Started dating this girl recently, 3rd date last night, we were gonna do it but...

[RockoJulian]

I recently started dating this girl. We click really well, it was like a magical click right when I met her, a kind of click I didn't even feel with my ex when I first met her, but I only have a few hang ups so far... She smokes weed and cigarettes regularly. I'm not one who really looks to date someone who does those things, especially cigarettes but I'm willing to keep an open mind.

 

Anyways, we have a lot of fun together so far, we make each other laugh and she enjoys me for who I am (collecting movies, music, video games, and I am also a passionate musician). She seems to admire all of my qualities and hobbies and that already has blown me away so much that I honestly haven't even thought about sex yet. So on this third date, we discussed some things we have both been going through, we both admitted we are both pulling through life changing moments right now, but we really enjoy our time that we spend together. We did try to have sex but for the first time in my life I didn't even get an erection, it was like halfway :/. The part that blew me away was that she was totally understandable and didn't judge me for it and also wants to continue seeing me! I explained to her why I think it didn't happen. I told her what I stated above, "You seem to admire all of my qualities and hobbies and that already has blown me away so much that I honestly haven't even thought about sex yet, I have just really enjoyed spending time with you and enjoyed getting to know you more"

 

So ya I guess I am just posting this because I'm still trying to understand why I didn't get an erection (I'm 26 and she is 25 btw), and I am also super happy that I found someone who admires my passions and hobbies .

[preraph]

Hey, it just happens sometimes. Maybe it was too abrupt. You weren't in the mood yet. Take it more slowly. Instead of sex, just do a lot of touching and kissing and then see what happens.

[minime13]

Maybe your feelings for her are more platonic and you're just not sexually attracted to her. Get to know her a little more and see if there's a romantic attraction that develops, because from the way you talk about her in this post, it mainly sounds like you're hanging out with a cool new friend.

[RockoJulian]

Thats actually what I was doing! for a super long time I was kissing her all over the place turning her on and everything but idk, I just couldn't get in the mood. I think I just need to get used to being with someone new and then it will naturally happen no problem.

[guild11]

Smoking weed once in a while is ok, but I agree with the ciggarets part, thats bad.

You can ask her not to smoke around you, but will you be ok the fact that she smokes and kills her health slowly ?

Eventually it depends on how serious this relationship will be.

[RockoJulian]

Maybe your feelings for her are more platonic and you're just not sexually attracted to her. Get to know her a little more and see if there's a romantic attraction that develops, because from the way you talk about her in this post, it mainly sounds like you're hanging out with a cool new friend.

 

Well there's definitely no doubt in my mind that I find her attractive, I just need to get to know her more first like you said. Romance is a big thing for me and I honestly don't think I am the kind of person who can have sex without it. I am really into her though, she's actually the type of girl I could see myself being with that's the crazy thing, one with a more alternative look (tattoos and piercings). But the fact that it's her personality I am more attracted to gives me more confidence about this.

[RockoJulian]

Smoking weed once in a while is ok, but I agree with the ciggarets part, thats bad.

You can ask her not to smoke around you, but will you be ok the fact that she smokes and kills her health slowly ?

Eventually it depends on how serious this relationship will be.

 

Yeah, I'm really trying not to guilt trip her about it. She did say she's planning on quitting this year, and she's already quit twice but I did tell her in a charming attitude that I could help her quit. She picked up on my vibe too and didn't take it to offense.

[minime13]

Well there's definitely no doubt in my mind that I find her attractive, I just need to get to know her more first like you said. Romance is a big thing for me and I honestly don't think I am the kind of person who can have sex without it. I am really into her though, she's actually the type of girl I could see myself being with that's the crazy thing, one with a more alternative look (tattoos and piercings). But the fact that it's her personality I am more attracted to gives me more confidence about this.

 

If that's the case, then just get to know her a little more and put sex on the back burner. Let it come naturally (no pun intended).

 

There could be the aspect that you're subconsciously hung up on the attributes you don't care for, and that will either pass once you get to know her more, or become a more prominent issue that you have to discuss with her.

[RockoJulian]

If that's the case, then just get to know her a little more and put sex on the back burner. Let it come naturally (no pun intended).

 

There could be the aspect that you're subconsciously hung up on the attributes you don't care for, and that will either pass once you get to know her more, or become a more prominent issue that you have to discuss with her.

 

Well now I am in an even more awkward situation because last night I was supposed to meet her at an open mic once again and I ended up showing up late because I was doing a band audition with her friend that needs a drummer. By the time I got there they closed up the open mic and she told me she would meet me with her friend at a restaurant down the street. When I got there she and I were sitting next to each other and her guy friend sitting across from us. This was the same guy friend that was there when I first met her at the open mic two weeks ago. Things are already a bit awkward because none of us were really talking that much and then she had a sideways question asking who was going to pay for her dinner. That felt like a test question to me so I kind of ignored it. When we were done eating and it was time to pay for the meal I was waiting for her friend to pay his part first and then he ended up just paying for all three of us. It felt really awkward and I didn't really know how to react so all I did was act surprised and just said things you didn't need to do that because I was going to pay for us. Then I drove her back to her car at the open mic bar. When I did when it up making out in my car she also told me that she didn't want me to be mad and I asked her why she thought I was mad because she knew that I was bummed because I didn't get to perform for the open mic. So then she got out of the car and walk to her car and as I am about to leave I see her go back in the bar.So then she got out of the car and walk to her car and as I am about to leave I see her go back in the bar and she shouts to me that she's going to go to the bathroom before she leaves. That just felt like a giant favor to me so I just left. Then this morning she text me the usual flirty good morning text messages which she has been doing lately. I kinda just flirted back a few hours later and we haven't really talked much at all today. So now I'm just confused on whether or not she's really into me or if she's just being a flirt because we originally had plans to hang out this Thursday but she's timing her cousin came in town and So now I'm just confused on whether or not she's really into me or if she's just being a flirt because we originally had plans to hang out this Thursday but she's said she just found out her cousin came in town and she says she's going to try to see her cousin before seeing me. I'm really confused and I don't really understand what's going on because I just want to direct answer if she's interested in dating more or if she's just being a big flirt. Please let me know if I'm overthinking this one.