Author Maximboi23 Posted May 21, 2015 Author Posted May 21, 2015 This is another post by me as I have many threads. I just can't seem to not post and I am sorry to keep posting. I have had great advice here and support and I appreciate you all. But i am still in very much hurting. My heart aches for her everyday. I try to do stuff to keep busy and work a lot but it never keeps my mind off her. She is all I think about. I miss her so much still and I still I guess am in denial because that's all I have left. If I stop that then it will be guaranteed that she's gone. I don't want to let go and I don't know what's wrong with me. After 11 years of therapy my therapist has told me he is retiring. That is also hurtful because he has been by my side for all this time. He has been the one to be there through all my past problems and relationships. I can't believe it will be Over soon. Everything I ever care about is leaving me. I feel so alone and abandoned. I live in a cloud everyday and time just goes by as I am caught up in this depressing moods all the time. I am so depressed and sad everyday and emotional still after all this time. Everything that reminds me of her triggers my sadness and hollowness I have inside. She was my everything and my one and now she's gone and took away my heart with her. I will never be the same from this.
CarrieT Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 The ending of the relationship that brought me to this website in 2009 was a 2 1/2-year relationship. It was so devastating and toxic. It took me a FULL two years to get over him and we weren't together nearly as long as some other relationships I had had. Six months is nothing in the grand scheme of things. Just know that it *does* get better! 2
Satu Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 *She was my everything and my one and now she's gone and took away my heart with her. I will never be the same from this. Life is never about just one person. Nobody can be anyone's everything. Sorry, but you're not doing yourself a favour by harbouring these beliefs. Mental and emotional health rests on two foundations: 1. The acceptance of reality as it is, even if you don't like it. 2. A successful process of adaptation to that reality. There are no ways around those two things. All the best, Satu. 4
Lizrd3000 Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 'When people say being heart broken ''sucks'' it's put rather lightly. Being heartbroken isn't understandable through words. You could never explain how it feels to someone who's never experienced it before. What I'm trying to say here, is that rather normal that you're still feeling this way. Everyone deals with a broken heart differently. For me, I feel like life isn't worth living at times, and sometimes I feel like I'll be OK in the future. Don't think that you're not normal, or you'll never be better. You will get better. You don't have some weird unknown disorder that makes you unable to get over a breakup. BUT, you are different, as everyone else is. So you will deal with this differently, maybe take a little bit longer, maybe a little less. But 6 months in for a LTR isn't that uncommon. Something else though, you're not FB stalking your ex are you? You're sleeping and eating properly? Working out too? Improving yourself and taking control? Not drinking too much? Just some things to consider. Just do what's best for you, and TRUST yourself that you'll be able to get over this. You're normal, just different. But you'll make it.
Meli22 Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 Honestly, 6 months is not a long time at all. You should not feel bad for not feeling 100%. Break ups are terrible things for people to go through. It can be like a death sometimes, but that person is still out there, and in your mind they are now doing all the things they did with you with somebody else. So its totally understandable that you feel this way. What I'd suggest: Allow yourself to feel every single emotion that comes over you. Don't fight it. Talk to people. Anyone. Friends, family, Loveshack. Just get it all out there whenever you feel the need to. Over analyse (sounds crazy I know!) But the more you over analyse everything, the quicker your brain will get tired of it. This DOES happen too. My therapist encourages me to think about things rather than distract myself. Exercise (if you don't already). And set yourself goals. I used to be a gym bunny but I stepped my training regime down a little when I met my ex, because it was time consuming and I wanted to relax more. I have now gone back to it harder than ever and I feel in the best shape I have ever been! Exercising releases endorphines (happy hormone!) and you will feel better/more confident watching your body transform Do one thing each day that makes you smile. No matter how small or simple. Watch a funny movie, eat your favourite food, listen to good music. Whatever you like. And lastly.. make a list of all of her faults. She was by no means perfect, there must be things you disliked about her (no matter how small). And focus on these. Trust that there is someone better out there for you. She LEFT you. You want somebody who idolises the ground you walk on and is committed to you in the exact way that you are to them. Time DOES heal all wounds eventually. Do not feel bad or that you are taking too long. And believe that you WILL get past this! 1
Author Maximboi23 Posted May 21, 2015 Author Posted May 21, 2015 You guys are great. Wonderful support system from strangers. That's why I have committed to this site for months. Lizzard I am not stalking her or him. I blocked them both and plan to keep it that way. But thank you for Your encouraging words I appreciate it. Meli thank you so much. All stuff you said made me feel a little better. You seem to know what your talking about and I thank you for taking time to write all that. I will heal and I know for me it takes so much longer than it does anyone else. Especially her because she was my fiancé and I loved her more than anyone ever. I have been in the gym since she left and work out very hard. I have lost 37 lbs and I am lean as ever. But all these don't really make me happy at all. Carrie t. Thank you very much. I know 6 months seems small but I know it takes me longer than others always. It hurts me too much and I close myself off and get in a deep hole for a long time. Especially her because she was going to be my wife and I loved her beyond belief. I can still feel my arms around her and caressing her hair and kissing her hand. I try not to think of her but she is everywhere to me. My heartache is so bad and it hiurts so much thinking and talking about this now.
Meli22 Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 You are doing a lot better than you think. You're moving on without realising it - you're carrying on with life. Congrats on the weight loss you're going to be fine I promise. Give it time and stick with it.
Strength in Healing Posted May 21, 2015 Posted May 21, 2015 I feel you, I didn't heal too well either. Made a post today about it, in fact. Been about a year and it hurts even more than it did initially. Stay strong. Just like I am. Know when you feel alone that I am out there somewhere, feeling the same pain you are. Neither of us are alone. But both of us have to choose to put our best foot forward, and walk with as much confidence as we can dig up. Best wishes brother. 3
drallafi Posted May 22, 2015 Posted May 22, 2015 About 6 months now. 6 months isn't **** in the long war that is healing from heartbreak. You're gonna be fine. Hang in there, it gets better.
Hawaii51 Posted May 22, 2015 Posted May 22, 2015 You're not even into her. you're attached to whatever your mind has made up in your head. get over her, it's not healthy. 2
dangerbang Posted May 22, 2015 Posted May 22, 2015 Over analyse (sounds crazy I know!) But the more you over analyse everything, the quicker your brain will get tired of it. This DOES happen too. My therapist encourages me to think about things rather than distract myself. That is really, really, bad advice. There are a lot of clowns out there pretending to be therapists. Analyzing leads to snowballing of thoughts and negative spirals which can ultimately lead to clinical depression.
Meli22 Posted May 22, 2015 Posted May 22, 2015 Not necessarily, my therapist seems to know what she's talking about and has told me not to fight any thoughts regarding the break up. Avoiding thoughts and suppressing stuff can also lead to depression. Everyone is different. May be bad advice in your eyes but it can work for others. 1
d0nnivain Posted May 22, 2015 Posted May 22, 2015 Maximboi23 You though you were going to marry this woman. This wasn't a casual fling. It was a deep wound when it ended & like anything else, it take a while to heal. If you had major surgery -- like a triple bypass -- you would not be back at 100% physically in a mere 6 months. Stop beating yourself up. Just go day by day. You are stronger then you know. As for your therapist . . . work with that person to transition to a new therapist. Your therapist's retirement is not a personal affront to you. It's just a change. You will still get care & maybe the new perspective brought into your life by the new therapist will be the impetus you need to move forward in your healing.
towch Posted May 22, 2015 Posted May 22, 2015 I am still struggling but i don't feel the urges anymore. I just wish i could forget her email password. I take solace in the fact that this new guy has got his hands full because she didn't learn her lesson, she run away from it. He will need my kind of patience, trust and forgiveness to maintain that relationship and not a lot have it. Be strong, you might not fully get over her but you will learn to live with it.
frigginlost Posted May 22, 2015 Posted May 22, 2015 That is really, really, bad advice. There are a lot of clowns out there pretending to be therapists. Analyzing leads to snowballing of thoughts and negative spirals which can ultimately lead to clinical depression. Just as there are a lot of clowns out there on message boards who think that the way they handle something should be across the board... People are different. Period. "Getting over it" with some people by forcing yourself to forget can just as easily lead to depression as you are not processing... OP, you'll be fine. Just keep chugging along. Your healing will continue. You may not think it is happening, but from the sounds of it, it is...
Author Maximboi23 Posted May 27, 2015 Author Posted May 27, 2015 So I am at work and I open my phone to see my emails and I see an email from her and all it says is"u do know your ridiculous right? ". That was it nothing else but those few words after 6 months. Mind you I have her blocked on Facebook and she somehow got around to check my Facebook page because I have a lot of quotes and songs and what not thinking of her. I believe she saw that and that's why she emailed me. But why is she going around me blocking her and finding a way to look at my page? I didn't respond and not replying as much as I want. Oh how deeply sad I am still after all this time. I always am reminded of her every single day and every second. I miss the contours of her body. I have not been myself since she left. I ****ed up and paying the price. I am a fool for distancing myself from her. I couldn't admit that I love you now cause maybe you loved me too. This is the most painful thing I have ever gone through in my whole life. I wish I was still by her side and playing with her little boy that I loved dearly and miss so much. My heart aches for both of them every single second of the day. I look forward to the night so I can sleep and escape the thoughts and it starts again the next day.
Starks Posted May 27, 2015 Posted May 27, 2015 do not eat the breadcrumb. she's looking for an ego boost and/or drama
Ruby65 Posted May 27, 2015 Posted May 27, 2015 do not eat the breadcrumb. she's looking for an ego boost and/or drama ^ This is SO true. She doesn't care how you're doing. She doesn't care about YOUR pain -- she only wants to engage you for making HER look like "the bad guy" on your Facebook wall -- as if that matters in life. If she was a decent loving human being, she'd understand that her contact HURTS YOU. She'd respect the fact that you've blocked her and she'd have some consideration for YOUR feelings. But she doesn't. All she cares about is how SHE looks on your Facebook wall. Nice. 1
NoLeafClover Posted May 27, 2015 Posted May 27, 2015 So I am at work and I open my phone to see my emails and I see an email from her and all it says is"u do know your ridiculous right? ". That was it nothing else but those few words after 6 months. Mind you I have her blocked on Facebook and she somehow got around to check my Facebook page because I have a lot of quotes and songs and what not thinking of her. I believe she saw that and that's why she emailed me. But why is she going around me blocking her and finding a way to look at my page? I didn't respond and not replying as much as I want. Oh how deeply sad I am still after all this time. I always am reminded of her every single day and every second. I miss the contours of her body. I have not been myself since she left. I ****ed up and paying the price. I am a fool for distancing myself from her. I couldn't admit that I love you now cause maybe you loved me too. This is the most painful thing I have ever gone through in my whole life. I wish I was still by her side and playing with her little boy that I loved dearly and miss so much. My heart aches for both of them every single second of the day. I look forward to the night so I can sleep and escape the thoughts and it starts again the next day. If you read an old.post of mine from few years ago I said exactly those words in your last sentence. It was hell to have to look forward to just sleep to get some peace within yourself. Give it sometime you will be doing better as time goes by..I know I am and so will you. 1
guest569 Posted May 27, 2015 Posted May 27, 2015 I have been through a lot of crap but heart break is the worst and most painful thing i have experienced too. it sux. Her message to you was ridiculous.. To say that to someone out of nowhere is uncalled for. I also used sleep as an escape which is fine, just do what you have to in order to get through. It gets better, it becomes bearable and gets to a stage where being awake is not so bad. Then things will be good again, i dont have much advice in the meantime.l just stay strong and ignore her. 1
Author Maximboi23 Posted May 27, 2015 Author Posted May 27, 2015 Thanks everyone for your reply. I appreciate it all. I know it's a breadcrumb for me to jump and message her. But I have not and probably will not. Too much pain involved. I am still hurting just like day one but not weak to submit to her. She made her choice and left me for another guy. I guess it is my fault for posting videos and quotes on my Facebook and being weak for doing that and giving her the boost. But why is she going out of her way to check my Facebook with another account when I have her blocked? I know it means nothing but it gets to me I guess.
Ruby65 Posted May 27, 2015 Posted May 27, 2015 But why is she going out of her way to check my Facebook with another account when I have her blocked? I know it means nothing but it gets to me I guess. Ego. She either enjoys the attention -- or she wants to be sure you're not making her look too bad. What it doesn't mean, though, is that she wants to get back together... so please, let this go. Don't reply. However she contacted you, make sure she's blocked there so she can't do it again. And yeah, probably better not to have anything on your Facebook wall that would set her off if she checks it through another account.
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