BeachBay Posted May 17, 2015 Posted May 17, 2015 I started online dating last year, I wasn't too serious about it, just fed up with the guys I know and looking to ranch out a little, thought id give it a whirl. Started talking to this guy, he is like someone took my 'dream guy' list and made a profile with it. Funny, sweet, outdoorsy, can cook, wants a family, great job...even plays fly half!! Oh and hot hot hot! He's 25 works for a zoo ands spent his life up to now working on conservation projects around the world with his job, building conservation infrastructure and working with/educating locals. Since we've been talking he's gone to Africa, Ecuador and Thailand!!! However he's a very family orientated guy, says the travelling is something he does because ethe family thing hasn't happened for him yet - important for me because Its what I want and I have a little boy of 5 i'm raising by myself. So we live a long way apart and he's been abroad, so have I, we ended up talking for 10 months before meeting!!! I was really into him, but he never initiated making any sort of move and I'm not used to that from guys so we almost fell into this pen pal state - exacted at least 4 messages a day, sometimes a lot more. He seemed to good to be true, I couldn't believe he had such 'trouble with girls' yet he told me he was always the best friend, never the boyfriend. Girls consistently told him they saw him as a friend! So i'll flash forward to we finally decide to meet up (and im not even sure if this is a date anymore or what?). I almost had to cancel last min cause my mum was ill and couldn't babysit but he told me to bring my son along. It was faultless he made me laugh till I cried, we set the worlds to right, he played with Sal. I felt like I'd known him my whole life. It should of been perfect! But afterwards I suddenly got what all those other girls were saying cause I felt the same way.. I couldn't even tell you why. I felt like I wanted to be his best friend. The next date I slept with him, which I wouldn't normally do so soon, but he was staying at local hotel and he still was making no move to escalate things at all, gave me a hoodie to wear, told me he would sleep on the little sofa.. in the end I was like are you going to kiss me or not? And I wanted to work out how I felt about being intimate with him! Weird part is, best sex of my life - not just sculpted like a greek god, not just great in bed but he did all the little things that guys tend not to normally think about and I just felt so damn comfortable with him, like why haven't we been doing this all our lives? Yet despite that, despite the flawless dates since, inspite of how he gets on with my family, or me his, inspite of watching him play football with my son and even though I think hes perfect, I still feel for him more as a friend. Its weird and frustrating. It nags at me (especially when we spoke about exs and he spoke about how his last ex was simply not that into him, how he desperately wanted gf, wife, kids but that he's not content to be settled for again cause in the end it doesn't work) but that's not what im doing.. is it? Surely its not settling if I simply choose him! My mum tells me you cant make yourself love someone, but part of me feels like, who says? He treats me like a princess and he and Sal love each other, and I care about him a lot.. and she loved my dad and my step dad and neither of those relationships ended well! Any advice? Do you think I'm leading him on by pursuing this?
preraph Posted May 17, 2015 Posted May 17, 2015 Have you asked if he is maybe bi or gay? To me he sounds like a man whose main dish is not women. And it could explain that "best friend" feeling that keeps coming over you. Or maybe he's too brotherly. Did he by any chance come from a household with a lot of sisters and he's just that comfortable with them? There has to be a reason. 1
elaine567 Posted May 17, 2015 Posted May 17, 2015 Hot, hot, hot, treats you great, wonderful caring sex, sculpted like a Greek god, perfect all rounder, yet you see him more as a friend...???? All the single women on this forum would be marrying him tomorrow. I am guessing you are holding back, it is not him, it is you. Are you scared of commitment, scared of being hurt, scared to let yourself fall in love... 1
La.Primavera Posted May 17, 2015 Posted May 17, 2015 Perhaps, you are starting to feel the pressure of a real relationship because he fits all the boxes. If that is the case, maybe you should take it really slow until you feel comfortable. Another possibility is that despite seeming almost perfect there is something about him that you think isn't quite right. His last girlfriend and other girls had the same feeling. There is a reason for that. Trust your instincts. Maybe you just don't feel that way about him. That is fine, but don't continue to date him if you feel that way. It won't be fair to him or you. 1
Author BeachBay Posted May 17, 2015 Author Posted May 17, 2015 Have you asked if he is maybe bi or gay? To me he sounds like a man whose main dish is not women. Can't really ask that! Don't think it would go across to well. I don't think he's gay though, well i'd be surprised, I mean I know you cant really say that these days, but he doesn't strike me as gay. Probably a bit more.. sensitive than most guys in their 20s I know but still a guys guy, he doesn't set my gaydar spinning at any rate. Or maybe he's too brotherly. Did he by any chance come from a household with a lot of sisters and he's just that comfortable with them? There has to be a reason. See I was trying to explain it the other day and I said "brotherly" its kind of the best word I could find but im not totally sure its the right one. Like he does everything a bf should, he holds my hand, he puts his arm round me, its not like he treats me like a sister or platonically. But that is kind of the feeling I get. Its so hard to explain cause I just don't understand it. I don't understand why im not crazy for him. Its like at this stage in a relationship with most guys id be like worrying about my hair & make-up and what have you but instead i'm more like 'Ah it doesn't matter, it's Theo'. He has two sisters and four brothers, all pretty close in age. He's close to them. I know he stuttered badly as a kid, and I gather that dented his confidence in the dating world. I did wonder if that's why these other girls saw him more as a friend. But he doesn't stutter anymore and he doesn't come across as lacking in confidence (maybe just a tad shy) so I don't see why that would be making me feel like I do.
Author BeachBay Posted May 17, 2015 Author Posted May 17, 2015 Hot, hot, hot, treats you great, wonderful caring sex, sculpted like a Greek god, perfect all rounder, yet you see him more as a friend...???? All the single women on this forum would be marrying him tomorrow. Right! Makes no sense! At all! I am guessing you are holding back, it is not him, it is you. Are you scared of commitment, scared of being hurt, scared to let yourself fall in love... I don't know... I didn't think I was! I mean I've had my fair share of cr#ppy relationships. But I was excited to meet him finally. I want marriage, kids & Labrador. ^ and he could be that guy! I can imagine a whole future with him, but for some reason something feels off.
elaine567 Posted May 17, 2015 Posted May 17, 2015 Right! Makes no sense! At all! I don't know... I didn't think I was! I mean I've had my fair share of cr#ppy relationships. But I was excited to meet him finally. I want marriage, kids & Labrador. ^ and he could be that guy! I can imagine a whole future with him, but for some reason something feels off. Can you imagine a whole future without him?
Author BeachBay Posted May 17, 2015 Author Posted May 17, 2015 Perhaps, you are starting to feel the pressure of a real relationship because he fits all the boxes. If that is the case, maybe you should take it really slow until you feel comfortable. Yeah maybe, I can't rule out that its something to do with me! Another possibility is that despite seeming almost perfect there is something about him that you think isn't quite right. His last girlfriend and other girls had the same feeling. There is a reason for that. Trust your instincts. Right, they told him the same thing. Maybe you just don't feel that way about him. That is fine, but don't continue to date him if you feel that way. It won't be fair to him or you. I don't want to lead him on but I also feel like maybe it doesn't have to be fireworks and puppy love.. Like I love his company, i'd miss him tons.. like maybe everything else will just come in time? I don't know.
Leigh 87 Posted May 17, 2015 Posted May 17, 2015 Hot, hot, hot, treats you great, wonderful caring sex, sculpted like a Greek god, perfect all rounder, yet you see him more as a friend...???? All the single women on this forum would be marrying him tomorrow. I am guessing you are holding back, it is not him, it is you. Are you scared of commitment, scared of being hurt, scared to let yourself fall in love... I wouldn't just date him simply because he treats me well and is hot. And has a great personality. I need a romantic spark and chemistry. The thing you don't get from a platonic friend. I'd rather wait for an average guy with a less good job who was not hot hot hot, yet who I felt a spark with. Who I could be crazy about.
La.Primavera Posted May 18, 2015 Posted May 18, 2015 I don't want to lead him on but I also feel like maybe it doesn't have to be fireworks and puppy love.. Like I love his company, i'd miss him tons.. like maybe everything else will just come in time? I don't know. Yeah, just give it some more time and take it slow. Perhaps avoid letting him spend too much time with your son until you are sure, just so they don't get overly attached.
Author BeachBay Posted May 18, 2015 Author Posted May 18, 2015 Typed this all out and then deleted it! Such an idiot! Can you imagine a whole future without him? Yeah, but then I could with anybody, im not a depended person, I know I could always get by by myself if I had to. I wouldn't just date him simply because he treats me well and is hot. And has a great personality. I need a romantic spark and chemistry. The thing you don't get from a platonic friend. I'd rather wait for an average guy with a less good job who was not hot hot hot, yet who I felt a spark with. Who I could be crazy about. Right, which Is fair enough but for me I feel like, he ticks every single box, he's a good man, he'd stand by you - by me, we could probably spend our lives happily together.. is that worth throwing away chasing some big romance. I'm quite a logical person, I'm not sure how much stock I put in sparks and butterflies. Theres this string of women who have rejected him for this same issue, but like what if they were just hasty, do I really want to make that mistake, pass up a great guy, because when he puts his arm round me on the beach or we sing in the car I have a slight feeling that he's more like a best mate than a boyfriend. But I have a nagging kind of guilt that he deserves me to be 'crazy into' him. I couldn't even give him a single reason why im not. Yeah, just give it some more time and take it slow. Perhaps avoid letting him spend too much time with your son until you are sure, just so they don't get overly attached. I did try to do this at the start, I only ever introduced him as a friend, but over time logistically when he comes up to visit he tends to stay at mine and i'd be shamelessly lying if I said anything other than that they do spend a fair bit of time together. It is something Im conscious of though. I don't want to parade men and failed romances in and out of my sons life, I remember seeing men hurt my mum after my dad left and I don't want to put Sal in that position. Which is another point in itself. I've not had a problem attracting men but the moment I tell them I have a son they run for the hills, or more annoyingly pretend to be okay with it ..for like a week - to then have a problem with it. Whereas he just told me 'I love kids'! It was fine to just date wishy washy when it was just me but now I want more stability within dating anyway... dunno.
Hawaii51 Posted May 18, 2015 Posted May 18, 2015 Easy to be Mr. Perfect @ a distance, wait till you see him- and have to deal with him- on the daily basis. that's when it's not too good to be true and he's just another human being with smelly poop.
Author BeachBay Posted May 19, 2015 Author Posted May 19, 2015 So how long have you actually being seeing this fella? Like 2.5 months, just over. But there is distance between us so I tend to go down and stay with him at the weekend (or vice versa) & more recently he comes up for a night during the week. So we probably don't see each other quite as much as a 2.5 month couple who live in the same town.
Hawaii51 Posted May 19, 2015 Posted May 19, 2015 NO. Because you will find yourself in a virtual forum sitting at a bar talking about how you were never satisfied and that the delivery guy has nice thighs.
Author BeachBay Posted May 21, 2015 Author Posted May 21, 2015 NO. Because you will find yourself in a virtual forum sitting at a bar talking about how you were never satisfied and that the delivery guy has nice thighs. Right, I see that, i'd hate to be that girl! I'd hate to hurt him! But theres this other side of me that thinks like I don't want to be one of these 'grass is greener' people that are always looking for more and don't realise just how great what they had was till its gone. Do I break up with my perfect guy cause ive got this feeling I cant quite shake. I hated growing up in a broken home, it breaks my heart I couldn't give my own son more stability than I had. I don't want to settle, he deserves better than being settled for anyway, but is it settling if you make a choice to be with a guy? And does it really guarantee anymore problems down the road than any other couple? My mum and dad were loves young dream but he still had an affair down the road.. all couples have troubles (at least it seems that way) its how you deal with it, by working together or drifting apart that makes it work long term.
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