Gaeta Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 Don't throw rocks at me please :-) Nice months ago I met someone very nice that had everything I wanted in a man. He took me out on 2 very nice dates and he was a gentleman from A to Z in every aspect. After our second date we got a little closer, we had some nice kissing and I dropped him (by car) at a metro station. Before parting he asked me to let him know when I made it home safe, it was already 22h30 and I had a bit of a drive to do. Right after he got out of the car I got a phone call from another prospect. That other prospect is a top bad-boy, professional coach, you know those right? Super confident, hot, and can sweet talk the panties off of a nun. Coach happened to be just a few blocks away from where I was at the time. He insisted we meet for drinks. Deep down I knew I shouldn't do this, I had just ended a wonderful date with a gentleman that had serious potential. My mind went back and forth hot dude? good guy? hot dude? good guy? ..hhmm maybe I can have both, right?!! So I went to meet mr. coach. When I got home, around midnight, good guy had text and called several times and he had grown very worried. I sent him a text saying I was very sorry I had worried him I had last minute change of plans blahblah. It was a poor excuse I would not have bought myself :-( From there his interest took a plunge. We had a date planned for the next Sunday and he cancelled saying we'll do something later during the week but he never rescheduled. After a week of back and forth I told him I felt his interest wasn't there anymore and I was going to move on. He did not argue. At the time all my friends and my daughter were putting the blame on him for being another flake but it's probably me who screwed it up. We have a local dating website here in my city. I got a profile up and he saw me. He wrote to me something very nice like I hope you don't mind me contacting you, I was convinced you had found someone by now, I was not in a good place last year and now wished I had taken the time to know you better, etc. We exchanged numbers and he invited me out to dinner tomorrow. I really feel my actions are what screwed this up last fall. I am not sure I am being objective. Am I blaming myself too much? Is what I did a big thing or a small thing?
minime13 Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 Don't throw rocks at me please :-) Nice months ago I met someone very nice that had everything I wanted in a man. He took me out on 2 very nice dates and he was a gentleman from A to Z in every aspect. After our second date we got a little closer, we had some nice kissing and I dropped him (by car) at a metro station. Before parting he asked me to let him know when I made it home safe, it was already 22h30 and I had a bit of a drive to do. Right after he got out of the car I got a phone call from another prospect. That other prospect is a top bad-boy, professional coach, you know those right? Super confident, hot, and can sweet talk the panties off of a nun. Coach happened to be just a few blocks away from where I was at the time. He insisted we meet for drinks. Deep down I knew I shouldn't do this, I had just ended a wonderful date with a gentleman that had serious potential. My mind went back and forth hot dude? good guy? hot dude? good guy? ..hhmm maybe I can have both, right?!! So I went to meet mr. coach. When I got home, around midnight, good guy had text and called several times and he had grown very worried. I sent him a text saying I was very sorry I had worried him I had last minute change of plans blahblah. It was a poor excuse I would not have bought myself :-( From there his interest took a plunge. We had a date planned for the next Sunday and he cancelled saying we'll do something later during the week but he never rescheduled. After a week of back and forth I told him I felt his interest wasn't there anymore and I was going to move on. He did not argue. At the time all my friends and my daughter were putting the blame on him for being another flake but it's probably me who screwed it up. We have a local dating website here in my city. I got a profile up and he saw me. He wrote to me something very nice like I hope you don't mind me contacting you, I was convinced you had found someone by now, I was not in a good place last year and now wished I had taken the time to know you better, etc. We exchanged numbers and he invited me out to dinner tomorrow. I really feel my actions are what screwed this up last fall. I am not sure I am being objective. Am I blaming myself too much? Is what I did a big thing or a small thing? You went on another date after your date with him. Kinda tacky, and you know it. So you felt guilty about it. He probably figured as much, since he asked you and you agreed to call him when you got home, and then you called much later than it took for you to get home. I don't know of anyone that wouldn't be put off by having a great date with a person, opening up about yourself more, getting a little more intimate, and then finding out they went out with someone else right after. it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that's what you did. However, his actions sounded a little clingy. It's one thing to ask someone to call you when you get home, and then be put off that you didn't. It's another to repeatedly call them because you're worried, after a second date. Maybe he wasn't in a great place himself and that contributed? If it bothers you that much, then explain to him that you feel you share some of the blame. If not, and you want to try the relationship again, then do it. Don't feel so bad about what you did - you don't have real obligations to a person after just 2 dates. You're just feeling some guilt because it was kind of a tacky thing to do. 3
todreaminblue Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 I think you should give him a chance gaeta......meet up with him if you arent dating anyone at the moment and talk to him tell him that you take responsibility for what happened as well you were a bit confused yourself...just the wrong time for both of you..maybe it might not work out long term.....but maybe it just might...you never know..at least you can have some closure and he can too and not wonder what if...and you never know he could be just right for you now and you could be just right for him....you said he was a good guy back then...he might just be even better............i wish you well....deb.. 2
preraph Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 Was that one time the only time he ever told you to call him when you got home and it was just him being a good guy, or did you ever get the vibe it was more about checking up on you frequently, like he might be one of those that monitors you? If you think he was just being sweet, go out with him again and if it comes up, say "I don't even remember it was so long ago." I mean, you were only dating. He shouldn't get mad if you went and did something else. You weren't exclusive. He may have been ultrasensitive at the time, so give him another shot. 1
katiegrl Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 You went on another date after your date with him. Kinda tacky, and you know it. So you felt guilty about it. He probably figured as much, since he asked you and you agreed to call him when you got home, and then you called much later than it took for you to get home. I don't know of anyone that wouldn't be put off by having a great date with a person, opening up about yourself more, getting a little more intimate, and then finding out they went out with someone else right after. it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that's what you did. However, his actions sounded a little clingy. It's one thing to ask someone to call you when you get home, and then be put off that you didn't. It's another to repeatedly call them because you're worried, after a second date. Maybe he wasn't in a great place himself and that contributed? If it bothers you that much, then explain to him that you feel you share some of the blame. If not, and you want to try the relationship again, then do it. Don't feel so bad about what you did - you don't have real obligations to a person after just 2 dates. You're just feeling some guilt because it was kind of a tacky thing to do. ^^This, but you know what? It doesn't matter. You have another chance to do it "right" this time...go for it! If it were me, I would just accept his apology and let it go. Out of all the guys you have posted about, this one wins the prize...you! Let it go and focus on the future! Keep us posted! 2
Author Gaeta Posted May 14, 2015 Author Posted May 14, 2015 Was that one time the only time he ever told you to call him when you got home and it was just him being a good guy, or did you ever get the vibe it was more about checking up on you frequently, like he might be one of those that monitors you? If you think he was just being sweet, go out with him again and if it comes up, say "I don't even remember it was so long ago." I mean, you were only dating. He shouldn't get mad if you went and did something else. You weren't exclusive. He may have been ultrasensitive at the time, so give him another shot. I don't remember him asking me this after our first date and he never gave me a cligny vibe. I think it's the principal behind it, if you say you will do something and you don't than does it mean you treat everything in that fashion. I am first in line to hate when people don't deliver what they promised. 1
jen1447 Posted May 14, 2015 Posted May 14, 2015 Sorry for being analytical but you said the first date ended at 10:30 and you got home from the second date at 12:00 (short date!) with a bit of a drive in between. Doesn't seem like 12 would have been all that late even without the second date, and maybe not enough time to get real worried about. But I do tend to agree that you messed up a bit by not texting home safe. Did you actually say you would? And was it clear that "change of plans" meant you went on another date? That would probably deflate him, yeah, and justifiably so. So as long as he wasn't being a creeper, I'd say it was mostly on you. Maybe not huge (you can date who you want after all), but not minor either. 1
Author Gaeta Posted May 15, 2015 Author Posted May 15, 2015 (edited) Sorry for being analytical but you said the first date ended at 10:30 and you got home from the second date at 12:00 (short date!) with a bit of a drive in between. Doesn't seem like 12 would have been all that late even without the second date, and maybe not enough time to get real worried about. But I do tend to agree that you messed up a bit by not texting home safe. Did you actually say you would? And was it clear that "change of plans" meant you went on another date? That would probably deflate him, yeah, and justifiably so. So as long as he wasn't being a creeper, I'd say it was mostly on you. Maybe not huge (you can date who you want after all), but not minor either. Yes second date was short, it was a disguised booty call so I didn't spend much time there. When I left date good guy at 10h30 my drive home should have taken maximum 30 mins so I was unreachable for 1,5h to 2h. He told me please let me know when you get home safe I replied yes I will. No I told him I got a call from my daughter and I joint her and her friends in a downtown spot. It was not far fetched because my daughter (27) and I are close and we do a lot of activities together BUT being with my daughter would not have kept me from texting him, being on another date yes. And he happens to be a criminal investigator, he knows a lie when he hears one Edited May 15, 2015 by Gaeta
losangelena Posted May 15, 2015 Posted May 15, 2015 Well, you didn't screw up so badly that he's completely uninterested. Go out again and see how it goes. 2
Gloria25 Posted May 15, 2015 Posted May 15, 2015 Boy, the guy that was calling you needed to relax... I mean, I hated it when I had a couple of gfs tell me to let them know when I'd get home... For one, by the time I get home it's like late...then, I got other stuff to do....then, I feel like a child checking in with mommy.... Nooooo!!!! Look, when I tell someone to check and let me know they got home, I really just am saying it to be polite and I guess it's the thing to say? I know they are adults and can get home just fine...geesh I mean, sometimes I'll txt and/or call the friend and they don't respond. I don't care. I'm actually happy they didn't respond cuz now I don't have to thank them for a great time and/or rehash the evening with them AGAIN... Lol, Gaeta, I love your posts about dating...this one sounds like a Sex and the City where something similar happened to Charolette...lol Yes, it does get difficult trying to multi-date until you meet someone you wanna be exclusive with, but after me recently keeping my eggs in one basket and wasting a few months on one dude, NO MORE!!! I'm keeping my options open and whomever doesn't like it? Tough.. If a dude wants me to concentrate on him alone, then give me an incentive to do so...tending to Lady J is a good start 1
jen1447 Posted May 15, 2015 Posted May 15, 2015 Yes second date was short, it was a disguised booty call so I didn't spend much time there. You had sex with the second guy? Yikes! I mean, damn woman, you know how to maximize your opportunities. I know you weren't looking for opinions on that but it does seem a little cold-hearted honestly. If the investigator detected that as well, all the more reason to feel bummed out. (Sorry if I'm being preachy but I assume you want honest opinions.) 1
Author Gaeta Posted May 15, 2015 Author Posted May 15, 2015 You had sex with the second guy? Yikes! I mean, damn woman, you know how to maximize your opportunities. No I didn't ! lol where did you read that ? He invited me for a drink, I met him for a drink THEN he wanted to go 'somewhere' I said no and went home. That's why that second date didn't last long lol 1
jen1447 Posted May 15, 2015 Posted May 15, 2015 Oops, sorry my bad. I guess I just read "booty call" and jumped to conclusions. I have to admit I was actually feeling a little impressed tho. Not at the callousness but at the matter of fact determination of doing sth like that. I was all like "you go Gaeta!" 2
SoftViolin Posted May 15, 2015 Posted May 15, 2015 So I see it from your point of view and why you feel guilty. You had a great date, he asked you to let him know you got home safely as it was late (which - sidenote - I personally don't find clingy. It's a nice gentlemanly gesture, as it was, indeed, late) and you did not. I also see why he would be getting worried, and - yes - perhaps that contributed to him cooling off at the time. However - I don't see it that you did anything wrong. It is not as though you two have been dating, and you accepted another date with someone else. You had two dates only, and really - while he has every right to feel put off and back off - I am actually inclined to think that, based on his email to you, he did have something else going on in his life and likely used this as an excuse to back off. So all in all - I don't think you should blame yourself. Dating is a strange game, sometimes the surest things fall through and the unlikeliest work out. But I would also be careful with this gentleman, as he either does not seem the most decisive type or is a bit drama prone - what with cooling off and letting you go without an explanation, and now probing the water with the "my life was hectic at the time" line. 3
losangelena Posted May 15, 2015 Posted May 15, 2015 Dating is a strange game, sometimes the surest things fall through and the unlikeliest work out. God, ain't that the truth. 3
DoesntGetIt Posted May 15, 2015 Posted May 15, 2015 Don't throw rocks at me please :-) I really feel my actions are what screwed this up last fall. I am not sure I am being objective. Am I blaming myself too much? Is what I did a big thing or a small thing? I hooked up with a coworker, and we started to see each other. After hanging out a few times (we typically hung out at her place which made it tough to call them dates) we discussed what it was, what we were looking for, etc. We agreed on keeping it casual for now, but she made stuff serious quick (asked me to start staying over, talked about trips, gave me keys) over a couple of months. However, it was still technically casual and allowed to see other people. A point in time hit where by her actions, I knew there was at least one other guy she was talking to and interested in. It immediately changed my approach to everything and made me back off from the nice stuff I was doing, and how I approached everything. It was confirmed later when I went to her place and she mentioned she got blown off the day before by a guy she was interested in. We parted ways shortly after that as we just couldn't get things back to the same way they were before she started trying to hook up with other people. I don't fault her for doing so, as we had agreed to allow that, but it did kill what we had. It is very easy to tell when someone is interested in and or doing something with someone else. And yes, that tends to kill the mood, especially if you are really into someone (if you haven't fallen for them yet, it isn't a big deal. I dated someone who let me know up front they were dating other people and it didn't change a thing as we weren't a thing yet). So yes, I think his change was due to what you did. And doing it right after a date with him is honestly pretty bad, it would have ended things for me if I was in his position. However, just like him, I would 100% give the woman I talked about above another chance if she asked for it (we have managed a friendship and still hang out). Although I simultaneously hate myself for being so willing to do so. 1
joseb Posted May 15, 2015 Posted May 15, 2015 Yes second date was short, it was a disguised booty call so I didn't spend much time there. I'm confused - you say it was a booty call, but later you claim that there was no sex? Which was it??!! Anyway, I think it's fine to meet this other guy again. Personally, I dislike people asking me to call them when I get home, because I might forget, etc etc. But if I tell someone I will, I do. And I can understand him maybe being a bit worried if you didn't call after you said you would, so I don't think it means he is clingy - necessarily. Perhaps he is a bit of a worrier though. But yeah, go for it!
Popsicle Posted May 15, 2015 Posted May 15, 2015 Don't throw rocks at me please :-) Nice months ago I met someone very nice that had everything I wanted in a man. He took me out on 2 very nice dates and he was a gentleman from A to Z in every aspect. After our second date we got a little closer, we had some nice kissing and I dropped him (by car) at a metro station. Before parting he asked me to let him know when I made it home safe, it was already 22h30 and I had a bit of a drive to do. Right after he got out of the car I got a phone call from another prospect. That other prospect is a top bad-boy, professional coach, you know those right? Super confident, hot, and can sweet talk the panties off of a nun. Coach happened to be just a few blocks away from where I was at the time. He insisted we meet for drinks. Deep down I knew I shouldn't do this, I had just ended a wonderful date with a gentleman that had serious potential. My mind went back and forth hot dude? good guy? hot dude? good guy? ..hhmm maybe I can have both, right?!! So I went to meet mr. coach. When I got home, around midnight, good guy had text and called several times and he had grown very worried. I sent him a text saying I was very sorry I had worried him I had last minute change of plans blahblah. It was a poor excuse I would not have bought myself :-( From there his interest took a plunge. We had a date planned for the next Sunday and he cancelled saying we'll do something later during the week but he never rescheduled. After a week of back and forth I told him I felt his interest wasn't there anymore and I was going to move on. He did not argue. At the time all my friends and my daughter were putting the blame on him for being another flake but it's probably me who screwed it up. We have a local dating website here in my city. I got a profile up and he saw me. He wrote to me something very nice like I hope you don't mind me contacting you, I was convinced you had found someone by now, I was not in a good place last year and now wished I had taken the time to know you better, etc. We exchanged numbers and he invited me out to dinner tomorrow. I really feel my actions are what screwed this up last fall. I am not sure I am being objective. Am I blaming myself too much? Is what I did a big thing or a small thing? Time has passed and he's gotten over that.
Diezel Posted May 15, 2015 Posted May 15, 2015 Maybe stop asking all those questions and just go out with him. It seems to be pointless. Over analysis in abundance here. 1
Author Gaeta Posted May 15, 2015 Author Posted May 15, 2015 I'm confused - you say it was a booty call, but later you claim that there was no sex? Which was it??!! Must be bad translation on my part. The guy invited me for drinks but when I got there he wanted to go somewhere quiet for 'fun' and I declined. His call was not really for drinks that's why I called it a booty call in disguise but there was no booty time.
Author Gaeta Posted May 15, 2015 Author Posted May 15, 2015 Maybe stop asking all those questions and just go out with him. It seems to be pointless. Over analysis in abundance here. To you it seems pointless, to me it's a way of working through my guilt before dinner tonight.
Diezel Posted May 15, 2015 Posted May 15, 2015 To you it seems pointless, to me it's a way of working through my guilt before dinner tonight. Just don't the same thing again. Donezo. If he called you to go out, he's OBVIOUSLY over it. Maybe you should be too.
luno Posted May 15, 2015 Posted May 15, 2015 It's a small thing! It's a nice guy who asks for a 'got home safe' text/call but it's not the end of the world if you don't deliver, it was just the 2nd date. And what's to say you didn't catch up with girlfriends? I know if it happened to me I wouldn't call the guy numerous times, I would just follow up in the morning. Don't be hard on yourself. You don't even know him 100% yet. If he liked you enough anyway, he shouldn't be put off, he should only think you are social! You're jus being hard on yourself. Don't dwell on it as it is easy to do. Give it a go, you've got nothing to lose! Good Luck! 1
elaine567 Posted May 15, 2015 Posted May 15, 2015 Yes second date was short, it was a disguised booty call so I didn't spend much time there. No I told him I got a call from my daughter and I joint her and her friends in a downtown spot. It was not far fetched because my daughter (27) and I are close and we do a lot of activities together BUT being with my daughter would not have kept me from texting him, being on another date yes. And he happens to be a criminal investigator, he knows a lie when he hears one If he is a PI, I guess if he was worried he will have tracked your phone then or afterwards if he suspected you of lying. He may have even seen you with that guy. So my guess is he knew you were lying with the daughter excuse. Hence the reduced interest.
Toodaloo Posted May 15, 2015 Posted May 15, 2015 To you it seems pointless, to me it's a way of working through my guilt before dinner tonight. Geata My advice would be go. Everyone makes mistakes and buggars things up. This whole dating lark is just a bloody nightmare. You liked him. You got on well with him. This time talk to him and ask him what he wants. Perhaps just stop seeing others for a while and calm it down so you don't feel as though you have to meet everyone all the time... Enjoy honey! As for throwing rocks how about doughnuts instead??? 1
Recommended Posts