aloneinaz Posted July 2, 2015 Posted July 2, 2015 Only you can make the decision to keep doing what you're doing each day or doing something DIFFERENTLY. You can't move forward until you take the first step. She's moved on. If what you contributed to end the of the relationship hasn't been addressed, you're not going to be ready for your next one. After 8 months, you really should be feeling better overall. What advice is your therapist giving to help you put this behind you? Should you try a different therapist who specializes in these types of situations? There's a famous quote "whether you think you can or think you can't, your correct"..
takeashotforme Posted July 7, 2015 Posted July 7, 2015 (edited) I'm back. Haven't been on this for about a month. Jus seeing how you're doing. I can see you haven't move on yet. Niether have I. But I am doing better. Today is my bday, and I was wondering if she was gonna contact me and wish me a happy bday. She did not. Oh well I guess. Gotta brush it off somehow and carry on. You should should too. Edited July 7, 2015 by takeashotforme okay so she waited til the end of the day to wish me a happy bday so it wouldnt ruin my day. i guess at least she still care.
dangerbang Posted July 7, 2015 Posted July 7, 2015 @ dangerbang....bitter much? No I'm not bitter. I just think this guy needs to get his act together. It makes me feel sorry for my fellow man when I see someone carrying on like this, it's disgraceful.
Author Maximboi23 Posted July 14, 2015 Author Posted July 14, 2015 Hey guys just an update from previous threads. I have been doing much better and have been meeting many women and going on dates And actually met a girl that I am close to and See what can happen. But I can say I am a bit Happier than where I was before. I thought just like everyone else that it is horrible and I will never find anyone and had nonstop obsessive thoughts of her everyday wishing for her back. Now that I am fit and lost 40 lbs and got a nice sports car and just worked on myself. You guys that are going through the pain I can't stress it more the fact you need to work on you 100% till anything can happen. I took all my anger and sadness on the gym and now the results are amazing. You know how good it feels for people to say wow good For you and that you look so fit now. It is definetly not a east journey. Just go out there and do you. Go to gym, ride bike, do adventurous things but do not contact them again. People on here will tell you over and over again do NC and believe Me it is magical. I won't lie I didn't fully do strict NC but we're all human and learn. But never give up and as hard as it may be just don't do it. Being single gives you an outlook on you and everything you do from that point is to benefit you and only you. They are the past and should definitely stay there. It didn't work out for a reason. But when that door is closed believe me there is an aging door next to it to enter to into a brand new amazing possibilities for you ahead. I was the stubborn one who said I can never do it and live without her and cried and was depressed everyday but she is Not worth it. She wasn't even a good girlfriend and thank god the marriage didn't go through or I would have lived in hell forever with her. You guys will realize and know they were not good for you and a bullet dodged for sure. Be strong and look ahead and time will bring you joy again guaranteed. 4
Gus Grimly Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 Thanks for this. So many threads about people's pain, not enough about their hope and success. I needed this pick me up today. I really did. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, it's always good to hear it confirmed with posts like yours. 1
DexterLS Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 Thank you for giving us an update. We need more threads like this! All the best
Author Maximboi23 Posted August 18, 2015 Author Posted August 18, 2015 So it's been about 10 months since my ex fiancé broke it off and jumped ships. It has not been even the slightest easy to move forward. A lot of sadness anger hostility and betrayal still linger in my heart. At one point a few months ago I thought I was doing well but it all came crashing down on me again. I thought my life was complete with her and her son and just wanted her with me for the rest of my life. No matter the arguments and fights I never wanted to leave. I really thought she was the one but in all that was all a fasad. She broke me more than any other girl has before and I have had a few relationships. So I have not only changed the way I looked by dropping almost 45 lbs but I got a nice car and dates but none make me happy. I am depressed person and always have been. 11 years of therapy and medication has not corrected me at all. Recently I was seeing two women that made me kinda forget about my ex and I was quite happy again. They were always there and both provided me happiness. One of them I really liked and got her flowers every time I saw her and took her out and never was mean or anything bad to her. After a month and half she decided I was too much by asking for reassurance or what not but it's bull cause she was giving me the it's work and I'm busy and it's not time bull**** excuse that everyone else gives. I really started taking my wall down for her and felt so cared about and felt amazing. And just like everything else in my life it came crashing down and she pulled the plug. I am so used to people coming and going In my life it's not even funny. She really broke my heart and now I feel more hurt.
Gus Grimly Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 I think you rushed into things with the girl and it scared her off. Flowers every time you saw her? That's nice and all, but a tad much. Not saying doing nice things for women is a bad thing, just turn it down a few. Plus flowers is so cliche. Be more creative. It's great you lost all that weight and have a nice car but you've put your Ex fiance on a crazy high pedestal. Take her down and remove her from your life completely. Don't be a slave to the breakup any longer. It's not good to stay in that pit of darkness for so long. 2
Author Maximboi23 Posted August 18, 2015 Author Posted August 18, 2015 Yes I realize that now. Can't believe it. She was rushing it as well. She was making empty promises to me saying all this crap that other women say and then bounce cause you are too nice. Yeh she has been on pedestal for all this time and I have to See her in court this week so I can get my ring back. It is what it is. I have years of depression and I will get over this and put it in baggage just like I have with all the rest of them. Thanks for your reply I truly appreciate you taking the time to respond 1
Gus Grimly Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 Yeh she has been on pedestal for all this time and I have to See her in court this week so I can get my ring back. Your Ex kept the ring? That's pretty lame considering most states view engagement rings as a "Conditional Gift", especially since she broke it off with you. I'm sorry you have to go through all that legal mumbo jumbo to get your property returned to you. What a bummer. Now with this other girl, it's not that you were being too nice, she probably thought you came on too strong and were crowding her. Then again, I've met some women who get mad and break up with you because you didn't give her enough attention. It's always hard to tell and it can be a slippery slope, that's why sometimes being honest with her if you're unsure can help light your way. Also when someone start making all sorts of promises early in a relationship that's cause for concern. Dating should be fun and casual, blasting your way to the end never fairs well. Again, there are exceptions to the rule. You'll be alright, just get back on that horse and try again.
seasickpeeve Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 If people have hurt you and left your life before it can make you get into the mindset that everyone's going to leave you. That will make you anxious and behave in strange ways....either detached or over bearing....and so they'll leave. Its a self fulfilling prophecy. While dating feels good and keeps you distracted ots also gonna keep affirming this belief that everyone leaves you. Maybe date and have fun but leave your heart out of it for awhile until it is someone really really special and deserving. After all, you have been working super hard on yourself and are going from strength to strength. Don't get knocked back now!
Author Maximboi23 Posted August 19, 2015 Author Posted August 19, 2015 Thanks guys. All your words makes a lot of Sense. I know I overbear all These women and they do leave And it is a self fulfilling prophecy that ends all the Same way.
HandsomeBoh Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 I still feel that my ex was the one for me as well, but at the same time I accept that she left for a reason, and until you do something to change that reason, she's not coming back. Like you, I suffer from depression. But I recognise it for what it is: an insidious sickness. Something curable and treatable, but at the same time, not entirely your fault. Harness the power of your love for her to get rid of your depression, because that's the only way she's ever going to come back. I have tried to convince myself of a million reasons to stop being depressed, and now I have found the only reason which matters. Of course, on some level its a kind of false hope. But if false hope is what you need to get better, then go for it. 1
Author Maximboi23 Posted August 19, 2015 Author Posted August 19, 2015 Yes severe depression has been in my life for years and years. Just turned into a habit now. The ex hurt me too much. There will never be reconciliation with her. She is long gone in my mind. As to the other girl I was seeing that I really liked, I would have loved to be exclusive with her but after all her bullsht and empty promises she has left too Maybe I do rush into things with people but it's a two way street. If they don't like it don't agree and go along just be honest and say how u feel so the other god damn person isn't in false hope
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