rosadeldesierto Posted May 17, 2015 Posted May 17, 2015 Hi everybody, Months ago I posted here that I am a 49 years old but look younger than my real age, and that I have been having this huge crush with a coworker who is 19 years younger. The last guessing of a 26 years old female new coworker about my age it was that I am 36. My friends same age as me, they saw some pictures of my crush and in their opinion he looks like 45. He makes effort to look older and sure he has a thing for the old stuff! Here many loveshackers gave me advice and told me to ask him out and see. I chickened out but 2 weeks ago finally things were set and I made the first move. I have to say that I read tons about the signs when someone likes you and he showed almost everything: fidgeting, a trembling voice, always dropping his things on the floor while talking to me, smiling, popping up everywhere, talking about his family, personal things, long staring, scanning my face, big loving eyes, a lifted eyebrow and a big etc. except for the most important like making questions about me or giving compliments. Here are the facts: the company we work for, hires foreign young people who use to stay in my country for no more than 2 years in a row. My crush was here for 2 years and now he quit so he’s coming back to his country in one month and half… Sigh… In the last months, once a week he has been waiting for me after journey and we ended up outside the building having long conversations. It is always about work and him. 2 weeks ago, I just dropped him that maybe we should go out before he leaves the country but I said: “just he and I”... He uses to hang out all the time with his friends (the rest of foreign coworkers plus the local young ones). I know he has no girlfriend. He said that it would be interesting to do something “separated”. I realized he didn’t show any interest so I decided not going further. My invitation was vague in purpose. The next week we were together after work again and I told him that I loved the culture of his country when it comes to be open with their feelings. He said he didn’t understand local people here in terms of saying to do something and after they just don’t do a thing. He mentioned that he invited some people for dinner and they just never showed up or even called to cancel. He was wondering if that was rude or just customs. I said it was rude and unfortunately I misread. I told him that I was not that way and still thinking of going out and asked him for suggestions of a restaurant close to workplace. He pointed to one in front of us. Next Monday in the morning I asked him if he had plans with his friends for Thursday. He said no then I asked if it was ok to go out for dinner that day after work. Friday we were going to be off and would have a long weekend. He said “awesome” and thumbed up. On Wednesday we crossed paths then I asked him if he was still on having dinner together then he said it was not a good idea since yes, he had plans with his friends. Oh, my!... I almost could hear my heart blowing out…. I just said: no problem, some other time. Because he didn’t even suggest any other day so I got the point crystal clear. I struggled all that weekend feeling so embarrassed, with my self esteem under ground... Feeling awful and ridiculous. When we came back from the long weekend, he showed up in my office to ask for my opinion on something he posted on fb. We are not friends there, by the way. Next day he showed up again in my office again to ask me a favor. I treated him polite and natural. That week I was trying to move on and was self confident since it was no way to cross paths with him at the end of journey because my schedule. This week, I figured out and decided to avoid him at all cost. We all use to leave very sharp so it is like a reunion in the line to check out so I decided to change my routine and leave work later than usual. According my plan, yesterday I did that in purpose. I took my time heading to the time clock place and somehow I turned around and he was behind me. No doubt he was waiting for me to see why I was not showing up as usual after 2 years! He joined me and we spent extra time out of the building chatting again. My head has been spinning looking for the reasons he had for not accepting to go out. He doesn’t know my real age and maybe someone told him then freaked out. The only time he asked me if I was going to join him and his friends, it was last year for Thanksgiving. They organized a dinner and invited all coworkers. He was going to cook the turkey. He asked me if I was going to be there and I said no and honestly I couldn’t attend. We have been working in common with a customer but it is not urgent and sure we can do that by email. Now he asked me to have a meeting just he and I to outline some report and later having a next meeting with the customer. I am not sure what the point is. I don’t think my conversation can be so deep and interesting since I am not really fluent when it comes to speak English. The fact is that when we are done at work, we just want to run away literally speaking. We are burnt out so nobody wants to spend an extra minute except the bosses. My question is crazy but I cannot handle the fact of keeping my real feelings bottled up. This year I have been planning to tell him about I had a crush on him for all this time and I don’t know why I want to do this since I know that is pointless. I just want to vent or maybe I am just seeking closure in advance. Am I nuts? I don’t know what I am expecting. I mean, my ego was hurt. Nothing can be between us: the age gap, he is moving to his country, I hate long distance relationships but I feel this urge to be relieved of those feelings before he leaves. And one more question: why is he flirting again this way? Thank you so much for your patience reading this.
La.Primavera Posted May 17, 2015 Posted May 17, 2015 When he talks to you and flirts with you he can see that you like him and it makes him feel good about himself. Its a game. He ditched you when you made plans so he could hang out with other friends which was very rude and inconsiderate. If you tell him how you feel, do it for yourself for closure. Personally, I wouldn't bother feeding his ego any further. In a year from now when he is no longer part of your life you will wonder why you cared so much about this guy. You deserve better.
Author rosadeldesierto Posted May 17, 2015 Author Posted May 17, 2015 La.Primavera, He likes the ego boost When he talks to you and flirts with you he can see that you like him and it makes him feel good about himself. Its a game. Yes, many times I felt as if I were his toy. He ditched you when you made plans so he could hang out with other friends which was very rude and inconsiderate. I thought that I was the rude when I discarded his friends then I put them first, but I got the point: it was his chance to be with me and when you are interested in someone, of course nothing can stop you from doing that. If you tell him how you feel, do it for yourself for closure. Personally, I wouldn't bother feeding his ego any further. In a year from now when he is no longer part of your life you will wonder why you cared so much about this guy. You deserve better. I agree 100% with you and will follow your advice. Thanks so so much for your insight! Hugs and blessings, R.
Recommended Posts