Author Violet dateline Posted May 15, 2015 Author Posted May 15, 2015 My question is, why are you afraid to talk to him about this? You'd have to be able to talk about things openly if you stayed together forever. Do you have reason to think that he will be unpleasant if you bring it up? Not unpleasant but I don't want to come across as shallow. I don't want to hurt his feelings or make it seem like he's not good enough for me. I don't mind paying sometimes, I just want reciprocation.
Author Violet dateline Posted May 15, 2015 Author Posted May 15, 2015 Was he badly burned by his divorce financially? Perhaps this money thing is a left-over from his divorce. "Women are just money grabbers and I am not going down that road again" sort of attitude. No not at all. His ex wife owned her own home and he just lived in it. After the divorce he got an apartment. The divorce was uncontested and they are still friendly. She still let's him do his laundry at her place so he doesn't have to pay to use the washing machine in his apartment building. 1
fitnessfan365 Posted May 15, 2015 Posted May 15, 2015 Dates don't have to be expensive. So even if he got burned by the divorce and has limited resources, he could still take her out at least once a week for something fun and low key. Five dates in seven months isn't a relationship. Secondly, the OP is saying that he turns around and buys himself things after crying poor. My very first GF when I was 18 did this to me. She'd cry poor making me foot the bill for the entire relationship. Then she'd turn around and buy herself new clothes, new CD's, etc.. Obviously I wouldn't stand for that crap now. However, when you're young and have no experience, you just don't know any better. So I can relate. 1
elaine567 Posted May 15, 2015 Posted May 15, 2015 No not at all. His ex wife owned her own home and he just lived in it. After the divorce he got an apartment. The divorce was uncontested and they are still friendly. She still let's him do his laundry at her place so he doesn't have to pay to use the washing machine in his apartment building. Ok, so he has a history of sitting back and letting women pay his way for him. He would rather his ex wife did his laundry than get his own washing machine? 2
BlackOpsZombieGirl Posted May 15, 2015 Posted May 15, 2015 Not unpleasant but I don't want to come across as shallow. I don't want to hurt his feelings or make it seem like he's not good enough for me. I don't mind paying sometimes, I just want reciprocation. OP....if he thinks (or tells you) that you're coming across as being 'shallow' or a 'gold digger' or anything of a negative context, then he's NOT a man that you'd want to be in a real relationship with. What you have is NOT a real relationship. It's all one sided - YOU'RE the one doing 90% of everything. He has children to support and SO DO YOU. I think it's fair IF he pays for his way ALL of the time - but, he doesn't...YOU do. Either you pay his way or he rarely pays his own way - but most of the time, he asks YOU to pick up something to eat or to go out for drinks and then tells you it's on YOU to pick up the tab for it because he's so 'broke' but then he shows off in front of everyone on social media about his records haul and whatever else he buys while he asks YOU (and puts the onus on YOU) to pay HIS way for drinks and grub. Not only that...but he KNOWS that you love the sex and think it's 'amazing'...which is another reason why he's taking HUGE advantage of you financially and taking your generous nature and politeness FOR GRANTED: he KNOWS that you wouldn't have the 'audacity' to bring up who pays for what when, after all, he's giving you the high hard one to the extreme. He KNOWS that you enjoy his company, that you have 'fun' with him and that you like it when your kids play together. You see, he knows ALL of these things...which is why he treats you the way that he does - because he thinks you'll accept it and tolerate it, no questions asked. Well now, it's time for you to start asking key questions and having a calm, mature adult conversation with him about HIM giving more and taking LESS. If he balks at that or accuses you of being anything negative, then you should end things with him right then and there; do you know why? Because it's NEVER going to change and things will only get WORSE from here on out, as almost EVERY poster on this thread (including me) has been telling you. You're going to have to put your generous and understanding nature, your graciousness and your sweet disposition aside for the time being so you can address this situation with him DIRECTLY, with the intention of getting his reaction to the discussion. But um...I have a bad feeling his reaction to this much needed discussion isn't going to be what the OP (and the rest of us) hopes that it'll be. A mature and generous guy will be understanding of what the OP is saying and will begin reciprocating more often. An immature, selfish and stingy guy WON'T be understanding of what the OP is saying and will hardly ever reciprocate her gestures; if anything, he'll start paying his way even LESS and will probably have a d!cky attitude towards her about it. . 1
preraph Posted May 15, 2015 Posted May 15, 2015 I also have a child to support. He makes slightly more money than I do though he does have more to pay out each month. I am understanding that he does have financial constraints. I get that. I'm not expecting diamonds and trips. I just don't want to be asked out somewhere and then be expected to pay. I don't know how much more crystal clear it could be that he's just using you for money and sex. Seriously. Your kid doesn't need him for a role model. So if you don't mind for yourself, mind for your kid and lose him. Now you're all worrying about his feelings and not coming off mean! He KNOWS full well he's using you. He intentionally is using you. Your only conversation should be to tell him you're moving on and blocking him every which way. He doesn't need an explanation. He's telling his friends, "Yeah, this chick is paying for everything and she's not bad in bed either. I've got it made." 4
No Limit Posted May 15, 2015 Posted May 15, 2015 If you had always seperated your bills it would be one thing, but you paying everything without him returning the favor is too much. No wonder he would love to marry you, you're the ideal slogger for him. Dump him and move on. 1
elaine567 Posted May 15, 2015 Posted May 15, 2015 "Yeah, this chick is paying for everything and she's not bad in bed either. I've got it made." I guess he "had it made" with his "understanding" ex-wife owning her own home, until he didn't... 1
BlueIris Posted May 15, 2015 Posted May 15, 2015 Not unpleasant but I don't want to come across as shallow. I don't want to hurt his feelings or make it seem like he's not good enough for me. I don't mind paying sometimes, I just want reciprocation. It’s already been said, but he’s a slacker. He does the bare minimum. You’re not shallow and shouldn’t have to fear his thinking that you are, or fear that his feelings would be hurt. Adults ought to be able to talk about money. 1
fitnessfan365 Posted May 15, 2015 Posted May 15, 2015 I guess he "had it made" with his "understanding" ex-wife owning her own home, until he didn't... Haha.. I must admit, it is a good set up. I mean he's got his ex wife doing his laundry, and a "girlfriend" who picks up the tab and gives him sex on tap. Maybe he should put his smooth talking skills to good use, and consider a career in sales. 1
Taramere Posted May 15, 2015 Posted May 15, 2015 No not at all. His ex wife owned her own home and he just lived in it. After the divorce he got an apartment. The divorce was uncontested and they are still friendly. She still let's him do his laundry at her place so he doesn't have to pay to use the washing machine in his apartment building. I'm really struggling to understand how you can have any respect for this guy. 3
Recommended Posts