dbet Posted May 16, 2015 Posted May 16, 2015 Hey, new member here. I met this girl about 7-8 months ago at a pet store (she works there.) I instantly really liked her but was too big of a wuss to ask her out. I have social anxiety so it was a big deal whenever I went into the store to talk with her.. but it always went well and we usually talked and laughed for like 15-20 mins. That happened maybe 8 or 9 times. She told me where she takes her dogs for walks so I said maybe I'll see her there sometime. Well on Tuesday I finally bumped into her and we walked together and hung out for like 3 hours. She wanted my facebook but I don't have one any more (deactivated it years ago.) We decided to meet up again the next evening. That went really well and we hung out at the park from like 7:45 till almost 12:30am. She gave me her number at the end, and she added me to Skype (she hasn't used it for years.) I told her I didn't txt but I'll setup my phone for it. So next day after work I txt'd her and asked if she wanted ot meetup with the dogs. She said she would but the dogs are too exhausted. I said that's okay. Then she got back and said she would ask if I'd like to go get a drink but I'd be driving and live too far away. TBH, that sort of scared me.. like I said, I have social anxiety and it would be really hard for me to do that. I did say that sounds like fun and we should figure it out sometime. Anyways, I said I'm gonna go to the dog park anyways. On the way, I decided it might be a good idea to pick up 2 beers and txt her... which I did. We finally decided on meeting up at the field behind her house (after she was done cooking dinner with her roomie.) We met up around 9:30'ish and hung out till 1am (even though I had to work next morning.) It went really well and we laughed a lot. She txt'd me right after apologizing for keeping me out so late... she also said "Good night! xx". So yesterday, I txt'd her in the evening (around 7pm) asking wutsup. She said not much, making dinner and watching movies. I asked if she'd like to hang out and it took her like 25 minuets to txt me back saying she would but she has to work in the morning and that she is already pretty tired. I said no worries, if you want to hang out tomorrow after work (today) just let me know. She never got back to me. I went on Skype and she was on so I msg'd her about a video game we were talking about the night before. We talked for a little bit just about the game and then stopped. I msg'd her "have a good night" and went offline. I did notice she went offline 3 minutes after I did (not that that means anything, I tend to over think things lol.) I don't really know what to think since she didn't seem as friendly last night. I don't know if she wants to just be friends? Should I step back a bit? **I totally left out a big part! I creeped her facebook occasionally and she was in a relationship with a woman. As far as I can tell, it was about a 4 year relationship. They broke up the other week! A couple of weeks ago I was at the park and saw her there for the first time. She was with her partner. I was talking to someone else but I was fairly close by. I know 100% she saw me and as soon as she did totally looked the opposite way and she left RIGHT away. I don't know what that was about... because her partner was there?** Thanks
darkmoon Posted May 16, 2015 Posted May 16, 2015 you have a crush on a lesbian, i think she was trying life as a straight girl with you but it was not her thing, so far as i can see
Author dbet Posted May 16, 2015 Author Posted May 16, 2015 you have a crush on a lesbian, i think she was trying life as a straight girl with you but it was not her thing, so far as i can see Maybe, maybe not... but I'm not going to give up that easily.
jen1447 Posted May 16, 2015 Posted May 16, 2015 Timeline - did you hang out w/her before or after the park thing and was the park thing the most recent thing? She likely didn't want her GF to know about you. Also she's showing distinct signs of backing off, so I would most def take a step back. If you start chasing her around now, she'll run further and faster. 1
Author dbet Posted May 16, 2015 Author Posted May 16, 2015 (edited) Timeline - did you hang out w/her before or after the park thing and was the park thing the most recent thing? She likely didn't want her GF to know about you. Also she's showing distinct signs of backing off, so I would most def take a step back. If you start chasing her around now, she'll run further and faster. Thanks for the reply. The park thing, you mean when she took off when she was with her GF? That was a couple weeks ago, so before we started hanging out. We hung out on Tues, Wed, and Thurs. It was last night when she wasn't as friendly. I figured it would be wise idea to back off. I do really like her and hope this turns into something. I guess I need to take it very slow. Edit: She started a FB group recently and has been very active in it, but I noticed yesterday she hadn't been on it (could tell cause the pictures show "Seen by..." Seems a bit out of the ordinary to me. Not sure if something happened yesterday. Edited May 16, 2015 by dbet
jen1447 Posted May 16, 2015 Posted May 16, 2015 If the breakup is recent, they might not be really done yet. Give that space - you don't want to be in the emotional middle of two women under any circumstances.
Author dbet Posted May 16, 2015 Author Posted May 16, 2015 If the breakup is recent, they might not be really done yet. Give that space - you don't want to be in the emotional middle of two women under any circumstances. Hah, that does sound frightening. So should I not txt her at all? What if I go on Skype later and shes online... should I message her?
Gary S Posted May 16, 2015 Posted May 16, 2015 You say you met her 7-8 months ago... when was your first date?
Author dbet Posted May 16, 2015 Author Posted May 16, 2015 You say you met her 7-8 months ago... when was your first date? She works at a pet store and I go in there every once in awhile to get dog food. Whenever we saw each other we would talk for quite awhile. A little over a month ago she told me where she walks her dogs. So I started walking there, hoping to bump into her. I bumped into her on Tuesday and we hung out there for about 3 hours. We decided to meetup again on Wednesday evening to walk the dogs. I don't know if I would call that a date or not.
jen1447 Posted May 16, 2015 Posted May 16, 2015 Hah, that does sound frightening. So should I not txt her at all? What if I go on Skype later and shes online... should I message her? You don't have to go all total silence but just chill. If you happen to see her on skype, wait if she says sth, if she doesn't, leave it, then next time you see her on skype say hi. That sort of thing. Leave the texting for a bit but if a few days go by, text a "how u doin?" Her responses will tell you what you need to know.
Author dbet Posted May 17, 2015 Author Posted May 17, 2015 You don't have to go all total silence but just chill. If you happen to see her on skype, wait if she says sth, if she doesn't, leave it, then next time you see her on skype say hi. That sort of thing. Leave the texting for a bit but if a few days go by, text a "how u doin?" Her responses will tell you what you need to know. Thank you, really appreciate it. Will do that. 1
preraph Posted May 17, 2015 Posted May 17, 2015 There are so many mainly guys on this forum with social anxiety. Here is a perfect example of how limiting it can be if you don't go do the work to get over it. You have, against all odds, met a girl. But now you can't be bothered to drive to see her because it would freak you out. How long do you think that is going to fly? While you're still young and have a lot of life in front of you, just go to a psychologist and get in therapy and behavior modification if necessary and overcome your fears. What if all it took was a medication and you could dispense with this fear that controls your life? Probably it will take both meds and work facing your fears, but you need to get started with it. I've seen the bad result of it firsthand in the marriage of a friend of mine. Living with someone like that is outside of most women's capabilities and tolerance because it keeps you from being able to do your duties with family when that time comes. Of course, you don't want to get help because people with social anxiety never do want to and usually philosophize to find a way to believe they're just fine as is. Good luck with your lady and I hope it gives you a confidence boost, but you have bigger fish to fry.
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