Clarkwg Posted May 16, 2015 Posted May 16, 2015 Not to hijack the op's thread but I also have the same situation fast approaching. We have a young child so I will be getting her a mummy card from my daughter but should I be getting her a small gift from my daughter too? After the way she used me at the end when I was at my weakest & most vulnerable, I told myself I'd never spend another cent on her ever again. After considering this though I will definitely get her a mummy card from my daughter, Do I get her a small crappy cheap gift from daughter too for my daughters benefit or stick with card only? Also, do I get her a card from me? (I'm thinking not) we were together for nearly a decade up until a few months ago & I it's sad to say but I don't like her but I do still have feelings for her & she is obviously my child's mummy. 1
Satu Posted May 16, 2015 Posted May 16, 2015 If you want to write a letter, write one to yourself. Dear Binrob, I just feel the need to tell you what a great person you are and............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................... Love, Binrob.
aloneinaz Posted May 16, 2015 Posted May 16, 2015 Not to hijack the op's thread but I also have the same situation fast approaching. We have a young child so I will be getting her a mummy card from my daughter but should I be getting her a small gift from my daughter too? After the way she used me at the end when I was at my weakest & most vulnerable, I told myself I'd never spend another cent on her ever again. After considering this though I will definitely get her a mummy card from my daughter, Do I get her a small crappy cheap gift from daughter too for my daughters benefit or stick with card only? Also, do I get her a card from me? (I'm thinking not) we were together for nearly a decade up until a few months ago & I it's sad to say but I don't like her but I do still have feelings for her & she is obviously my child's mummy. If she was a douche bag at the end, I wouldn't spend a penny on her. Have you daughter write out a card on a piece of paper. You don't owe her $hit..
Clarkwg Posted May 16, 2015 Posted May 16, 2015 If she was a douche bag at the end, I wouldn't spend a penny on her. Have you daughter write out a card on a piece of paper. You don't owe her $hit.. I love that answer haha. You are correct, I don't owe her $hit, far far from it. She financially used me & emotionally abused me at the end when there was no need to & I promised myself no more expense in her direction ever ever again apart from my monthly maintenance commitment (which she tried to screw me over on too) . I can confirm right now, inspired by your reply that she is getting a home made mummy card & that only. It's the thought that counts & I thought that was a great idea from you. Thank you.
darkbloom Posted May 16, 2015 Posted May 16, 2015 Nope. Because boundaries. She broke up with you. If she wanted to be in contact with you she would be. If not, it's best to let it go. Dragging up the past with a letter is just going to piss her off and bring your wounds fresh to the surface. 2
erklat Posted May 17, 2015 Posted May 17, 2015 Nope. Because boundaries. She broke up with you. If she wanted to be in contact with you she would be. If not, it's best to let it go. Dragging up the past with a letter is just going to piss her off and bring your wounds fresh to the surface. Dude I felt the embarrassment and your loss of power in my chest. Terrible idea. Like in a extremely bad way.
gnick Posted May 17, 2015 Posted May 17, 2015 Actually that's the best reason to send it; just to piss her off.
darkbloom Posted May 17, 2015 Posted May 17, 2015 Dude I felt the embarrassment and your loss of power in my chest. Terrible idea. Like in a extremely bad way. Are you referring to that brief moment in time where I lost my mind and wanted to send his mom a Mother's Day card? 1
erklat Posted May 17, 2015 Posted May 17, 2015 Are you referring to that brief moment in time where I lost my mind and wanted to send his mom a Mother's Day card? Sorry , I misquoted you. I was telling that to the op.
jen1447 Posted May 17, 2015 Posted May 17, 2015 Actually that's the best worst reason to send it; just to piss her off. Fixed. Pissed off people never learn lessons or take the pissing off to heart, they just think you're even more of an a$shole. Fool's game.
Author binrob Posted May 18, 2015 Author Posted May 18, 2015 So my ex of 4 years, who was my first love and me hers, and also first sexual partner, basically left me in September, started dating this guy immediately. She came back in October after I reached out after about a month of NC. We decided to take it slow but she said she wanted to get back together and that she loved me and showed all kinds of small acts of love. 3 weeks later she changes her mind and leaves me for the last time. 2 weeks later I see her with another guy. They are now in a relationship since then. As you can guess I was crushed. She even went on a vacation with this dude just about a month after we broke up. She basically cut me out after breaking up and blocked me everywhere and even had her dad call me to threaten me to not contact her again or he will call the police. I had only contacted 2 times since the break up with almost a month space between each and the last time before the call was when I was about to delete her number but accidentally called but hung up, but the call had apparently gone through. I was hurt not only that I had been left and replaced immediately I had to cope with the fact that she treated me like dirt and had her whole family treat me as if I was an abusive boyfriend when I had always done my best to take care of her for four years. I never contacted her again after that call from her dad and that was in January. She had left me once 2 years ago and done the same thing. Gotten into a relationship with another guy just weeks after but 2 months later she texted me and said she was sorry. We met up. Talked. She left her new boyfriend and we got back together. It shocked me since all I had heard from her friends was "the way she talks about him, I'm sorry, but she never talked that way about you". I asked her about this and she said "no matter how great he was, he just wasn't you". Anyway. Months went by and I missed her everyday, cried, was unhappy. She had just moved in next door to me before the break up which led to me seeing her and him all the time. Like, ALL THE TIME. It was as if every time I went out of the house they were leaving or arriving too. Luckily life made it so I had to move in April. But even though I stopped seeing them I missed her everyday. Recently I started seeing them again. Like that same bad luck from before was coming back. I saw them twice today, once when heading to work and once when heading home. It made something snap inside me. I got angry. I asked why me. Why do I keep getting tortured like this? Why does seemingly fate keeping putting them in front of me so that I keep getting reminded of the aching pain in my chest and amplifying it? Then it hit me. I was crying and missing someone who wasn't real. The girl who I thought I loved wasn't real. I thought about her actions and how much they disgusted me. How much she hurt me. How disrespectful she was after all the things I did for her. How she basically could jump from me, the person she just said few months before breaking up that she "had a gut feeling about us since the day we met that we would last forever", to another guy. I kept trying to rationalize her actions to fit into the perfect girl I loved. But no matter how I twisted and turned it didn't fit. It drove me crazy. How could she do this? I kept asking why and how? But now I understand. She isn't that girl. She is something else and now see her for what she is. I feel lighter. I feel like my eyes have opened. I have no doubt that I still will have days were I will miss her but now I will always have the truth in the back of my head. To help me. Sorry for the long story. But I felt like I needed to tell someone since I can't tell her about what I now think about her. It bugs me that she goes around thinking she was the better of us in the relationship but whatever. I hope this maybe helped some people. Maybe help them see what I finally saw.
aloneinaz Posted May 18, 2015 Posted May 18, 2015 While I'm glad you've reached a breaking point with figuring out no person is worth what you've gone thru, I have to wonder why it took so long? I can understand a month or maybe two of hurt but anymore than that and people should seek some help. I'm not trying to be harsh but I simply don't get why people don't move on faster after a heart breaking experience. Again, everyone heal at their own rate but some appear to like to wollow in the suffering. F-that, no one is worth that in my opinion, especially someone who says "I'm done with you and don't want you in my life anymore".. Now that you're seeing the light, keep the momentum going. Get out there and meet the next love of your life. Maybe she will be hotter than your ex and you will run into her seeing you all happy and not really care what she thinks. There's millions of single people out there looking for a good guy or gal. When we find one who doesn't want us, shake it off, heal and say "well, that sucked, I hope I have better luck with the next one"..
Author binrob Posted May 18, 2015 Author Posted May 18, 2015 While I'm glad you've reached a breaking point with figuring out no person is worth what you've gone thru, I have to wonder why it took so long? I can understand a month or maybe two of hurt but anymore than that and people should seek some help. I'm not trying to be harsh but I simply don't get why people don't move on faster after a heart breaking experience. Again, everyone heal at their own rate but some appear to like to wollow in the suffering. F-that, no one is worth that in my opinion, especially someone who says "I'm done with you and don't want you in my life anymore".. Now that you're seeing the light, keep the momentum going. Get out there and meet the next love of your life. Maybe she will be hotter than your ex and you will run into her seeing you all happy and not really care what she thinks. There's millions of single people out there looking for a good guy or gal. When we find one who doesn't want us, shake it off, heal and say "well, that sucked, I hope I have better luck with the next one".. Well to be fair she was my first love and we had been together for 4 years. I had also started saving up for a really nice and expensive engagement ring cause I really thought this was the girl I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I had a very hard time overcoming that. I am still not 100% over it but I am starting to get there. I did NOT enjoy walloing and being misrable. I hate every second of it and I hated myself for not being able to let go and forget about her when I knew she probably doesn't give me a single thought. That I was crying while she was comfortable in another mans arms. I felt weak and hated myself for not being able to overcome it. I am going to try to keep this momentum. I will find a way to happiness.
NC-Thomas Posted May 18, 2015 Posted May 18, 2015 Good job in Rob, you've come to this point of sudden realization and by reading your post I actually reflected on my own situation, where I tend idealize my ex's. After enough anger and denial of the actual situation we come to this point of where enough is enough and then we are forced to take a good look at our own thoughts and realize that half of your thoughts concerning your ex is total horse-****. However I still have relapsed even though I feel lighter, just like you. When you have these relapses, perhaps in the mornings (they are the worst), reiterate what you have learnt! We have to accept that the girl we were once with, the person we loved, is in the past. That this version of that person is no longer in existence. Sometimes I wonder why it takes so long in order to come to this realization... The torture is real, but apparently necessary. Keep it up Rob. You're making progress. PS: try to love yourself instead. Crying and wallowing doesn't make you a lesser man / person. Accept this reality including its emotions and be mild to yourself. This is the fastest way to overcome hurt. By letting it flow and feeling it...
aloneinaz Posted May 18, 2015 Posted May 18, 2015 Well to be fair she was my first love and we had been together for 4 years. I had also started saving up for a really nice and expensive engagement ring cause I really thought this was the girl I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I had a very hard time overcoming that. I am still not 100% over it but I am starting to get there. I did NOT enjoy walloing and being misrable. I hate every second of it and I hated myself for not being able to let go and forget about her when I knew she probably doesn't give me a single thought. That I was crying while she was comfortable in another mans arms. I felt weak and hated myself for not being able to overcome it. I am going to try to keep this momentum. I will find a way to happiness. Absolutely keep the momentum going! I'm not trying to be harsh what so ever. I just think it's important that folks who read this thread understand that it's a CHOICE to stay "stuck" in the sadness and depression of a break up. Remember the ole expression "whether you think you can or you think you can't, you're right"...
Author binrob Posted May 18, 2015 Author Posted May 18, 2015 Good job in Rob, you've come to this point of sudden realization and by reading your post I actually reflected on my own situation, where I tend idealize my ex's. After enough anger and denial of the actual situation we come to this point of where enough is enough and then we are forced to take a good look at our own thoughts and realize that half of your thoughts concerning your ex is total horse-****. However I still have relapsed even though I feel lighter, just like you. When you have these relapses, perhaps in the mornings (they are the worst), reiterate what you have learnt! We have to accept that the girl we were once with, the person we loved, is in the past. That this version of that person is no longer in existence. Sometimes I wonder why it takes so long in order to come to this realization... The torture is real, but apparently necessary. Keep it up Rob. You're making progress. PS: try to love yourself instead. Crying and wallowing doesn't make you a lesser man / person. Accept this reality including its emotions and be mild to yourself. This is the fastest way to overcome hurt. By letting it flow and feeling it... I feel like nights are the worst times for me. When I have to close my eyes and try to sleep and am left alone with nothing but my thoughts leads to my mind wandering to places I do not wish to visit. I still don't know how to deal with it really. Yes, we do have to realize that the person we loved does no longer exist. It is bittersweet. On one hand it lets you move and let go. On the other hand it hurts because it forces you to accept the fact that someone you loved so much is gone. Absolutely keep the momentum going! I'm not trying to be harsh what so ever. I just think it's important that folks who read this thread understand that it's a CHOICE to stay "stuck" in the sadness and depression of a break up. Remember the ole expression "whether you think you can or you think you can't, you're right"... I understand what you are saying. I also think part of the reason why I had trouble letting go is because she had done the same thing once before and came back. Big part of me was hoping for the same thing to happen again for a long while. That her jumping into a relationship so quickly was just a way for her to not come back and try to move on. That it was just a rebound. That she still loved me. But as time passed it turned out no to be true. It hurts a lot that she could move on so quickly and to another person but I have to accept that I guess. Her love was not real. Her words were not real.
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