deadelvis Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 well HSV 2 is a different situation than HSV 1... I would say it really depends on if you plan to have consistent unprotected sex with him, how careful he is with his outbreaks and how much you care about him. My girlfriend has genital HSV 1. We have unprotected sex. At first it worried me. Now I forget she even has it. But I love her a lot. And I carry the HSV 1 antibodies from having cold sores my whole life so I'm relatively safe. It's a choice you will have to make on your own. If you love him it should be an easy choice.
Author JaneyJ1991 Posted May 22, 2015 Author Posted May 22, 2015 I went to get my results tonight. I am negative for both HSV-1 and HSV-2. I almost cried because I was so anxious before and so relieved. I feel like I kind of have survivors guilt. He's coming to get me right now, and we're going to talk. But I still don't know what to say. Hes convinced he has type 2 orally (nearly impossible, and if he did, my blood would have some antibodies because Id have been exposed by kissing). I understand a 1.8 can still be a false positive, but if he's negstice for type 1...where are the anitbodies even coming from? I have a lot to think about. I think he should wait several weeks (read: he'll hit the 16 week mark the end of June) and have the western blot.
deadelvis Posted May 22, 2015 Posted May 22, 2015 I don't think it really works that way. If you have the antibodies that means you have that strain of HSV. And if you have a strain then you have it for life. You can't get "more herpes". Although you can get it in multiple locations but generally that happens during initial exposure before your body develops antibodies. So what that means is if he has genital HSV 2 you could catch it orally or genitally from him or both at once, but once you catch it in one are (say for example your mouth) then your body will develop the antibodies and protect you from contracting it in other areas. This is why I'm not afraid of catching HSV 1 on my genitals, because I've had cold sores from HSV 1 since childhood, making my nearly immune to catching HSV 1 on my genitals. I'm also much less likely to catch HSV 2 because having one strain makes you less likely to catch the other. Make sense? So if you tested negative for both strains with an antibody test you don't have herpes and you are especially at risk because having neither strain makes you more susceptible to catching either. Also generally when a person catches HSV for the first time (especially on genitals) they have a really intense first outbreak shortly after exposure. So he would probably (not always) remember his first massive outbreak.
Southern Sun Posted May 22, 2015 Posted May 22, 2015 (edited) I went to get my results tonight. I am negative for both HSV-1 and HSV-2. I almost cried because I was so anxious before and so relieved. I feel like I kind of have survivors guilt. He's coming to get me right now, and we're going to talk. But I still don't know what to say. Hes convinced he has type 2 orally (nearly impossible, and if he did, my blood would have some antibodies because Id have been exposed by kissing). I understand a 1.8 can still be a false positive, but if he's negstice for type 1...where are the anitbodies even coming from? I have a lot to think about. I think he should wait several weeks (read: he'll hit the 16 week mark the end of June) and have the western blot. JaneyJ - if you think he may have been exposed during his ONS, then yes, it may be appropriate to get IgG testing done again at the 16 week mark. If the levels are elevated, than no need for Western Blot. If he comes back again at a low positive, then I would probably get the Western Blot, if only for peace of mind. If it is unlikely he was exposed during that ONS, or even taking this out of the equation entirely - a 1.8 IgG result for HSV-2 has a 75% chance of being a FALSE positive. That translates to only a 25% chance of him actually having it. Even if he doesn't have HSV-1, and the antibodies from that couldn't have caused a false positive on the test, it is still very likely a false positive. The test can sometimes detect proteins that it 'thinks' are those antibodies and it just reads incorrectly. So I'm just saying...you really don't know anything yet. It is good to know that you don't have either type. That way you know how to protect yourself. I'm not sure why he's insisting he must have gotten HSV-2 orally. I think he's just worried, and maybe this seems less "yucky" or something. He should settle. If he really does have it, he will likely never know exactly how he contracted it. But I'm betting he doesn't even have it. Edited May 22, 2015 by Southern Sun
Author JaneyJ1991 Posted May 22, 2015 Author Posted May 22, 2015 JaneyJ - if you think he may have been exposed during his ONS, then yes, it may be appropriate to get IgG testing done again at the 16 week mark. If the levels are elevated, than no need for Western Blot. If he comes back again at a low positive, then I would probably get the Western Blot, if only for peace of mind. If it is unlikely he was exposed during that ONS, or even taking this out of the equation entirely - a 1.8 IgG result for HSV-2 has a 75% chance of being a FALSE positive. That translates to only a 25% chance of him actually having it. Even if he doesn't have HSV-1, and the antibodies from that couldn't have caused a false positive on the test, it is still very likely a false positive. The test can sometimes detect proteins that it 'thinks' are those antibodies and it just reads incorrectly. So I'm just saying...you really don't know anything yet. It is good to know that you don't have either type. That way you know how to protect yourself. I'm not sure why he's insisting he must have gotten HSV-2 orally. I think he's just worried, and maybe this seems less "yucky" or something. He should settle. If he really does have it, he will likely never know exactly how he contracted it. But I'm betting he doesn't even have it. Southern, Thank you. He announced to me exasperated last night, that he's only had sex TWICE in his life without condoms. Ever. One of his chief fears is pregnancy, and therefore he has used condoms every time other than those two (it helps that his ex was not on birth control). Southern am I at risk at all from fooling around with him? Me being naked and touching sheets or something? Or skin to skin contact of our stomachs or chests? I feel like he should contact ONS girl and she should go get tested.
Author JaneyJ1991 Posted May 29, 2015 Author Posted May 29, 2015 OP with an update here. So this still plagues me on a daily basis. I think about it constantly. And it's not healthy. And the attitude of "oh let's just wish for july" isn't either. It also hasn't helped that Ive been researching and found out if he indeed does have HSV-2 orally, he will still shed it through kissing 3 days a year. Obviously, because he hasn't been able to Have the western blot to confirm if he has it or not, we can't put him on antivirals. So if he kisses me on one of those 3 days.. And he still refuses to tell the ONS girl from marxh, who is the entire reason we have to wait until July. A revelation came to me last night though. If he tells her, and she freaks out (and goes to get tested) OR tells him "yeah I've known I was positive for years", we have crossed off s variable. If she goes and gets tested and tests negativs( rhay doesnt eliminate the chance he has it, but it means if he does, it's not a recent infection that's still building antibodies, and he can have the western blot NOW. Because his only recent exposure is negative. And yes, if he did give her the virus..she would be testing positive on an IGG test by now. And if she's negstive, great( we know she isn't the source, and he can get the blot now and we can know for CERTAIN EITHER WAY. I called him and told him this, this morning. He said he would call her tonight. Now, he's refusing to call her. He's just said "she doesn't sleep around, she got back with her ex of 5 years" and my reply is "how are you protecting him? Or any guy she meets at s bar when they break up again?" Im fed up. I feel like I have been very patient. Much more patient than most girls would be with him in this roller coaster. And finding that condom wrapper under the bed 2 weeks ago certainly didn't help me feel peaceful and calm about waiting. I think it's fair telling her is the RIGHT THING TO DO. It also reduces the risk HES putting me at. Does everyone think its the best choice to, if he refuses to call her and tell her, tell him to call me in JULY? Meanwhile, I'll be seeing guys who don't have a problem doing the right thing.
Southern Sun Posted May 29, 2015 Posted May 29, 2015 Hi JaneyJ, I didn't see your previous question to me. But NO, those activities do not put you at risk. The virus can't live outside the body for long enough to infect you in that way. In regards to your more recent questions, this is very tough. As I've mentioned, it is MORE likely than not that he actually does not have it. So why would he want to tell this random ONS girl? That's kind of tough. Plus, she could be positive and he could still be negative. Or it's possible he does have it but not from her, as you said. I would suggest before going that path to have him confirm via Western Blot. This will put all of this craziness to rest and you won't have to wait until July. OR you can decide to just not date the guy...
Author JaneyJ1991 Posted May 29, 2015 Author Posted May 29, 2015 Southern, I got a lot of my info from the same source you got yours--that very clinic (you know who I'm talking about even going to the length of paying to find out answers to questions we couldn't have found elsewhere. I've studied this, read case studies, researched all I could. And it exhausts me. I'm so tired. I really do like him, but this continuous rollercoaster and the potential of not knowing one way or the other to make a final decision is putting a strain on things. Finding that condom wrapper--allegedly from the fun that went on in March--legitimately was the last straw. It was like seeing the tangible evidence of his last exposure, with my own eyes. Talk about meltdown. The rollercoaster and stress are beginning to kill my attraction to him. In addition, because we're not sure if he really has it or not, and are awaiting the opportunity for him to take the blot, we can't put him on antivirals right now--So there's very little physical intimacy (as in, here, I'll keep my clothes on and get myself off under my pants, don't touch me) in the relationship, because I'm downright scared of him. And that's starting to drain, too. We've been seeing each other long enough, I'd like to be able to do things with him. I saw him naked the other night. And I literally couldn't do anything with it. It really bothers me that I can't even safely give him a blowjob, because we simply don't know. Her getting tested wouldn't solve everything, but it would likely remove one of the biggest variables. It also really bothers me that it's like he's trying to protect her feelings, by telling me things like "I don't want to cause a panic" and "She doesn't sleep around"--it feels like he's trying to defend/protect her. So I'm left here going...So protecting the feelings of your hookup, who you only talked to for a week, is more important than protecting the feelings of the girl you've been dating for months? I guess if she had stayed single we know who he would have picked! And I hate feeling that way.
deadelvis Posted May 29, 2015 Posted May 29, 2015 Ohhh... you're the same OP from the condom wrapper thread... well then. I'd say that puts things in a different light
toolforgrowth Posted May 29, 2015 Posted May 29, 2015 My GF has hsv2. It has never bothered me. We've been seeing each other since last September and she's never had an outbreak. I love her, no matter what skin conditions she has. She's an amazing woman who had treatedme better than any other woman I've been with, and I've been with my share. Look, if it's a deal breaker for you, it's deal breaker for you. You don't have to justify it to us. But does herpes actually affect your life? Not really, no. On a scale of medical inconvenience, I'd much rather have herpes than chronic migraines any day. 2
MadJackBird Posted May 29, 2015 Posted May 29, 2015 JaneyJ, It is obvious from all of this that you have a lot of fear and anxiety about this. I'm not sure if your fears and anxiety are justified or not. You have gotten a lot of medical information on your own and from others in this thread. It sounds like your boyfriend has some other issues besides the HSV-2 possible infection. Perhaps you are looking for an excuse to get out of the relationship. Rather then continue with your anxiety perhaps you should just dump him and move on with your life and leave that fear and anxiety behind you. Why are you still wanting to be with your boyfriend? You are afraid of any physical intimacy at all, even gasp kissing and skin to skin contact. Do yourself a favor and move on to a man that doesn't give you these types of anxious thoughts. Maybe consider going to IC or your doctor to discuss this anxiety as well. 1
Redhead14 Posted May 29, 2015 Posted May 29, 2015 JaneyJ, It is obvious from all of this that you have a lot of fear and anxiety about this. I'm not sure if your fears and anxiety are justified or not. You have gotten a lot of medical information on your own and from others in this thread. It sounds like your boyfriend has some other issues besides the HSV-2 possible infection. Perhaps you are looking for an excuse to get out of the relationship. Rather then continue with your anxiety perhaps you should just dump him and move on with your life and leave that fear and anxiety behind you. Why are you still wanting to be with your boyfriend? You are afraid of any physical intimacy at all, even gasp kissing and skin to skin contact. Do yourself a favor and move on to a man that doesn't give you these types of anxious thoughts. Maybe consider going to IC or your doctor to discuss this anxiety as well. I agree. She requested that he be tested and he did that. The reason you ask for testing is to ensure that a potential partner is disease free and if they aren't you move on. He isn't. She did the right thing by requesting the tests and is now torn by trying to decide what to do? The purpose of the test was served. He's not a good potential partner. She didn't say, "get tested and if it's only this or that, I'll be ok with it". He has a disease that she is afraid of. Now, if she decided that this particular disease was not such a big deal but sill harboring anxiety about it rearing it's head further down the road, she'll be more or less walking on eggshells moving forward, waiting for the other shoe to drop. And, let's say she gets into the relationship a year or so and both are emotionally invested and there is an outbreak, does she end it then over that? It will never go away for her.
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