Under The Radar Posted May 17, 2015 Posted May 17, 2015 I'm not talking about several dates in with the same woman ...... I'm saying date one over a coffee. If I know a second date is not something I'm interested in should I mention that before we part ways ...... especially if she seems interested in me? I always pick up the phone and contact her if we have seen each other a few times to say it's not a match. I try to be as sensitive and kind, when delivering the news, as possible. Usually they thank me for being honest and not dropping off the face of the earth. The people I've asked IRL, including many women, have told me no ...... spare the person's feelings with a "white lie". If they contact you later, after the first meet up, then you can tell them you are not interested ...... don't tell them face to face if you were strangers the day before because it can be unnecessarily hurtful. Thoughts ...... opinions ...... advice?
TunaCat Posted May 17, 2015 Posted May 17, 2015 As a woman, I am very much a straight shooter and would be totally okay with a date finishing and the guy saying that he didn't think we were a good match. I think the sooner you realize someone is not a match for you, the quicker everyone can move on. I seem to be in the minority on this though. 1
Author Under The Radar Posted May 17, 2015 Author Posted May 17, 2015 As a woman, I am very much a straight shooter and would be totally okay with a date finishing and the guy saying that he didn't think we were a good match. I think the sooner you realize someone is not a match for you, the quicker everyone can move on. I seem to be in the minority on this though. Thanks for you thoughts ...... it does seem to be a polarizing topic ...... and no one seems to agree ...... it's like you are damned if you do and damned if you don't :/
Guitarisgood Posted May 17, 2015 Posted May 17, 2015 Thanks for you thoughts ...... it does seem to be a polarizing topic ...... and no one seems to agree ...... it's like you are damned if you do and damned if you don't :/ Each to their own but I like to let sleeping dogs lie. If she doesn't hear from you and you don't contact, it's a win-win and you can remain on good terms to if your paths cross again. If she does contact you then thats when you let them know but in a good way. I never blame them but always MYSELF and always leave it on good terms even if it's as friends. You never know, she may end up as your new CEO boss at a job interview down the track.
jen1447 Posted May 17, 2015 Posted May 17, 2015 I tend to think not pursuing followup dates should speak for itself. BUT, I wouldn't avoid communication attempts to that end, and if the other actually asked what I thought about the potential, I'd tell them, very graciously but honestly. Ending a date with "let's not see each other anymore" or a future evaluation seems too much like a debriefing to me.
aloneinaz Posted May 17, 2015 Posted May 17, 2015 I think it's "known" to most single people that after a date, if you don't hear from the other again, there was no connection nor desire to see each other again. I've send texts a day or two after a first date and got radio silence in return. I'm totally fine w/that. I've also not replied to women who've texted me a day or two after a first date. I had one date I'll never forget. The women came to the date and was considerably heavier than her pictures. Clearly, they were old pics. I had a drink or two with her and gave her a hug and left. She texted me like an hour later asking what I thought of her and would I want to see her again.. THAT really turned me off though I had no interest in seeing her again anyway. I nicely replied after her 2nd text 10 minutes late that I did NOT feel a connection. She got pissed and then (I'm not making this up), sent me a full frontal nude photo of herself saying "then you'll never get your hands on this".. Yea, she was considerably lighter in that pic. SO, they kind of reinforced w/me that radio silence was better.. 1
SmartDude Posted May 17, 2015 Posted May 17, 2015 I think the most important thing is to not treat the other person like crap if it's not a match. Your not wasting thier time, Your not wasting your own time...It just didn't work out. Treat each other as human beings, see the humor in the situation. Good vibes, move on. 2
neowulf Posted May 17, 2015 Posted May 17, 2015 I usually just end with .. "It was wonderful meeting you, thanks for making the time to meet. Good luck in your search" If I'm interested in a second date, I usually make it known at some point during the first date. 3
road Posted May 17, 2015 Posted May 17, 2015 Better to be honest. Always be honest with tact and care. That said there are those (sending topless photos saying you will never get those) that will not respond well. Do not take those responses personally. Take that response as why they are not in a relationship. So let those responses roll off of your back.
Philosopher Posted May 17, 2015 Posted May 17, 2015 I have always thought this is a tough one. In the past when I felt we were not a good match I have either told them in a text afterwards that I felt we were not a good match or sent them a text saying it was nice to meet up you today but did not suggest meeting up again. The former I thought while being honest was unnecessarily hurting their feelings. The latter I thought could be wrongly interpreted as a sign that I was interested in meeting up again. Generally my view now is that at the end of the date it is best to part ways without mentioning meeting up. After the date do not initiate any communication with them. If they do contact you after the date, then reply with a message saying "it was nice to meet you the other day, but I am afraid I did not feel any chemistry. Good luck", or something similar. 1
d0nnivain Posted May 17, 2015 Posted May 17, 2015 I would rather not get my hopes up. Be courteous but do say something so she's not waiting & wondering.
bu2002 Posted May 17, 2015 Posted May 17, 2015 i usually don't have a good read on things until after the initial meeting and if a girl texts afterwards. In my experience, 9 times out of 10 if a girl is interested, she is sending a "thanks" text at some point afterwards. If I'm not interested, I will let her know in as polite as a way as I can.
strawberryshortstack Posted May 17, 2015 Posted May 17, 2015 I'm not talking about several dates in with the same woman ...... I'm saying date one over a coffee. If I know a second date is not something I'm interested in should I mention that before we part ways ...... especially if she seems interested in me? I always pick up the phone and contact her if we have seen each other a few times to say it's not a match. I try to be as sensitive and kind, when delivering the news, as possible. Usually they thank me for being honest and not dropping off the face of the earth. The people I've asked IRL, including many women, have told me no ...... spare the person's feelings with a "white lie". If they contact you later, after the first meet up, then you can tell them you are not interested ...... don't tell them face to face if you were strangers the day before because it can be unnecessarily hurtful. Thoughts ...... opinions ...... advice? I prefer to know right away.I don't need the exact reasons, "thank you for coming out, I had a good time, but I don't think we're a match." is just fine. It doesn't have to be at the end of the date, it can be a message, or even a text later that evening or the next day. I hate, hate, hate when they say "Let's do this again." and then I never hear from them again.
carhill Posted May 17, 2015 Posted May 17, 2015 Having received many overt and covert 'no's' in my past dating life, I settled on a philosophy that anything other than an enthusiastic 'yes' was a 'no' and accepted that without prejudice, meaning a woman who stated 'we aren't a good match' was viewed the same as one who simply disappeared. After all, with billions of people on the planet, how many of them do any of us give the time of day to? Practically none. Of those we do, how many do we explain why we don't interact with them anymore? Very few. Life simply goes on. In any event, most of my received 'no's' in my dating life were covert no's and that's simply how it went. Since those women were either married or had been married or LTR'ed in their lives, it goes without saying they were successful with men and continued to be so. It works.
gaius Posted May 17, 2015 Posted May 17, 2015 I usually turn off my sexy side and become very boring and formal. Or do whatever else I think will turn them off. So they come away from it unharmed and think they've rejected me.
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