PegNosePete Posted May 27, 2015 Posted May 27, 2015 why is she going out of her way to check my Facebook with another account when I have her blocked? Because she's bored, and poking your wound is a fun time-filler for her. A general tip, that applies to everyone, not just you. You should always make sure your FB posts are "friends only". Not "friends of friends" and certainly not "public". Then make sure you only have friends who are genuinely your real friends. That way, when you unfriend/block someone, they can't see anything you post, even if they use another account.
joseb Posted May 27, 2015 Posted May 27, 2015 You should always make sure your FB posts are "friends only". Not "friends of friends" and certainly not "public". Then make sure you only have friends who are genuinely your real friends. Yip, good advice. Or maybe even simpler, stop using FB!
Author Maximboi23 Posted June 7, 2015 Author Posted June 7, 2015 I can't believe I am still the way I am. My days are so hazy and I am not happy at all. I go to gym and work out and look great but it don't mean one god damn thing. Nothing makes me happy at all. I laugh and joke and put on a show But deep down I'm dying for her. Her memories always haunts me daily. Every single little thing gets me down. I have been on multiple dates and what not but I don't want them or anyone. She was going to be my wife and I thought deep in my soul that she was the one after all these years of struggling relationships , I thought she was my soul mate. It has been almost 7 months and it feels like it Happened last week. It's so fresh in my mind all the time. Instantly putting me in a sad emotional state. Everyone says time will heal and all that stuff but I don't think in my case. She was my whole world and my bestest friend I have ever had. I miss hugging her and everything about her. I can't believe she's gone
takeashotforme Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 I'm in the same boat too. It's been 5 months for me and Im still unable to move on even with months of nc. Everythings remind me of her. 1
loveiswar101 Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 I feel for you guys, to find some one you really love and care about is some thing eveyone I believe wants. Yesterday I was a mess, today I'm a little better. I think the big thing I'm trying to get my head around which might help you out is hope, trying to let the hope go, lets you move on. I just sent my last text, after breaking NC yesterday. Now back to NC. Keep working out, keep yourself busy, keep your mind busy. Hopefully the hope and emotions will go and you can find relief in the future. Good luck !
colinmissesk Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 Wow, your post could be me, just less time has elapsed. I/we are with you, I don't know if it will truly get better, but we have to try
DexterLS Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 I know how it feels. I can't seem to get her out of my head either, no matter what I do. I go out with my friends, hit the gym and try to keep myself busy but I still think about her every single day. I wake up everyday thinking about her and I go to sleep doing the same thing but I do believe it will get better. I hope you find that it will get better for you too.
FistOfTheNorthStar Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 I'm glad I'm not the only one. I miss treating her like my queen. However, she stepped away from me. I believe I will find someone who will love me in my entirety. I promise it will get better. She left after constantly telling me she would never leave me, she promised to always be there for me, that if we were to end it would be if I stepped away, but no, she pushed me away for her own selfish desires. It's not worth the pain. Life goes on, what doesn't kill you, makes you STRONGER! -F 1
Yummm Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 I'm glad I'm not the only one. I miss treating her like my queen. However, she stepped away from me. I believe I will find someone who will love me in my entirety. I promise it will get better. She left after constantly telling me she would never leave me, she promised to always be there for me, that if we were to end it would be if I stepped away, but no, she pushed me away for her own selfish desires. It's not worth the pain. Life goes on, what doesn't kill you, makes you STRONGER! -F Mate you're scaring me now.. did we date the same person? We also got dumped on the same day... 7th May? 1
aloneinaz Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 She was going to be my wife and I thought deep in my soul that she was the one after all these years of struggling relationships , I thought she was my soul mate. It sounds like you're still in denial and haven't fully accepted that she's moved on and didn't want to be your wife nor soul mate. I know it hurts but you need to accept that it didn't work out as much as you wanted it to. It has been almost 7 months and it feels like it Happened last week. It's so fresh in my mind all the time. Instantly putting me in a sad emotional state. Everyone says time will heal and all that stuff but I don't think in my case. She was my whole world and my bestest friend I have ever had. I miss hugging her and everything about her. I can't believe she's gone Just an opinion but it sounds like you're choosing to stay stuck for fear of truly accepting that it's over and letting it go. You internal conversation that's highlighted at the bottom isn't helping what so ever. Reality is she was not you best friend or she'd still be with you. You need to ACCEPT that it's over my friend. You also need to change what you're telling yourself in your head. If your internal dialogue was saying "I can't wait to meet my next love" or "I'm soo better off w/out her", you'd find yourself finally letting go of her. I'd also say that if you had a date w/a girl that really rocked your word and was really into you, you would stop thinking about the PAST relationship. Trust me.. I dated a couple months after getting dumped by someone I really loved but shouldn't have. I'd drive home from dates, even after sleeping with them and only think about the ex. I then met my current GF of approaching 2 years who did rock my world. My ex came back and was told no thanks 5.5 months later. Keep doing what you're doing. Change your internal dialogue and you will get there. 2
Author Maximboi23 Posted June 7, 2015 Author Posted June 7, 2015 I'm in the same boat too. It's been 5 months for me and Im still unable to move on even with months of nc. Everythings remind me of her. Yeh man. Same exact thing here. It's like I'm paralyzed by her and it's insane emotional feeling. I can't believe I am still the way I am. My days are so hazy and I am not happy at all. I go to gym and work out and look great but it don't mean one god damn thing. Nothing makes me happy at all. I laugh and joke and put on a show But deep down I'm dying for her. Her memories always haunts me daily. Every single little thing gets me down. I have been on multiple dates and what not but I don't want them or anyone. She was going to be my wife and I thought deep in my soul that she was the one after all these years of struggling relationships , I thought she was my soul mate. It has been almost 7 months and it feels like it Happened last week. It's so fresh in my mind all the time. Instantly putting me in a sad emotional state. Everyone says time will heal and all that stuff but I don't think in my case. She was my whole world and my bestest friend I have ever had. I miss hugging her and everything about her. I can't believe she's gone 1
FistOfTheNorthStar Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 Mate you're scaring me now.. did we date the same person? We also got dumped on the same day... 7th May? Hahaha wow yeah it was May the 7th. Exactly one month today.
Author Maximboi23 Posted June 7, 2015 Author Posted June 7, 2015 Yeh I understand and appreciate every single one of u for replying and taking your time. It's just too hard to let go of her. I am in complete denial everyday for the last 7 months and if I let go I know I will Be in a lot of pain and feel more alone. I wish she didn't leave me
ravfour4 Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 Is there some closure you're yearning for? Is there some part of the break-up that is unknown to you that makes you feel like it's not real or that she still really cares? I'm guessing there is, but you have to realize you'll likely never get it. Also, remember when you were first in love with her, I bet you hung out all the time, said loving things and were inseparable. Now think how she's acting now and think about what it would mean if you were acting that way. You'll come to the conclusion that you care way more than she does and you also have to know that you can't control her actions/feelings, only your own. Acknowledge that what you had was awesome, but over and know that you will find someone better who will love you fully. When it happens, you'll look back and laugh at this misery.
Author Maximboi23 Posted June 7, 2015 Author Posted June 7, 2015 Yes thank u. I did love her so much and remember everything from the beginning playing in my mind all the time. I'm to scared to let go fully. I am scared to finally know she is gone. She was my everything and I can't let go of that. I have gone through too much pain as it is. She still keeps tabs on my Facebook I know that for sure even though I have her blocked
DexterLS Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 Yes thank u. I did love her so much and remember everything from the beginning playing in my mind all the time. I'm to scared to let go fully. I am scared to finally know she is gone. She was my everything and I can't let go of that. I have gone through too much pain as it is. She still keeps tabs on my Facebook I know that for sure even though I have her blocked It doesn't mean anything if she keeps tabs on you buddy. Please make a genuine effort to move on. I can't put a timeline on your process of moving on but stay NC and you will be fine. Also, get rid of any hope she is coming back.
Author Maximboi23 Posted June 14, 2015 Author Posted June 14, 2015 Sorry everyone for multiple post. Just like hearing everyone's input. This site has helped me for the months that I was dealing with the pain of the end of me and fiancé. It's been almost 7 months and I am holding on to her memories and scared to let go. I know it's so far gone and she's moved on but I can't help how my heart feels. I have done major improvements in my life cause of this and feel confident now and meet women and get a lot of attention. But it doesn't help me focus on moving on. I constantly am drowning in thoughts of her. It takes people different times to move on but it is really affecting me majorly. I am so depressed and sad everyday. I am better than when I was before but I am no where near over her or will be for a long time. No matter what I do or who I am with I am only thinking of her and it's not fair to me because I know she probably isn't thinking of me. Closure is something I will Never get
dyna85 Posted June 14, 2015 Posted June 14, 2015 You will get closure if you keep carrying on and find strength from within yourself. Take a few moments to reflect on what you have and how far you have come and what you have learned. This journey is yours and yours alone. It's only a matter of time before you heal. You don't need to cling to this experience. You can be free if you allow yourself to experience the emotions without intense scrutiny/judgment of yourself. Your ex is on her own journey, and you were part of that. For sure, you will serve as a lesson and point of growth for her too. Just as she is the same to you. We only have one life to live and pain and joy is all part of the plan to becoming our best selves. To love is not to cling and hold so tightly that you lose yourself. You need to let loose and get back to being you. She is a part of you. You don't need to forget her, but you need to appreciate your relationship and the breakup for what it was and is. There are many lessons to learn from this, to help you grow. Give yourself some gentle nudges to keep going. Make note of what you have learned. Take into consideration those things you do have, as well as your personal strengths and achievements, to help energize you. Do you have a good job? Friends? A caring family? Are you healthy? Do you have the luxury of taking a walk outside and having free time and some funds to do those things that others can't? One life to live. This is all part of the journey to personal growth & development. Being sad is part of the process. You don't have to dwell there. Keep it moving. 1
AJH1982 Posted June 14, 2015 Posted June 14, 2015 (edited) I feel for you men! It´s not easy to forget about someone you love, but with time this memories will fade away and you will feel better! We all overcome this situation`s! My last relatioship ended in January and i still think about her but i feel it`s fading away as time passes. Try to let go, only you can do this and as you say "it`s not fair to you" but it will not change if you do not fight and be depressed about it! You have to take charge and do fun stuff with friends and family. Hope you feel better. Edited June 14, 2015 by AJH1982
aloneinaz Posted June 14, 2015 Posted June 14, 2015 Ask yourself these questions. Are you- * Stalking her on any social media? * Reading previous emails, texts, cards or anything else between you two? * Looking at pictures of places you went together? * Looking at pictures or videos of her? * Driving by her neighborhood or place of work to possibly see her? If you're doing any of these things, it will keep you stuck with her in your mind all the time. While posting threads like there on this site can help, it can also hurt you as well. Why? Cause your thinking about her and then posting on this site to rehash your thoughts and emotions and wondering why you can't put her completely behind you. You haven't appeared to accept and I mean REALLY accept that it's over and that she will not be in your life anymore. You have to do that. What if she died? You'd accept that you were not going to see her anymore. It's the same thing. She should be dead to you. It's very hard and harsh sounding when so many people say to stay strict NC and vanish from their lives. But.. it's proven to be one of the best ways to do it. I know many people who've been dumped in relationships and NEVER and I mean NEVER spoke to them again, even when the dumper came back. In their mind, they were dead to them and recognized that in order to heal and move forward, they needed no contact or exposure to them at all. They were also HARD CORE. They deleted all emails, texts and pictures from their phones and computers. They threw out any gifts, cards or other reminders of them. They basically WIPED them from their lives. You need to continue to move forward and date. You'll eventually meet someone new (and probably better) in the near future. When you get engrossed with this new love, you won't give the ex a second thought.
dyna85 Posted June 14, 2015 Posted June 14, 2015 You haven't appeared to accept and I mean REALLY accept that it's over and that she will not be in your life anymore. You have to do that. What if she died? You'd accept that you were not going to see her anymore. It's the same thing. She should be dead to you. With all due respect, aloneinaz, I don't think the person needs to be dead to anyone. They are still alive & living and they served a purpose in our lives, and it's best to acknowledge the role they played in our lives, rather than just burying their existence. To me, that's a form of avoidance, and avoided feelings tend to resurface and cause problems if not dealt with properly. Also, you can't force acceptance. Everyone gets there when they get there. Again, she didn't die. They just have gone their separate ways and are choosing not to be an active part of each other's lives anymore. I only mention this because having gone too far in both directions (trying to erase it all from memory, mind, and feeling and on the other hand, spending way too much time analyzing it) I think there is something to be said for achieving balance, and just letting things be, without so much rigidity.
aandy23 Posted June 14, 2015 Posted June 14, 2015 I really can understand how you are feeling right now. I understand that every "give up un her", "let her go" or "accept she won't be in your life anymore" is frustrating and so hard to hear (read), you are still having a bad time and that doesn't mean you are broken and need to be fixed. Everyone process things differently. TAKE YOUR TIME. Just know that you can control your thoughts, and hence, your feelings. Take charge of your thoughts, direct them wisely. Be thankfull for her being once in your life. It will get better. Promise.
ravfour4 Posted June 14, 2015 Posted June 14, 2015 Something I came to realize is that I thought about my gf essentially 24/7 when we were together. What can I do to make her proud? What will she think of this work accomplishment - I can't wait to tell her. What trip can I plan for us? What should I bring her home for dinner? Etc. Understanding this helped me understand how dependent I had become. After the breakup my purpose in a way was gone and my mind was and still is trained to think about her 24/7. I think that's one of a few reasons I've had so much trouble getting over her, although I've been feeling much better these past few days (after a disastrous reconcile attempt that lasted a few weeks). Now I'm starting to think - what do I actually want? What will make me proud of myself? It's been a difficult, but very worthwhile exercise. I'm excited to take big steps forward in my personal, physical and professional life. Bring it on.
Author Maximboi23 Posted July 2, 2015 Author Posted July 2, 2015 Hello everyone. It's been about 8 months since my ex fiancé left for another guy due to my actions. I have posted a few threads on here and have gotten a lot of wonderful advice which has helped me and I thank u all. So it's been about 8 months and it still feels like it happened yesterday. She follows me everywhere that I go. I see stuff daily and I am easily triggered into a spiraling tail of sadness and mood swings. Not only do I miss her so much but I miss her little boy that I loved so much and I miss her friendship. She tried to help me with a lot of problems that I had with myself and work and family and I am truly great full for that. I just can't seem to let go and fully try to move on. I can't and I know that is what is best and what everyone tells me. Songs, places, food, her favorite items all trigger me every single day at different places. Even my job I am triggered by her and the Booth we sat in when we ate. I take orders at that table and just have a rush of emotions each time. I got this job when me and her started dating 3 years back and now she's gone and it feels so alone. I go outside sometimes and reminisce on all the phone calls we shared and her voice saying she loved and missed me so much and just me hearing her laugh just made my day. I would talk to her son too on phone and he would say he loved and missed me and it just eats away at me. I miss her laughing at my stupid jokes and accepting me for having a lot of family problems and depression that I suffer from for a long time now. I even took her to my therapist that I have been seeing for 11 years and now it's sad seeing that empty chair thee when she used to sit in. I got into the best shape of u life and got a sports car I wanted and dated people and none of it matters. If I lost it all tomorrow it wouldn't phase me one bit. All I want is her and I know she is gone and gone for good at this point. A month ago I got a 6 word email from her saying "u do know your ridiculous" guessing meaning toward the sad and quotes I put up on my face book but I have her blocked and I don't know how She was seeing it all. It just feels so alone and not worth doing anything anymore. No girl will ever come and make me think less of her or me fully let go of her. That is what i am doing. I am holding on to her because maybe I am scared to let go even though it is right thing to do. I don't understand why I am still this way and for how long I will be in this state of mind. People see me laughing more and joking more and better than before but inside I am beyond sad and lonely and empty all the time. Happiness is not in my future and my unhappy life that I have had since I was born will always linger over me daily. Every minute hour second and years. Other day I served two couples and I look down for a sec and I see the women wearing the same identical ring that I got my ex fiancé, broke my heart to see it. I see people getting engaged and happy and kids and I am here at lost and living in a sad cloud everyday.
changeofseasons Posted July 2, 2015 Posted July 2, 2015 I think you need to snap out of the emotions and look at this logically. Stop being so sentimental and move on. You're literally wasting your life on something thats pointless. You could be on your way to meeting your soulmate but you're too busy being stuck in the past. 1
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