XNemesisX Posted April 23, 2005 Posted April 23, 2005 I really like a professor in the psych department at my college. I'm getting ready to graduate in 2 weeks so it won't be unethical or anything like that. I think we would be a good match, I know that might sound silly. For example, when I had him in class he would come in and say "I haven't been to bed in 48 hours so I hope I make sense today." So, I know he is an insomniac like me I really admire him a lot and... ok so I have the BIGGEST crush on him. I recently ran into him with my new puppy (see avatar lol) and he LOVED her, and well we just really hit it off. I get so nervous around him though that my knees actually shake. He's so smart and funny and I think we would have so much in common. Also, I am 22 and he is 36. This isn't too much of an age gap is it? I'm thinking of maybe looking at older men (I'm sick of immature guys that are my age!) Ok, so here is the question. I'm getting ready to graduate in 2 weeks and I'm scared I will lose all contact with him. How can I go about this? I would really like to get to know him better. I'm friends with some of the psych faculty since that is my major. Should I ask one of my female professor friends if they could help me out and maybe see if they can fix us up? I don't want to look like some idiot though. What do you all think? Should I just forget about it? I think I would really like this guy!
tokyo Posted April 23, 2005 Posted April 23, 2005 I am personally going to kick your @ss if you don't stop falling for men that you don't know at all and who are completely not suitable for you. A guy who is your 36 year old professor is not going to have a serious relationship with his 22 year old student who is still not over her ex. He will be fully aware that he's in a position where people have crushes on him all the time. If he acts out in his impulse it's because he thinks you're his equal, intellectually and emotionally and because despite the age gap he sees the potential for a stable and successful relationship. Or you are good-looking and his sex-drive strong enough to make him forget any doubts and just go for it. Given the state of mind that you are in at the moment, he will give you another ugly memory, because a guy who would have any sense of responsibility and who knew how you are now would not start a relationship with you when all he has is a bit of interest and lust while you are going to project a lot more into him. The guy loved your dog, because he thought your puppy was really cute or because he wanted to have sex with you. Instead of looking for a savior who only cures the symptoms you should get counseling and get rid of your real problems. You deserve so much more and you are just focusing on things that cause you problems.
Author XNemesisX Posted April 23, 2005 Author Posted April 23, 2005 I love ya Kooky, I think you know me too well and so you can see right through my crap So do you think this is just another one of my wild hairs? I don't have him in class this semester but I did last semester. I was with Nick at the time though, so I never thought much more about him then that I thought he was really cute and had a really funny and entertaining personality. I do know that a lot of girls have crushes on him. He looks younger than 36 actually, and he seems really young. I guess I wouldn't have much of a chance with him anyway since so many people like him. I do know that he is single, never married, no children. (maybe that is why he doesn't look as old as he is?) So I'm guessing you think I should just forget all about this then?? If I asked one of my prof friends about him do you think it would just make me look really stupid and pathetic?
faux Posted April 23, 2005 Posted April 23, 2005 Focus on graduation and starting a career. Forget about this professor fellow; he is just your professor. The age difference is large. If he were interested in dating you, don't you think that dating a former student would cause problems and risk his professional career? This man mentioned that he had difficulty sleeping one time, and you are using this as a basis to justify a possible connection between the two of you. He also liked your dog, and it appears that you are attempting to use this to justify your odd situation. What next? He teaches psychology and you took his course, so you are an obvious perfect match? Stop the silliness.
moimeme Posted April 23, 2005 Posted April 23, 2005 36, a prof, single, never married, no children? Definitely gay. By now he's met thousands of women, including dozens of students with crushes on him. Other option is that he just taps the nubile young ones for some poon each year and moves on when the new crop comes in. Either way, don't even bother.
Author XNemesisX Posted April 23, 2005 Author Posted April 23, 2005 Good points, Faux. I probably do have a problem with getting wild hairs like this. It's not just that he is an insomniac, likes my dog, and is into psychology. Those are just a few examples of why I thought we *might* be compatible. I probably should have went into more detail. Last semester when I was in his class was when I had my big breakup. I had to miss some classes because I was so upset. I talked to him about it and he told me that his fiance had broke up with him while he was in grad school and then that same night his ceiling caved in on him in this dumpy apartment he lived in at the time. He has a great sense of humor! But anyway, he made me feel a lot better with his stories and he talked to me about how hard his breakup had been for him too and how he became very disorganized and couldn't seem to meet deadlines right after all this happened. I'm probably being very silly. I'm not thinking that we should get married and have babies or anything, but I do wonder how we might be together. I would at least like to get to know him outside of school. I don't think it would hurt his career because as of 2 weeks now I will not be a student there anymore. I have to give a presentation next week in front of the psych faculty on my study I did this semester so I know he will be there. Should I just forget all about this then? I do think that he's noticed me because he comments on my hair every time I get it done or even cut just a little bit he notices. Maybe I am reading too much into this. I don't think the age gap would be too bad because he really doesn't seem that age at all. He looks younger, dresses younger, and acts younger. All of the students think of him like he is on our same page. I guess I just think he has the most amusing personality and he's so funny and sweet. Ok, I will stop going on and on about it. I guess I should just forget all about it.
Author XNemesisX Posted April 23, 2005 Author Posted April 23, 2005 36, a prof, single, never married, no children? Definitely gay. I did wonder about this also, Moi. But then I heard about his fiance from when he was in grad school so I guess he must not be gay. I hope anyway... I do know of this one girl that was in class with him last semester..the same class I was in. She would bring him gifts all the time and then this semester she worked with him on a study. I am so jealous! But I have to wonder sometimes if they don't have something going on. You are probably right, moi. He has a LOT of admirers because he's not only extremely cool but he's also very good looking. I probably wouldn't have a chance anyway.
faux Posted April 24, 2005 Posted April 24, 2005 I think it's fine to feel an attraction like this, but to consider taking it seriously does not seem wise to me. You are going to be graduating soon, and will have a chance to start a career of your own. That opportunity, to me, seems more important than pursuing any type of romance. I started college late. I will be twenty-three this summer and still have a few semesters to go before I graduate. On the day I get my degree I am going to be so happy Focusing on your accomplishments sounds more productive, at least in my mind.
RecordProducer Posted April 24, 2005 Posted April 24, 2005 I don't think you should ask anyone for help. Go to his office and talk to him. Ask him to have a cup of coffee after class. When I was at college, my best friend hooked up with our marketing teacher. I don't remember how it happened, but I remember she liked him before anything happened. They were going to the cafe nearby sometimes and finally they slept together. It turned out that he was living with a woman and had an 18-month old baby with her. I don't know what my friend was thinking, but the teacher basically used her for sex. Make sure he is not married before you sleep with him!
BigB Posted April 24, 2005 Posted April 24, 2005 Maybe ask him for his email address or phone number "so you can stay in touch after graduation".
blue16 Posted April 24, 2005 Posted April 24, 2005 I wouldn't worry too much about all of the other students that have crushes on him, I doubt any of that is going anywhere. Do you think these girls actually asked him out? Highly unlikely. In my psychology class, the teacher was in her mid thirties, but she was quite attractive, and as you say 'acted, dressed, and seemed younger than mid-thirties.' I would hear a couple guys say like "wow she's so hot" or whatever. Some would even try friendly flirting. But how many of the guys thought that she liked them, so they asked her on a date? 0. Just beacuse these girls have a crush on him, doesn't mean that he likes them...and certainly doesn't mean he is dating any of them. But you have the guts to pull it off, go for it. Just say you wanna keep in contact with him and ask him out for some coffee...
RecordProducer Posted April 24, 2005 Posted April 24, 2005 Originally posted by BigB Maybe ask him for his email address or phone number "so you can stay in touch after graduation". Great idea! How about ask him to celebrate your graduation?
BigB Posted April 24, 2005 Posted April 24, 2005 Originally posted by RecordProducer Great idea! How about ask him to celebrate your graduation? Or maybe say "I'd like to buy you a [drink/coffee/lunch] as a thank you for being such a great teacher" Is it normal to get a favorite professor a small gift at the end of the year? I remember doing that in high school. You could slide your phone number, email, or an invite to coffee into the card.
Mr Spock Posted April 24, 2005 Posted April 24, 2005 It's entirely natural to develop crushes on people in a position of authority over you. Just realize it for what it is, stay in contact if you wish but be aware that it's somewhat inappropriate for a relationship to develop even after your graduation. It just is. Teachers should be able to resist the call of the young poontang.
april Posted April 24, 2005 Posted April 24, 2005 Originally posted by moimeme 36, a prof, single, never married, no children? Definitely gay. Well that's a stupid assumption...site your sources. Or at least stop continuously making comments to other posters like this : Originally posted by moimeme on April 9/2005 Opinions are just that - unsupported, often, and often awash in bias. Which is why, in matters such as this, I feel something more formal than just 'opinion' is important. I think that when relationships are at issue, it is incumbent upon us to present more than just an opinion since opinions can be based on erroneous conclusions.
Author XNemesisX Posted April 24, 2005 Author Posted April 24, 2005 RecordProducer~ I'm positive he isn't married - I already looked into that! BigB and Blue I like those ideas! I'm just worried that I might come off too strong if I give him some gifts especially since I don't even have him in class this semester. Do you think it would make me look weird if I did that? Oh...I have to give a presentation in front of the whole faculty next week...should I say something to him? I'm just so scared of rejection Mr Spock and faux~ do you really think I should just give up on this guy? Even after I graduate and I'm no longer a student you still think it would be inappropriate? For some reason I don't see myself as the "young pootang" because he just seems so young to me. (36 doesn't seem that old to me). 14 year age difference might sound pretty big to some people though. The only thing I would really worry about is him being SO much smarter than me.
moimeme Posted April 25, 2005 Posted April 25, 2005 It would be a real bad idea. Really it would. It's not like you're the first gal to ever have a crush on him. If you think all the rest of the faculty plus he himself don't laugh and joke about all the hot young things who are jonesing for them, you're much wrong. It's one of the hazards of the job.
tiki Posted April 25, 2005 Posted April 25, 2005 I'm thinking of maybe looking at older men (I'm sick of immature guys that are my age!) I think you need to go for it just to prove the simple fact that 36 year olds can be just as immature and just as much of DOGS as the young ones can be. At least the young ones aren't chasing the ones 14 years their tender.
CurlyIam Posted April 25, 2005 Posted April 25, 2005 I smell trouble, girl! Don't start anything you cannot finish. Imagine the guy actually does fall inlove... do you see yourself in a long term relationship with someone who's not only gorgeous, but is actually chased daily by young students? I'll tell you a joke that runs around my university: "the language depatments is full of wives whose husbands abandonded them for other students" . Don't go there if you can! You spare yourself a lot of heartacke.
tokyo Posted April 25, 2005 Posted April 25, 2005 Originally posted by CurlyIam I'll tell you a joke that runs around my university: "the language depatments is full of wives whose husbands abandonded them for other students" .
Author XNemesisX Posted April 25, 2005 Author Posted April 25, 2005 Yeah I did think of that. I thought to myself..he's so good looking, great personality, etc...what happens if we DID get together? He might leave me for someone even younger than myself down the road! eeee It does make me wonder HOW in the world he can be 36 years old and not married, no girlfriend, no children? I think I do remember hearing someone say that supposedly he never got over the heartbreak from the fiance from grad school. Uh-oh wonder if he is on LS? That would be SO embarrassing!
Author XNemesisX Posted April 25, 2005 Author Posted April 25, 2005 Do you all really think 14 years is a really bad age gap? Usually I would think so but this guy does not look old whatsoever and he's also extremely cool. I think he does appeal to the younger crowd. I probably have too much competition anyway. So is the major consensus here that I should just forget this idea?
ConfusedInOC Posted April 25, 2005 Posted April 25, 2005 Originally posted by XNemesisX Yeah I did think of that. I thought to myself..he's so good looking, great personality, etc...what happens if we DID get together? He might leave me for someone even younger than myself down the road! eeee It does make me wonder HOW in the world he can be 36 years old and not married, no girlfriend, no children? I think I do remember hearing someone say that supposedly he never got over the heartbreak from the fiance from grad school. Uh-oh wonder if he is on LS? That would be SO embarrassing! Ummm, I'm 36, never been married, no kids, etc. Never had a real heartbreak until recently. As I said in another thread, I chose to sow my oats and LIVE LIFE so that when I am ready to settle down I will have all that out of my system. When, that's what happened when I met my ex. Did everything I felt I should and was ready to settle down. Only problem is, I was ready TOO fast - way faster then she was, and I had fallen hard. For some, being in their mid 30s and single might signify a committment problem. I don't have that problem at all! I just needed someone I was head over heels in love with.
ConfusedInOC Posted April 25, 2005 Posted April 25, 2005 Originally posted by XNemesisX Do you all really think 14 years is a really bad age gap? Usually I would think so but this guy does not look old whatsoever and he's also extremely cool. I think he does appeal to the younger crowd. I probably have too much competition anyway. So is the major consensus here that I should just forget this idea? This guy sounds just like me. Most of my friends are in their 20s. Well, the ones I have left after the Ex. And do I look 36?
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