La.Primavera Posted May 17, 2015 Posted May 17, 2015 Suffering bad right now. I'm out but I miss him. I wanna text him so bad. Remember all the horrible things he has said and done to you. Imagine what he was doing when he was cheating on you. If that doesn't work, hide your phone.
katiegrl Posted May 17, 2015 Posted May 17, 2015 Remember all the horrible things he has said and done to you. Imagine what he was doing when he was cheating on you. If that doesn't work, hide your phone. Totally agree. dd, whenever you start to miss him and are tempted to reconnect, remember how you felt when you first discovered this crap... and tell yourself, since you NEVER ever want to feel that horrible again, you are moving on and want nothing more to do with him. Because people don't change....HE will never change. Please remember that! ((Sunday hugs))
preraph Posted May 17, 2015 Posted May 17, 2015 I'm sorry this is so hard on you, but you're now into the grieving process. This is just incidental, based on my observations throughout my lifetime of being around people who do drugs. In all that time, I have never known a partnered up couple where only one of them did drugs. Maybe one had an addiction problem and the other didn't because of the luck of genetics. But honestly, it's not reasonable to assume he wasn't doing drugs too at least at some point. Just my two cents. I know that has little to do with your situation, but it might go to his credibility. He should never ever have brought a woman so deep into his daughter's life unless he was fully committed and planning on making her his wife. It's irresponsible.
katiegrl Posted May 17, 2015 Posted May 17, 2015 I'm sorry this is so hard on you, but you're now into the grieving process. This is just incidental, based on my observations throughout my lifetime of being around people who do drugs. In all that time, I have never known a partnered up couple where only one of them did drugs. Maybe one had an addiction problem and the other didn't because of the luck of genetics. But honestly, it's not reasonable to assume he wasn't doing drugs too at least at some point. Just my two cents. I know that has little to do with your situation, but it might go to his credibility. He should never ever have brought a woman so deep into his daughter's life unless he was fully committed and planning on making her his wife. It's irresponsible. preraph...great insight. But my fear for her right now (since she has not responded since her text last night saying she wanted to text him)....is that in a weak and vulnerable moment, she DID text him and he has convinced her to give him yet one more chance. I've been there, I think we all have. I hope not!!! Hopefully she will post an update on how she's doing soon....
Author ddlovexx Posted May 17, 2015 Author Posted May 17, 2015 (edited) We have texted, but I don't want to see him or anything. He's apologized but in reality there's no way to know he wouldn't do it again. Also, he doesn't so drugs bc he has to get tested periodically because of the custody thing. He does have a couple drinks after a long day but I'm the same way. I did go out and have a good time last night and got some attention, so that helped me feel better, even if that sounds dumb. I hate missing him. I forgive him because that's just me. But it's exhausting going back and forth. I'm able to understand that it's not worth it, it's just impossible not to miss him and the baby right now. I'm so distracted at work. Ugh. But I also just feel like I'm living in a fog... Edited May 17, 2015 by ddlovexx
Author ddlovexx Posted May 17, 2015 Author Posted May 17, 2015 Also, I'm sure he was planning on making me his wife one day after all this that we've gone through and with his daughter and all. But that doesn't mean he wouldn't be doing this behind my back even if we're married. Like I said, I know he loves me, but when he can't handle himself he does the wrong thing to feel better. And there's no excuse. I told him if he can't deal like an adult or come to me when he's frustrated/stressed... Then why was he even dating me in the first place?
Omei Posted May 17, 2015 Posted May 17, 2015 Also, I'm sure he was planning on making me his wife one day after all this that we've gone through and with his daughter and all. But that doesn't mean he wouldn't be doing this behind my back even if we're married. Like I said, I know he loves me, but when he can't handle himself he does the wrong thing to feel better. And there's no excuse. I told him if he can't deal like an adult or come to me when he's frustrated/stressed... Then why was he even dating me in the first place? If this man had valued you and loved you he wouldnt of cheated. Don't fool yourself into thinking you cant do better...you can. Its unfortunate about his little one and your attachment but its not going to help in the future for them to view a unhappy relationship. Its time to go no contact.
Author ddlovexx Posted May 22, 2015 Author Posted May 22, 2015 I can't do this anymore... I feel so hopeless and dead inside. When does it get better?
KatZee Posted May 22, 2015 Posted May 22, 2015 I can't do this anymore... I feel so hopeless and dead inside. When does it get better? It gets better when you stop idealizing a complete POS. I mean come on, you have this guy on such a high pedestal and I have no idea why. He's a scumbag. He treated you like garbage from day 1. Has lied to you from day 1. I'm telling you right now he has NO COMPREHENSION as to what it means to "love" someone. You think you had some "real love" with this guy. You didn't. You had deceit. You had this phony stage laid out by him so you'd become weak and dependent on him. He cheats on you left and right. He doesn't even know what a real apology is. Why are you still talking to him!!! Stop it! You are NEVER going to move on by doing what you're doing. Never. This is why you're still here talking about this crap from 6 months ago. You need to straighten up that backbone and start doing what's good and right FOR YOU. You are doing nothing beneficial and positive for yourself. You are keeping yourself stuck and wallowing in this self pity, in this grand delusion that he's some sort of godlike person. If you're not in therapy I highly suggest it. You need to start learning how to create boundaries for yourself, increase your self esteem, to learn to love yourself, and how to recognize and stay away from users/abusers/toxic people. 2
Author ddlovexx Posted May 22, 2015 Author Posted May 22, 2015 I don't talk to him much. 75% of the time when he texts I don't answer.
Zahara Posted May 22, 2015 Posted May 22, 2015 (edited) I don't talk to him much. 75% of the time when he texts I don't answer. I second Katzee. You shouldn't even be talking to this guy, period. If you have any sense of value for yourself and some semblance of reality of what a douchebag this guy has been to you, you'd have enough self-respect to cut this guy out of your life. He's verbally abused you. Emotionally damaged you. Mentally f'd you. And after all that you're still engaging with him. You're young and if you're setting this sort of destructive pattern for yourself at this point in your life, you're only going to keep destroying your sense of self. Cut him out. Cold turkey. Edited May 22, 2015 by Zahara
katiegrl Posted May 22, 2015 Posted May 22, 2015 (edited) I don't talk to him much. 75% of the time when he texts I don't answer. So that means 25% of the time you *are* talking to him. Why??? Why have you NOT blocked and deleted his number? Why are you allowing him access to you at all? I agree with KatZee..100%. 1000%! Block, delete and extricate this DB from your life once and for all... THEN, in time, a few weeks hopefully, you will start to feel better. Edited May 22, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
LadyDeadpool Posted May 22, 2015 Posted May 22, 2015 I think you should block his number and delete his contact info. This whole ignoring his texts will only work for so long. The second you have to check your messages for work or whatever and you see his name, it will just bring you closer to completely breaking down. 1
preraph Posted May 22, 2015 Posted May 22, 2015 DDLove, try to remember that if he really knew what love is, he'd know you can't cheat on someone and love them at the same time because if you really love someone you don't want to make them hurt. Wanting to possess someone because it's convenient is not love. Love wants to make you feel good and protect you.
Author ddlovexx Posted May 23, 2015 Author Posted May 23, 2015 I've been going out at night since that gives me something to look forward to. And then I usually wake up feeling good but by noon I lose it and feel hopeless and hurt and terrible, and missing him. I also gave my quit notice to my job because I've been super unhappy here and not doing what I really want to do. So I'm gonna find something that makes me happier. It feels good to try to rebuild but I miss him terribly.
Recommended Posts