StupidAl Posted May 15, 2015 Posted May 15, 2015 It was all started almost 1.5 Year ago , i was on that new job feeling good trying to give my best and socialize with the work mates. i was on good relationship with a man who adores me but lets say i wasnt so much in love like him but i found him to be good marriage material as i come from place that girls should be married by certain age and i was beyond that age with few much years ... then there was that new guy at work younger than me , funnier who kept trying to get close to me and i was shutting him down , pushing him away even make fun of him infront of everybody , but he kept trying . he knew that i was in a serious relationship with another man , whose not in my city so it was kind of long distance relationship. so he kept trying to do everything to get close to me , buy me things i love keep saying how lucky the other man is and how much he fall desperately in love with me .and it started from here, my resistance got weak and i liked the things he do for me .i thought maybe i can keep him as a good friend that he even asked me to leave the man i am with, i was always saying no till i reach to the moment i was really feeling i love him long story short i left the other guy to this work mate. he started everything with saying that he is serious about me and he will everything in his power so we could be together. and his folks are okay with it I just need to say say yes till that point i didnt want it and keep saying no , then i said yes and convinced my parents that i love him no matter how sound and look inconvenient to me, after long months with parents they finally accept to meet him along with his family . ( for us family thing is really important) he said parents are not approving , he feeling bad telling me that he said he fought with his dad , he talked to everybody and his dad talked to everybody to make him reconsider marrying a girl whose a decade older than him . every one kept saying no donot go for it its a doomed relationship cuz women ages faster i went into down days of depression . but he was trying and i was trying to find a solution with him . then on my last birthday on the exact day we met to celebrate it maybe1 day a head i was so happy that i am with him But he told me , its not working its better for us to split up he even talked abt he wanted to get home early , i crushed and burst into crying he tried to make me feel better but i didnt get any better it only got worse . i was afraid as i lost my virginity with him and i was kind of feeling weak to himhe kept saying dont be old fashioned mind whose at ur age and still virgin , well in here there are much as long as they are not married but this is how it is for us. spend days of buffy eyes going to work , we didnt break up on that day but it was the start we went on and off . everytime i keep away and try to pick up myslef he came back saying he still love me and he dont what to do it "its just our luck" he always claim that . then he stated that he want to migrate to Australia and it was his dream since long time so he started preparing to that and i went deep into depressed state , he was cool like why ur feeling sad its for the best of us maybe that it will elevate his economical level , which was not that bad btw he didnt say he will end it with me we kept going on and off and he kept getting back to me crying please forgive me ... bla bla bla that he stated that he want to try again and he want me to rethink migrating with him .ofcourse his dad was supporting his decision 100% so he will walk away from me he even gave him all the financial support needed. week after he got there he was telling me come to me , he even told me just resign of ur job and come . i said i cant leave kind of stable job to that risk u just got there . then next week he told me its not working i am new here and just starting my journey here i wont be able to be with u its better for u to find some1 whose ready more than me. i was planning to get a scholarship and go to him . but after that i felt like i just dropped into dark hole all by myself . i lost everything i bursted into crying again then next day sent him long message on fb saying how i wish him never to be happy , an angry message later i went NC to broke it 3 weeks later to talk abt something we talked and i kind of apologized for the angry message and wished him luck he even replied me but i didnt look to see what he sent . went NC for the last time its almost 1.5 months now i am feeling better but still bitter , i dont burst into crying like b4 but am getting better now all that long story for i want to ask , the one i was with him in the 1st relationship want to date me again , should i go out with him esp he loves me so much . Should i tell him abt my ex ? should i tell him abt the virginity thing ?
crimsontactics Posted May 15, 2015 Posted May 15, 2015 You did exactly what my ex did to me. You made a foolish decision and now you'll have to pay the price in pain. Treat it as karma. But for some reason you're one lucky person, at least your ex is still there as your safety net (you don't love him, don't lie). I would advice you to just leave him be. He deserves someone who is way better, instead of you. But, considering your weak willpower and the high possibility that you'll use him as a safety net, I would just recommend that you be honest with him about everything. You don't deserve any sympathy, don't expect any. 2
SLee Posted May 15, 2015 Posted May 15, 2015 Try to learn from this. You made a pretty big mistake here, I'm not going to sugar coat it, but realize that you can't just do this stuff to people. It sucks that you're in all this pain, maybe instead you should have worked on the good relationship you already had to make it better. You're very lucky that guy is still around, but please don't use him as a safety net. Getting back with him is between you and him, it's both of your choices, but don't just go back to him because he's there. Go back to him because you LOVE him, and don't convince yourself you love him because you don't want to be alone. Either you actually love him, or you let him go. It probably wouldn't be bad for you to take some time off from being in a relationship for a while to work on yourself, but ultimately, that's your choice. If you do get back with the first guy you have to be honest. He deserves that. If you're actually ready to learn from your mistakes and get better and work on having a good, solid, healthy, loving relationship with him, that is. For the love of all that is good, do not just get back with him and up and leave him when some other guy likes you. If there is ANY possibility of that happening in your head right now, DON'T get back with him. Stop hurting other people. Grow from this and learn. People are living, breathing, feeling creatures. You can't just toy with them at your heart's content. Seek forgiveness and apologize, and then grow and learn. 1
Author StupidAl Posted May 15, 2015 Author Posted May 15, 2015 You did exactly what my ex did to me. You made a foolish decision and now you'll have to pay the price in pain. Treat it as karma. But for some reason you're one lucky person, at least your ex is still there as your safety net (you don't love him, don't lie). I would advice you to just leave him be. He deserves someone who is way better, instead of you. But, considering your weak willpower and the high possibility that you'll use him as a safety net, I would just recommend that you be honest with him about everything. You don't deserve any sympathy, don't expect any. Thank u for ur post . well i am not expecting any sympathy .. and i know its karma but believe me there is much details i didn't list i am not that bad as it sounds but u can say i had a rough time that made me make terrible choices .. i paid it all back and still paying it before that mess i spent 8 yrs alone only working and studying to grow and build myself up out of sucks relationships i was in . my 1st ex he is really a good man as he used to be my good friend b4 we became together he knows me in and out he knows how stupid i can be as well . i guess i will tell him everything and leave it for him to decide he deserves to know abt it all .
Twigyy Posted May 15, 2015 Posted May 15, 2015 Yeah I'm pretty sure being honest is the only thing you can do now, and one tip is that don't be wishy washy, or try to drop hints. Get straight to the point, and if he is okay with it good for you, but if not you have to let this poor guy go. One thing you have to remember is that he probably doesn't trust you anymore, so you'll have to earn his trust back. Good luck, and let us know if anything happens, and we can see what we can help you with 1
Author StupidAl Posted May 15, 2015 Author Posted May 15, 2015 Try to learn from this. You made a pretty big mistake here, I'm not going to sugar coat it, but realize that you can't just do this stuff to people. It sucks that you're in all this pain, maybe instead you should have worked on the good relationship you already had to make it better. You're very lucky that guy is still around, but please don't use him as a safety net. Getting back with him is between you and him, it's both of your choices, but don't just go back to him because he's there. Go back to him because you LOVE him, and don't convince yourself you love him because you don't want to be alone. Either you actually love him, or you let him go. It probably wouldn't be bad for you to take some time off from being in a relationship for a while to work on yourself, but ultimately, that's your choice. If you do get back with the first guy you have to be honest. He deserves that. If you're actually ready to learn from your mistakes and get better and work on having a good, solid, healthy, loving relationship with him, that is. For the love of all that is good, do not just get back with him and up and leave him when some other guy likes you. If there is ANY possibility of that happening in your head right now, DON'T get back with him. Stop hurting other people. Grow from this and learn. People are living, breathing, feeling creatures. You can't just toy with them at your heart's content. Seek forgiveness and apologize, and then grow and learn. THank you ... No i would never repeat that mistake .. i was really stupid but as my post title said i was played .. my ex was real player he did that to his ex as well she was engaged and he made her leave her fiancee. i am not defending myself i know i am guilty and deserve all the pain i am in. i never hurt any1 b4 like the 1st ex i was and still dont want to hurt him . yes i am lucky that he is still around as we used to be real good friends. or maybe not mature enough to take such stupid decision i should have listened to who told me not to do it . but its done now i will tell him all abt it and leave the decision to him 1
Twigyy Posted May 15, 2015 Posted May 15, 2015 THank you ... No i would never repeat that mistake .. i was really stupid but as my post title said i was played .. my ex was real player he did that to his ex as well she was engaged and he made her leave her fiancee. i am not defending myself i know i am guilty and deserve all the pain i am in. i never hurt any1 b4 like the 1st ex i was and still dont want to hurt him . yes i am lucky that he is still around as we used to be real good friends. or maybe not mature enough to take such stupid decision i should have listened to who told me not to do it . but its done now i will tell him all abt it and leave the decision to him I think my ex girlfriend actually left me for the opportunities too. Only days after the break up, the guys I told her to stay away from jumped to her when they heard that we broke up, like what you've written. So I can pretty much understand how your first ex felt when it happened.. 1
Author StupidAl Posted May 15, 2015 Author Posted May 15, 2015 Yeah I'm pretty sure being honest is the only thing you can do now, and one tip is that don't be wishy washy, or try to drop hints. Get straight to the point, and if he is okay with it good for you, but if not you have to let this poor guy go. One thing you have to remember is that he probably doesn't trust you anymore, so you'll have to earn his trust back. Good luck, and let us know if anything happens, and we can see what we can help you with Thank you .. yes i will tell him and whatever his decision i will be ok with it . i thought i could make it up for him and earn his trust back .but let me see how it goes Thanks once again.
Author StupidAl Posted July 6, 2015 Author Posted July 6, 2015 So i told him .. he knew abt the story but didnt face me with it ..and it was easier for him than i thought .. he was just waiting for me to talk abt it ..we met acted as friends for sometime.. we dont live in the same city so we met in somewhere in between . and i think i didnt spend much time with him b4 to get to know him properly ..now i know ,he is a good gentleman ..and that doubled my guilt ..i don't know to do ..i am trying to be good as him treat him as he really deserve.. but now there is something killing me ...i hate myself ..i always feel feel like i dont know how to put that in words .. but i feel that i'm not good ..i do not deserve someone like him .. i even told him that but he said to me that i am wrong and he knows me well.. but i just cant forgive myself.. and i dont know what to do ..its affecting my health and my life ..i try my best to hide that ..but its like ghosts hunting me everywhere.
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