The guy I'm dating just had a low positive test for herpes? Freaking out?

[lgspot]

I did ask him to go get tested. Because I have been tested for EVERYTHING else--chlamydia, gonnerhea, syphilis, HIV and hepatitis. Herpes is almost NEVER screened for unless you have a lesion. That's why I was downright shocked when I found out yesterday, that his GP even ran the titer for herpes. Most deny you that, unless you've had something suspicious happen.

I have an IUD--my biggest concern with him having not been tested was chlamydia--something that would make me sterile with an IUD. Never in my wildest dreams did I think he would come back with this.

 

I should go get tested. The only time I've ever had sex, the guy I lost my virginity to, is also the guy who cheated repeatedly, and at the end of the relationship, beat me up so badly I was hospitalized (do we perhaps see a few factors in HOW I became as paranoid as I am?) .

More understandable now Janey.

You've had a lot to process. Gaeta was right. There is more going on than herpes.

I'm so sorry for all you've been through.

Please do take care of yourself.

[Southern Sun]

I think Gaeta nailed it.

 

You don't trust the guy, thus asked him to get an HSV test. Did you ask him to get a full panel STD test once you found out about the ONS? Don't get me wrong, I don't blame you. But this is much more than about HSV...I wouldn't have sex with him because I don't trust him, regardless of his HSV status!

 

The fact is, the HSV result is most likely a false positive. He's freaking out, as most do. It is not regularly screened for for exactly this reason...false positives are common. Anything under a 3.5 has up to a 50% chance of being a false positive (on a sliding scale...so closer to a 1 is VERY likely a false and closer to a 3.5 is less likely but still possible). Even though HSV-2 is common in the population, it's not that transmissible without active lesions...female to male is only around 3% per year. So IF this woman was positive (around 20% are), he still only had a 3 in 100 chance of getting it from her in this one encounter.

 

But, back to the point...it's about the relationship. If you care about him, want something with him, HSV shouldn't be a deal-breaker at all. However, it kinda sounds like that's not the case

[Gaeta]

I should go get tested. The only time I've ever had sex, the guy I lost my virginity to, is also the guy who cheated repeatedly, and at the end of the relationship, beat me up so badly I was hospitalized (do we perhaps see a few factors in HOW I became as paranoid as I am?) .

 

I think you told half truth to your doctor. If you have been cheated on you are then at high risk of herpes. I doubt you told your doctor your ex was a cheater and your doctor went: meh! no big deal, you don't need to be tested for herpes.

 

Listen, go to any std clinic in town and they will test your hsv for 20 bucks. You don't need to go see your doctor and make this an elaborate procedure.

 

That is how I got hsv. I separated from my last long term relationship because he was a cheater. I had no symptoms at all of anything. When I mentioned to my doctor I was separating and was worried about his cheating history he sent me to a full std screen + hsv. He told me don't worry I am sure it's all good, guess what! hsv-2 came back positive.

[Phoe]

I think you told half truth to your doctor. If you have been cheated on you are then at high risk of herpes. I doubt you told your doctor your ex was a cheater and your doctor went: meh! no big deal, you don't need to be tested for herpes.

 

Listen, go to any std clinic in town and they will test your hsv for 20 bucks. You don't need to go see your doctor and make this an elaborate procedure.

 

That is how I got hsv. I separated from my last long term relationship because he was a cheater. I had no symptoms at all of anything. When I mentioned to my doctor I was separating and was worried about his cheating history he sent me to a full std screen + hsv. He told me don't worry I am sure it's all good, guess what! hsv-2 came back positive.

 

While her primary care definitely ought to be able to order a blood test, standard clinics may not.

 

Back when I was going through my false scare, I tried a variety of clinics, all of whom said "we don't test for herpes unless you have an active outbreak" - well, I didn't have an outbreak, only stories of my situation that made me VERY adamant in wanting testing. They all told me to see my primary care.

 

My actual doctor was the only one who would order the tests, and continued to order them repeatedly at my request.

[SycamoreCircle]

I think I'd rather have herpes than be subjected to another Lady Gaga quote.:sick::laugh:

[Gaeta]

While her primary care definitely ought to be able to order a blood test, standard clinics may not.

 

Back when I was going through my false scare, I tried a variety of clinics, all of whom said "we don't test for herpes unless you have an active outbreak" - well, I didn't have an outbreak, only stories of my situation that made me VERY adamant in wanting testing. They all told me to see my primary care.

 

My actual doctor was the only one who would order the tests, and continued to order them repeatedly at my request.

 

Well that tells you how herpes isn't a concern for anyone in the medical field. People should stop freaking out about it.

 

I'm in Canada it's probably different here. When I got the new I had hsv I was dating someone. He went to an std clinic and asked to be checked, he said his gf had just got a positive. It cost him 20$ and he was negative. Easy as that.

[Gaeta]

While her primary care definitely ought to be able to order a blood test, standard clinics may not.

 

Oh I think I get it now. I did not mean std as in standard clinic. I meant a clinic specializing is std screening. They're all over and don't ask questions.

[JaneyJ1991]

When I found out about the cheating, I went to get tested. I DID tell them he had cheated, and that's why I needed testing. And yes, THAT'S when they laughed at me. I did tell the whole truth.

 

Also, testing here isn't 20 bucks. I live in a small town--there is no STD specific clinic. There is planned parenthood, the health department, a health care provider I went to for my well woman's exam, and your regular gamut of high cost OBGYN's that take months to get into. If you're lucky enough to beg a doctor into testing you, it's your typical co pay plus whatever test. They don't even stock them--they have to ORDER the test. I know because I've asked on separate occasions.

[Robert]

Let's play nice please, the thread starter is here for helpful advice rather than pokes, thanks

[JaneyJ1991]

I think Gaeta nailed it.

 

You don't trust the guy, thus asked him to get an HSV test. Did you ask him to get a full panel STD test once you found out about the ONS? Don't get me wrong, I don't blame you. But this is much more than about HSV...I wouldn't have sex with him because I don't trust him, regardless of his HSV status!

 

The fact is, the HSV result is most likely a false positive. He's freaking out, as most do. It is not regularly screened for for exactly this reason...false positives are common. Anything under a 3.5 has up to a 50% chance of being a false positive (on a sliding scale...so closer to a 1 is VERY likely a false and closer to a 3.5 is less likely but still possible). Even though HSV-2 is common in the population, it's not that transmissible without active lesions...female to male is only around 3% per year. So IF this woman was positive (around 20% are), he still only had a 3 in 100 chance of getting it from her in this one encounter.

 

But, back to the point...it's about the relationship. If you care about him, want something with him, HSV shouldn't be a deal-breaker at all. However, it kinda sounds like that's not the case

 

It's not that I don't trust him,per se. It's more I don't trust men or people in general. I would ask any guy I was potentially becoming intimate with to get tested. I figure it's only responsible.

 

I asked him to get tested before he ever told me about the one night stand. He's not forthcoming about these things--He calls them quote "stressful questions" and I have to pull them out of him. I do not appreciate vagueness. It's kind of funny, because he told me (up until this week) quote, "My ex made me go get tested for everything before she would sleep with me. So I'M CLEAN. I've used condoms every time since." I was like..Um..No..You've slept with 2 women since then. Condoms don't protect against everything.

 

He hates "stressful questions" so much, I haven't even pinned down a date of last possible exposure to the ONS girl--I KNOW he has to remember. I know it's in the week of March 24th. So he's not even at the 12 week mark. We're at the 8 week mark. That's what worries me about a low positive.

[Gaeta]

When I found out about the cheating, I went to get tested. I DID tell them he had cheated, and that's why I needed testing. And yes, THAT'S when they laughed at me. I did tell the whole truth.

 

Also, testing here isn't 20 bucks. I live in a small town--there is no STD specific clinic. There is planned parenthood, the health department, a health care provider I went to for my well woman's exam, and your regular gamut of high cost OBGYN's that take months to get into. If you're lucky enough to beg a doctor into testing you, it's your typical co pay plus whatever test. They don't even stock them--they have to ORDER the test. I know because I've asked on separate occasions.

 

I don't know what to tell you.

 

You freak out because this man has a positive hsv but on the other hand you've been cheated on and you could also have it too but seems your health system isn't testing unless you have an outbreak. That should tell you how unimportant hsv is no? It should also tell you to be more open minded about it as it could possibly one day happen to you.

 

I don't know what your other problems are with this man but it seems it's what fueling your anger here more than the hsv.

[Southern Sun]

It's not that I don't trust him,per se. It's more I don't trust men or people in general. I would ask any guy I was potentially becoming intimate with to get tested. I figure it's only responsible.

 

I asked him to get tested before he ever told me about the one night stand. He's not forthcoming about these things--He calls them quote "stressful questions" and I have to pull them out of him. I do not appreciate vagueness. It's kind of funny, because he told me (up until this week) quote, "My ex made me go get tested for everything before she would sleep with me. So I'M CLEAN. I've used condoms every time since." I was like..Um..No..You've slept with 2 women since then. Condoms don't protect against everything.

 

He hates "stressful questions" so much, I haven't even pinned down a date of last possible exposure to the ONS girl--I KNOW he has to remember. I know it's in the week of March 24th. So he's not even at the 12 week mark. We're at the 8 week mark. That's what worries me about a low positive.

 

Hmmm...sounds like your gut is talking to you. Vagueness...avoiding "stressful questions." Would make me uncomfortable too.

[rester]

When I found out about the cheating, I went to get tested. I DID tell them he had cheated, and that's why I needed testing. And yes, THAT'S when they laughed at me. I did tell the whole truth.

 

Also, testing here isn't 20 bucks. I live in a small town--there is no STD specific clinic. There is planned parenthood, the health department, a health care provider I went to for my well woman's exam, and your regular gamut of high cost OBGYN's that take months to get into. If you're lucky enough to beg a doctor into testing you, it's your typical co pay plus whatever test. They don't even stock them--they have to ORDER the test. I know because I've asked on separate occasions.

 

I think it's ridiculous they laughed at you for being concerned about your health. I wouldn't go back to whoever that was if I were you.

 

If you're in the United States, google "any lab test now location directory". They can do all sorts of tests. The herpes one looks like it costs $49.

 

I can't vouch for the place, but I walk by one every day so maybe there's one near you.

[smackie9]

Just because some have accepted being infect or someone being infected with herpes is nothing to be too concerned about doesn't mean others shouldn't be. If the OP wants to avoid at all cost of being infected, even if it means refusing to continue dating this guy is her choice. IMO it would be the choice of the majority.

 

OP you shouldn't feel guilty in any way for asking a potential sexual partner to get tested.....that is your right. You may have saved yourself and or others potential future partners from getting infected. Please seek out proper advice from a medical professional.

[mrs rubble]

That's the thing: I AM young. I am at the beginning of my reproductive and sex life. Catching herpes at 23 would be a LOT different than contracting it in your 50's. The risks are different, the numbers different. A mother who has an active herpes lesion has to deliver VIA caesarian. I would like to have children some day--I in no way would risk someone small's health for my own. Ever.

 

Also, while the odds are maybe 20% of the population have it, that's including older adults who have had more sexual partners, who have had more sexual partners, and thus been exposed more. BEING directly exposed at 23 is different, and statistically I think a little less common.

 

And I feel terrible. I feel terrible for feeling this way. I feel terrible for always being that hypochondriac who forced him to find this out. His birthday is this week, and his test results should roll in around right around then. He's only turning 25.

He told me yesterday, in a text, after I asked. His next comment: "Do you want to watch a movie tonight? I promise I won't kiss you." He was that terrified he might have type 1 (cold sores, alone) and give it to me. I called him on the phone and told him he was ridiculous--If he has HSV-1, he's already given it to me from kissing.

 

My best friend tested positive for HSV-1 last month. I've drank after her. I've SEEN my grandpa and aunt both have cold sores--So I would assume my mom has been exposed, and probably just asymptomatically carries it. If my mom has it, then it's likely my siblings and I all have HSV-1. I kissed a guy who admitted to having cold sores when he was a kid. I know this because this is how paranoid I am of herpes--I've screened EVERY guy I've ever kissed.

 

I feel terrible. I sickly, secretly wish they would have said he's positive for syphilis or chlamydia instead--those they could put him on a round of antibiotics and it would go away.

 

He's considering having the Western Blot test done now--which apparently is the 100% most effective GOLD SEAL of herpes testing and is the only 99% trustworthy one for confirmation. If he comes up negative on that, it's likely he doesn t have it?

If you've been exposed to HSV1, who's to say you didn't pass it on to him. I really think you need to test yourself too.

[JaneyJ1991]

For anyone (*cough, Gaeta*) wondering, I decided to get tested today. Urgent care it turns out will do them. So I spent most of the morning waiting, then going to the lab for the blood draw.

 

 

My tests are IgG and IgM type specific. I'm a little scared. But I did it.

[Gaeta]

For anyone (*cough, Gaeta*) wondering, I decided to get tested today. Urgent care it turns out will do them. So I spent most of the morning waiting, then going to the lab for the blood draw.

 

 

My tests are IgG and IgM type specific. I'm a little scared. But I did it.

 

I am quite impressed :-) You're showing a lot of character and integrity by doing this.

 

No matter the results everything will be just fine!! *big hug*

[Southern Sun]

For anyone (*cough, Gaeta*) wondering, I decided to get tested today. Urgent care it turns out will do them. So I spent most of the morning waiting, then going to the lab for the blood draw.

 

 

My tests are IgG and IgM type specific. I'm a little scared. But I did it.

 

Good for you! Couple things:

 

Pay NO attention to any IgM results. I don't care if you're told they are positive. IgM is a worthless test for HSV. IgG are the only ones that matter.

 

Most people have HSV-1. No biggie. You may or may not. Where this may be helpful to you is if you discover you don't have it, considering that most be people do, don't let any future partners kiss you or perform oral if you see a cold sore/fever blister on them. HSV-1 contracted genitally is not particularly fun. If you already have it, you don't have to worry about this. If you don't, this is good to know.

 

If you have a LOW positive (anything under a 3.5), remember that it could be false! Again, this is IgG only. So, don't freak just yet. Besides, you could have a negative result and none of this matters

 

It's all good, you're a smart cookie.

[JaneyJ1991]

Thanks guys

 

Southern--I would really like to know what you do. How are you so knowlegable about these things? Something makes me think you work in the medical field IRL.

 

I got tested and while I was at the lab waiting to get blood drawn he texted me. I told him where I was and what I was up to. He had just gone on his lunch break, "Would you like something to eat or drink? Are you hungry?" He brought me a soda, and showed up just as I got done, and spent his lunch break with me in my car. He told me quote, "I bet you're negative for both. But even if you were positive for both it wouldn't change how I feel about you."

[Southern Sun]

Thanks guys

 

Southern--I would really like to know what you do. How are you so knowlegable about these things? Something makes me think you work in the medical field IRL.

 

I got tested and while I was at the lab waiting to get blood drawn he texted me. I told him where I was and what I was up to. He had just gone on his lunch break, "Would you like something to eat or drink? Are you hungry?" He brought me a soda, and showed up just as I got done, and spent his lunch break with me in my car. He told me quote, "I bet you're negative for both. But even if you were positive for both it wouldn't change how I feel about you."

 

This is a good sign, as far as his integrity and interest in you.

 

I've worked in healthcare for 15 years and am currently in school for my MSN (to be a nurse practitioner)

 

I found out I have HSV within the last year (long story...you can read about my misery on the other boards if you choose...won't bore you here!). I tend to voraciously research those things when I or a loved one is impacted. So while I work in healthcare and am in school for my MSN, I've done a deeper dive on this subject.

Edited May 19, 2015 by Southern Sun

[mrs rubble]

Thanks guys

 

Southern--I would really like to know what you do. How are you so knowlegable about these things? Something makes me think you work in the medical field IRL.

 

I got tested and while I was at the lab waiting to get blood drawn he texted me. I told him where I was and what I was up to. He had just gone on his lunch break, "Would you like something to eat or drink? Are you hungry?" He brought me a soda, and showed up just as I got done, and spent his lunch break with me in my car. He told me quote, "I bet you're negative for both. But even if you were positive for both it wouldn't change how I feel about you."

He sounds like an awesome guy!!!

[JaneyJ1991]

He sounds like an awesome guy!!!

Yes, maybe aside from the part where it says he was active on tinder(how we met) 6 hours ago (and the part where I had to be on there to be able to see that).

[chestnut]

That's the thing: I AM young. I am at the beginning of my reproductive and sex life. Catching herpes at 23 would be a LOT different than contracting it in your 50's. The risks are different, the numbers different. A mother who has an active herpes lesion has to deliver VIA caesarian. I would like to have children some day--I in no way would risk someone small's health for my own. Ever.

 

He's considering having the Western Blot test done now--which apparently is the 100% most effective GOLD SEAL of herpes testing and is the only 99% trustworthy one for confirmation. If he comes up negative on that, it's likely he doesn t have it?

 

Ok, this is coming from someone who both a medical doctor AND HSV1 positive. I wanted to contribute to this thread as there is still so much stigma around STDs.

 

1) You only need to deliver a child via C-section if you have a first outbreak with lesions when you're in labour. At least that's what I found when I researched the topic several years ago.

 

2) I respect your choice not to want to expose yourself to herpes. I agree with gaeta that it's a skin rash, and very gives you serious medical complications. Yes, some people have bad sores repeatedly, and those could get infected, and if you're immunocompromised that could be serious. However, by and large herpes is a pesky skin condition. HIV, hepatitis and HPV can kill you or lead to the development of cancer.

 

3) Herpes and warts are caused by a virus that cannot be stopped by using condoms alone. They reduce the risk, but if your partner has it on an area of skin not covered by the condom you can still become infected. Also, not everyone who has the virus knows as some people never have an outbreak.

 

4) There are two types (HSV1 and HSV2) that USED to be site-specific. 1 used to be found on the mouth, 2 on the genitals. However, because people have oral sex more the two types are getting more frequent on their "non-usual" sites. I myself have HSV1 in the genital area

 

5) You cannot tell from bloodwork WHERE the infection is. If you have antibodies but have never had a sore, you could not know from a blood test if you have a genital or oral infection. That is why in my country STD checks do not include herpes testing. If someone swabs a lesion and cultures the blister fluid, THAT will tell you what type (HSV 1 or 2) you have - and you'd obviously know where.

 

I'm not saying all of this to freak you out. The only surefire way to avoid herpes is not to have sex, or to be each others only partner ever (for oral and penetrative sex). Keeping numbers low, using condoms, all reduce risk but do not eliminate it.

 

That is why I think we'd be served better to reduce stigma because 1 in 4 has herpes and those number will not ever go down to zero.

 

A little background on me, as you may be wondering why someone in the medical field managed to catch an STD - shouldn't WE be the ones to know how to avoid them etc.? Shortly before I started medical school I dated another student. I always have an STD check (minus herpes - see point 5 above) when I start and end a relationship, and make the guy get tested as well before stopping to use condoms. I asked him if he knew about any STDs he had, he said he was clean. We both got tested, and stopped the condoms. A week later I had my first outbreak. I told him, expecting him to freak out, but he just shrugged and told me he knew he had herpes (he'd seen blisters on his penis before), but didn't want to tell me as I'd have either declined to have sex with him, or insisted on continued use of condoms.

 

I did not know much about herpes then. I knew it caused blisters around your mouth, but didn't know about genital herpes. He declined to share vital information with me for his own gain. Needless to say that was the end of our relationship!

 

I was embarrassed, felt dirty, and thought that my dating life was over. When I started seeing someone a few years later, I mentioned my STD on date two - I did NOT EVER want someone to be in my position. I wanted them to be able to make an informed choice. He did some research and called me the next day to tell me when he could see me for our next date. We used condoms but not always, and he didn't catch anything. At least he's never had blisters, so of course may be an asymptomatic carrier, but he knew all the details and made a choice.

 

Anyways, it's your choice. If you'd rather not take the risk my bf took, that is entirely understandable. I guess I just wanted to share my story to do my part in talking about STDs more and hopefully reduce the stigma somewhat

[chestnut]

Deleted as duplicate post.

Edited May 21, 2015 by chestnut

[JaneyJ1991]

He got his results just now. He's negstive for HSV1. And positive for HSV-2 at 1.8 now. He was 1.5 last time. A week later HES .3 higher? Doesn't that mean his anitbody count is rising? Because it's recent? I really want to cry right now.

 

My results are back, and at urgent care. They called, and it's their policy to not release test results unless you go back in and pay another $50 co pay. I'm having a meltdown at work.