Camaro Guy Posted May 16, 2015 Posted May 16, 2015 In terms of sex and relationships and all that? Is it really that much? I know it is an individual question but I'm seriously thinking about just giving up on the whole thing. I'm getting old. I'm almost 25 and I still haven't done anything with a girl. I think it's pretty clear that I need to hang up the saddle. I'm losing faith in the process. Will I be missing out on much if I truly don't pursue this avenue? Is it even worth it at this point? Is having sex with a girl(s) being in a relationship really all it's cracked up to be? I really want honest answers. Thanks.
La.Primavera Posted May 16, 2015 Posted May 16, 2015 You can have a full life without a relationship but only you can decide that. If it is something you really want to experience in life then you will find way to make it happen. However, if you don't feel inclined to be in a relationship or date then you shouldn't feel obligated to do it. If you are curious you could try it once or twice, or perhaps just leave the option open for the future in case you meet someone special. There is no need to close the door completely. At 24 you have many years of experiences and changes ahead of you. 1
jen1447 Posted May 16, 2015 Posted May 16, 2015 In terms of sex and relationships and all that? Is it really that much? I know it is an individual question but I'm seriously thinking about just giving up on the whole thing. I'm getting old. I'm almost 25 and I still haven't done anything with a girl. I think it's pretty clear that I need to hang up the saddle. I'm losing faith in the process. Will I be missing out on much if I truly don't pursue this avenue? Is it even worth it at this point? Is having sex with a girl(s) being in a relationship really all it's cracked up to be? I really want honest answers. Thanks. Stop trying so f*cking hard. Some things you have to just let happen, or not, whatevs. Having a romantic relationship is very fulfilling in many ways, but you can't miss something you never had, so if your baseline is going solo and life is okay, life will continue to be okay if you keep going solo. Lots of rewards with romance but also lots of risks. For some people, solo is the safer/smarter choice. 2
Author Camaro Guy Posted May 16, 2015 Author Posted May 16, 2015 Stop trying so f*cking hard. Some things you have to just let happen This is easy for someone who's already had these things to say. Especially a woman. As a man, I know I can't sit on my hands and expect something to happen. It's up to me to initate. If I dont, I will be a forty year old virgin. What I'm trying to figure out is if it's worth being one or not.
jen1447 Posted May 16, 2015 Posted May 16, 2015 That's not true. It may not have happened for you yet, but worrying about it and trying to force the issue and "being the manly instigator" and other bad advice is likely to get you nowhere. A lot of relationships - maybe even most of them - happen organically, not bc people set out to meet goals/deadlines/cave into fears. Relax, you're young.
Price2Play Posted May 16, 2015 Posted May 16, 2015 In terms of sex and relationships and all that? Is it really that much? I know it is an individual question but I'm seriously thinking about just giving up on the whole thing. I'm getting old. I'm almost 25 and I still haven't done anything with a girl. I think it's pretty clear that I need to hang up the saddle. I'm losing faith in the process. Will I be missing out on much if I truly don't pursue this avenue? Is it even worth it at this point? Is having sex with a girl(s) being in a relationship really all it's cracked up to be? I really want honest answers. Thanks. You are not alone, there are guys that actually have given up like you are contemplating. Google mgtow.
Author Camaro Guy Posted May 16, 2015 Author Posted May 16, 2015 You are not alone, there are guys that actually have given up like you are contemplating. Google mgtow. I know what that is. It seems like an overall sad lifestyle. There shouldn't be a movement for a lifestyle choice an individual has made. That's not true. It may not have happened for you yet, but worrying about it and trying to force the issue and "being the manly instigator" and other bad advice is likely to get you nowhere. A lot of relationships - maybe even most of them - happen organically, not bc people set out to meet goals/deadlines/cave into fears. Relax, you're young. Yes, people tend to gravitate towards each other like magnets. However, if a guy doesn't pull the trigger and say that he really likes the girl, then nothing will happen. A girl will not ask you out on a date.
jen1447 Posted May 16, 2015 Posted May 16, 2015 Also false, but I get the impression you've made up your mind about all this stuff already and aren't actually seeking help. So ....good luck.
AVarma Posted May 16, 2015 Posted May 16, 2015 That's not true. It may not have happened for you yet, but worrying about it and trying to force the issue and "being the manly instigator" and other bad advice is likely to get you nowhere. A lot of relationships - maybe even most of them - happen organically, not bc people set out to meet goals/deadlines/cave into fears. Relax, you're young. I'm not so sure about that. People do often set out to date and meet people. Why else would people set up online profiles? It can happen organically too of course but I don't think just waiting around for it to happen is necessarily the best course.
jen1447 Posted May 16, 2015 Posted May 16, 2015 Sorry - what was I thinking? I must not have any relationship experience and not know what I'm talking about. Unlike you guys. 1
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted May 16, 2015 Posted May 16, 2015 That's not true. It may not have happened for you yet, but worrying about it and trying to force the issue and "being the manly instigator" and other bad advice is likely to get you nowhere. A lot of relationships - maybe even most of them - happen organically, not bc people set out to meet goals/deadlines/cave into fears. Relax, you're young. I hate it when people say to stop looking, because if your a guy, you can't afford to be passive when it comes to meeting women, and then people will say guys have it easier because it means we don't have to wait like girls do, but yet if we are proactive about it, its easy to come across as needy and desperate, that's the paradox I've been getting at in a lot of my posts, damned if you do, damned if you don't, I will admit, if it was okay for guys, men to seek validation from women, then being the initiator, pursuer as a guy would be a hell of a lot easier and be easier to accept and deal with.
Methodical Posted May 16, 2015 Posted May 16, 2015 I'm getting old. I'm almost 25 and I still haven't done anything with a girl. I think it's pretty clear that I need to hang up the saddle. I'm losing faith in the process. Will I be missing out on much if I truly don't pursue this avenue? Is it even worth it at this point? Is having sex with a girl(s) being in a relationship really all it's cracked up to be? I really want honest answers. Thanks. You say you want honest answers and I ran into a scenario similar to this recently. The problem is that when women with experience give solid advice and it's not what the OP expects to hear, they believe the advice given is petty or done in a mocking fashion, which isn't the case. Especially when the advisor takes time to respond not once, but often times on multiple occasions both on the open forum and thru PM's. If you truly want honest opinions, take time to consider what you are being told rather than assuming the response is flippant. Most of us have better things to do with our time than toy with others emotions, unless there is trolling involved, and trolls become apparent pretty quickly. Twenty four is NOT old, far from it. I see your plight tho, you are looking around and everyone else your age has lots of experience under their belt, or at least brag that they do. As you can witness per this forum, there are several guys in the same boat when it comes to lack of relationships and experience. The difference is that on an anonymous forum there's really no reason to lie, and if a person sincerely wants help, what better way to get tips? Your identity is protected so there is no reason to put on a facade to save face. I'm married, happily married and have been for a long time, but truthfully if I could turn back time, I'd have waited longer than I did to get married. I wasn't worried about my biological clock running out, and I did/do love the man I married. Still, there are lots of things I wish I'd taken time to explore that I didn't. Not necessarily due to peer pressure bc I'm not easily influence unless it's something I'm intrigued by and want to pursue and then I will heed the advice and encouragement I'm receiving. This is easy for someone who's already had these things to say. Especially a woman. As a man, I know I can't sit on my hands and expect something to happen. It's up to me to initate. If I dont, I will be a forty year old virgin. What I'm trying to figure out is if it's worth being one or not. There are plenty of women who feel the same as you do, but their concern is trying to primp and make themselves more attractive and appealing bc if they don't put themselves out there in a more provocative way, then they will be looked over. Essentially their feelings are the same. You, as a guy, feel you need to initiate to make it happen and a lady feels she needs to up her game for a guy to ask her out. That's not true. It may not have happened for you yet, but worrying about it and trying to force the issue and "being the manly instigator" and other bad advice is likely to get you nowhere. A lot of relationships - maybe even most of them - happen organically, not bc people set out to meet goals/deadlines/cave into fears. Relax, you're young. True! The problem you are having, OP, is that you have become goal oriented/focused so much so that you are "forcing the issue" as stated above and that doesn't lend to casual meetings and getting to know someone in an organic way. Most women are intuitive and if they feel you are forcing or trying too hard to make a date happen, they get a creepy vibe that makes them retreat. I hate it when people say to stop looking, because if your a guy, you can't afford to be passive when it comes to meeting women, and then people will say guys have it easier because it means we don't have to wait like girls do, but yet if we are proactive about it, its easy to come across as needy and desperate, that's the paradox I've been getting at in a lot of my posts, damned if you do, damned if you don't, I will admit, if it was okay for guys, men to seek validation from women, then being the initiator, pursuer as a guy would be a hell of a lot easier and be easier to accept and deal with.[/Quote] Nobody in this thread advised you to stop looking! Quite contrary to your perception, you are being told to slow it down (not looking, but meeting your goal), don't focus on the relationship side of the equation. You are being told to go out, have FUN rather than being on a "relationship" mission. People enjoy meeting and hanging out with fun, lighthearted people, not a person marred down with baggage and a time clock ticking. If you lighten up and try to enjoy yourself and go with the flow, perhaps you'll meet someone that sparks your interest and vice versa. From there enjoy a drink or two, some dancing, casual conversation, etc. Express having enjoy her company and that you'd like to take her out to dinner, etc. Get a number, follow up but don't appear desperate, needy and clingy (and don't "interview" her). Have a backbone, be a gentleman, and let things unfold rather than focusing on dissecting and analyzing. 1
TunaCat Posted May 16, 2015 Posted May 16, 2015 A girl will not ask you out on a date. Wrong-o! I am a woman in her late 20's and if I am really interested in a guy, I will ask him out. I don't believe in the whole "women should never ask a guy out" thing. 2
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted May 16, 2015 Posted May 16, 2015 Wrong-o! I am a woman in her late 20's and if I am really interested in a guy, I will ask him out. I don't believe in the whole "women should never ask a guy out" thing. well god bless women like you, you are a very rare breed, yes I knew before women ask men out before but nowhere near on a wide-scale as men asking women out
Cupid's Puppet Posted May 16, 2015 Posted May 16, 2015 You sound immature when it comes to the subject of relationships. Just go on Craigslist if you want the experience of having sex with "a girl". When you are ready for a relationship with "a woman", then come back to us.
autumnnight Posted May 16, 2015 Posted May 16, 2015 well god bless women like you, you are a very rare breed, yes I knew before women ask men out before but nowhere near on a wide-scale as men asking women out I would have no problem asking a man I was attracted to for coffee or a drink or something. The caveat is this - I would not BE attracted to a man who was extremely insecure, negative, a complainer, and who blamed the female gender for his issues. So for many of the men who complain about this, a woman being willing to ask still won't fix it...cause they have to actually like, respect, and be attractive to women in order to be asked out. So we're back to the same solid advice guys like this will always ignore - work on YOURSELF instead of trying to make an entire gender make it easier. 4
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted May 17, 2015 Posted May 17, 2015 I would have no problem asking a man I was attracted to for coffee or a drink or something. The caveat is this - I would not BE attracted to a man who was extremely insecure, negative, a complainer, and who blamed the female gender for his issues. So for many of the men who complain about this, a woman being willing to ask still won't fix it...cause they have to actually like, respect, and be attractive to women in order to be asked out. So we're back to the same solid advice guys like this will always ignore - work on YOURSELF instead of trying to make an entire gender make it easier. if Female Giraffes can approach a Male Giraffe first, then why not a Human Female approach a Human Male first? well that's what it said on eHow, so far that's the only website source that says that. I posted that in another thread, sometimes science is fun for me when reading about certain animal behaviors. Think link right here is about Rhino mating, from what it says, the Female Rhino is not passive like most human Females are, although the Male takes some sort of action first, but the Female is not passive in from the way it is described here in which it sounds like the Male Rhino is always leading:What Is the Courtship Ritual of a Rhino? | Animals - PawNation
autumnnight Posted May 17, 2015 Posted May 17, 2015 if Female Giraffes can approach a Male Giraffe first, then why not a Human Female approach a Human Male first? well that's what it said on eHow, so far that's the only website source that says that. I posted that in another thread, sometimes science is fun for me when reading about certain animal behaviors. Think link right here is about Rhino mating, from what it says, the Female Rhino is not passive like most human Females are, although the Male takes some sort of action first, but the Female is not passive in from the way it is described here in which it sounds like the Male Rhino is always leading:What Is the Courtship Ritual of a Rhino? | Animals - PawNation Did you even read my post??? I said I'd have no problem asking out someone I was attracted to. I also made it real clear who I (and most women) are NOT going to be attracted to. 2
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted May 17, 2015 Posted May 17, 2015 Did you even read my post??? I said I'd have no problem asking out someone I was attracted to. I also made it real clear who I (and most women) are NOT going to be attracted to. Yes I did read it, I just posted that to send along to the women out there that are stubbornly passive when it comes to meeting women, not to you
Recommended Posts