accident_prone Posted May 16, 2015 Posted May 16, 2015 i know it is subjective and depends on the parties involved, but i'm curious as to what is good pacing? backstory: known her about a year but she was in a ltr up until 6 weeks ago (my friend told me) she worked with that friend and i'd visit him and she'd always come over and chat me up. this happened every month or so but she had a dude so i never pursued. she contacted me outta nowhere recently and 4 days later had our first date. she seemed super into it/me. two days later, i ask her out for the end of the week and she agrees. (this date was last night) but the day i asked her out she ended up randomly coming over that night and we watched a movie and fooled around a bit. so that was cool cause she seems so eager to hangout. then we had our date last night and it was good and we ended up back at my house and made out some and cuddled a bit. was nice. things got hot n heavy but she stopped herself cause she "can't sleep with me yet cause she actually likes me" which is fine. i respect that. my thing is this: knowing that she's recently out of a relationship and also that we have really only been seeing each other for a week now, should i slow it down? obviously i can't steadily do 3 times a week but at the same time i don't want to necessarily be sporadic. it's just so seemingly easy right now to make things happen but i don't want to overdo it cause i do like this girl.
aloneinaz Posted May 16, 2015 Posted May 16, 2015 I'd have your "I don't want to be this girls rebound" radar on full. I wouldn't let your guard down for a while either. As you obviously know, take it slow and don't let her dictate how often you guys see each other. There's nothing wrong with turning her down if she wants to come over too often. Tell her you're tired and are going to be early. I think you're thinking this through accurately. 2
Author accident_prone Posted May 16, 2015 Author Posted May 16, 2015 thanks for the advice! yeah, i am definitely not rushing things in that sense. i have inadvertently been the rebound before so i know how to try and avoid it. this is just a strange scenario cause its a girl from the past i haven't seen in months and kinda thought I'd never have a chance cause she was dating some dude. so the way this has worked out is kinda crazy. but still very cause she is an awesome girl. as far as "take it slow" goes, if i want to establish something eventually with her should i not try to ask her out once or twice a week or so to kind of set the pace? or is this one of those counterintuitive "let her come to you at her own pace" things?
Gary S Posted May 16, 2015 Posted May 16, 2015 Mirror her - in other words, when she asks ya out, go. If she does not ask you out, you go slow - ask her out once a week. Two weeks is a little too long. 1
Guitarisgood Posted May 17, 2015 Posted May 17, 2015 I've seen rebound relationships blossoming til the considerations of marriage. Definately have your guard up but don't over think things. Different people take different amounts of time to get over things. Definately what Gary says in mirroring her. I'd add you go about you daily life as usual and maybe even pick up a hobby or two to kill time if need. As artificial as it sounds, she essentially becomes another hobby that you simply work into your life; though with the possibility of something more. 1
Author accident_prone Posted May 17, 2015 Author Posted May 17, 2015 (edited) all sound advice, guys. thanks for your input. what about communication in general? i work all day and dont have time for a bunch of small talk, but i wouldnt mind talking to her a bit. but the mirroring plan would suggest that if i didnt hear from her all day then i should do nothing, correct? isnt this a stalemate if we're each doing the same? Edited May 17, 2015 by accident_prone
Guitarisgood Posted May 17, 2015 Posted May 17, 2015 You're on your own here buddy. Every relationship starting out and going is different. If she likes you, she will continue the conversation likewise if you like her you shouldn't be worried about when you should message her or how long you wait til you reply. Work out her messaging style or if she prefers just the occasional call during the day to keep in touch then go from their. Just remember that while you're mirroring her in effort, you've still got to show enough that you're actually interested in her. It's a fine line between 'Hey I like you' and 'OMG I am so obsessed with you'. 1
Author accident_prone Posted May 17, 2015 Author Posted May 17, 2015 agreed. i'm trying to work out her style. she's both very friendly and so low-key. side note: what's your guitar of choice?
Author accident_prone Posted May 17, 2015 Author Posted May 17, 2015 spoke with her a few minutes last night but i was out with friends as was she. if i talk to her today i'm going to propose a date for one night this week.
Recommended Posts