Mevi Posted May 17, 2015 Posted May 17, 2015 Hi. It's been a year since me and my ex broke up, and I'm still struggling and miss her as much as I did the first few weeks of the break up. Strict no contact is in place. I thought by now even if I still missed her, I would be feeling better and coping with the situation, but that just isn't the case. We were together for 6 years, and although we are from different countries, lived together for 5 of them. I try my best not to think about her or how she's doing, to keep myself busy and set my mind to progressing with tasks I've set myself such as weight loss, learning bass and a bunch of other stuff, yet here I am still thinking about her all the time a year later. Even though she's moved on, probably with another guy, and not thinking of me ever, I can't shake the feelings I have. I feel ridiculous and stupid for being this way, I wish I could turn those memories, and feelings off, I just can't. I guess I don't even know if I'm looking for help because there isn't much, I know time heals wounds etc, etc - I just wanted to get this off my chest. I feel weak for not being able to move on and be happy again. She really meant the world to me.
ColdandLonelyinAK Posted May 17, 2015 Posted May 17, 2015 Have you maybe considered talking to a counselor/therapist about your feelings? I know if I still felt that way after a year, I'd seriously consider it. Perhaps you haven't vocalizied your pain properly and that is why you're taking much longer to progress.
guest569 Posted May 17, 2015 Posted May 17, 2015 Hi. It's been a year since me and my ex broke up, and I'm still struggling and miss her as much as I did the first few weeks of the break up. Strict no contact is in place. I thought by now even if I still missed her, I would be feeling better and coping with the situation, but that just isn't the case. Ugh, i can totally relate. Its about 1.5 yrs for me. Would the anniversary of the break up have made things worse or has it been this way all along? I have no advice as I am just as mystified by my own grief.. 1
Author Mevi Posted May 17, 2015 Author Posted May 17, 2015 I think the anniversary of the breakup sure didn't help but it's the way I've been feeling every day too. I've tried therapy but it didn't work for me personally. So I'm just hoping that with time it will hurt less and less. No such luck this far though.
SycamoreCircle Posted May 17, 2015 Posted May 17, 2015 It really is time. I'm a little over a year. We had an unsavory end. Yes, anniversaries are going to hit you. But going into this second year NC, the dates don't mean as much. You can say to yourself, "two years ago this day such and such happened." But it starts to sound ridiculous. And all of the feelings come in cyclic washes. You go through the same feelings again, but to a lesser degree. Think of it as a t-shirt that's been put in an endless wash cycle with bleach. Eventually, hopefully, all the color will be drained out. That's sort of a pathetic analogy, but I think we have to wear the shirt out to move on... 1
imbax Posted May 17, 2015 Posted May 17, 2015 I am 1 month post BU and I feel worse than I did than in the first few weeks. I can only imagine its gonna get worse here on out. Can't imagine what I would feel after a year, I am guessing probably the same by the way you have been feeling. I'm doing everything right but I am still cut.
d0nnivain Posted May 17, 2015 Posted May 17, 2015 Yours wasn't some casual fling. I have heard it can take as much as 1/2 the length of the relationship to get over a break up so you are only 1 year in. It should not hurt as acutely as it did in the immediate aftermath but you have had some time to process. Other than therapy what have you done to try to heal? Have you put away all the trinkets & other things that remind you of her? Have you put away all the photos? Also try rearranging your living environment so it doesn't remind you so much of her. You may want to give a different therapist a whirl. They are not one size fits all.
dyna85 Posted May 17, 2015 Posted May 17, 2015 I know it's not of much assistance, but I think everyone heals at their own pace. I am confused by my feelings too and am comforted a bit by this thread to know that someone else also is struggling to move on, despite the passage of time. Sounds like your love for her was unconditional and she can't really do wrong in your eyes. That IS a tough thing to move past. It's not like you can cancel out your care for her if you love her in spite of everything. Six years is a really long time together. That's like family. I think it makes sense that you're still thinking of her often and feelings are feelings. You can't beat yourself up for feeling this way. It just is what it is. I don't know how to shake these feelings either and like you, I wish there was an 'off' switch. I think your last sentence sums it up pretty well. If you feel that way, that she meant the world to you, how do you shut down that feeling? I'd like to know this too.
drallafi Posted May 18, 2015 Posted May 18, 2015 It takes as long as it takes. *shrug* My last breakup took a year and some change to really start feeling better. You'll get there.
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