biggles6087 Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 Hey guys and lady's I'm new here and need some advice please on a brek up that left me shocked from today. Anyway I was dating this girl I met online for two months things were going getting on great spent two great weekends together.We spoke none stop every day we actually swapped about 500 texts in the space of 3 days and had over 3 hour conversations on the phone at night. She told me her problems I didn't judge and supported her as much as I can well what happend was she had a scare yesterday quite a bad one to do with cancer and a operation was performed altho she was sent home to recover , I knew about this but still supported her the whole way through,I was at home waiting for a call or a text to see how she was, operation went well and she told me she was resting at home.That was fine I was thrilled to bits this morning I rang her phone to see was she ok they was no answer so I guessed ok maybe she was resting. Anyway i logged onto my Facebook and she private messaged there telling me i was a really nice guy but it was over due to the fact that some old memories of an ex came flooding back that past away a few years ago.She told me that she cried and just wanted him and not me and she wasn't over him yet it left me gutted and shocked cause the previous night she told me on how much she loved me and wanted to be with me,we both had a heart to heart this evening and finished it on good terms altho It felt hard for me to walk away and i certainly don't hate her would love to give it another go and I would fight tooth and nail for this girl but Im kind of heart broken tho and feelings are all over the place now to im confused. I'm just wondering now on how to cope with this and get through it any advice please. biggs
Author biggles6087 Posted May 15, 2015 Author Posted May 15, 2015 http://www.breakuprecoveryguide.com/ Thank you dave for that my head is wrecked not much sleep last night as I'm still trying to figure out what i done wrong.
SLee Posted May 15, 2015 Posted May 15, 2015 I don't think you did anything wrong here. Honestly, if she still has feelings for her ex, she's doing you a favor here. She doesn't want to mess with your feelings and try to be with you when she's still thinking about someone else. I think it's kind of noble of her. It still sucks that you're going through this and she shouldn't have tried to seriously date until she was completely over him. Follow the guide Dave posted and focus on other things. 2
Author biggles6087 Posted May 15, 2015 Author Posted May 15, 2015 I don't think you did anything wrong here. Honestly, if she still has feelings for her ex, she's doing you a favor here. She doesn't want to mess with your feelings and try to be with you when she's still thinking about someone else. I think it's kind of noble of her. It still sucks that you're going through this and she shouldn't have tried to seriously date until she was completely over him. Follow the guide Dave posted and focus on other things. Thanks lee she asked me last night if we could still be friends in a couple weeks when everything has died down and got back to normal I don't know if i can do this as I have really strong feelings for her.Things just wouldn't be the same I think I'm afraid that she might build my hopes up again its a tough call.
SLee Posted May 15, 2015 Posted May 15, 2015 If you have strong feelings for her, it's unlikely things will just "die down" after a couple weeks. Not for you. If you see her as a romantic interest/have feelings for her, there's no way for you to be just friends. I attempted it with my ex. It was awful for me. It was only when I stopped thinking of him as my friend, telling him it was all or nothing, that I finally made steps to getting better. She's probably not a bad person, but when someone's who has broken up with just wants to be friends it's usually for a few reasons: 1. You're familiar and comfortable, and they're scared of being alone. 2. They want all the emotional support of being in a relationship given to them without having to give it back. 3. They're keeping you on the back burner "just in case" so they don't have to worry about being alone. 4. They're trying to make themselves feel better after hurting you. Like I said, most exes aren't bad people. They're human too and have emotions too. But the being friends things is always FOR THEM and not for you, even if they don't realize or think they're being nice. If she doesn't want to pursue a relationship with you, it won't be good for you to be friends with her. It sucks and you feel like you're being mean by setting that boundary (especially BECAUSE many exes aren't bad people or out to hurt you), but it's really the best option for your sanity. You're exactly right that things wouldn't be the same. It'll be awkward and uncomfortable for you the entire time. She will have all the pleasures of your support and comfort and be able to whatever she likes. It's your call to make, but for everything I stated above, I wouldn't advise it. 3
Light Breeze Posted May 15, 2015 Posted May 15, 2015 Thanks lee she asked me last night if we could still be friends in a couple weeks when everything has died down and got back to normal I don't know if i can do this as I have really strong feelings for her.Things just wouldn't be the same I think I'm afraid that she might build my hopes up again its a tough call. No, man, terrible idea. I've seen this too many times and it didn't go well. Just tell her you still have feelings for her and being placed in the friendzone would just continue to hurt you. It's either, she unconditionally chooses you or you walk. Then focus on yourself and make efforts to move on. You deserve someone who feels the same as you do. 5
Author biggles6087 Posted May 15, 2015 Author Posted May 15, 2015 Just like to thank everyone for the advice and help I'm taking notes been a very tough day today but its nearly over thank god and I have not made contact since the break up yesterday and Im not going to either I have decided now the ball is in her court she knows how I feel so I'm not going to chase I'm following the no contact rule. 4
Author biggles6087 Posted May 15, 2015 Author Posted May 15, 2015 I have deleted my pof account where I met her hope I done the right thing. 1
d0nnivain Posted May 15, 2015 Posted May 15, 2015 You didn't do anything wrong. She just made other choices. If deleting your POF account made you feel better you did the right thing. However, OLD is not at fault for her flakiness even though there are a lot of flakes online. 2
Chi townD Posted May 15, 2015 Posted May 15, 2015 I agree with Donnivan. You didn't do anything wrong. I think you got stuck as the rebound guy. She moved onto you before she was ready to date again. So, not your fault. Dude, just move on. Don't put your life on hold. Start living your life as if she isn't coming back. Because chances are, she's not. Keep your head up dude! 2
Satu Posted May 15, 2015 Posted May 15, 2015 Thank you dave for that my head is wrecked not much sleep last night as I'm still trying to figure out what i done wrong. You haven't done anything wrong. It's not about you. Its about her and her ex. 2
Author biggles6087 Posted May 15, 2015 Author Posted May 15, 2015 Thanks everyone to be honest kind of missing her today something loads but I have to expect the fact now it's over. 1
Satu Posted May 15, 2015 Posted May 15, 2015 It's a disappointment, but you'll get over it. Don't try to be friends. It wouldn't work.
Author biggles6087 Posted May 15, 2015 Author Posted May 15, 2015 It's a disappointment, but you'll get over it. Don't try to be friends. It wouldn't work. Thanks Satu I don't think I trust her any more as we started off as friends first. 1
Annie767 Posted May 15, 2015 Posted May 15, 2015 Don't try and be friends I know it hurts. I've been on that merry go round and I'm currently trying to stay off it. It just hurts too much. Hang in there! X 2
Author biggles6087 Posted May 15, 2015 Author Posted May 15, 2015 Don't try and be friends I know it hurts. I've been on that merry go round and I'm currently trying to stay off it. It just hurts too much. Hang in there! X Thanks Annie I will do even tho its a day I miss her something rotten but trying to be strong. 2
Moley87 Posted May 15, 2015 Posted May 15, 2015 Thanks lee she asked me last night if we could still be friends in a couple weeks when everything has died down and got back to normal I don't know if i can do this as I have really strong feelings for her.Things just wouldn't be the same I think I'm afraid that she might build my hopes up again its a tough call. This is so common, the dumper will generally ask this if the split is more amicable then In hate, she does care about clearly but has different priorities then you at moment Personally I have had the same situation and we tried it but it didn't work for me , You'll find yourself constantly thinking of her and it will drive you insane. For now go no contact , give yourself some time to process what she is saying done and except her being honest about her feelings. Once you are over the initial shock loss of her by all means attempt contact as friends. Bad timing for you but you do need someone who wants you now , she isn't that person and is only a few months in so consider that lucky could of been years :S Going to be tough but can be done ! 1
aloneinaz Posted May 15, 2015 Posted May 15, 2015 Put things in perspective. It was only a very short 2 months. Be glad it wasn't two years and then she pulled this. Absolutely go NC. You don't want to be just her friend. You don't owe her $hit. If you stay NC, you'll feel better quickly and then you should turn on your POF profile and find someone else. 1
Author biggles6087 Posted May 15, 2015 Author Posted May 15, 2015 This is so common, the dumper will generally ask this if the split is more amicable then In hate, she does care about clearly but has different priorities then you at moment Personally I have had the same situation and we tried it but it didn't work for me , You'll find yourself constantly thinking of her and it will drive you insane. For now go no contact , give yourself some time to process what she is saying done and except her being honest about her feelings. Once you are over the initial shock loss of her by all means attempt contact as friends. Bad timing for you but you do need someone who wants you now , she isn't that person and is only a few months in so consider that lucky could of been years :S Going to be tough but can be done ! Thanks Moley it as very tough esp when i tried to support her over her illness and operation on Wed two nights I didn't sleep worrying about the girl,she then informed when she sent the break up text that she was thinking of her ex boyfriend who passed away a few years ago and cried because she wanted him there more than me, and then decided to dump me over it.I was gutted and really hurt thought i was doing the right thing by standing by her at time but she obviously i wasn't. 1
Moley87 Posted May 15, 2015 Posted May 15, 2015 Thanks Moley it as very tough esp when i tried to support her over her illness and operation on Wed two nights I didn't sleep worrying about the girl,she then informed when she sent the break up text that she was thinking of her ex boyfriend who passed away a few years ago and cried because she wanted him there more than me, and then decided to dump me over it.I was gutted and really hurt thought i was doing the right thing by standing by her at time but she obviously i wasn't. You did the right thing doesn't matter what has happened at least you can say you were there for the right reasons. I think she is still grieving or hasn't come to turns with things and maybe had you as a support figure but maybe has come to terms as of late what has happened and she felt the right amicable decision was to call it off. I would take heart that you helped her but now it's time you helped you and that means you must stop worrying about her that's up to her. You sound decent mate , your women awaits in the future go find her ! be happy even more then this person 3
Author biggles6087 Posted May 15, 2015 Author Posted May 15, 2015 You did the right thing doesn't matter what has happened at least you can say you were there for the right reasons. I think she is still grieving or hasn't come to turns with things and maybe had you as a support figure but maybe has come to terms as of late what has happened and she felt the right amicable decision was to call it off. I would take heart that you helped her but now it's time you helped you and that means you must stop worrying about her that's up to her. You sound decent mate , your women awaits in the future go find her ! be happy even more then this person Thanks again I think tho I take some time out now for meeting anyone as I am mentally burnt out at the moment and physically exhausted. 1
Author biggles6087 Posted May 15, 2015 Author Posted May 15, 2015 Put things in perspective. It was only a very short 2 months. Be glad it wasn't two years and then she pulled this. Absolutely go NC. You don't want to be just her friend. You don't owe her $hit. If you stay NC, you'll feel better quickly and then you should turn on your POF profile and find someone else. It was the best thing I done cause she has a profile there to it would of drove me nuts if she was online cause I be wondering who is she was chatting to now wouldn't of done me any good bt i have removed her from my facebook page.
aloneinaz Posted May 15, 2015 Posted May 15, 2015 It was the best thing I done cause she has a profile there to it would of drove me nuts if she was online cause I be wondering who is she was chatting to now wouldn't of done me any good bt i have removed her from my facebook page. Ok.. I get that. On Match, you can block her and search for your next great relationship when you're ready. BTW, I can't stress how important it is that you BLOCK her completely and go strict NC.. You'll feel better so much quicker..
Author biggles6087 Posted May 16, 2015 Author Posted May 16, 2015 So Day 2 is here and it's my Birthday what a **** day this is going to be and by god I woke up as bad today I have so many questions to ask on why she lead me on like this its going to be a tough one.
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