For those who have had someone dump you (not for someone else)

[Popsicle]

Would you take them back if they asked to come back?

 

Again, I want to point out that YOU were dumped by them and they did not leave you for someone else.

[Moley87]

If it was under the right circumstances and would depend how you were dumped and the reason behind it

 

 

In my present position ,Yes I would

[stopping]

Would you take them back if they asked to come back?

 

Again, I want to point out that YOU were dumped by them and they did not leave you for someone else.

 

 

 

I have and will probably never do so again. Problem was that my dumper had a list of things I had to change about myself. Fair in the sense that unless these are communicated then it will never work. The rub is that when I communicated some things on the other end that must change as well...the person in power (dumper) did not think they were relevant.

 

This is the unequal playing field that is now present...dumper enjoys the power for the most part and when asked to relinquish will not do so. The dumpee gets bitter because demands are not take seriously (why would they when you do not have the power to do so).

 

It ends up being a reboot and most of the time it is worst than the original version.

 

 

There are tons of people out there...find one that thinks of you as an equal

[darkbloom]

He cheated during the relationship but as far as I know he didn't get with anyone else after the breakup. I don't know if I would be able to trust him again. Even as a friend somewhere down the line when I don't feel anything for him. He would need therapy and a serious come-to-jesus moment with his life.

 

Never had a connection with anybody like that before though. Don't know if I will again.

[d0nnivain]

No. They broke the connection. That means whatever we had wasn't strong enough to hold them in the 1st place. I would always think that I was the back up plan or I would wonder about their ability to know their own mind / heard & make a decision. I would never believe they had the ability to pledge until death do us part.

[FortunateSon]

I have and will probably never do so again. Problem was that my dumper had a list of things I had to change about myself. Fair in the sense that unless these are communicated then it will never work. The rub is that when I communicated some things on the other end that must change as well...the person in power (dumper) did not think they were relevant.

 

This is the unequal playing field that is now present...dumper enjoys the power for the most part and when asked to relinquish will not do so. The dumpee gets bitter because demands are not take seriously (why would they when you do not have the power to do so).

 

It ends up being a reboot and most of the time it is worst than the original version.

 

 

There are tons of people out there...find one that thinks of you as an equal

Very well written, I couldn't have said it better myself. I have experienced this first hand, I was told a bunch things I needed to change, yet she consideted herself perfect(not surprising given her narcissistic/bpd tendencies) and was unwilling to change anything herself. Funny thing was that I made changes, she didn't and it never made anything better. I will likely never reconcile again, there was a reason for the break up, usually it doesn't go away.

[aloneinaz]

I got active on this site when my ex dumped me after an off/on, rocky, rollercoaster of a relationship of 1.4 years. I learned SSOO many things from this site and the participants of it. What's frightening is how many things on this site are true and accurate. NC is the best way to heal and move on. Dumpers remorse and the timelines of it. The timelines of healing, feeling better and moving on.

 

I healed w/NC, started dating again and met my now GF after 3 months single. We've been together close to two years now and live together very happily. When I say I went NC w/my ex, I went NC with her. I feel off the face of the planet.

 

Well, many people on this site and others say that dumpers often come back after 5-6 months "if" they've heard nothing from the dumpee. Why? Cuz they haven't found anyone better. Are lonely and missing being in a relationship or their short rebound relationship was a disaster.

 

My ex was a horrible $itch to me and I allowed it for too long. She came knocking on my door 6 months after we broke up. Luckily I was napping. A day latter she texted a LLOONNGG apology for being so terrible. I ignored her. Two weeks later she emailed a several page apology email. Said she missed me terribly. Didn't recognize what she had, blah, blah, blah.. This angered my GF who knew exactly what she was trying to pull. I replied to her a couple of days later that I was happily involved w/my new GF and good luck. She keep emailing off/on for the next few months and finally gave up.

 

To answer your question now that I've been windy, HELL NO I wouldn't get back together with her again. Like the other posted stated, once you break up, it's broken! I'd already broken up with her a few times already. Each reconciliation was shorter and shorter before all the same BS reappeared. Nothing would change.

 

A dumper comes back NOT because they miss you or want to be with you forever. They selfishly come back for their needs and you're an easy fix for a short while. I've read ALOT from experts that say a broken relationship is never the same and rarely last any significant time.

[ManyDissapoint]

I highly doubt it. If my ex came back, I would have my own list of demands which would light her fuse.

 

Besides, I would only take her back if she has not been with anyone else after me and for some reason was carrying some kind of inexplicable torch. It's nonsense but that's how I feel. If she slept with anyone else it's still cheating to my heart. I don't really care that it happened when we weren't together.

 

So yeah it's not going to happen.

[quattrob]

Depends how it ended really.. if I was dumped and she treated me with respect when she dumped me (like did it face to face and give valid reasons etc). Then in that case there's a chance I would take her back if she approached me appropriately.

 

 

However my previous ex dumped me over the phone and just wanted out so quickly because of her own selfish reasons. In this case I would never take her back even if she realizes her mistakes and regrets dumping me. It isn't that I haven't forgiven her, I have forgiven her even if she never asked for forgiveness (because forgiving is the only way to truly move on and be happy, forgetting and holding grudges only keeps hate and anger). Even though I have forgiven her, I can't have her in my life in any form.

[SLee]

As of right now, I would if a few things were just right. In that he'd have to mature and be really, genuinely remorseful for all the crap he pulled after the break up. And it couldn't just be a repeat of the old relationship, it would have to be a stronger more mature relationship.

 

So in short, until he works on himself and I've healed from all the hurt, I won't take him back even if he did come running back with his tail between his legs.

[KBarletta]

At first I thought I would. But six months down the line, the answer is a definitive no. I no longer trust that "we're in this together" which was a huge part of my feeling in our relationship. I simply don't trust that she wouldn't walk away again if she got restless. I don't trust that she would communicate honestly with me about her feelings. I simply don't trust her anymore.

 

The truth is, it will be a while before I can trust any woman that much, but certainly not my STBX.

 

In the words of the great Nicholas Cage, "What's wrong can never be made right!"

[Jonp219]

My ex didn't leave me for anyone.

 

However, she bad mouthed me on Twitter for over a month.

She was very passive-aggressive when we spoke after I broke NC the first time.

Not to mention, she also broke up with me on the phone.

 

The answer is yes, I would take her back. I know I can't do better so why not?

[leavesonautumn]

I've done it before - 8 or 9 times with the same person actually.

 

I'd never, ever do it again. No matter the person or relationship. After the first break up, even though we both still loved each other and neither of us went for anyone else, it was never the same. I always feared that the next break up would happen and it caused some pretty awful cycles.

[lauri]

No.

 

Coming from a guys perspective, once a girl loses interest in you and ends things, its over. I do not believe it is possible to regain that "love" your ex had for you, and if you can, the effort and energy you would have to put into making her fall in love with you again is too much. All of my exs built up the breakups and built an image in their head of who I am (negatively).

 

I think when an ex girlfriend comes back, which in my case they have every.single.time, its because they start to romantize who you are and what you used to have (assuming you went NC right away like I always did). This could occur because they tried dating other people or just because they are lonely. Once they do finally get to speak to you / try things out, they realize that you are still the same person they lost interest in and then cut you off out of nowhere. This normally happens because the dumped runs back too easily and isn't challenging enough. First few ex's this happened, the last one I dated tried but I didn't give her the chance to leave on her terms.

 

In the end, my conclusion from this forum and my life is that you are better off investing your time and energy into someine new. You do not have to prove yourself or doubt things the same way you do if you try to get back with an ex.

 

An ex is an ex for a reason.

[spiderowl]

No, I don't think I would. Firstly because they hurt me and secondly because whatever reason they had for dumping me wouldn't have gone away. I'm not a drunk or on drugs or mean or unfaithful. If they dumped me, it would have to be for some reason to do with attraction or personality and those are things I cannot change. Therefore there is no point going back to them.

[guest569]

My heart says "within a heartbeat"

My brain says "hell no!"

 

I would definitely consider it but I would really hope that my brain would win. He would have some serious explaining to do and prove that he is serious about giving it another shot. He did seriously consider giving it another shot but luckily he was smart enough to leave me be and not risk hurting me all over again. Which I think would likely be the outcome.

 

Is this happening to you OP or are you just curious?

[aloneinaz]

With the exception of my last ex, I've always been the one to end relationships in as nice a manner as I could. When I ended them, I was DONE with the girl and not in love w/them anymore. There was nothing left for me in the relationship. I never went back to them to try again. In my mind, I was perfectly comfortable knowing they would move on, meet someone else and sleep with them. When you're comfortable thinking about your current GF being with another guy and the thought doesn't hurt you, it's an affirmation that it's time to end it.

 

On the other hand, when I'm in love w/a gal that I'm in relationship with, the last thing I'd EVER do is dump her, KNOWING they would sleep with someone else. So, when I was dumped, I knew she simply wasn't in love w/me anymore and could care less if I was in bed w/someone new. That made my decision to NOT get back w/her when she approached me so many months later, wanting me back..

[TunaCat]

It's been just about 2 months since I was dumped. A month ago, I would have welcomed him back with open arms. Not because I loved him and wanted to be with only him, but because I was lonely. I missed how he made me feel.

 

Now, I wouldn't take him back. It's been a long time coming, but I realize now that we just aren't compatible. He was always a doormat and he always agreed with me no matter what. I never felt challenged. Looking back, it was definitely the dynamic that his parents have. His mom is very dominant and his dad is definitely a pushover.

 

Add to that, the simple fact that he's not attractive to me. I was willing to settle because he did make me feel safe, comfortable and cared about. Now I realize that looks aren't everything, but I NEED to be physically attracted to my partner.

[mightycpa]

NFW. It sounds good in theory, but breaking up is a huge step and I think I'd always be waiting for the day that it would happen again.

[Zapbasket]

At this point, I don't think so. There has been too much hurt. I do want to hear from him, but I am not waiting for it. And nothing he could say could heal what I have felt since we broke up. Like I said: too much pain. There is a tipping point for me and after 1 year 7 months of not hearing from him despite living right down the road from him and in a small rural community, the tipping point has arrived because all that silence just screams how little I really meant to him. I don't want to be with someone who cares so little.

[HowMightI-live]

Nope. As much as i love her, i cant go back. As much as i love her, i know one thing to be of absolute truth; she wasnt the one for me. I dont regret having knowing her and the sufferring ive had to endure because i learned a lot about pain and then i learned about the grace of pain and all the goodness that can come out of it.

Edited May 17, 2015 by HowMightI-live

[acapelo_dp]

In my heart it screams yes, but my head says NO. The reason for his break up was that he whole heartily did not want a relationship so I would be VERY weary why he would want to try again. Even when we met up just two weeks ago he still said he didn't want a relationship with anyone. So I don't hold any hope what-so-ever.

 

Plus he wasn't the best boyfriend. I have romanticized the relationship the first two months but I have since taken off the rose colored glasses.

 

So overall, no I would not take him back.

[ColdandLonelyinAK]

Most likely, no.

 

If it were to ever happen, we'd have to go extremely slow this time. No moving in together again right away and he would have to go to some kind of therapy with me, because he has so many issues internally and communication problems that is have to make sure that he really wanted to work on it a second time around.

[candie13]

I had a real crush on a guy last summer. He got cold feet, gave me the fade out and then closed it. He came back once - we went on a few dates. He started to hesitate again, but kept coming back to ask me for drinks. I've blocked him until I got over it. He came back again and asked me out for drinks. I've jerked his chain a bit for the pleasure of it and then canceled him out. He came back again. He recently sent me a fb request. I've declined them all in a heart beat. Of course I still like the dude, but he's soooo much trouble that I wouldn't get near him with pole.

 

So to answer your question: yup to that guy.

 

i am usually the one who leaves more serious relationships, I never really got dumped by anyone I took seriously. Not saying that those relationships were going well - since I kept leaving.