Did I screw this one up and he's taking the blame for it?

[Kamille]

I think we're all so focused on the second date that we're forgetting he's the one who cancelled and did not reschedule.

 

 

Your feelings of guilt mean you're not paying attention to the fact that this guy flaked.

 

Let's avoid thinking his actions are purely caused by yours. I would take him at his word. He says he wasn't in a good spot for dating then but is better now. Let's believe him when he says that.

[Gaeta]

I think we're all so focused on the second date that we're forgetting he's the one who cancelled and did not reschedule.

 

 

Your feelings of guilt mean you're not paying attention to the fact that this guy flaked.

 

Let's avoid thinking his actions are purely caused by yours. I would take him at his word. He says he wasn't in a good spot for dating then but is better now. Let's believe him when he says that.

 

Makes me mad sometimes. Online is full of people seems 'not in a good spot for dating' yet they hang in there thinking they're good relationship material.

[katiegrl]

Makes me mad sometimes. Online is full of people seems 'not in a good spot for dating' yet they hang in there thinking they're good relationship material.

 

What I think may have happened is he *thought* he was ready, so he gets on the dating site.

 

He met you, he liked you, and when you were nowhere to be found after your date (you said when you got home, he had made several attempts to reach you?)... he became anxious and insecure ..allowing his emotions to get the best of him (internally).

 

To manage those emotions, he pulled away until he stopped pursuing/responding altogether.

 

After some time passed, he reflected and realized his reaction was a bit over the top and irrational....and he had overreacted. It was only your second date after all...

 

To try to make sense of it, he concluded he just wasn't in the right place emotionally for a relationship. Hopefully, now he is! But you never know. It's worth another shot though IMO....he sounds like a good up front guy.

 

Many people don't know they aren't ready for a relationship until they meet someone who makes such relationship a possibility! Then they became anxious, needy etc. and pull away, realizing they aren't quite so ready after all...

[Gaeta]

DATE REPORT

 

We had a great time :-) The attraction and the interest is still there. This time he did not ask me to tell him when I get home. After our good byes he said 'I'll call you tomorrow'.

 

He said he tried to reach out to me during the holidays. He had sent me a text wishing me happy holidays but I only answered thank you and nothing else. I told him I remember getting a happy holidays from an unknown number but assumed it was someone else and I was not interested in that someone else.

 

It would be nice if right now is the right timing for us.

[Gary S]

nevermind, I see you are giving him a second chance, good luck, hope it works out.

[JS84]

Well apparently the original question doesn't even matter anymore. Good luck.

[Carm]

Hi Gaeta,

 

 

Just read through the threads. This guys sounds promising and I'm glad you had a great date.

 

 

Take this for what's it's worth, this time do NOT try to microwave the relationship. Go with the flow, don't set up so many dates in one week.

 

 

From my own experience, the best relationships happen when there is a natural progression.

[Gaeta]

Sigh...........flakes after flakes after flakes. I am stuck in a sad version of groundhog day where every day repeat itself over and over, in my case, my dates.

 

He said to me last night I will call you tomorrow. I've never got a call, or a reply to my a.m. Text.

 

SO, I am going grocery shopping cause that's how I occupy my Saturday nights, then I am going to put on Twilight and wonder why there is no Edward for me out there :-(

[MissBee]

Don't throw rocks at me please :-)

 

Nice months ago I met someone very nice that had everything I wanted in a man. He took me out on 2 very nice dates and he was a gentleman from A to Z in every aspect.

 

After our second date we got a little closer, we had some nice kissing and I dropped him (by car) at a metro station. Before parting he asked me to let him know when I made it home safe, it was already 22h30 and I had a bit of a drive to do.

 

Right after he got out of the car I got a phone call from another prospect. That other prospect is a top bad-boy, professional coach, you know those right? Super confident, hot, and can sweet talk the panties off of a nun.

 

Coach happened to be just a few blocks away from where I was at the time. He insisted we meet for drinks. Deep down I knew I shouldn't do this, I had just ended a wonderful date with a gentleman that had serious potential. My mind went back and forth hot dude? good guy? hot dude? good guy? ..hhmm maybe I can have both, right?!! So I went to meet mr. coach.

 

When I got home, around midnight, good guy had text and called several times and he had grown very worried. I sent him a text saying I was very sorry I had worried him I had last minute change of plans blahblah. It was a poor excuse I would not have bought myself :-(

 

From there his interest took a plunge. We had a date planned for the next Sunday and he cancelled saying we'll do something later during the week but he never rescheduled. After a week of back and forth I told him I felt his interest wasn't there anymore and I was going to move on. He did not argue.

 

At the time all my friends and my daughter were putting the blame on him for being another flake but it's probably me who screwed it up.

 

We have a local dating website here in my city. I got a profile up and he saw me. He wrote to me something very nice like I hope you don't mind me contacting you, I was convinced you had found someone by now, I was not in a good place last year and now wished I had taken the time to know you better, etc. We exchanged numbers and he invited me out to dinner tomorrow.

 

I really feel my actions are what screwed this up last fall. I am not sure I am being objective. Am I blaming myself too much? Is what I did a big thing or a small thing?

 

Maybe it was you, maybe it wasn't.

 

Go on the date. Does it really matter if it was your fault or not back then, since you clearly have a second chance and it's not like he came back saying you're the one who put him off or at any point ever blamed you?

 

It doesn't seem as if he is blaming you, you obviously don't blame him so chalk it up to the timing not working out. Now you have second chance so stop worrying about if it was your fault or whatnot last time and start fresh and go from there.

[MissBee]

Sigh...........flakes after flakes after flakes. I am stuck in a sad version of groundhog day where every day repeat itself over and over, in my case, my dates.

 

He said to me last night I will call you tomorrow. I've never got a call, or a reply to my a.m. Text.

 

SO, I am going grocery shopping cause that's how I occupy my Saturday nights, then I am going to put on Twilight and wonder why there is no Edward for me out there :-(

 

Just saw this after my post.

 

Well...that sucks. But on to the next.

[Gaeta]

So he texted me a few minutes ago. I did not reply yet.

 

He's all lovey-dovey on me and asking when I sent that last text-pic cause he just got it.

[fred123]

Don't throw rocks at me please :-)

 

Nice months ago I met someone very nice that had everything I wanted in a man. He took me out on 2 very nice dates and he was a gentleman from A to Z in every aspect.

 

After our second date we got a little closer, we had some nice kissing and I dropped him (by car) at a metro station. Before parting he asked me to let him know when I made it home safe, it was already 22h30 and I had a bit of a drive to do.

 

Right after he got out of the car I got a phone call from another prospect. That other prospect is a top bad-boy, professional coach, you know those right? Super confident, hot, and can sweet talk the panties off of a nun.

 

Coach happened to be just a few blocks away from where I was at the time. He insisted we meet for drinks. Deep down I knew I shouldn't do this, I had just ended a wonderful date with a gentleman that had serious potential. My mind went back and forth hot dude? good guy? hot dude? good guy? ..hhmm maybe I can have both, right?!! So I went to meet mr. coach.

 

When I got home, around midnight, good guy had text and called several times and he had grown very worried. I sent him a text saying I was very sorry I had worried him I had last minute change of plans blahblah. It was a poor excuse I would not have bought myself :-(

 

From there his interest took a plunge. We had a date planned for the next Sunday and he cancelled saying we'll do something later during the week but he never rescheduled. After a week of back and forth I told him I felt his interest wasn't there anymore and I was going to move on. He did not argue.

 

At the time all my friends and my daughter were putting the blame on him for being another flake but it's probably me who screwed it up.

 

We have a local dating website here in my city. I got a profile up and he saw me. He wrote to me something very nice like I hope you don't mind me contacting you, I was convinced you had found someone by now, I was not in a good place last year and now wished I had taken the time to know you better, etc. We exchanged numbers and he invited me out to dinner tomorrow.

 

I really feel my actions are what screwed this up last fall. I am not sure I am being objective. Am I blaming myself too much? Is what I did a big thing or a small thing?

 

no sympathy from me. its tacky as hell and you wonder why guys that are gentleman don't exist.

 

i guess this proves that girls don't respect gentlemen and prefer bad boys.

i still wonder why men take girls out on dates when the bad boy can just call the girl at night for a booty call and not organise/ plan a date in advance and the girl won't even have a go at them

[introverted1]

So he texted me a few minutes ago. I did not reply yet.

 

He's all lovey-dovey on me and asking when I sent that last text-pic cause he just got it.

 

It is possible he just got your text. I've had that happen.

 

It's also possible he got your text yesterday and didn't reply until now.

 

Is he worth giving the benefit of the doubt to?

[Gaeta]

It is possible he just got your text. I've had that happen.

 

It's also possible he got your text yesterday and didn't reply until now.

 

Is he worth giving the benefit of the doubt to?

 

I don't know if he's worth the risk, we only had 3 dates, it's too soon to confirm he is genuine.

 

It's possible he only got my text today, I've seen these kind of things before but that doesn't change the fact he told me at the end of our date he'd call me and he didn't.

 

BUT I am being told to not microwave every detail, I don't want to but at the same time I don't want to be taken on a ride by a flake.

[fred123]

Sigh...........flakes after flakes after flakes. I am stuck in a sad version of groundhog day where every day repeat itself over and over, in my case, my dates.

 

He said to me last night I will call you tomorrow. I've never got a call, or a reply to my a.m. Text.

 

SO, I am going grocery shopping cause that's how I occupy my Saturday nights, then I am going to put on Twilight and wonder why there is no Edward for me out there :-(

 

you can't complain. the hypocrisy on here is awful. you went on another date after your original date. you are in the wrong and the people on here ante hypocrites. imagine if it was the other way round and a guy did that he would be scorned on here by the females and the guys and rightly so

double standards!!

[Gaeta]

you can't complain. the hypocrisy on here is awful. you went on another date after your original date. you are in the wrong and the people on here ante hypocrites. imagine if it was the other way round and a guy did that he would be scorned on here by the females and the guys and rightly so

double standards!!

 

Yep, and I got punished for doing that, he dumped me.

 

Now he's back, HE reached out to me, HE invited me out.

[writergal]

Gaeta your dating threads remind me of the literary character Auntie Mame! Your free spirited personality and mad-cap dating adventures are very entertaining to read. I can't wait for the day when you finally meet "the one" and settle down again.

[katiegrl]

So he texted me a few minutes ago. I did not reply yet.

 

He's all lovey-dovey on me and asking when I sent that last text-pic cause he just got it.

 

What do you mean by "lovey-dovey"? After only one date since your reconnect, that seems a bit odd... IMO.

 

Can you clarify?

[Gaeta]

What do you mean by "lovey-dovey"? After only one date since your reconnect, that seems a bit odd... IMO.

 

Can you clarify?

 

Calling me beautiful and charming.

[lgspot]

Tit for Tat.....

Bad boy Karma bites you on the a$$.

You say you'll call---call. Simple as that.

Otherwise don't make excuses.

Nothing wrong in seeing more than one guy when dating.

Bull$hiTTing about it and where you went is wrong.

Deception.

My ex did something similar when we started dating. A couple of friends and I ended up at the same out of the way bar she and her second date were at.

That simple little episode was a missed red flag that popped into my mind 20 years later when I suspected she was cheating.

Truth is always best. All you had to do was tell the guy you got busy and forgot.

His investigator's gut has probably told him you were the original "flake" and flaking was to be expected in your dating history.

Best rule in dating relationships: say what you'll do and do what you say!!!

Bull$hiTT begets Bull$iTT..."

Forget this guy, find yourself a good one, and be honest.

You're too good a person to settle for less.....

Good dating luck.

[katiegrl]

Calling me beautiful and charming.

 

In the text????

 

I will probably get beat up for this....but when guys toss out compliments like that too soon, to ME it just sounds contrived and disingenuous (just like I talked about in fitnessfan's thread).

 

And especially after they just behaved badly (in this case, by promising to call but didn't)....I DON'T trust it!

 

It's *actions* I respond positively to ... not words to flatter/sweet talk me. Ugh.

 

Not that you are NOT beautiful and charming Gaeta, that's not the point......but guys know most women eat that shyt up...and most likely use that type of "sweet talk" on all the women they date. Does not make me feel special in the least, so save it.

 

Unfortunately, many women are very susceptible to that type of flattery, and men know it "works."

 

Pay attention to ACTIONS....not words or sweet talk, at least until you know it and HIM are genuine and he's not some charmer going through the same motions with every woman he dates...or hopes to date.

Edited May 17, 2015 by katiegrl

[Gaeta]

In the text????

 

I will probably get beat up for this....but when guys toss out compliments like that too soon, to ME it just sounds contrived and disingenuous (just like I talked about in fitnessfan's thread).

 

And especially after they just behaved badly (in this case, by promising to call but didn't)....I DON'T trust it!

 

It's *actions* I respond positively to ... not words to flatter/sweet talk me. Ugh.

 

Not that you are NOT beautiful and charming Gaeta, that's not the point......but guys know most women eat that shyt up...and most likely use that type of "sweet talk" on all the women they date. Does not make me feel special in the least, so save it.

 

Unfortunately, many women are very susceptible to that type of flattery, and men know it "works."

 

Pay attention to ACTIONS....not words or sweet talk, at least until you know it and HIM are genuine and he's not some charmer going through the same motions with every woman he dates...or hopes to date.

 

hhmm I know, I am not taking this to the bank yet.

 

I replied to his text and questions, I asked him how was his day, that was 10 hours ago, no reply.

 

I feel we're gonna have some serious communication issues.

[Diezel]

I feel we're gonna have some serious communication issues.

 

Or not and you can just move onto the next one.

[Toodaloo]

Gaeta honey - I have got to be honest. I don't think this one is going anywhere.

 

I really think you should next him... Shame...

 

Keep going. Eventually we will all be throwing our arms up and cheering because you have met a wonderful chap and are happy and no dramas etc! Just think you will cause a worldwide cheer!!!