Maximboi23 Posted May 3, 2015 Posted May 3, 2015 So it's been about 6 months since she went for another guy and forgot about me. I have been struggling to cope ever since. Gym has been my savior because I took all my sadness And anger and worked out hard and now I'm 34 lbs lighter and fit. So anyone who struggles and needs something to clear their minds, I would say join the gym and u will not only look better but it helps with depression. But I have been seeing other women and no one will ever take place of my fiancé. I loved her with ally heart and soul and would have done anything for her and her son. Oh god how much I miss them and am so depressed thinking of all the good times. 3 years I spent with them and the best memories I've ever had. I meet women now even more because of my new physique but it all doesn't matter. All I want is my fiancé but I know that will never happen. I haven't heard a thing from her in 6 months. I go outside my job to smoke and that's where I used to call her and talk to her a lot and laugh. Now I go and it feels so alone and I get so sad. I really thought she was the one and the one I truly loved. I have had my share of relationships but she was my rock. I wish to god I can take back all the bad I have done and have her forgive me. I couldn't learn from my mistakes and pushed her away. I am on antidepressants and also see my psychologist that I have been seeing for almost 11 years. Nothing seems to be helping. I think of her beautiful face all the time. Literally everything triggers my thoughts. From her favorite face wash to our booth at our restaurant to my passenger seat she used to sit in. She never gave me my ring back that I spent over 6000 for. Everyone tells me to get it back and go to court and have them get it for me. I just don't know. I don't want to see her and have all the emotions come back and I start nc all over again. What do you guys think is the right thing to do here?
badpenny Posted May 3, 2015 Posted May 3, 2015 Ask yourself - and answer honestly - why exactly, but exactly - do you want the ring back? Exactly...?
tylerj Posted May 3, 2015 Posted May 3, 2015 So it's been about 6 months since she went for another guy and forgot about me. I have been struggling to cope ever since. Gym has been my savior because I took all my sadness And anger and worked out hard and now I'm 34 lbs lighter and fit. So anyone who struggles and needs something to clear their minds, I would say join the gym and u will not only look better but it helps with depression. But I have been seeing other women and no one will ever take place of my fiancé. I loved her with ally heart and soul and would have done anything for her and her son. Oh god how much I miss them and am so depressed thinking of all the good times. 3 years I spent with them and the best memories I've ever had. I meet women now even more because of my new physique but it all doesn't matter. All I want is my fiancé but I know that will never happen. I haven't heard a thing from her in 6 months. I go outside my job to smoke and that's where I used to call her and talk to her a lot and laugh. Now I go and it feels so alone and I get so sad. I really thought she was the one and the one I truly loved. I have had my share of relationships but she was my rock. I wish to god I can take back all the bad I have done and have her forgive me. I couldn't learn from my mistakes and pushed her away. I am on antidepressants and also see my psychologist that I have been seeing for almost 11 years. Nothing seems to be helping. I think of her beautiful face all the time. Literally everything triggers my thoughts. From her favorite face wash to our booth at our restaurant to my passenger seat she used to sit in. She never gave me my ring back that I spent over 6000 for. Everyone tells me to get it back and go to court and have them get it for me. I just don't know. I don't want to see her and have all the emotions come back and I start nc all over again. What do you guys think is the right thing to do here? If you don't want to speak to her (as it may set you back) do you have any friends or family who could contact her? I don't know where you are from but in many countries you are legally entitled to an engagement ring back.
BC1980 Posted May 3, 2015 Posted May 3, 2015 She never gave me my ring back that I spent over 6000 for. Everyone tells me to get it back and go to court and have them get it for me. I just don't know. I don't want to see her and have all the emotions come back and I start nc all over again. What do you guys think is the right thing to do here? I think that if she is the one who broke it off, she should give the ring back. Of course, we all know that it doesn't work like that in real life. My ex offered to let me keep my ring, so I could try to sell it. He was the one who broke it off. I don't know what you can do in court or how far you are willing to go. I think the first step would be asking for it back, possibly through a third party. I actually retrieved my ring through a third party. If if were a 500.00 ring, I would say chalk it up to a loss. But you spend a substantial amount of money, so I would at least try to get it back. 1
badpenny Posted May 3, 2015 Posted May 3, 2015 If you don't want to speak to her (as it may set you back) do you have any friends or family who could contact her? I don't know where you are from but in many countries you are legally entitled to an engagement ring back. His location is given as New York. Absolutely entitled to have ring back. And I would write an impersonal letter requesting the return of the ring. If no return is imminent or possible, then a second letter outlining possible consequences would be justified. After that, legal means to secure the ring, or its purchase value would be in order. Hopefully the OP still has the receipt? I would imagine the store he bought it from may be able to provide evidence. AFter all $6000 is a lot of money. They would in all probability have records.
d0nnivain Posted May 3, 2015 Posted May 3, 2015 I'm not sure you are legally entitled to it; consult a lawyer by you about that issue. Also how much do you want to spend in legal fees getting in back? You could eat up $6k in legal fees quite easily. Reach out to her -- I'd go with regular & certified mail. Say I need some closure. One of things I need to heal & move forward is for you to return the ring in the same condition I gave it to you. Please make arrangements to get it back to me.
Moley87 Posted May 3, 2015 Posted May 3, 2015 I wouldn't want it back , I let an ex have a new car before sometimes just better to close the book and start another book 2
ernie Posted May 3, 2015 Posted May 3, 2015 I hear you brother when you talk about the heart ache. I'll be honest with you does the money really matter to you? Although I agree that you are entitled to it and that it is a substantial amount, is getting it back going to make you feel any better? The only reason I say that is how does it make you feel at the thought of her selling it? do you feel sorrow or anger as if its anger I would suggest requesting it back.
BC1980 Posted May 3, 2015 Posted May 3, 2015 I hear you brother when you talk about the heart ache. I'll be honest with you does the money really matter to you? Although I agree that you are entitled to it and that it is a substantial amount, is getting it back going to make you feel any better? The only reason I say that is how does it make you feel at the thought of her selling it? do you feel sorrow or anger as if its anger I would suggest requesting it back. I don't think it will make him feel any better to get it back. I think it's purely about recouping some money if possible. That's how I felt about getting my ring back. I just felt I might as well get some money if possible.
Stercrazy Posted May 3, 2015 Posted May 3, 2015 Yes you should get the ring back....unless you can piss away 6k. An engagement ring is a contract for marriage. Doesn't matter who broke it off. You are legally entitled to get the ring back or monetary value of it. There wouldn't be any lawyer fees as this would be handled in special civil court because small claims usually only goes up to 3k.
loveweary11 Posted May 3, 2015 Posted May 3, 2015 Hell yes it's worth 3 grand to feel a little more sad. Get that ring back. (you only get about half re selling it)
erklat Posted May 3, 2015 Posted May 3, 2015 I don't think it will make him feel any better to get it back. I think it's purely about recouping some money if possible. That's how I felt about getting my ring back. I just felt I might as well get some money if possible. How do you mean 'your ring' ? You were the one to buy it?
loveweary11 Posted May 3, 2015 Posted May 3, 2015 I'll add that one of my biggest mistakes in my divorce was being too nice. Thinking it might save the marriage. Get ALL your money. 1
Author Maximboi23 Posted May 7, 2015 Author Posted May 7, 2015 Sorry for the multiple posts but I can't help to vent. I just miss her so. I was syncing my phone to iTunes a few days ago and it restored all our memories and videos and it broke my heart. I saw videos of her so happy and laughing at my jokes and playing with her son and Us all laughing and enjoying life. I saw pictures of us kissing and holding each other. Oh how I miss holding her around my arms and the smell of her hair. She was my rock and I can't still believe after all this time I can't let go. I have gone through so much pain since she left and I still feel the pain now after months of NC. I have been dating and talking to girls and lost a lot of weight but none of matters. All I care bout is her and our time together. I never felt this much pain before and I have been in a few long term relationships. I wish to god I never hurt her and pushed her away. Now I am paying for it living alone and haunted by her thoughts and our memories I see her face in my head constantly no matter if I am at gym work friends or date. She never leaves my head. Every single thing triggers me like going to target or cvs or our restaurants we used to dine at. She was my whole world and I didn't appreciate her enough. After 3 years with her I should of seen the signs that she needed more love from me and we went to therapy multiple times and I never learned till now. I loved adored and cherished her and would always say that to her every single night before bed. We have gone through a lot of crap and we rose and worked on our relationship and stayed together. Now I know she is never coming back and that breaks me apart even more. I know everyone says time heals and I will meet someone better but I wish it wasn't so. I wish I was still with her and be in love and be married by now. She was my beautiful fiancé and I really thought I found the one and my rock and would never be without her. Oh how I remember the walks on the boardwalk at the beach and her hands around me and her hoodie up and her saying she's always cold. I miss her so much and I'm crying writing this. 1
Author Maximboi23 Posted May 7, 2015 Author Posted May 7, 2015 Thanks for all your replies all much appreciated. You can b hard on me it is ok. I need some toughness put in me. It has been 6 months and I should be better as I Am in therapy and antidepressants. I have some good days but she never escapes my mind. Maybe one day I will move on and be happy but I will never forget her and her son and all the love we shared. She will always be the one no matter what and that's a lot to be said
Author Maximboi23 Posted May 15, 2015 Author Posted May 15, 2015 It has been 6 months and I can say that I am a roller coaster full of emotions. I do whatever I can to stay busy daily. I have an intense exercise program just to keep busy and fit and it still doesn't help. I take antidepressants and ssri and still feel sad and depressed. I go to therapy and see a psychiatrist and nothing is working. I have been on dates and what not and don't feel better at all. I'm sorry for posting a lot on here but I can't help it. I feel so alone and sad everyday. No one hears me out anymore when I tell them I'm still depressed over her. They say it's been 6 months move on. I know she might be happy now with her new bf but I feel so used and worthless. I did all I could for her and her son. I never meant to push her away. I feel at fault for everything and I hurt her and I guess now I'm being punished for all of it. She haunts me no matter where I am or what I am doing. Every minute something triggers my thoughts of her and Us. I can't stop reminiscing about our times and miss her smell and kiss and hugs. Miss holding her tight at night and kissing her goodnight. I miss that little boy so much too. He loved me so much and I miss his laugh and his hugs and his love for me. Please don't tell me to move on and keep busy and what not because I have heard it a million times and it doesn't help. She was the love of my life and I believe the one I was supposed to be with. I never loved someone the way I loved her. I loved adored and cherished her with all I had. I have had my share of relationships and nothing compares to her. I would marry her right now if she came back. But deep down I know she doesn't care about me anymore and has no interest in contacting me. I haven't heard a peep from her since 6 months ago. I feel so pythetic. I can't stop listening to sad depressing songs everyday. I have a song on repeat on my phone everyday at gym for hours. I look for more and more songs just so I can reminisce more. Maybe I am doing all this to myself but I am stuck in a hole. I have never been in so much pain in my whole life. I put up sad depressing **** on my Facebook all the time just so maybe one day she would see it and see the pain I am in still.
Lizrd3000 Posted May 15, 2015 Posted May 15, 2015 Let me tell you this first off, I have no time cause im late for work, ill reply later and more detailed. But I took SSRI's when I got dumped 1.5 years ago, and it did not help. Even if it does, it's not YOU doing the work, it's a chemical. so once you get off of it, you won't have the same benefits, and even have side-effects you don't wanna have. Going through a break up is very normal, and the feelings that come with it are too. you're not alone in this!
dangerbang Posted May 15, 2015 Posted May 15, 2015 Let me tell you this first off, I have no time cause im late for work, ill reply later and more detailed. But I took SSRI's when I got dumped 1.5 years ago, and it did not help. Even if it does, it's not YOU doing the work, it's a chemical. so once you get off of it, you won't have the same benefits, and even have side-effects you don't wanna have. Going through a break up is very normal, and the feelings that come with it are too. you're not alone in this! It's really not normal, 6 months later and no progress at all. You need to get some help, seriously. You can't live your life this way. You're in love with a fantasy, she doesn't want to know you anymore. You are not the one for her. She's no doubt much happier with her current squeeze in every way. Have you really so little faith in yourself that you think you need this woman to be happy? Really?
d0nnivain Posted May 15, 2015 Posted May 15, 2015 She's not going to look at your FB. If anything she blocked you. If she hasn't you should block her. It's an important step in your healing process. It's good that you are exercising & talking to a doctor. What advice is that person giving you? Have you put away all the trinkets, momentos & photos of her? If not, do so. Box 'em all up & put them in the back of your closet. Put all digital photos on a flash drive. Now rearrange your living space. Move the furniture. Get some new sheets. Make changes. If your environment is different it will remind you less of her. Think about things you want to do moving forward in your life & take steps to achieve those goals. Do things that make you happy & give you peace. 3
Annie767 Posted May 15, 2015 Posted May 15, 2015 Good advice from the previous poster. Change your environment and do something different NOW. I know you've been told but even if it's something like starting a new Boxset that is completely new to you. You're going to have to put some different albums on your ipod. Get rid of everything and I mean everything that reminds you of her. I'm having to do the same, it's not easy at all. I've booked in for therapy aswell. If you can take the day an hour at a time. Set a task and do it. Everyone has made mistakes; sometimes life isnt fair and doesn't give us a chance to rectify those mistakes. That's a fact. But the only person suffering now is you and it's a waste. You have to swallow the big bitter horse pill that it is. You probably need to speak to your doctor again if it's affecting your daily life. Sorry for your pain x 1
Moley87 Posted May 15, 2015 Posted May 15, 2015 Really bizarre thought but have you considered travelling on your own? Don't know your age but I knew a friend similar you who last year lost his girlfriend in a car crash and was unable to get through a day without breaking down. As a result they went travelling for 12 months and meant so many new people who all helped with advice and the different scenario experience helped him understand that life is full of high's but also lows in life. He has by no means forgot her but appreciates life is full of joys ahead so embraces the future not the past Maybe reschedule your life , think of something you haven't thought of doing and just do - change your mind set ! 1
forgetmenot75 Posted May 15, 2015 Posted May 15, 2015 Just stop with the songs. I think that's the reason you're all depressed. Try to watch a comedy, or do something that will make you feel happy. Depression attracts depression. It's a fact.
aloneinaz Posted May 15, 2015 Posted May 15, 2015 Not to beat a dead horse but 6 months is a long time to still be in the condition you're discribing. You may talk to your psychiatrist and let him know your SSRI isn't relieving your depression and a med updose or change may be required. Going to the gym is a good thing to help w/your depression. What's not a good thing is to continue to self inflect sadness by playing sad, depressing songs that remind you of your ex. I agree w/what the others have said. Wipe your IPOD clean and put fresh, upbeat music on it. At some point you have to get angry at yourself and say "enough"! I'm not going to keep living like this and am going to make positive changes to move past this person and find happiness. Clearly you don't like how you're feeling emotionally and physically. What are you doing right now to change that? We've all been where you are. Missing our ex. Thinking there's no way we could EVER replace them and find happiness again. Well, millions have found new and BETTER partners and then looked back a year or two later and said "WTF did I really miss that douche bag for"?!?! If you want to get better, listen to the advice being provided. Doing the same things the same way and expecting a different outcome is the definition of insanity. 4
Author Maximboi23 Posted May 15, 2015 Author Posted May 15, 2015 Thanks all for all your great Replies and understanding. I appreciate it all. Yeh I know I'm not wanted anymore And probably not even given a second thought but I can't help keep her close to my heart. She was my whole world and now I just feel so alone. Even her not wanting me anymore I still love her and I am being punished for treating her bad. I can't stop thinking of her even after 6 months. I don't travel much due to work schedule but I will give it a thought going to places with friends and what not. I have a trip to Colorado already planned. I only listen to that kind of music because that's all I have of her and her memories. All the songs bring me comfort of the person I once loved. If I let go of songs I will have Nothing. Maybe I am hiding in my false hope but I can't shake it Off. I have her blocked on Facebook already long time ago
Annie767 Posted May 17, 2015 Posted May 17, 2015 Get rid of your Music now then it's not 'all you have' of her. They're just songs and they're setting you back. I know it hurts but it's for the best. And I think sometimes we build up an ideal of what the relationship was like when it was actually not like that. Remember things are never as they seem. Stay strong and keep moving forward 1
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