porridge123 Posted May 16, 2015 Posted May 16, 2015 (edited) ...and I expected a range of things, from it going fairly well to it going terribly. We met online and talked for about a week before we sorted out meeting up. The date was at a restaurant. Things were a little awkward at first, but within about 20 minutes the conversation was flowing and we discovered we had a lot in common. We talked about film, music, gaming... flirting started to happen... You know, the good stuff. We moved onto a bar for a while, then he went the long way back to his (since we live relatively close to each other). All in all we were out for about 5 or 6 hours. Things started to pick up a bit on the journey back. I'd been hinting by holding onto his arm as we walked, and then in the underground station, I did the "compare hand sizes" thing as a natural part of conversation. I then started warming his hands with mine, and when I stopped, he said "no! Don't stop!" We held hands on the way back and outside the station, neither of us really wanted to say goodbye. He'd said on the way back that he'd gone the long way home because he was dragging it out. He even said it would be great to go back to one of ours to chat but that he didn't want to make things awkward, with it being our first outing. Then I wrapped my arms around him as we were talking, and he went in to kiss me. And he kissed me again. And again. For my part, there were butterflies, but I felt totally comfortable with him. I finally said he should get out of the cold, and we went our separate ways. As we discussed, he added me on Facebook the next day to talk about going to the cinema. However, he also started saying that he was confused, it went too fast and he didn't know how he felt - also that he wasn't expecting it to be a date! Mainly why he was confused was that he wondered if he was attracted to me because I remind him of his first girlfriend and it was "too many feelings at once", which led to him kissing me unexpectedly. He seemed super shy and nervous (i.e. quite inexperienced in dating and unsure how to convey his feelings to me). The first lot of things I can TOTALLY understand, but how can he have thought that meeting someone off an online dating website wasn't a date? Besides, we are still going out to the cinema, and it was me who finally said "alright, let's not dwell on this, let's just go as acquaintances", after he said he really wanted to go but understood if I wanted to back out. Monday is clearly just going to be a friendly meet-up and that's quite alright, as he was a really nice guy and I have few friends in the area where I'm currently living. But it's the weirdest rejection I've ever received. And now I feel too weird to give him even a friendly hug or a handshake when I meet him, since I'm naturally quite forward BUT I have a phobia of coming across as a clinger. I'm not going to engage in any physical contact on the next meet-up and I'm not texting him/FBing him again beforehand. Since shy and nervous is basically my type, can I expect all my rejections to come in this bizarre shape or form, rather than "there was nothing, but I wish you well"? I mean I'm totally down for hanging out with this guy if he's up for it, and he made an offer mid-date to help me move into my new place - and I totally need the spare hands! But that's not really why I joined a dating site??? I dunno, a bit disappointing and a bit too much drama for my liking. Edited May 16, 2015 by porridge123
ExpatInItaly Posted May 16, 2015 Posted May 16, 2015 I wouldn't bother hanging out with him again, even as friends. It will be awkward no matter what. He's full of crap that he didn't think it was a date if you met on a freakin' dating website. He knows it was. Sounds to me like he's still attached to this ex and isn't actually ready to date another woman.
d0nnivain Posted May 16, 2015 Posted May 16, 2015 He's an idiot. Of course it was a date. The fact that he said he's confused & all that other BS tells me he is not ready for a relationship & you trying to push him into one will just end badly for you. He's probably still rebounding from his EX. At best he thought your "non-date" was going to be a quick lay for him but when he discovered you were an actual person he panicked & fed you all the garbage he spewed.
Felix01 Posted May 16, 2015 Posted May 16, 2015 When a guy says he's confused... run away and don't look back. You'll end up heartbroken. Trust me 1
Gaeta Posted May 16, 2015 Posted May 16, 2015 Cancel the movie hang out and move on. You're online to find yourself a boyfriend, not to fill the void of lonely men missing their exs. It really suck that it happened after a great date but at least you didn't invest weeks of dating in this man.
Author porridge123 Posted May 16, 2015 Author Posted May 16, 2015 Yes, I agree if I'm honest. It's a shame he felt the need to go along with everything and then kiss me at the end. I've been out of the dating game for a while but single for a long time, and I get a lot of "I'm not sure if I'm attracted to you" when I do occasionally meet a nice guy by accident. It's really wearing me down
angel.eyes Posted May 16, 2015 Posted May 16, 2015 Yes, it's disappointing to have things fizzle after a great date, but I agree with everyone else. Don't hang around hoping he'll overcome his confusion and uncertainty. You would just be setting yourself up for disappointment and hurt. Yes, I agree if I'm honest. It's a shame he felt the need to go along with everything and then kiss me at the end. I've been out of the dating game for a while but single for a long time, and I get a lot of "I'm not sure if I'm attracted to you" when I do occasionally meet a nice guy by accident. It's really wearing me down This happens a lot? Two things. Is it possible you're inadvertently misrepresenting yourself pre-date? Second, it's hard to judge chemistry online. Most people won't "click"with everyone they date. So while you want to make sure your profile and pictures portray you as realistically as possible, don't be too hard on yourself when you encounter this.
Gary S Posted May 16, 2015 Posted May 16, 2015 Sounds like he is on the rebound or has other issues. If he's confused he's not interested, you will likely be rejected again and again until you stop seeing him.
KatZee Posted May 16, 2015 Posted May 16, 2015 Some guys are so clueless. While it's nice he was honest with you, was it really necessary for him to tell you that you remind him of his ex? And that's why there were so many feelings there? And that's why he kissed you? Dude is so not over his ex. Not even a little bit. I doubt he even saw you, for YOU. The entire date all he saw was his ex and he projected the whole night, putting those feelings he had for her, onto you. But you're not her! If you want to hang out with him again, go for it, but you're a rebound 100% and it won't end well for you. 2
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