ConfusedInOC Posted April 22, 2005 Posted April 22, 2005 Ok, the ex and I ended our relationship amicably. I really want to remain friends but at the same time, I am not going to initiate contact. If she wants to talk, she needs to contact me. It's only been a few days and she emailed me a technical question. She needed an answer so but I waited about an hour to give it to her. I was terse. Something like: Yes, that oil is fine. Your bike has a bathed clutch. Back to work... Too terse?! Obviously I didn't tell her I plan NC but I miss her so much my heart leaped when I got the email. Gulp. This is harder than I thought.
loveisallaround Posted April 23, 2005 Posted April 23, 2005 As you said - we're in the same situation. If it's the first time she contacted you and you leaped at the reply - thats completly okay. Hell, even if it was the second, third or fourth time, thats okay too. Really, there are no rules. The first time my ex called (the day after our breakup, I think you read it in my thread), I jumped to the phone without even thinking twice of answering. It was a big mistake - his harsh remark made me even more resentful. After that I sternly did the NC thing (to my bewilderment) and I've done very well. So very well in fact, he broke the silence by messaging me this morning and he was the more easy going one in the relationship. I, of course, wanted to reply but didn't. I guess it was my retaliation against his little comment on the phone. Anyway, my point is NC will get easier. Occupy your time. If you're good for eachother, it's probably just the wrong timing. Theres a huge possiblity you'll get back together. Thats what I truly believe in my case (because we're so compatible) so I don't sweat it. I also don't get my hopes too high - I know there are more fish in the sea and I'm young to boot. As much as NC is a game - it's good for you too. And maybe, actually most likely, she'll recognize what a great guy she lost. I don't think you're reply was too blunt at all. A Tip: Text or call a friend when you feel like contacting her.
Author ConfusedInOC Posted April 23, 2005 Author Posted April 23, 2005 Originally posted by loveisallaround As you said - we're in the same situation. If it's the first time she contacted you and you leaped at the reply - thats completly okay. Hell, even if it was the second, third or fourth time, thats okay too. Really, there are no rules. In this case, she asked a question and needed help. Nobody else knew the answer to the question and while she could have posted a question somewhere, she would have known right away that something was wrong if I didn;t immediately reply. I didn't want it to be too obvious so soon. The first time my ex called (the day after our breakup, I think you read it in my thread), I jumped to the phone without even thinking twice of answering. It was a big mistake - his harsh remark made me even more resentful. After that I sternly did the NC thing (to my bewilderment) and I've done very well. So very well in fact, he broke the silence by messaging me this morning and he was the more easy going one in the relationship. I, of course, wanted to reply but didn't. I guess it was my retaliation against his little comment on the phone. Good for you! I hope things get easier for me too! Anyway, my point is NC will get easier. Occupy your time. If you're good for eachother, it's probably just the wrong timing. Theres a huge possiblity you'll get back together. Thats what I truly believe in my case (because we're so compatible) so I don't sweat it. I also don't get my hopes too high - I know there are more fish in the sea and I'm young to boot. I pray you are right. At 36, I dunno if I am good marrying material. Especially since I look a lot younger than I am. I really do think we're right for each other and the time may be wrong, and I don't know in your case, but I fell too hard too fast and that's a total turn off. It should have been 50/50 but it was 90/10 me because I kept thinking if I worked harder, if I loved harder, that would make her come around. Big mistake. It simply pushed her away faster. Now that I know what I know, I won't repeat the same mistake. If she wants me, she's going to have to earn it. And I don't mean just by calling or emailing me every once in a while. I am aware she might find someone else and hopefully I do too. But she's an odd flower and few people will deal with her idiosyncrasies like I would. Then again, maybe someone might love them like I do. Who knows?! Either way my hopes aren't too high right now. I know she'll email me rarely if she has a question. She never emails to say "hey what's up" or "how are you?!" You'd think I'd have gotten the hint. As much as NC is a game - it's good for you too. And maybe, actually most likely, she'll recognize what a great guy she lost. I don't think you're reply was too blunt at all. A Tip: Text or call a friend when you feel like contacting her. Thanks again for the advice! Best of luck to you too!
johan Posted April 23, 2005 Posted April 23, 2005 If she wanted you, she'd still be wanting you if you wrote her 10 paragraphs or 3 words. If she didn't want you, she'd still not be wanting you if you wrote her 10 paragraphs or 3 words. It doesn't matter. It's definitely nothing to stress over. Be yourself with her as well as you can, and leave the rest up to her.
Author ConfusedInOC Posted April 23, 2005 Author Posted April 23, 2005 Originally posted by johan If she wanted you, she'd still be wanting you if you wrote her 10 paragraphs or 3 words. If she didn't want you, she'd still not be wanting you if you wrote her 10 paragraphs or 3 words. It doesn't matter. It's definitely nothing to stress over. Be yourself with her as well as you can, and leave the rest up to her. I find it hard to be myself. Being myself is what pushed her away (too suffocating...lost my appeal...)
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