. If he's over me romantically, why would he go around asking about how I'm doing? I guess I should mention that right before the breakup, we took a break for about 5 days so we can get our minds together. We had a big fight that his parents were involved with since they overheard. Over those 5 days, he never said he loved me when I told him I loved him. But he seemed slightly optimistic we could work out. But he came down 5 days after we decided for a break and told me he doesn't see me romantically anymore. When we broke up, I asked him if we could meet up in 2 months and see how we feel. He agreed, but then later that night went to his friend and told her space wont change anything. When he met up with a mutual friend and asked about me a week or so, he said that even though he knows I told him I dont want to see him ever again, that he doesnt know what he will say when I contact him in two months. I dont know if he's holding onto those two months, but I don't plan on ever contacting him. One mutual friend asked my ex's closest friend how he is doing, and he said he is doing "great" and that he thinks I'm pathetic for thinking we ever have a chance. My ex is running off and currently sleeping with an old booty call that is ENGAGED, and my ex drinks more now than when he did when I was with him. I hear stories all the time of how drunk he gets, and he seems to be wanting so much attention from his friends over the smallest situations. It's hard to believe he already moved on so quickly, and all of this just seems desperate to bury me, which leads me to believe he still thinks about me and cares about me, but he has just convinced himself he doesn't.
aloneinaz Posted May 17, 2015 Posted May 17, 2015 You guys are very young and have your whole lives to meet "the right one". With what you discribed, it sounds like a blessing that you're not longer together. Personally, you'd be better off NOT worrying so much about what a guy who doesn't want to see you anymore is doing. I know it's hard but you need to move on and don't contact him anymore and ignore him if he contacts you. NOTHING would change if you two tried again. Spend your energy finding a new hot guy that doesn't have so much baggage and is ready for a mature relationship.
SLee Posted May 17, 2015 Posted May 17, 2015 This guy sounds all over the place. Honestly, having your friends check up on him and tell you how he's doing is gonna end up hurting you. And of course you're going to hear how wonderful he's doing. You need to cut all that out of your life. Whatever the case, he needs to sort out his own issues. If he's doing all the stuff he's doing as you said, he sounds like a mess. He should probably go seek help for his anxiety, if he isn't already. I have some major anxiety issues too, so I understand. That's not his fault, but he's an adult and needs to figure that out. He's young, he's 23 (about the same age as my ex) and I see this all the time with guys that age. It doesn't matter how much or how little he misses you. Your life is about you now, so remember that. It's a hard pill to swallow, but it's the only way you'll be okay. Let him live his life. And you live yours.
Meli22 Posted May 17, 2015 Posted May 17, 2015 He sounds similar to my ex regards to the anxiety. I've never suffered from it so I don't know what it's like, but my ex had it bad and often felt "nothing" for me. A week or so later he'd come around and feel awful for hurting me. He was incredibly paranoid too, not sure whether that's an effect of anxiety or just his personality. He always thought I wanted other men. He too started to say he felt different about me, and put it down to anxiety. I think no matter how much we want to help them, we can't. My ex refused to get help until it was too late. Just because they suffer, it doesn't mean we have to as well. I think you may have had a lucky escape. Nobody likes conflict in relationships but it's inevitable, and we need someone who doesn't make a mountain out of a mole hill when arguments arise. Also someone who is sure of their feelings and what they want.
carhill Posted May 17, 2015 Posted May 17, 2015 Try a different perspective, as we can each choose how we perceive life. Try being surprised if he ever contacts you again and considering any other path normal and healthy. Additionally, rejecting more people and breaking up with people for your own reasons and then examining your own feelings about being 'done' will assist in moving forward on this issue in life. Life, and people, are transitory. Sure, you can choose to be adherent emotionally to any one person in life but that's a choice and it's only you. For a relationship to work, it needs two on the same page and another person is never within our control.
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