spiderowl Posted May 16, 2015 Posted May 16, 2015 I don't know if this is the right forum but couldn't see which would be. I've just been on a 'meet' with a guy I've been chatting to for some time. I have met him before some time ago now and he got in touch with me again. Since he got in touch he's been quite erratic and confusing. Well, we finally met but he was totally unaffectionate. He was kind to me but a little distant. I guess he wasn't at all attracted in real life. He cut the meeting short - well I felt he did though it was a couple of hours - and did not give me a hug goodbye even as a friend might. I can understand a guy not feeling attracted to me. That's fine, we can't help how we feel. But I'm still puzzled as to why he got back in touch with me after meeting previously and then has been like this. We are obviously not suited. I don't know how I feel ... sad, hurt, shaken even. When we have talked, he's always been very abrupt if I mentioned any previous dates I'd had (not with him) and was clearly not happy with the idea I had ever seen anyone else - not that I forced this on him but occasionally the subject cropped up. Now I'm confused yet again. I know he's not interested but again I can't imagine him being comfortable with me seeking or showing interest in anyone else. It's a most weird feeling. Maybe I'm wrong and tomorrow he'll say he's not interested and good luck with your search or something, I don't know. I just wish it had all been more postive. It's not nice feeling like this
Gloria25 Posted May 16, 2015 Posted May 16, 2015 I feel ya... Take it with a grain of salt my dear... And next time, don't put all your eggs in one basket. Make sure you keep your options open. That's dating for ya....Imagine actually "dating" him for 1 1/2 - 2 years then realizing you two weren't a match? All that time invested y nada. Well, that's dating, we have to make time to get to know the person and sometimes it doesn't work out. I know, we all ask the "why" questions. But, at the end of the day, for whatever reason you two weren't gonna make it and better sooner rather than later. Also, that's the thing about "reconnecting" with someone you haven't seen in the longest. Sometimes we (or maybe even him) had a lot of expectations that may be over inflated based on the past and when they actually reconnect with you and see how you two changed and stuff - it's pretty much like meeting someone anew. So, I know, rejection sucks and when things don't work out it sucks...but you'll be ok kiddo...give it some time. We have to endure our emotions and move on. 2
Author spiderowl Posted May 16, 2015 Author Posted May 16, 2015 I feel ya... Take it with a grain of salt my dear... And next time, don't put all your eggs in one basket. Make sure you keep your options open. That's dating for ya....Imagine actually "dating" him for 1 1/2 - 2 years then realizing you two weren't a match? All that time invested y nada. Well, that's dating, we have to make time to get to know the person and sometimes it doesn't work out. I know, we all ask the "why" questions. But, at the end of the day, for whatever reason you two weren't gonna make it and better sooner rather than later. Also, that's the thing about "reconnecting" with someone you haven't seen in the longest. Sometimes we (or maybe even him) had a lot of expectations that may be over inflated based on the past and when they actually reconnect with you and see how you two changed and stuff - it's pretty much like meeting someone anew. So, I know, rejection sucks and when things don't work out it sucks...but you'll be ok kiddo...give it some time. We have to endure our emotions and move on. Thanks Gloria, I guess reconnecting didn't work, even though it was at his instigation. Was just feeling very sorry for myself. I appreciate your thoughts. 2
Author spiderowl Posted May 16, 2015 Author Posted May 16, 2015 He sounds very unhappy and shut down. Thanks Satu. He seemed cheerful enough but just not very connected with me. He did mention a woman from his past who hadn't been interested in him. He still bumps into her occasionally and they chat. Maybe he's still attached to her. Regardless, he didn't seem attracted to me. It's a blow but at least I can move on now, when I feel a bit better 1
Gloria25 Posted May 16, 2015 Posted May 16, 2015 Thanks Satu. He seemed cheerful enough but just not very connected with me. He did mention a woman from his past who hadn't been interested in him. He still bumps into her occasionally and they chat. Maybe he's still attached to her. Regardless, he didn't seem attracted to me. It's a blow but at least I can move on now, when I feel a bit better Well, he seems to be a bit indecisive and flakey... See, while we perceive someone's rejection as something wrong with "us", we gotta remember that people have their own stuff going on too. You may be the best thing since slice bread, but if they want to remain single and/or don't feel they are good enough for slice bread and will settle for biscuits - then, nothing's wrong with you or them...it's just not a match. 3
Author spiderowl Posted May 17, 2015 Author Posted May 17, 2015 Well, he seems to be a bit indecisive and flakey... See, while we perceive someone's rejection as something wrong with "us", we gotta remember that people have their own stuff going on too. You may be the best thing since slice bread, but if they want to remain single and/or don't feel they are good enough for slice bread and will settle for biscuits - then, nothing's wrong with you or them...it's just not a match. Thanks Gloria, I understand. So hard not to take it personally though. I just hope he doesn't pile on the pain and tell me he's not interested now. I already know it. 1
Author spiderowl Posted May 17, 2015 Author Posted May 17, 2015 Could he be crippled by social anxiety? Not this one preraph, he doesn't seem to have any problem dealing with people ordinarily and seemed confident enough. I think he's just not interested. The woman he mentioned was apparently 'athletic'. I probably don't fit that description. I feel it was significant he mentioned it though.
preraph Posted May 17, 2015 Posted May 17, 2015 Sorry. I guess he's just not a good match. Oh, well, the right one is out there. Keep trying. 2
thefooloftheyear Posted May 17, 2015 Posted May 17, 2015 Sounds like he was going to use you for sex, but changed his mind or had a crisis of conscience..Hence why he got in touch with you again.. I know that sounds harsh, but just an observation..from a male perspective.. Sorry... TFY
Author spiderowl Posted May 17, 2015 Author Posted May 17, 2015 Sounds like he was going to use you for sex, but changed his mind or had a crisis of conscience..Hence why he got in touch with you again.. I know that sounds harsh, but just an observation..from a male perspective.. Sorry... TFY Don't think so somehow, given his cool attitude but all comments are appreciated.
autumnnight Posted May 17, 2015 Posted May 17, 2015 I can understand your feeling, spider. Even if you weren't all that invested, it still stings when someone seemed to want to be with you then is cool or disinterested. There's no shame in being a bit down about it. but try to move on and remember why you are awesome It sucks in the moment, but I agree with Gloria. Better to feel it on the second date than a year or so into it when it would be crushing, if that makes sense. There may be something to tfy's thought too. He's horny, frustrated, and thinks while sitting at home, "Hey, that spider was pretty cute. Maybe she'd scratch my itch." Then once he sees you he's had time to cool down, or he feels bad about it, or he's just indecisive. In any of those cases it's a blessing in disguise. Go buy some shoes and everything will be better lol 2
misspond Posted May 17, 2015 Posted May 17, 2015 Sorry to read that you're feeling down spiderowl - you have my commiserations but the thing to take away from this is that at least (once you've worked through your feelings) you won't be spending any more time with someone who's really not that into you. Remember that you are in fact awesome, as we all are, and that cannot be taken away from you. 1
gaius Posted May 17, 2015 Posted May 17, 2015 Nah, this guy never wanted sex. We talked about this before spider, how your interests and his were aligned as far as physical intimacy was concerned. That you both just wanted someone for that emotional part. Or you wouldn't have had all those exchanges online, and kept drifting back to each other time and time again. Maybe he finally gave in to meet because you kept threatening to stop talking to him, but it's never going anywhere in the physical department. It was always doomed to this. But maybe you could get yourself comfortable with the fact that's all you really want right now, and have a satisfying thing with this guy. Without feeling pressured to take it further because that's just what you're supposed to do.
Author spiderowl Posted May 17, 2015 Author Posted May 17, 2015 Thanks Gaius but he did mention the athletic woman and other comments he's made suggest he has a thing about this (as do many so I can't complain). Just stings a bit to have someone be so cold when they've been talking to you for so long. It sure brings home the lack of empathy.
jen1447 Posted May 17, 2015 Posted May 17, 2015 Sometimes we just have to feel crappy spiderowl. Happens to the best of us.
Author spiderowl Posted May 18, 2015 Author Posted May 18, 2015 Sometimes we just have to feel crappy spiderowl. Happens to the best of us. It would be nice if it weren't so frequent jen
Author spiderowl Posted May 19, 2015 Author Posted May 19, 2015 Aww, that's so sweet Jen Thanks all for your support. I'm still a bit down about it all but I expect I'll bounce back eventually.
Recommended Posts