ayeshau Posted May 15, 2015 Posted May 15, 2015 (edited) I met a guy on tinder a while back and we finally went on a first date on friday and it was amazing, we laughed and talked for 6 hours straight. He asked me out the next night and it was the same, we're just super comfortable with eachother and like also insanely attracted to eachother. We ended up seeing eachother again a couple of days later, and then again last night. Everything is perfect, we have almost everything in common and we just click, there's definitely a spark but last night I felt like it kind of got weird. I'm not the most sexual person like I'm not a virgin, but I lost my virginity reaally late into the relationship and broke up with the guy like a couple weeks after (that sounds really bad but it had nothing to do with that haha), and so I haven't had much experience. This guy seems more experienced and I mean we connect on a more emotional level, he doesn't strike me as the bootycall type, he actually ended up deleting his tinder after our second date, he seems genuinely interested in me. But last night we were at his place and I got nervous and kind of avoided having it and I think he got a bit weirded out. I have high enough standards for myself to believe I'm completely worth waiting for, but then again, I felt like for him and a lot of guys its kind of odd that a girl wouldn't want to do it, and I almost feel like the way I kept putting it off last night I made him feel like i had no interest in him physically or something which is totally not the case. Edited May 15, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs
Els Posted May 15, 2015 Posted May 15, 2015 I met a guy on tinder a while back Some guys can, but those guys aren't usually on Tinder... 3
johndoe2 Posted May 15, 2015 Posted May 15, 2015 Wait how long? Probably depends on the culture in which the guy was raised. If he's from a seriously religious household, waiting until marriage or close to it is probably standard. But many grow up in setting where sex is fairly common and accepted and there are fewer taboos associated with it, so waiting a long time to have it may seem quaintly arbitrary and pointless. Like trying to make a non-Catholic see the point behind fasting for lent.
BluEyeL Posted May 15, 2015 Posted May 15, 2015 Yes if he is really into you and he has good intentions he will wait. Those who are out for sex won't but you wouldn't lose anything if they left.
elaine567 Posted May 15, 2015 Posted May 15, 2015 I almost feel like the way I kept putting it off last night I made him feel like i had no interest in him physically or something which is totally not the case. I think if you want him to wait for "it", then you have at least give him some physical cues as to how you feel, otherwise he will think you are not interested in him in that way. I don't mean a BJ, I just mean some affectionate touching, kissing/making out to show him you want to take things further. As long as there is some progress seen in the physicality, most people can wait for "it". You would not think a guy was interested if after 6 dates he hadn't got around to touching you would you? or if he passionately kissed you on date one and never touched you again on dates 2-7. If things are making progress no matter how slow, most people who want more than a quick hook up, can wait for "it". 2
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted May 15, 2015 Posted May 15, 2015 I think if you want him to wait for "it", then you have at least give him some physical cues as to how you feel, otherwise he will think you are not interested in him in that way. I don't mean a BJ, I just mean some affectionate touching, kissing/making out to show him you want to take things further. As long as there is some progress seen in the physicality, most people can wait for "it". You would not think a guy was interested if after 6 dates he hadn't got around to touching you would you? or if he passionately kissed you on date one and never touched you again on dates 2-7. If things are making progress no matter how slow, most people who want more than a quick hook up, can wait for "it". Exactly this. I'll wait for sex 5 or more dates if needed, but if we aren't kissing or making out, etc. I will probably bail because I'll see the ship sailing for the friendzone.
carhill Posted May 15, 2015 Posted May 15, 2015 Yes, men can wait and I'll share an old-fart tip regarding men. Don't go to a man's home, a man whom you're dating, and be alone there and expect to play backgammon. Same with inviting him to yours. Men date women for many reasons but most of them, especially early on, revolve around sexual-related activities, aka 'pleasures of the flesh'. They don't have to include genital sex but generally do include physical and sexual-related activities. If you wish to avoid this progression or slow it, or he does, the healthiest way to do that is to confine interactions to public places. Historically, being a relationship/marriage oriented guy, I generally 'waited' between one and two months of consistent (meaning a couple times a week) dating. A woman could invite me over for dinner and we'd have dinner. As intimacy grew, sexual history was discussed and STD reports were shared and then alone time proceeded to sexual fun time. IMO, no rush, though I can understand why people may like to get down right away. Sex is pleasurable. Expect men to like it. Good luck! 1
smackie9 Posted May 15, 2015 Posted May 15, 2015 Oh good lord just tell him how you feel. If you don't say anything he will resort to "assuming" you are turned off, you are dating others, or not over your ex, blah blah blah. Don't confuse the guy and leave him in the dark because of your fears.....COMMUNICATE! 2
GorillaTheater Posted May 15, 2015 Posted May 15, 2015 Oh good lord just tell him how you feel. If you don't say anything he will resort to "assuming" you are turned off, you are dating others, or not over your ex, blah blah blah. Don't confuse the guy and leave him in the dark because of your fears.....COMMUNICATE! Well said. I think it's Carrie here who says "if you're mature enough to have sex, you should be mature enough to talk about it." 2
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