anotheroneguy Posted May 17, 2015 Posted May 17, 2015 Hello guys, First I would like to thank you for all the stories I read and which put others words about what I feel. I am writing those words because today is a special occasion for me (and "us"). I am writing this because today I want to react to some points I read here. English is not my native language but I hope you will understand my feeling. I will try to be as short as I can to explain my story (and hopefully she will never see this). As some of you guys I was dumped by a girl because of this : I am 25 ans she is 21. I met her 2 years ago (today) and our story was amazing, love at the first sight, realize it was more than an honeymoon state it was a real beautifull story. I was her best friend, her lover, her boyfriend and she was everything for me. She suceed to convince me I was "the one" (one of them at least, because we would be all agree there is not only one). Talked about futur, our wedding and she told me beautifull things as " I can't imagine a better boyfriend than you, I don't know how I was so lucky", "I will love you forever", " I can't think about someone who treat me better than you, love me more than you or support me more than you" etc... I hope it would talk to someone. We had hard time together and at some point couple months ago after an argument she told me she might want a break, because she was affraid to miss out something, that there was something wrong (probably as I read this little tingly thing which was in her guts and pop up again and again). At this time I didn't accept it (the break up) and told her that if she would want to break she has to do it and not play with me because i knew what it meant. She told me that being on the edge of break up made her realized that she didn't want to lose me, that the only thing she knew was that she wanted to be with me, she loved me and wanted to finish with me, get married and have children with me but we might talk about it again if her feelings wouldn't change. At this point I push all my love for her (and I could detail everything I did,even before, everything I could have done again, because literally as you, I could put the world on her knees if she wanted to), I try to show my best to hopefully change her mind. Of course, one month ago she broked up with me telling me "I love you but not the same way as I did", " I thought I would spend my life with you but that love didn't last", "I feel that we would be better if we not be together", "I love you but if we stay together our relationship wouldn't be equal and I feel that I couldn't be as happy as I should or as I could", "you are perfect, a perfect boyfriend but not perfect for me anymore". After couple weeks where I couldn't stop to talk with her (I am human, it is hard for me...), she told me that she can't stop to love me like that, she still think it was the best decision, that she miss everything of me but she hoped this eventually disapear. Words that might talk to you, I hope this sound familiar to some of you. I am in the healing process and read from you was defenitly helpfull. I am an independant guy, I was alone before her, I suffer from love before her, I am a lucky guy, I am weathly, not so bad looking, I have a lot of fun, a lot of hobbies, a lot of friend,I am smart, I am rich, I always got the girls I wanted (even if I think all of them broke more or less my heart and later came back in some way). But this is the things, when you shared what we did, when the symbiosis is there and you know it, it is not idea. It is hard to move on, because even if you can admit there could be better girl, they won't be her and you have to destroy your dream and your plan. That is why I am here right now, because your words are as helpull as painfull. I know relationship and women pretty well and I know and agree that she did the right thing. I can't blame her to claim her happiness and I don't want her to stay with me for me. We would be all agree that it is the best for me too and I understand it and thank her to set me free of this and being honnest with me. I accepted that she won't come back and don't want it unless she will tell me she made the worst mistake of her life (which apparently didn't happen). But your words are awfull, there are billions of girls out but there are billions of guys too. That means there are billions of guys too and she will be as (or even more) happy without me. What makes me feel better one second kill me the second later. Because she once again convinced me I was unique, which is apprently not true. When other people get jealous of what she got, it was bull**** too, she will get it somewhere else ! everything which made me and her happy was just so comon and that the biggest problem about everything you guys said. I will be happy so she will (and apparently is before me...). My other problem with LS is the women never come back debat. I get everything you all said. But... It kill me to think there is only one way to go, you can get in love, change your feeling but when it is done, it is done... The couple girls I loved in my life are amazing and even if I moved on I still see them as amazing partner. I will never go back with them because they dumped me (even this one is a little bite different), but I still see them as wonderfull partner for me or I would have had long and great stories with them. I am in NC because I need to move on but I still have her on facebook because I need to accept it as a part of my past life and leave everything shouldn't be an option. However, I see the bad part of it, creeping on her profil and see stuff (even if it is only details). And as someone here said "imagine the worst because that is what happen". It hurts but it is her choice, her life and that is! It hurts not because it is life but because it might be one of you guys, it might be just a really amazing guy and she has the right to be happy. I just see so many people struggle with realtionship and be really unhappy and it hurts to think she is really happier without me and that is why she will never regret and go back. I am just one of the bilions, I am just one who can't be regreted and it selfishly is painfull I believed her when she told me I was different.
silverliningplaybook Posted May 17, 2015 Posted May 17, 2015 She said that she doesn't want to miss out on something, but at the same time doesn't want to lose you. From a female's perspective who is 21 as well, that does make sense. It is easy being young and losing yourself in a relationship and when a relationship starts to go south, a smart move is to get out early. Now i'm sure you two had a bond and she has feelings for you so a art of her doesn't want to do that. However, you need to give her a break somewhere from 6 months to a year and see what she does. Be prepared for her to not come back or be with someone else. There's a chance that she's with someone else out of loneliness or because she wants to move on. If she doesn't come back its not meant to be. You aren't just one of the many people who have been hurt, you are also one of the many people who have a lot of love to give.
devilish innocent Posted May 17, 2015 Posted May 17, 2015 You won't ever be one of billions of guys to her, and she won't be one of billions of girls to you. You've shared something special with each other. That will always remain with both of you. It's just that things weren't as perfect as you'd thought if the relationship ended. You have other paths that your lives were meant to take. You will find that you'll be fine without her. When you reach that point, you'll want the best for her as well.
Author anotheroneguy Posted May 17, 2015 Author Posted May 17, 2015 Thank you for your answer She made the things really clear and she was right to do it, our relationship wasn't perfect, we had our issues (some of them will be solve unfortunately but it is too late). @silverliningplaybook you seem to understand her somehow, she had told me she wished she felt differently and she tried to. I had doubts too. I probably made mistakes too (she wasn't really talkative about problems we had or maybe I didn't listen it as I should have). I probably push her away when she talked about break and pushed even more my love which might have made the relationship even more inequal. Even if my heart don't want what happened my brain still work and "understand" her. I always wanted the best for her and obviously for me too, that is why I do my best to heal and move on as quick as possible (trying to not skip steps). I know I am a really lucky guy in life and I can go through difficult time in my life. Do I regret her decision or our relationship : not one second ! I wanted just to share some of my thought, that is why I had to explain a little bite what happened and for you to understand why I was so involve in this relationship, because not everybody will tell me what she told me. My life will go on and I know I can take care of myself but I know I can say that my life won't be better without her, it will be different and hopefully I will find the love of my life but I miss her for what she is and what she could have give me. That is why I think sometime LS sad, it happened what it should have, however I feel sad that she will never feel that I am valuable as a man for her life anymore and that she won't regret me (not the relationship). That is why I said that I can't wait her but I know that all the important girls in my life as just amazing (with their defaults) and I still consider them as good girlfriend even for me. I am well supported and here I can see words for dumpers and dumpees which are just so true and universal. I can't stop to think it looks so simple sometimes and that nothing could change. Love is a risk and I lose with her and it is not the end of the world (luckily for you ). That is just boring to think mistakes can't happen !
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