Is it hard to have a sexual/casual thing with someone you respect?

[Gloria25]

Over the years, I've hit on guys what sorta "knew" me professionally and/or personally.

 

A couple of them, I believe while I said I'd be cool with seeing them casually - they seemed to "respect" me enough where they did not want that kind of thing with me.

 

I mean, one guy said that he didn't want to be my FWB, cuz he didn't want to 'take advantage of me like that'

 

So, I'm just curious guys (even gals)...do you find it hard to get down and nasty with a woman (or guy) you actually "respect"?

[RoseVille]

It's impossible for me to have something sexual with someone I respect and not catch feelings. Therefore, sex with someone I respect can never be casual, for me.

[Gloria25]

It's impossible for me to have something sexual with someone I respect and not catch feelings. Therefore, sex with someone I respect can never be casual, for me.

 

Well, I don't see it as them afraid they'd catch feelings...I see it more of them not wanting to be casual with someone they respect. Like let's say your a con person, while some con people prey on those closest to them (cuz their easy pickin's) maybe some con people would feel bad about running a game on someone they actually give a hoot about.

 

Not sure if that explains it better?

[RoseVille]

Well, I don't see it as them afraid they'd catch feelings...I see it more of them not wanting to be casual with someone they respect. Like let's say your a con person, while some con people prey on those closest to them (cuz their easy pickin's) maybe some con people would feel bad about running a game on someone they actually give a hoot about.

 

Not sure if that explains it better?

 

Well, of course.

 

If you respect someone, you don't want to use them for your own selfish purposes, doesn't matter what you're using them for. But it's even worse when it's something so special/intimate that you're using them for.

[Ninjainpajamas]

The better question is can a man respect a woman he has casual/sexual thing with...in which the answer is usually no.

 

Men see women generally in tiers...

- prostitute/stripper (baseline)

- casual sex acquaintance (very little difference)

- FWB (little more difference/respect)

- Relationship material (a moderate level of difference/respect)

- Serious relationship material (a moderate level of difference from relationship)

- Marriage material (a huge level of difference from all previous)

 

The first two tiers are pretty close to one another, I mean the guy generally does not see you much as a human being as much as a sex object really, he doesn't really care what your name is, who you are, where you're from and all of that even though he might pretend to be...but of course he won't treat you poorly or act like it, his goal is to make you think he respects you while trying to get you into bed as soon as possible.

 

FWB, a man has to respect you enough as a woman...at least he acknowledges your value as a human being, but generally doesn't see you as relationship material. He still feels a level of manipulation because he knows he is not interested in more and doesn't want to mislead you. Often times women say they are fine with a FWB scenario and then once you start having sex they wonder if things are moving towards relationship material...when in reality there's a pretty large divide from FWB to relationship material, so chances are high that it's a no.

 

Relationship material, a man will make more overt gestures to kind of get to know you, respect you and invest more of his personal time, energy and money (not that this is exclusive behavior towards relationship material), but this is a fairly wider gap and contrast than the categories below this...FWB, casual. Keep in mind, some men will easily feign commitment and a relationship because for them at the end of the day it's easy to get out of a relationship but it's significant to a woman and means moving forward to her.

 

I think women in general have a backwards or very misinformed view of what they see men in terms of "respectful" behavior..it's usually much more often than not simply charm.