Thecondor1991 Posted May 16, 2015 Posted May 16, 2015 Its a very long story, but I just had the worst break up of my entire life. We were friends for 2 1/2 years and were romantically involved for 2 years, so we have know each other for over four years. Now that we are no longer together I'm having a hard time getting out of this funk. Its only been two days but I really want to start moving on. We had a great relationship but that is the biggest problem. We did so much together, got each other involved in each others wants, needs, and hobbies, which makes it hard to do anything without thinking of her...I have no clue what to do.
basshunter Posted May 16, 2015 Posted May 16, 2015 (edited) The worst thing you can do is probably mull over it and over analyse it. It can drive you crazy. Keep yourself busy and try and think positive. Easier said than done, I know. Give yourself a break from relationships for a while and don't go on the rebound as it's nearly always doomed to fail. Have some me time and take time to appreciate other things in life. Best wishes. Do your best to stick to NC as it's for the best in the long run. Edited May 16, 2015 by basshunter
aloneinaz Posted May 16, 2015 Posted May 16, 2015 What you need to do is BREATHE.. It's clearly fresh as it just happened. Don't do anything rash like throwing out things of hers, deleting pictures, etc.. Let a few days go by to let everything settle down. Try and keep yourself busy.
TunaCat Posted May 16, 2015 Posted May 16, 2015 First of all, don't expect anything of yourself in the next week or so because your emotions will be all over the place. Throw yourself into something physical. When I was unexpectedly dumped, I spent the next few days cleaning out my closet and in the garage with a punching bag. Spend time with friends and family who love you. Eventually throw out anything that reminds you of her.
Ruby65 Posted May 16, 2015 Posted May 16, 2015 Here's a guide that will help you: http://www.breakuprecoveryguide.com Good luck to you -- keep posting!
Author Thecondor1991 Posted May 16, 2015 Author Posted May 16, 2015 I went out last night to try and get my mind off of this, but it didn't really help at all. I have a punching bag and I've been using is everyday to get active and to take my frustrations out. I've been talking to my mom,dad, and a couple friends about it, and that helps a little. Nights and mornings are the worst. That's when I usually get my "good morning love." or "Goodnight handsome." texts. I mean there's a big part of me that still really wants us to be together, there's a big part of me that wants us to just be friends, and then there's a big part of me that just wants to let go and move on. I've never dealt with a break up like this before and I feel so lost.
NopeNah Posted May 16, 2015 Posted May 16, 2015 then there's a big part of me that just wants to let go and move on.. Choose this option. It's your only one.
Author Thecondor1991 Posted May 16, 2015 Author Posted May 16, 2015 (edited) Choose this option. It's your only one. I know that's the option I have to go with...but I don't really know where to begin to move on. I mean we live so damn close to each other and I will almost always see her at some point during the day... Edited May 16, 2015 by Thecondor1991
NopeNah Posted May 16, 2015 Posted May 16, 2015 (edited) I know that's the option I have to go with...but I don't really know where to begin to move on. I mean we live so damn close to each other and I will almost always see her at some point during the day... Be polite,confident and walk with your head held high. She does not define you,you do! here's a song for you: Edited May 16, 2015 by Praying4Daylight
Author Thecondor1991 Posted May 16, 2015 Author Posted May 16, 2015 Be polite,confident and walk with your head held high. She does not define you,you do! here's a song for you: Thanks I appreciate that. I know I'll be ok. I just want it to be sooner than later.
NopeNah Posted May 16, 2015 Posted May 16, 2015 Thanks I appreciate that. I know I'll be ok. I just want it to be sooner than later. that's all on you and how you deal with it. For me the first step was accepting the cold truth that IT'S OVER,there's no reconciling,they're "dead" to me. NC is a big factor. Read the NC guide on here and follow it to a T! It's not the end of your world...it is,however, the end of the world you shared with her. The sooner you accept that at face value,the sooner you'll get past it. 1
Author Thecondor1991 Posted May 16, 2015 Author Posted May 16, 2015 that's all on you and how you deal with it. For me the first step was accepting the cold truth that IT'S OVER,there's no reconciling,they're "dead" to me. NC is a big factor. Read the NC guide on here and follow it to a T! It's not the end of your world...it is,however, the end of the world you shared with her. The sooner you accept that at face value,the sooner you'll get past it. Your absolutely right. I'm starting a new job soon and I'm hoping that will help get my mind geared towards other things but her, I also started really working on my body again and have today officially dropped 12 pounds. I was 167 I am now 155, which is the lowest I've been since high school.
NopeNah Posted May 16, 2015 Posted May 16, 2015 Your absolutely right. I'm starting a new job soon and I'm hoping that will help get my mind geared towards other things but her, I also started really working on my body again and have today officially dropped 12 pounds. I was 167 I am now 155, which is the lowest I've been since high school. Don't get too small! When I came here in '09 I dropped 20+# from 176-152, I think was my lightest and I have big shoulder's and am 5'11. I looked sickly! Look at it this way...you now have NO ONE to answer to and can do whatever/whenever you want! FREEDOM from the texts,call's,where were you's,ect.. Travel,enjoy and LIVE life to it's fullest! Good luck,buddy!
Author Thecondor1991 Posted May 18, 2015 Author Posted May 18, 2015 (edited) So today is day number 4. Last night I went out with my brother and a friend of his. We went to a place called Golf Land, which is basically a giant golf course with a bar and some other stuff. I was extremely reluctant to go at first because I’m still feeling like ****. However, I realized that sitting in my room reading break up blogs wasn't really making me feel any better. My brother and I arrived at the place about an hour and a half before his friend Preston did. So we sat at the bar and had a few drinks. While we sat there we talked about the break up. I told him about how I really haven’t been in good spirits since the break up and he said what everyone else says “The only thing that’s going to help is time.” I told him how she was my first REAL love and how I missed her. As the night went on, I came to a realization. Though I miss her, and really want to talk to her, and see her, I don’t want her back. After a while we talked about our family and other things that have been going on in our lives. My older brother and I have never been REALLY close, but over the last couple years we both have made a lot of ground with each other. After a while his friend showed up. It was cool because Preston is pretty funny, so there were a few times a genuinely laughed for the first time in days. He also brought two girls along, which made me feel awkward because he obviously brought them there to be hook ups for him and my brother. One of the girls was very pretty and had a really nice body. She also didn't wear any makeup which I thought made her even better looking. She was very quiet, but friendly. The other girl was ok looking but didn't have the best body around. She was louder and more outspoken than her friend. Neither of the girls so much as said one word to me, which was fine. I really didn't say anything to anyone anyway. It was pretty cool though because never in my life had I ever gone golfing. Everyone made fun of my form and awkwardness but it was all in good fun and I got a laugh out of it. Right before we left one of my ex’s favorite songs came on and it put me in a bit of a funk. We got home around 2am and I was dead tired. I laid down and checked my phone out of habit expecting to see a “good night handsome.” But of course it wasn't there. I woke up this morning actually feeling pretty good. My new boxing gloves I ordered came in the mail, which is a godsend because my other gloves were hurting my knuckles. I took the day off from working out and just relaxed. My mom and I went and worked on my driving and she said we would do some driving every day, until I was comfortable driving on my own. I’m actually really excited for that. We then went to do some shopping and I got to talk to her about the whole situation. My mom says that she loves my ex but she has a lot of stuff in her life to work on before she should ever trying to be in another relationship, and she said the same about me. She’s right. I want to be driving, working, and in school before I even attempt to think about relationships again. It was a nice talk. We don’t talk nearly enough. I got home and spent some more time looking up guides to getting over break ups. Then starting feeling overwhelmed and smothered so I went on a walk, to clear my head. And here I am writing to vent a little. I haven’t talked to her in 4 days. I still check my phone from time to time, just to see if she sent me a text, I didn't cry yesterday or today. So two days of no crying. Hopefully a good sign. I also had a lot of moments today where I just didn't care. They came frequently but didn't last long. Hopefully another good sign. I saw her car today too and started feeling anxious. I’m so tired of this emotional roller coaster. One minute I don’t care, the next minute I feel overwhelmed, then I feel sad, then lost, then I don’t care again. It’s so frustrating! I really, really, really just want to be over this crap! Edited May 18, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs... try it!~T
Author Thecondor1991 Posted May 18, 2015 Author Posted May 18, 2015 So I woke up this morning to my ex knocking on my bedroom door. She looked really torn up and she was holding this note. She asked me how I've been the past few days and I told her I was fine. I kept things as short as I possibly could. She told me that shes been on the verge of texting me everyday, but couldn't bring herself to do it. she told me shes been up for the last 4 nights crying and wishing we could still be together, I could tell. her eyes were puffy and she looked really exhausted. My ex and I didn't leave on bad terms, but just decided it was better to let go. She gave me the note, and it basically said everything she had said, just more detailed. She wants me to text her back but I don't know if I should or not. I just feel terrible because we didnt end badly and she looks really torn up about it
tasstears Posted May 18, 2015 Posted May 18, 2015 Been there, done that. If you're set about the breaking up, I don't think you should drop her a text back. You not texting will just reinforce the fact that the relationship is over. If you text her back, it's just going to drag. She's probably already halfway through the crying and grieving process, just ignore her and let her be The best thing my exes have ever did was just to let me be and to ignore all my embarrassing texts cause that helped me to move on more than any gentle words. 1
Author Thecondor1991 Posted May 18, 2015 Author Posted May 18, 2015 Been there, done that. If you're set about the breaking up, I don't think you should drop her a text back. You not texting will just reinforce the fact that the relationship is over. If you text her back, it's just going to drag. She's probably already halfway through the crying and grieving process, just ignore her and let her be The best thing my exes have ever did was just to let me be and to ignore all my embarrassing texts cause that helped me to move on more than any gentle words. man this **** is so hard! 1
Author Thecondor1991 Posted May 18, 2015 Author Posted May 18, 2015 So, do you want her back? I dont know... 1
PegNosePete Posted May 18, 2015 Posted May 18, 2015 Then I'd advise you think long and hard about that before replying. 1
Ruby65 Posted May 18, 2015 Posted May 18, 2015 I read through your other thread.... and I think you should listen to your mother's advice. She sounds like she had a really good clear take on the situation.
Author Thecondor1991 Posted May 18, 2015 Author Posted May 18, 2015 (edited) So she just left my house, and told me everything. You see the reason behind her leaving me has been a mystery for the past 5 days. I thought it was because she still had love for her ex. The day she decided to leave me she was really torn up and I couldn't understand why she would leave me if it hurt her, but today she gave me the answer. Ok so here it goes. Before she was with me she was with this other guy. The father of her kids. She told me when we were just friends, that she has no love for him and the only reason she stays in contact or lets him come around is for the kids. understandably. He was a good provider but a terrible companion and dad. He never went to any of his kids birthdays even though they lived with him. He once called his daughter ugly. When she got hit in the head with a large brick he didn't even go to the hospital with her and instead stayed home to play call of duty. I went to the hospital though. and stayed until 5 in the morning even though I had to be at work at 7. Anyway my ex lost her job recently and hes been sending her money to take care of his kids. As I said the guy is a provider. So I guess he recently told her that he wants to try and make things work again, and that she cant take care of the kids if she has no money, and that she would only be putting them in a bad position. She said that she isn't in love with him and he said he didn't care, and that he just wants to see his kids. Now this is where I come in. She knows that the well being of her kids comes first, again understandable. However she fears that by letting him around again its going to cause a lot of drama between me and him. Mainly because her son looks at me as his dad. So she said she left me in a moment of panic, and when she came over today she told me she has regretted the decision ever since, and that he still hasn't changed and still doesn't show any kind of affection for the kids. She told me that she tried the NC rule and that is been driving her nuts, and the kids have been asking when I'm going to come back around.she said more than anything she just wants her kids to have stability and with their dad even though he isn't a great father, he still provides for them, which is something I cant do as well. I'm working but I don't make nearly enough money to support all of us alone. She told me how sorry she is and how she really wants to be together and that there is no love for her ex and she told me she left in a moment of panic, and that she regrets it more than anything else. Now that she has come to me with this, I dont know what to say or do. I told her to just give me some time. and I told her to give herself some time to think so she can figure out whats important in her life. But I dont know what to do... Edited May 18, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs.....not just for english class! ~T
Ruby65 Posted May 18, 2015 Posted May 18, 2015 None of what she just dumped on you is your fault or your responsibility. It's not your job to rescue her. She made the decision to have kids with that jerk, she needs to work out her life situation so she can date as a single mom if that's what she wants to do. Frankly as a mother it makes me sick that she allowed her son to become so attached he thought of you as his dad. That's just really inappropriate and puts enormous pressure on you -- as well as punishes her child if/when you break up. I would urge you to walk away from this whole situation -- at least for a while, until you can get more perspective on your own feelings. The whole thing just screams "boundary violations" all over the place to me -- not healthy, not good. Just my opinion.
Recommended Posts