Auspecial Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 I wish I could like this 10X. The best people aren't looking for better offers, aren't casting a roving eye while supposedly 'invested' in another person. Not everyone is looking for a bigger better deal while in their current relationship. Lots of people are fully invested and are blind-sided by the opportunists. For that, I feel we need to 'out' the opportunists.... which I have no problem doing. Yes! And this is exactly why OLD is a fail for the majority of people.
oldshirt Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 I wish I could like this 10X. The best people aren't looking for better offers, aren't casting a roving eye while supposedly 'invested' in another person. Not everyone is looking for a bigger better deal while in their current relationship. Lots of people are fully invested and are blind-sided by the opportunists. For that, I feel we need to 'out' the opportunists.... which I have no problem doing. I think you and Enigma are misinterpreting it a little bit. If someone is fully invested in the relationship, it's going to get shut down and not go very far at all. Part of what I am saying is that a lot of people just simply aren't as invested as others may believe them to be. There are lots of people dating someone to one degree or another but are still open for other offers whether they advertise that fact or not. That may not be a comfortable fact but it is simply a fact. And of course I am not saying that ALL women are ripe for the pickings. I'm just saying that there are lots of people out there who haven't truly taken themselves off of the market yet, even though at first glance they may appear to be. I'm just saying take the chance and don't wait around untill someone is completely free and clear. If you (and I'm primarily talking to the guys here) wait untill some nice, cute chick is completely free and clear, you are going to burn up your youth waiting. When you are old and gray, you will never regret a rejection and regret making some old church lady shake her head and wag her finger saying, "no, no, no!" You are probably not even going to regret some pissed off BF showing up on your doorstep (been there, done that. Don't regret it a bit) But you will regret sitting on your hands doing nothing while waiting for the best girls to becoming completely free and single.
oldshirt Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 .....and I need to also add, this is not about poaching or cheating or anything like that in and of itself. There were a few times I made an offer and got solidly rejected because she had a BF and accepted the rejection with grace and a matter of months later and even a year in one case they contacted me and asked if the offer was still open becaus they had split up or things were going south fast. The way I see it, I had put my reservation in. I made the move and put in the effort. When they were done with that particular guy, I was next on the list. I was on the list because I had made my move and made my offer. If I had been the good little boy like society wants and waited untill they were completely broken up, I wouldn't have even been on their minds. I know that concept ruffles some feathers and makes people uncomfortable, but looking back on 30t years of dating and relationships -it's a fact and it works. 1
Shining One Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 How about a happy medium? No $500. No "drop a few bucks."His advice was a happy medium. Instead of spending $500 before confirmed interest, I spend a few bucks before confirmed interest and then increase spending after confirmed interest. This way, I'm not throwing away money on uninterested women. Out of curiosity, what would you consider an appropriate amount of money to spend on a woman who hasn't yet confirmed interest in a man?
Renton Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 - Don't let your friends hook you up. This is the best dating lesson i have learned. Been set up with best friend's wife's sister, her best friend, her cousin, her workmates. My friendship with my best friend is still good but its not as good as it was before these "set ups". And that is just one of my friends. My friends have finally got the message and no longer try and set me up, thank god.
calvincline47 Posted May 22, 2015 Posted May 22, 2015 I think you and Enigma are misinterpreting it a little bit. If someone is fully invested in the relationship, it's going to get shut down and not go very far at all. Part of what I am saying is that a lot of people just simply aren't as invested as others may believe them to be. There are lots of people dating someone to one degree or another but are still open for other offers whether they advertise that fact or not. That may not be a comfortable fact but it is simply a fact. And of course I am not saying that ALL women are ripe for the pickings. I'm just saying that there are lots of people out there who haven't truly taken themselves off of the market yet, even though at first glance they may appear to be. I'm just saying take the chance and don't wait around untill someone is completely free and clear. If you (and I'm primarily talking to the guys here) wait untill some nice, cute chick is completely free and clear, you are going to burn up your youth waiting. When you are old and gray, you will never regret a rejection and regret making some old church lady shake her head and wag her finger saying, "no, no, no!" You are probably not even going to regret some pissed off BF showing up on your doorstep (been there, done that. Don't regret it a bit) But you will regret sitting on your hands doing nothing while waiting for the best girls to becoming completely free and single. This isn't true for everyone. I'm a guy in my late 20s. I've certainly missed out on plenty of "opportunities" with women. But I honestly don't regret any of them at all. I actually think that I've made pretty good decisions thus far in life. Overall, I've never regretted approaching, but I also never regret NOT approaching. It simply doesn't matter at all to me.
sandylee1 Posted May 22, 2015 Posted May 22, 2015 - Don't waste time when a guy isn't serious and you are - Don't put up with guys who don't call when they say they will - Always go out on a date with enough cash/funds to get home (my friend learnt the hard way on this one)
Hawaii51 Posted May 22, 2015 Posted May 22, 2015 @OP, Mean what you say and say what you mean, and do more walking than talking. 1
Auspecial Posted May 22, 2015 Posted May 22, 2015 His advice was a happy medium. Instead of spending $500 before confirmed interest, I spend a few bucks before confirmed interest and then increase spending after confirmed interest. This way, I'm not throwing away money on uninterested women. Out of curiosity, what would you consider an appropriate amount of money to spend on a woman who hasn't yet confirmed interest in a man? I think a guy should already have an idea of an interest level before they even go out. If there is any interest at all, and there would be for her to want to spend time together, I think $10-$30 is reasonable. Its the price of an ice cream, a latte, a margarita, or an appetizer. Its the amount of money you would easily spend going out anyway, regardless of if she went with you. If you are really broke and there is mutual interest, spend $0-$5. If you just got a monetary windfall, spend $200. I've had all these happen. To me the bottom line is that it should not be about the money. You should spend what you want and are able to, with an open heart and without sour grapes if you don't "get what you want," because its your choice to spend it.
Woggle Posted May 23, 2015 Posted May 23, 2015 People will respect you as much as you respect yourself.
dyna85 Posted May 24, 2015 Posted May 24, 2015 Here are a few of the lessons I have learned in the dating arena: If a guy's primary form of communication is texting versus calling, don't give him the time of day. Heed the red flags. Don't wait on this. The sooner, the better. Don't waste your time on a guy with any of the following qualities: disrespectful, cheap, uncommunicative, inconsiderate, emotionally unavailable, dishonest. Dating someone should be fun and not add extreme stress to your life. If your gut is telling you something is not right (or many things for that matter), RUN, don't walk. Lol. Pain is temporary. (It may hurt to leave when you've developed feelings for someone, but there's no sense in wasting more time than necessary when the person doesn't have the qualities you're seeking and/or you don't have similar relationship goals in mind.) Know your worth & don't give up!
Tread Carefully Posted May 25, 2015 Posted May 25, 2015 Always be yourself and don't play mind games.
Anderlie Posted May 26, 2015 Posted May 26, 2015 I've written this before and I think it applies here: The best advice I can give is what worked for me: I turned off my 'give a s**t.' In other words, I did exactly what I wanted to do with regards to dating a guy. If I wanted to talk to him I did, if I wanted to go out with him I did, if I wanted to make out with him I did, if I wanted to have sex with him I did, if I wanted to explain to him what my hopes were for dating him I did. And he could either get on board or go away. Honestly I saved myself soooo much angst and worrying over what he meant by this or that or whyyyy wasn't he responding to meeeee?! Because bleh, I told him what I was after - there was no ambiguity - and what I wanted didn't necessarily jive with what he wanted and it was ok. Yes it's hard if you liked the guy but in the end isn't he doing you both a favour? You save yourself x amount of extra time worrying and can move on to someone whose aspirations match your own. 1
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