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Casual flings, FWB, F*ckbuddies, etc


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Posted

OK, so here's my situation. I have recently come out of a 5 year relationship which I'm recovering from ok but slowly (4 months out).

 

So far I've pretty much avoided any form of dating as I really didn't feel like starting all that again. But I am starting to miss the physical side of things a little.

 

I really do not want any kind of a relationship, so what's the best way to tell people up front I just want a F*ckbuddy? I would feel a bit crass saying this straight out I think.

 

Also, although I don't want a relationship, I don't think I'd want to have sex with someone who I didn't at least know a little/have some connection with.

Previously, I've had casual flings while travelling, and because of the situations involved, it just flowed naturally. Never really had to have a conversation stating what it was.

Posted

The best way is "I want strictly a fwb sex based relationship"

 

Go have sex then leave. Don't sleep over, Don't say sweet things - this is what a real fwb with no emotional connection is like otherwise you'll get drama and confusion.

 

Too many men say things like "I really like you we should have a fwb"

in a girls head that's often aka "I really like you lets fool around and maybe you'll get me to fall in love with you."

 

You have to flat out say "I want sex and nothing more than just our friendship"

 

Being 100% clear is the only way to have a fwb situation.

  • Like 2
Posted

"I'm not looking for anything serious."

 

If you do OLD, there's even a little section where you can state what you're looking for.

 

It's not crass, per se, you're being clear, so that women who want relationships will not mess with you.

  • Like 2
Posted
I had a conversation about this with an old FWB of mine back when we were a thing. She said she doesn't like it when a guy flat out tells her that he is just looking for a FWB or sex, that it turns her off. She prefers that a guy just ask her to hang out, watch a movie, grab a pizza, ect. That's what I do. She said that it makes her feel more comfortable about it that way. She said that women know watching a movie at your place means sex, but asking to watch a movie will work much better than just inviting a girl over to get laid.

Hm. I have had women over to my place to watch a movie twice, and went over to a third one's place to watch two movies once. In none of the three cases was there sex. Someone really needs to publish a standardized version of these rules, because I am confuse.

Posted
You are screwing up. Most women will not accept an invitation to go to your place unless she is comfortable enough with you to have sex. If you don't make a move, that's on you. If a girl comes over to my place, she is getting f*cked.

 

On two occasions I did, but they never wanted to go much beyond kissing etc.

Posted (edited)
I had a conversation about this with an old FWB of mine back when we were a thing. She said she doesn't like it when a guy flat out tells her that he is just looking for a FWB or sex, that it turns her off. She prefers that a guy just ask her to hang out, watch a movie, grab a pizza, ect. That's what I do. She said that it makes her feel more comfortable about it that way. She said that women know watching a movie at your place means sex, but asking to watch a movie will work much better than just inviting a girl over to get laid.

 

I would not lie to a woman when the question inevitably comes up, but there is no need to announce you are just looking for sex. If she does ask, just say you aren't looking for a relationship at the moment. As long as you treat her well, it'll work out.

 

I guess that's some kind of coding in the fantasy land that girl lives in which isn't ever a good idea for fwb situation esp if that's what you want, in the real world what you say is what you mean, if a dude asked me to watch a movie with him I honestly would assume because he likes me and would enjoy a movie when the movie ended I found out he did all that for sex id be disappointed and kick him out.

 

If you wanna hookup other hookups willing will not shy away at the mention of sex.

 

No need for games.

 

In the last year I had a ongoing long term fwb situation it worked best when we were clear about what was going down why and for how long. Now it's over with no feelings of missing. If you want a fwb for sex go for it its fun but if you're looking for a deep connection without the commitment a fwb isn't what I would suggest.

Edited by Omei
  • Like 2
Posted
"I want sex and nothing more than just our friendship"

 

Being 100% clear is the only way to have a fwb situation.

 

Still doesn't work. I've made it very clear before that it was just sex and I'd never want anything more. There was also no cuddling, no pet names, no sleeping over, etc.. But eventually they all said they wanted more. I stopped seeing them the instant that happened though.

 

However there are rare exceptions. For the last few years, I've been f**kbuddies on and off with a beautiful sexy cougar. She hates dating and likes being by herself. So when I'm in between sexual partners, we have fun together. We genuinely like each other as people, but her only goal is to show up looking great and to be my f**k toy. That's it. She's a rare exception though. In my experience women can't handle it no matter how honest or straight forward you are.

Posted
if a dude asked me to watch a movie with him I honestly would assume because he likes me and would enjoy a movie when the movie ended I found out he did all that for sex id be disappointed and kick him out.

 

This has happened to me a few times, i thought he truly wanted to watch a movie with me lol..

 

All I can say is that I've been hurt and feel used and rejected. I guess i dont really know much about flings, FWB and f buddies aside from that i thought a fling was different to a FWB, apparently it's not.

  • Like 1
Posted (edited)
Still doesn't work. I've made it very clear before that it was just sex and I'd never want anything more. There was also no cuddling, no pet names, no sleeping over, etc.. But eventually they all said they wanted more. I stopped seeing them the instant that happened though.

 

However there are rare exceptions. For the last few years, I've been f**kbuddies on and off with a beautiful sexy cougar. She hates dating and likes being by herself. So when I'm in between sexual partners, we have fun together. We genuinely like each other as people, but her only goal is to show up looking great and to be my f**k toy. That's it. She's a rare exception though. In my experience women can't handle it no matter how honest or straight forward you are.

 

Well I handled mine fine it was six months of sex and then I said goodbye

 

The girls in your past experience must of not been in control of their emotions they didn't know what they wanted obviously.

 

I know I want to be in love again, but its not gonna spawn from a sexual arrangement, tacky I think most girls who want a quality guy would seek elsewhere I know I personally need more than a man sticking it to me to grow feelings.

 

Your cougar sounds like shes given up on men entirely tho and thats too bad so I can see why its easier but shes also likely a woman who knows how to keep her head on. Maybe it takes some jading in someone.

 

I still think being honest is the right way to go like my fleeting fwb situation honesty is what got me to bite in the first place, he proposed the idea, it was also my first fwb situation and im in my 20's there's no longer contact totally no strings.

 

There must be other girls who get it

Edited by Omei
Posted

How to get a fwb.

Go on old.

When you get one that is making more of an effort and making it easy to get with them, meet them out.

 

If I have to tell you how to get her home then I'll need a new thread.:)

But if she's dtf she makes it easy.

 

Every woman who slept with me on the first date kept sleeping with me then asked what we were doing.

I tell them "having fun".

Eventually they fade away but always seem to come back once in a while for a hookup.

If you gave it to them good that is.

You make a woman orgasm and she will make you her dirty little secret.

Posted

I was once friends with this guy for many years. One night we got drunk and had sex. Afterwards he told me he is not looking for a relationship (which I already knew anyway).

 

We continued to be online chat friends (no sex) and I never really had feelings for him anyway. Then one evening we caught up for dinner. I knew sex was on the cards and was looking forward to it (lol)...So during dinner, he blatantly ignored me and texted/played with his phone. He also said how he is so honest, he is not even able to pay attention to a girl during dinner that he is not interested in for a relationship. When he asked me to go home with him, I was turned off and declined. It wasn't the FWB that was the issue, it was the disrespect.

 

So yeah, no need to be "too honest". At least make her feel like a person rather than just a "hole".

  • Like 2
Posted

^ Sounds like he wasn't much of a fried, benefits or no. :p

 

People like that are kinda pitiable bc it's not just a lack of respect for you. In order to give respect, you first have to have some self respect and dignity (as opposed to egoism - very diff things), so ....because implications/loser.

 

OP - don't say "wanna be mah fick buddy??!!" but putting the same message out there in more diplomatic terms is the way to go.

 

btw, f buddy is someone you don't really know who you enter into a consensual sex relationship with with no real strings attached, FWB is an existing friend (an actual friend) who you agree to go sexual with, again with no real strings attached. I suppose f buddies can evolve into FWBs as you get to know them better.

Posted
FWB is an existing friend (an actual friend) who you agree to go sexual with, again with no real strings attached. I suppose f buddies can evolve into FWBs as you get to know them better.

 

So much room for heartache see.. I thought FWB wasn't a temporary fling, because friendships usually last. I thought there were some strings attached :(

Posted
So much room for heartache see.. I thought FWB wasn't a temporary fling, because friendships usually last. I thought there were some strings attached :(

 

Seems to me a fling is a short romantic encounter that is limited in time due to usually to circumstances. They happen on holidays, between married people, between co workers, on business trips etc.

It is often intense, romantic and brief.

 

F*ck buddy/FWB/casual is with someone you are not in a "romantic" relationship with, and you do not want to be in a relationship with and he thinks the same.

He may or not be a real friend, he may be a ONS, or a drunken encounter, that you decide to keep seeing for sex alone.

 

I think if you are a "Wham bam thank you Ma'am/Sir" sort of a person and do not get easily attached to people, have your act together, can compartmentalise, know that it is most likely to be a temporary arrangement, are not the jealous type and choose another person who is the same and knows the score, then casual relationships work well.

 

But if a person is naive, immature, clingy, cuddly, needy, emotional, jealous, gets attached easily, is hungry for attention, is in a bad place, or is highly attracted to or actually loves the other person, then that person is most likely going to get hurt in a purely casual relationship.

  • Author
Posted

Thanks all for your replies. Some food for thought.

Regarding OLD, yeah I guess I can just specify there. I must admit that when I se some of the profiles of women that just say they want casual sex they seem a little ... I dunno ... offputting.

 

 

OP - don't say "wanna be mah fick buddy??!!" but putting the same message out there in more diplomatic terms is the way to go.

 

btw, f buddy is someone you don't really know who you enter into a consensual sex relationship with with no real strings attached, FWB is an existing friend (an actual friend) who you agree to go sexual with, again with no real strings attached. I suppose f buddies can evolve into FWBs as you get to know them better.

 

Cheers, seems like as good a definition as any.

 

 

Seems to me a fling is a short romantic encounter that is limited in time due to usually to circumstances. They happen on holidays, between married people, between co workers, on business trips etc.

It is often intense, romantic and brief.

 

...But if a person is naive, immature, clingy, cuddly, needy, emotional, jealous, gets attached easily, is hungry for attention, is in a bad place, or is highly attracted to or actually loves the other person, then that person is most likely going to get hurt in a purely casual relationship.

 

I think this sounds pretty reasonable. I think I'd be ok with this, the one I'd have to look out for would be if I was extremely attracted to the person.

Posted

Just say something along the lines of what was mentioned earlier with not looking for anything serious, looking to just have a good time.

 

But BE CAREFUL! I once had a FWB who was some of the best sex of my life, and I screwed it up by catching feelings. It was both of our faults because he insisted on spending the night each time, ordering food, watching movies and cuddling.

 

Just get outta there, or tell them they should go when you're done. No "couple" activities.

 

FWB can be a lot of fun if you do it the right way. :)

Posted

I cuddle and spend the night w/some of my GFs. It's just more satisfying to wind things up that way, plus it leads to more great morning sex. Really don't have any clingy issues, but I may be a bit better friend to my FWBs than most.

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